Page 13 of Totally Played (Love In Play #5)

Chapter thirteen

Calvin

So my conversation with Tony revealed three things.

One, Tony knew since middle school he wasn’t straight.

Two, he had a giant crush on our sixth-grade teacher.

But the third thing that I learned, was probably the most significant and enlightening.

While Tony returned to watching the replay, I started searching online for answers.

It’s much easier to put the question into the void of the impersonal internet: why am I attracted to just one person of the same gender?

The results opened my eyes to a rainbow of possibilities I never even considered and a quiz that I took way too many times.

Now I’m confused even more, because while I see how I might be bi, too, I also might be pan or demi, but then I was attracted to Ash right away, before I got to know him so that rules out demi, doesn’t it?

The longer I spend with him, the stronger my attraction has grown.

So the third thing I learned… never ask the internet to explain your sexuality.

Except that is what I am doing again while he’s out on a date with the guy I’ve been dreaming of since we met in that bar the first night.

The same bar he’s meeting Tony at. I don’t have any right to be jealous.

But there is no other way to explain this feeling.

This tight churning in my gut that hasn’t stopped since Tony asked me if I knew where our leather jacket was.

I’d worn it to Riverside Barbeque to pick up my takeaway dinner earlier that afternoon.

It’s our favorite and looks great on both of us.

All the more reason I hated taking it off and handing it over.

I didn’t want Tony to look good for Ash.

I wanted the date to go badly. I wanted Ash to see all the ways Tony is wrong for him, and that’s so messed up in so many ways.

We aren’t like this. We don’t get jealous of each other.

We definitely don’t get jealous over a guy.

Fuck. Come on internet, make this make sense to me.

“I’m home,” Tony calls, slamming the door behind him.

I check the time. It’s still early. Really early. When I was out with Ash, we spent hours together, at the bar, then Tim’s, and then the slow walk home. It was like neither of us wanted the night to end. Tony has only been gone for what, two, maybe three hours.

“How was it?” I ask, the horrible churning picking up as I wait for his reply.

“It was amazing.”

A lump rises in my throat.

“That’s…good,” I manage before he jumps over the back of the couch and lands beside me.

“He’s coming to the game tomorrow.”

I stop myself from saying, “I know, I arranged his ticket, remember?” and do the supportive brother thing instead. “That’s good, so you hit it off?”

“Yeah, it was nice. He doesn’t talk much, though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why, did he talk a lot with you?”

I try to shrug it off like it’s no big deal. “Yeah, a bit, but we were on a bro-date, not a date-date, so it’s different.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. He might just need time to open up.” He takes out his phone. “Okay, I just asked him to a club after dinner with the parents tomorrow.”

Ash’s reply comes through only a few seconds later.

“Great, he’s in. Now I’ll get to see how that incredible body of his moves on the dance floor. Want to come?”

I don’t. I can think of nothing I want less than going to a club with the guy I’ve been dreaming of and my brother and watching them grind on the dance floor.

“Sure, sounds like fun,” I lie, and I hate it.

Tony is my ride or die, and I’m sitting here lying to him.

I should just tell him. Explain what’s going on in my head.

Maybe he’ll be able to help me figure it out.

He tried to open the door to the sexuality conversation when I asked him how he knew he was bi, but I shut it down, blowing it off as just a random thought that I had never asked him before.

He let it go easy enough, but maybe I should talk to him about my feelings for Ash?

“So you think there could be… something more between you two?”

He shrugs. “He’s hot and sweet, two things I love in a guy, but…”

“But what?” I ask, hope rising in me that he sees all of the ways they are not right for each other.

“It’s nothing. You’re always telling me not to dwell on the little things and give people a chance, so I’m going to do that.”

“I said that?”

He nudges my side. “Yeah, like every time I complain about a guy I met on the app not being perfect. I think you’re right. I have to stop looking for perfection and start giving these dates a real shot.”

“Yeah,” I say, but inside I’m screaming, ‘Sure, listen to me now, why don’t you?’

***

Since he woke up, he’s been scrolling through the app at all the new dates he’s been offered.

“Seriously, being in the fives is awesome,” he says as his phone chimes. “Another date request. Oh, she’s cute. Yes, please,” he says, tapping the screen.

“Didn’t you just agree to go out with Ash again?”

“Yeah, but we’re not exclusive or anything. Like I said last night, I have to give these dates a chance.”

“And by dates, you meant multiple?” A heat rises in my chest, but I squash it down. I don’t know what he and Ash agreed to, if they agreed to anything. It’s not my place to judge.

“Look, we travel a lot, and we’re young, in our prime dating years. Besides, look how cute she is,” Calvin says, turning the phone to face me.

“You just double-booked,” I say, and he frowns and checks his phone again.

“Fuck, the date with Carly is at nine tonight. Don’t suppose you want to be me again?” He holds the phone up to show me another picture of Carly.

“Nope, sorry, my days of doppelganging your dates are over.”

“I don’t think you’re using that word the right way.”

“Sure, I am. Doppelganger is like a double, and you want me to pretend to be you, so that would be doppelganging.”

“It sounds more like some weird group sex thing.”

“I’m not doing that either.”

***

I jog out onto the field, and my attention moves immediately to where Ash is standing and cheering next to Rachel, and he’s wearing my jacket.

Tony wore it on their date, and I didn’t even clock that he came home without it.

I guess Ash and he had a pretty good time after all, if he’s wearing the jacket to the game.

He waves, and I wave back, but then check over my shoulder, and Tony is waving his way behind me.

The whole stadium feels like it’s a billion times smaller, and I jog over to Duckie to try to distract myself from the embarrassment.

“You okay?” Duckie asks, jumping and waving to the crowd as the music starts to grow louder.

“Fine, just ready to win this.”

“Me, too. Benny G and I have a bet going tonight. The loser buys drinks for the whole other team, and I don’t really feel like explaining a thousand-dollar bar tab to Ian. So get your head in the game.”

“My head is in it,” I say, and he glances over to the family and friends section of the stands.

“So, Calvin, I see Ash is here again.”

“Yeah, he came to watch Tony,” I say, which is technically true, even though it stings more than I like.

“I’m sure he’s not just watching Tony,” Duckie says, and I can’t help but smile. “You know I was straight before I met Ian, right?”

“I didn’t, but cool, I guess,” I say, stretching my arms over my head to loosen up.

“I’m just saying, if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

“I don’t know… I’m…”

My face is getting warm again, but I don’t have time to respond because the GM is on the mic a second later, welcoming the crowd, and we move into our opening number positions.

I dance the routine and stuff up so many times that Dennis is going to rip me a new one later, for sure. I don’t know what happened, but every time I caught sight of Duckie or Ash or Tony, my brain short-circuited and I’d miss a step or turn the wrong way.

“You better play better than you dance,” someone yells my way when we jog up the stairs through the crowd to meet and greet with fans. I have to go see Mom and Dad, but Tony is already headed that way, and I really don’t want to see him flirting with Ash. Duckie wraps his arm over my shoulder.

“Come on, B-one, let’s go throw B-two off his game,” Duckie says, and we shake hands and take a few selfies with fans on our way over to the family and friends section.

“Honey, are you feeling okay?” Mom asks me the second we get there, resting the back of her hand against my forehead.

“I’m fine,” I tell her, and Tony laughs.

“You sure, brother?”

“I’m fine, I swear, just leave it.”

“The dance was good,” Ash lies, giving me a small smile.

“Thanks, but I know it was a mess. I’ll be hearing it from Dennis later, I bet.”

Ash shakes his head. “No, seriously, it ended up looking like it was part of the skit. Don’t worry about it.”

Duckie laughs. “Yeah, you watch. Dennis will have you doing it at every game, maybe he’ll even have us all clowning around out there. So, Ash, are you ready to watch B-two lose?”

Tony shoves his arm.

“You’re the one losing, Duck man.”

“You might be right. You were on fire last game. I wouldn’t be surprised if you play even better tonight, with your mom and your dad and your sister here watching, oh, and Ashley.

So many people here with their eyes on you, I’m sure you’ll give them the best game of your life,” Duckie says, and I can see the cogs turning in Tony’s mind.

“Both my boys will play great, I’m sure,” Mom says, but it’s too late. Duckie is in Tony’s head.

“So, Ashley, you up for another game night? It’s Pictionary and giant Jenga tonight. You and Calvin made a great team. I’d love the chance at a rematch.”

“Sure, anytime. It was fun.”

“Awesome. I’ll message you when we set it up. I’ll need your number, though, and my phone is in the locker room.”