Page 20 of Totally Played (Love In Play #5)

Chapter nineteen

Calvin

“You headed to Riverside?” Duckie asks as I pull on my trainers and grab my bag.

“Yeah, the parents are waiting for me outside. You want to come?”

“Thanks, yeah, that would be good. Ian is in LA covering a story about a tennis player. It still blows my mind that I’m actually a player now instead of reporting on them.”

“You’re better at this. That catch in the third was amazing.”

“Not sure if that is a compliment about my baseball skills or a dig on my reporting.”

“Both.” I laugh, and he tosses a small yellow rubber duck at me.

“Do you just carry these around wherever you go?” I ask, and his smile widens.

“Maybe. So I saw Ashley out there with your parents tonight.”

“Yeah, he came with his best friend Redmond,” I reply, turning to busy myself packing my gear away so that he won’t see how warm my face has gotten after just the mention of his name.

“So are they coming to dinner, too?”

“Yeah, probably. You know how my parents get. They’d invite the whole stadium if Riverside had room. Well, all except the Bananaramas.”

“Those Ramas are intense. I’ve blocked all of them on socials now, but they just create new accounts and start all over again. You would think they would get the hint, that kind of intensity from a fan is just too much.”

“I know, right.”

“So, I know I said it before, but if you need to talk to anyone, you know, other than your brother about the Ashley stuff, you can hit me up. I’ve been where you are, and I know how confusing it can be to suddenly not know exactly who you are.”

I turn and sit on the bench seat in front of my locker.

“I asked Tony how he knew he was bi, but he’s known for ages. He was always attracted to both guys and girls. I’m not attracted to guys, just Ash.”

“That’s totally cool, too. Like, there is nothing written somewhere that says you have to like all guys or none at all. Could you imagine if everyone in the world were attracted to everyone else? We’d all be fucking all the time and nothing would ever get done.”

I laugh and turn the rubber duck over between my fingers, trying to decipher the feelings I have for Ash.

Duckie moves to sit beside me.

“I know there are a lot of labels out there, the list is growing all the time, but you know what? You don’t have to pick one. You can just like Ash and let that be the only thing that matters, because really, in the grand scheme of things, that is all that really does.”

“You know,” I say, holding out the little rubber duck for him. “You actually give pretty good advice for a total goofball.”

“Since I met Ian, I’m more of a part-time goofball, but thanks.”

The door to the locker room opens, and Tony is there with his bag slung over one shoulder.

“You good?” he asks, gaze moving from Duckie to me and back.

“Yeah. I am,” I reply, actually trusting those words as they leave my lips.

Because Duckie is right. It doesn’t really matter what label I use; the truth of it is that I like Ash.

Who I liked before doesn’t matter, and right now, I can’t imagine liking anyone else, ever.

That thought should be terrifying. I’ve known Ash for a few weeks.

But it’s the opposite. The thought of it being me and him forever brings a sort of warm buzz spreading through me, and suddenly I can’t wait to get out there and see him.

“Duckie is coming with,” I say, and Tony nods.

“Great, let’s go. I’m starving.”

***

I thought I would tell Mom and Dad about me at dinner, but with Duckie and Red there, too, I decided I should probably wait and tell them when it is just us.

Or them, me, and Ash, maybe. Besides, how exactly would I explain what I am?

Do I tell them I’m bi, because that would be an easier thing for them to understand than the truth, which is that I have no clue, so to label it would probably be more like undefined.

I like Ash and am…dating him? Am I dating him?

Maybe I should have asked that question before the top or bottom one.

I grab out my phone while the waitress has my parents distracted with another drinks order, and quietly text him under the table.

CALVIN: So, probably should have asked this before, but are we dating? Like, exclusive dating?

I hit send, and a second later, his phone chimes loudly.

“Sorry,” he says, pulling it out. “I thought I put it on silent.”

Mom shakes her head. “It’s okay, dear, you take that call if you need to.”

“It’s just a message,” Tony says, shaking his head. Our parents were never that great with technology.

“I’ll…” Ash starts, but then his gaze flicks to me, and he smiles that wide, gorgeous grin that sends butterflies swarming inside me. He returns his attention to his phone, taps on the screen, and then slips it back into his pocket. “Sorry about that.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Mom repeats, and my phone vibrates a second later. Duckie raises his brows like he knows something.

I swipe open the screen to check the message, careful to keep my phone under the table and away from the view of my parents, because while they acted all cool with Ash checking his phone, it’s a giant no-no for us, and has always been.

ASH: If you are okay with that. I know I don’t want to see anyone but you.

I quickly type my reply.

CALVIN: I’m great with that. I don’t want to see anyone else either.

ASH: Do you think anyone would care if we skipped out before dessert?

“I might call it a night,” I say, and Mom frowns.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, just a headache,” I reply, standing.

“I can come,” Tony offers, spooning in mouthfuls of pasta into his mouth.

“No, you stay. I’m okay. I’ll just walk. The cool air will probably help.”

“I’ll walk you,” Ash says, standing before anyone can object.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Red. Mr. and Mrs. Parks, always a pleasure.”

“Oh, aren’t you sweet, dear. Thank you for taking such good care of Calvin. It’s nice he has such amazing friends.”

Duckie coughs, choking on the water he just took a sip of.

“Careful, man,” Tony says, slapping his back.

I kiss Mom, and we leave before anyone can join us on our quick exit.

Not that Red looked even remotely like he wanted to leave.

He sat next to Tony and was listening to every story Tony had about the tour last year.

Tony was in his prime, there is nothing he likes talking about more than himself.

It’s nice to see him get some attention.

As keen as I was a minute before, now, out in the cool night air, my stomach is doing somersaults. What if I’m shit at this? What if I freak out halfway through?

Ash squeezes my hand. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I lie, and my voice betrays me, coming out all squeaky.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight, we can just watch a game and chat.”

Does he not want me to try? Is he having second thoughts about dating a guy who’s never dated a guy?

“Look,” he says, stopping on the sidewalk and turning me to face him. “I mean it. I’m happy just spending time with you. Everything else is just a bonus.”

“Even if I suck?”

Ha laughs out loud.

“That’s what you’re scared of? That you won’t be good at it?”

My face is hot, and I turn my gaze to my shoes, digging into the pavement with one toe.

“Maybe.”

“Have you ever been worried before?”

“You mean with women?”

“Yeah?”

I shrug as I try to think.

“I guess not.”

“Exactly, so don’t worry about it with me. We’ll find what we both like, together.”

He lifts my chin with one hand, the other moving to my waist, pulling me closer. It’s dark, but the streetlights that illuminate the path have us surrounded by a yellow glow.

“Do you want to go back to the restaurant?”

“No!” I blurt, and he chuckles, kisses me softly just once on the forehead, and then we continue on to his place.

Once through his apartment door he leads me to his bedroom; my stomach is a tornado of nerves.

It’s like this is my first time, and I guess it sort of is, given it’s the first time doing this with a man.

With Ash. He turns on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room with a soft orange glow, and then joins me at the end of the bed.

“What would you like to try first?” he asks, cupping my face and leaning down to brush his lips softly over mine. My cock responds.

“I really have no idea, and I’m starting to think Tony was wrong about watching porn first.”

He pulls back.

“You told your brother about tonight?”

“Not exactly. We talked about me and this, like it being new and me not knowing…” Fuck, I’m not explaining this right. “He said not to watch porn because it’s not real.”

Ash chuckles, the vibration flowing through the silk of his corset and my palms where I hold his tiny waist.

“He would be right, it isn’t real, and just like sex with a woman, you don’t know what you both like or don’t like until you try it, so exploring your desires, your pleasures, it’s part of the fun.”

“Okay, but can you like, teach me how to start? There has to be prep, foreplay, stuff, right?”

“Perfect, let’s start there,” he says, leaning down and sucking my neck.

“Okay, that’s really good,” I moan, and he slides his tongue from the crease of my neck up to my ear, then sucks on my lobe and a shudder rolls through me.

“Oh hell, that’s even better.”

“Good, keep telling me what you like,” he whispers, his breath tickling the sensitive, soft skin of my neck, and his hands move to start unbuttoning my shirt. I keep my hands on his waist, sliding them up and down slowly, feeling the slick sheen of the corset beneath my fingertips.

He drops my shirt to the floor and moves his mouth down my chest until he’s on his knees kissing my stomach while unbuttoning my pants.

“I know you like this,” he says, taking them down and gripping my hard cock in his fist. “And this.”

He swirls his tongue around the crown, tonguing the slit.

“Yeah, that’s so fucking good.”

“Let’s move onto the bed,” he says, stroking me once more before standing.