Page 23

CHAPTER 23

Billie

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so happy. We’d spent the entire day letting the kids play with the animals. I wasn’t sure who was most grateful about that, the kids, the animals, or the mothers.

“Thank you so much for this,” Jenny said, who was glowing with happiness. “There’s just something about kids on a farm.”

“It’s harder with young ones on a farm,” Seek said, shaking something out of her son’s hand. “They want to put everything in their mouth.”

“Builds their immune system,” I told her with a grin.

“True, but I’m still not planning on letting him eat… What is that?” she asked, snatching away whatever Sawyer had just picked up. She held it up.

“Oh. Old rusted screw,” I told her. I took it and stuffed it into my pocket so it wouldn’t end up in a tire later.

She set Sawyer on her lap and all but banded her arms around him to keep him from squirming to get down. It didn’t take long before Hush was rescuing the toddler and bringing him over to where the other kids were taking turns riding Moose.

“Isn’t there a smaller horse?” Susie asked as Toxic lifted her son, Dex, onto Moose’s back.

“Plenty,” I told her, “but none are as sweet and gentle as Moose.”

“Oh,” Susie said, then sighed. “Okay.”

“Don’t worry. That horse would break a leg in order to avoid accidentally hurting a child. I’d trust him with a newborn.” I reached over and patted her arm to comfort her.

“It’s nice out here,” Isla said, looking around. “I was planning to come hang out since Butcher’s out here most days, but work has been busy.”

I looked over at her and narrowed my eyes. “Toxic said you were…” I broke off, not sure how ridiculous it would even be to say it out loud.

“An assassin,” she said, confirming it.

“You’re serious?” I asked, looking around at all the nodding women.

“She is,” Kit said with a laugh.

“This is… You guys have such a different lifestyle than me,” I admitted.

That had them all laughing. Dani shook her head. “I know what you mean,” she said. “I’m a grade school teacher for God’s sake. I’m not an assassin, a Search & Rescue contractor, or overall biker babe badass.”

Kit rolled her eyes when Dani pointed at her for that last description.

“Or a princess,” Jordan said with a grin in Eva’s direction.

“I’m not a princess,” Eva pointed out.

“May as well be,” Gwen replied.

“We’ve all been brought into this piece meal family by those guys,” Sloane said, motioning toward the group of men.

My eyes followed her movement and landed on Toxic. He was reaching up, his hand on Dex’s back to steady the kid as he rode in circles on Moose. I swallowed hard because my heart twisted inside my chest. Seeing him with these kids was threatening to have my willpower crumble. My ovaries were screaming at me.

“Okay.”

I looked over at Seek and realized they were all watching me. “Okay, what?”

“I’m not supposed to say anything,” Seek said with a grin, “but this is killing me.”

Giving a surprised laugh, I looked around at all their faces. “What? I don’t know what you mean.”

She shared a look with Kit. “Hush told me to stay out of it.”

“Hell told me the same exact thing.”

Tory and Daisha laughed and echoed, “We were given the same warning.”

“I’m surprised,” Gwen said, “since Toxic and Butcher badgered all the other guys while they were going through this.”

There were murmurs of agreement while my confusion grew. I looked back over at Toxic. “Went through what? What’s going on?” Worry was starting to creep in. I’d been putting space between Toxic and I for about a week. Pretty much ever since I considered giving him that blow job he’d used as an excuse, I realized I couldn’t trust myself around him. But I also really needed to catch up on my books.

It was halfway through the year and I hadn’t even touched them once. I couldn’t give up the opportunity to make my life easier in December. Especially not with Toxic there and taking care of everything. I knew he wouldn’t let anything fall between the cracks. But if he was going through something and I’d been letting him handle all of my ranch responsibilities at the same time, I was going to feel awful.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, interrupting as they continued to be cryptic about their debate.

“They want to know if you’ve fucked him.”

Everyone stared at Isla, though my jaw was the only one that was on the ground. “You- I-” My face was burning and it wasn’t from the Arizona heat.

“Isla,” Sloane said in a chiding tone, though she’d let out one of her soft laughs along with it.

“What?” she asked, leaning back in the rocking chair on the porch. “Butcher didn’t make me promise to stay out of anything.”

“Of course he didn’t,” Jordan said with a snicker. “He’s probably hoping you stir up trouble so he can keep giving Toxic a hard time.”

“It’s only fair,” Eva pointed out.

“Well?” Kit asked, focusing the group back on me.

I looked around at all the curious faces and shook my head. “Um, no.”

“Why not?” Seek asked. “He’s sexy as hell.”

“Uh…” I blinked at that. They were all nodding. Even Danica.

“Aren’t you all…”

Seek waved her hand like my statement was a given. “Yeah we’re all married, or close enough, to our own sexy bikers. Trust me, we all just love Toxic like a brother.”

“And want to see him get laid,” Isla offered.

“And want to see him happy,” Kit corrected her.

“Right,” Isla replied. “That. Happy. Happily laid.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. These women somehow made me feel completely comfortable even while asking some of the most private of questions. I wasn’t sure how they did that, but I really liked them. “It’s not Toxic,” I told them, “it’s me.”

“Will?” Dani said and laughed when I hissed at her and looked around as though she was going to make him pop into existence. “B, that loser has been out of your life for a long time.”

“Who’s Will?” Jordan asked.

“A loser Billie dated way back in the day,” Dani said before I could answer.

“Hate those kind,” Gwen said in solidarity.

I nodded at her. “I shouldn’t have ever gotten involved with him.”

She returned my nod. “I know how that goes.”

“He was a cheater,” Dani said, happily unveiling all my secrets in front of the group.

“Dani,” I told her, giving her a look.

“Don’t worry. We won’t tell the guys any of this,” Seek promised me. “Your secrets are safe here.”

For some weird reason, I believed her. I hardly knew these women, but I was about to open up to them. It wasn’t typical of me, and really just proved to me how desperate I was for advice. Gramps was gone, and probably wouldn’t be much help in this situation anyway. Grandfathers shouldn’t have to counsel their granddaughters on matters of love. It was just weird.

Sighing, I looked around and shrugged. “He was a cheater. Total womanizer. He’d flirt with women when we were out in town together and didn’t even care that I was with him.”

“What a dick,” Isla muttered. “Does he still live in Tucson?”

A wicked gleam had entered her gray eyes. It made me a little uncomfortable and more than a little worried for Will’s safety even after all these years. “Ummm… I’m not sure, actually.” He did. But I wasn’t sure I should tell her that.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find out.” Her knife was suddenly out of her pocket and she was playing with it.

“I, uh… I really don’t like Will,” I told her, “but I’d rather he didn’t end up dead. You know?” I was starting to believe them when they said she was an assassin. I was sure it was a joke at first, but now? Not so sure anymore.

She sighed. “Fine,” she said, sounding aggrieved.

“So what does Will have to do with Toxic?” Susie asked.

They were all watching me again. How did I answer their questions? “I don’t even… I mean I know Toxic is attracted to me, but he hasn’t said anything about being interested otherwise. And I’m not looking to just…get laid,” I said, looking at Isla at that since she’d been the first to talk about sex.

“You should,” she said. “Hell of a way to relieve stress. Which, considering these assholes are after you and your farm, you have to be under.”

I considered that. I really liked her straightforward nature. “That’s true, but…”

They all waited to see what I’d say.

Fighting not to blush, I admitted, “I’m not comfortable sleeping with men I don’t really know.”

“Why?” Jordan asked. “You’re gorgeous. I bet they’re hitting on you constantly.”

“Uh, no,” I replied with a laugh.

“She’d have to leave her ranch for men to see her,” Dani teased. “The cowboys they employed here before wouldn’t dare hit on her since she’s their employer.”

“But we’re skipping over the fact that it wouldn’t be a problem for her to sleep with Toxic,” Gwen pointed out.

“Why wouldn’t that be a problem?” I asked.

“Because that man is in love with you,” Seek stated matter of factly.

Everyone nodded again.

I stared at them as though they’d all lost their minds. “I’m lost again,” I announced.

They all looked around and everyone ended up staring at Seek. She sighed. “Hush is going to kill me. Look. We all love and adore Toxic. But he’s done nothing but party and…” She paused and then shrugged. “Sleep around,” she continued, “since I’ve known him.”

“I figured,” I replied. “The sleeping around part anyway. The couple times I’ve gone places with him, women all but throw themselves at him.” I didn’t blame him for sleeping with other women. He was a gorgeous guy. Like he was going to turn down offers like that?

“Right,” Seek continued. “But he’s never made one his old lady.”

“That’s an interesting phrase,” I said, trying to distract them. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. Half of me thought it was too soon. He hadn’t even expressed interest in me like that. Other than sex. I knew he wanted that. Because I was a woman and nearby. But I doubted he liked me for me . And that was important.

“Nope,” Dani said, shaking a finger at me. “I’ll talk to you about that and any other biker questions you have later. For now, we’re talking about you and Toxic.”

I huffed out a breath. “Guys, there is no me and Toxic. He wants to sleep with me. Just like he apparently sleeps with most women.” I laughed to relieve some of the embarrassment. “And even if I did sleep with men I barely know, it’s not a good idea. There’s just too much going on with this company trying to steal my ranch.”

“That’s the thing though, Billie,” Seek said, ignoring the second half of my speech. “He hasn’t slept with another woman since he met you.”

“How would you know?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“The guys have been talking about it,” Jordan said with a laugh. “Not much happens with one of these guys without his brothers knowing about it. And of course, they can’t keep secrets from us, we have our methods.”

I took that in stride and said, “Well, yeah, but the ranch has been keeping him busy.”

They all looked at each other and seemed to come to some kind of decision.

“It’s not because of the ranch,” Seek told me. “It’s because of you.”

“She’s right, B,” Dani said. “Toxic doesn’t do anything out of obligation. Not that we’ve seen anyway.”

I frowned. “That can’t be right. What about the fact that he runs his family’s ranch up in Wyoming? Even if all he’s doing is the book work and the ordering and setting up cattle to be taken to auction,” I listed the items off on my fingers, “it’s still so much work. And that’s not even the majority of the logistics that have to be taken care of to run a ranch.”

“Wait,” Kit said, holding up her hand. “He runs it?”

“Are you sure his dad doesn’t?” Sloane asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I shrugged. “He told me he runs that side of it and his cousin takes care of the physical stuff.”

They all looked at each other with shock written all over their faces. Then they started smiling like lunatics.

“What?” I asked, looking around at them.

“He’s already told you more about himself than us and we’ve known him for years,” Daisha told me.

“A lot of years for some of us,” Kit added.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, it does,” Jordan said with a laugh. “But you don’t know him that well yet so you don’t see the significance.”

“And despite Isla’s point,” Seek said, eyeing the assassin, “we don’t want you to just sleep with him. We’re hoping you’ll fall in love with him.”

“Jesus,” I choked out. “Why?” The question sounded more like a bullfrog croaking than anything.

“Because we love him and want him to be happy,” Sloane told me. “I’ve long suspected he’s just been filling his time with women and drinking because he’s been waiting.”

“For you,” Gwen added with a soft sigh.

I shook my head. “I doubt that. Look, I appreciate that you think I’m even good enough for your friend. That’s sweet. And trust me I’d…” Breaking off, I gathered the courage to tell this group something personal. “I’d love to be a part of this.” I waved at them. “A big family is something I’ve always wanted and never really had. You guys have made this huge extended family from each other and that really appeals to me. But I think you guys are wrong.”

“We’re not,” Seek insisted.

“Okay,” I said, holding my hand up. “Let’s say for a second you’re right, and he’s wanting to date me.”

“Make you his old lady,” Kit said. “Toxic probably wouldn’t date. He’s an all in or nothing but casual kind of man.”

“I- Okay. Say he wants to make me his old lady,” I conceded. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Tory asked.

“It better not be Will,” Dani muttered.

“It’s not Will exactly,” I said, “just the lesson he taught me. I can’t date a man like that again.”

“Toxic is nothing like Will, Sweetie,” Dani told me.

“Drop dead gorgeous, sexy as sin, women throw themselves at him even if I’m around, natural born flirt,” I was ticking each item off on my fingers.

“You’re forgetting the key differences,” Dani insisted. “Toxic wouldn’t ever cheat on you. He’s not the type. He’s fiercely loyal.”

“How do you figure?”

“He never gets involved with a woman who has a husband or boyfriend. It was pretty much his only requirement that I could ever tell,” Kit said. “He didn’t exactly have a type. Short, tall, thin, curvy, heavy, blonde hair, brown hair, none of it mattered.”

“That’s not making me feel any better,” I muttered.

“There’s no point in hiding it,” Seek said. “The guy always had a lot of…companionship.”

“Nice way to say he’s a hoe,” Jordan said with a snicker.

“But that’s the point,” Seek continued. “Nothing used to get in the way of him having fun. He’s been sober more in the last couple weeks than I’ve ever seen.”

“Just think about it,” Sloane urged. “Give him a chance to show you that he’s not going to disappoint you.”

“And if you catch him with another woman, shatter her hips,” Isla said, offering up what she clearly considered sage advice. “Only need to do it once for word to get around and women will treat him like a leper.”

We all stared at her. She was smiling at us, pleased with herself.

Biting back a laugh, I shook my head at her. “Okay. I’ll give him a chance, but I’m not sleeping with him.” My ovaries whimpered. I didn’t comment on the hip shattering suggestion. Best not to give her too much encouragement.

“No problem,” Kit said. “It’s probably good for him that you make him work for what he wants.”

“Aw,” Isla said at the same time. “Poor guy.”

That made everyone laugh and glance over at the men again.

“It won’t kill him to have to put some effort in. We just want to make sure you haven’t written him off completely,” Dani said. “Keely wanted me to let you know that she approves.”

“Gee, that makes me feel so much better,” I said in a dry tone. “She hasn’t returned my call,” I added. “Everything okay?”

“She’s been really busy. Some kind of top secret mission she refuses to tell me about,” Dani replied.

I didn’t know what kind of help I could be to my friend, but I hoped she was being safe. Tucking my legs under me, I settled in to hang out with my new friends.

I wasn’t sure what to make of their urging for me to consider Toxic as relationship material. I’d been hurt pretty badly by Will. And even though it wasn’t fair, I saw too much of him in the way Toxic behaved. At least around women. Otherwise they were completely opposite. Toxic was strong, dependable, trustworthy. Will had been just as unreliable in every aspect of life as he had with other women.

Maybe the girls were right. Maybe Toxic was different. But how could I trust him with my heart? Shoving the thought from my mind, I focused on the other women.