Page 8 of Total Assist (For Puck’s Sake #13)

SHIVELY

It’s been more than two weeks since the trip to the lake. My activities with Dasan aside, it’s probably one of my favorite memories in a long time. The way my team came together was beautiful to watch.

They’re friends now. Their chatter in the locker room isn’t just about hockey. It’s that of friends catching up, teasing, laughing.

On the ice, their new connections shine brightly, too. They’re doing really well, and I’m incredibly proud of the team they’ve become. Their confidence in themselves and each other is evident every time they step onto the ice.

I can’t wait for the season to begin.

Except that my heart is constantly in my throat because Dasan . I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop wanting him. It might be to the point where I think I need him now.

Why can’t he just show up and tell me to get on my knees for him?

I lean against the wall in my hall and close my eyes. I’m stressed. Tense. Exhausted. Horny. Can’t forget horny.

My hand grips my phone tightly. All I have to do is call him. Just call him and tell him to come over. I know he will. But the idea of calling him and asking him to come over makes my stomach roll. He could say no. He could laugh. He could…

Chills race over my spine, and I open my eyes to stare at the ceiling. I’m a grown-ass man, for fuck’s sake. I can make a goddamn call and tell someone I want something. Perhaps I just need to trick myself into it. Yep. Okay.

I’m not Dasan’s sub right now. I’m Coach Shively Myers of the Winnipeg Avalanche. Taking a deep breath, I pull my phone up to look at my screen. Even my hand has gotten the memo. It’s not shaking.

I manage to keep this up right through dialing. As soon as I hear Dasan’s voice though, the facade I had managed crumbles, and I release a loud breath.

“Hi, Coach,” Dasan greets.

I wince. Fuck. I’m not his coach right now. “Uh… hello, Dasan.”

He hums. “What’s wrong, Shiv?” Dasan’s voice is smooth and quiet. Soothing.

Thank fuck he hears in my voice that I’m definitely not in the right mindset to be his coach.

“Uh…” What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t stammer . “Come over? Please?”

“Is that what you want?”

I scowl at the phone. “Yes,” I grit out.

He chuckles. “It’s really difficult for you to tell me what you want, isn’t it? We’ll work on it. I’ll be over in a few minutes. Will you be waiting for me, Shiv?”

That’s a much easier question to answer. “Yes. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“Good. See you soon.”

My entire team has been here before. At the end of the season, I usually invite them over for a barbecue to celebrate. Whether we’re celebrating a good season or welcoming in the summer break, it’s always worthy of a celebration.

While Dasan didn’t outright tell me to be waiting on my knees for him, naked, I think that’s what his question meant, right? I scowl at the empty house. I hate guessing.

Taking a breath, I unlock the front door then head into my bedroom to undress.

Walking around naked is weird since it’s not something I do often.

Or ever, I suppose. But I leave my bedroom and head for the living room.

I drop a throw pillow on the floor and get on my knees with my hands behind my back.

It’s strange how comfortable I am in this position, and I don’t mean physically. Honestly, I think I’m getting too old for this, but I enjoy being on my knees in front of Dasan. I love looking up at him and the way he looks at me. It feels like I’m servicing him.

That sounds a little too clinical, like I pulled the term from a book or something, but it fits because I’m there for his use.

For his pleasure. That’s what I enjoy doing.

I want to make him feel good. The pleasure it brings me is something I can’t quite put into words. It’s not just physical but… emotional?

I close my eyes and let my head fall forward, concentrating on my breathing until Dasan arrives.

I’m nervous, but I think that nervous energy comes from not knowing what comes next.

I know what’s happening right now. Dasan will be here.

I get to taste his dick again. At least, that’s been the pattern.

I get his dick in my mouth when I’m on my knees for him.

But what about after today? When he leaves here, then what? How can I get answers to those questions without asking them? Why does asking questions have to be so difficult?

My door opens and my breath catches. I can’t see it from here, which has its purpose. If someone other than Dasan just opened my door, they wouldn't see me kneeling here naked. The door shuts quietly, then I hear the lock click.

Right now, I’m so reliant on my ears that I swear I’m hearing every little sound.

Shoes slipping off. Socked feet on my hardwood getting closer.

I’m staring at the spot on the floor where I’ll see him come around the corner first. My heart races in my ears.

I can feel it pumping in my chest, knocking against my sternum. That can’t be healthy.

As soon as I see his foot, my eyes snap up to his. Fuck, why is he always so gorgeous? How did I manage to ignore that for so long?

Dasan’s long, dark hair is braided on either side of his head, the two pleats resting over his shoulders. The corner of his lips is quirked up as he looks at me, lust shining in his eyes. But there’s more there too—not just lust but something warmer.

“There’s simply nothing better than finding you waiting for me like this, Shiv,” Dasan says. He stands over me, his fingers gently moving through my hair as I look up at him. He sighs. “I’m going to fuck you real good before I leave here, but first, I think we need to talk. Don’t you?”

For a moment, I can’t hear anything over the panic in my head and the rushing of blood in my ears. But I nod because I was just thinking that I need some answers.

“Pick up your pillow and come over here,” Dasan says as he moves further into my living room. He takes a seat on the couch, and I move the pillow in front of him before taking my spot on my knees again. “You’re nervous.”

I take a breath and nod.

“Why are you nervous?”

My heart races. For several seconds, I focus on normalizing my breathing. “I don’t like when we leave the future so open-ended,” I admit. “It leaves me feeling… insecure and unsure. I’m also afraid of the complications hockey poses.” I’m afraid of not seeing you again.

“This is exactly what I want to talk about. For this conversation, when I ask you what you want, I need you to tell me what you want and how you feel. Okay, Shiv? You can’t answer that you want what I want or what makes me happy. This has to be an open conversation between us.”

I sigh heavily and nod. “I know.”

“Do you want to sit on the couch while we talk?”

My shoulders tense.

Dasan smiles. “You want to remain my sexy submissive on his knees for this conversation, don’t you?”

“Yes. Is that okay?”

“If that makes you more comfortable and confident to talk, yes. Definitely.”

I nod because yes, I do feel better.

“I think we can begin with something that might feel a little obvious. Our roles. I’m going to start with how I see myself, and then you’ll tell me the same about you.

I’m a soft dom. I don’t like the ‘harder’ aspects of dominance such as fear play, pain play, degradation, or anything like that.

I feel like I’d do best in a positive reinforcement situation, and while we can certainly work out a form of discipline and punishment, I don’t imagine I have the kind of personality that will be able to give as much by physical means. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.”

“Now, you tell me about yourself.”

“I’ve never done this before,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t really know the details of what’s expected of me.”

“That’s not what this is about right now. We’ll talk about expectations, boundaries, and rules. Right now, I want you to tell me how you imagine yourself in a submissive role.”

“I want to please you. All of your desires and needs.”

Dasan watches me for a minute, and when I don’t expand, he smiles. “That’s all, huh?”

“I…” I lick my lips. “I’m sorry. I guess I don’t really know what else goes with it. I want to make you feel good. I want you to want me to make you feel good.”

“You need some things too, though.”

I shake my head.

“Yes, you do. You just told me that you don’t like it when we leave things open ended. It leaves you uncomfortable. So something else you want is a clear set of parameters that defines our relationship. Right?”

“Oh. Yes, I want that too.”

Dasan chuckles. “I think maybe it’s safe to say that you don’t completely know what you want.”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m going to need you to tell me when you think of something else you want or need.”

I press my lips together, not at all enjoying that assertion. His finger traces my lips as he studies my face.

“I’ve never done this before either. I’ve read a lot about doms and their subs, so I have an idea of how this works, but this is going to be an evolving situation. One we will need to expand on frequently until we’re both comfortable with what we’ve set up between us.”

“Okay,” I agree.

“Let’s begin with some basics. We’ve already established that hockey is a separate thing. Everything we discuss and put into place is canceled when it comes to hockey. Our roles together don’t matter. Agreed?”

“Yes, agreed.”

“Good. And I think this goes without saying, but I’ve read that we need to say everything so there’s never any miscommunication, so I’m going to say it—this is something that will stay between us entirely.

We won’t share it with anyone. That means in public, we resume the roles expected of us as defined by hockey. Do you agree?”

“Yes.”

“We will use caution, discretion, and careful planning to keep what we have private.”

“I agree.”

“Good. I think the next thing I want to talk about is safewords. We need two. One tells me I need to stop completely and immediately. Another means you’re reaching your limit and need me to slow down. Let’s designate a stop word.”

“Penalty,” I answer.

Dasan laughs. “Okay, good. And one that means slow down.”

“Uh… icing? Can that mean slow down?”

“Any word you want can mean slow down.”

“But that one makes sense, right? It’s slowing down the game.”

“Yes. Icing it is. Let’s move on to something we struggled with already. Your interest in servicing me. Tell me what that means to you.”

“I want to make you feel good. I want to give you orgasms and…” Everything. I don’t know how to put it into words. “All the time. Every time you want an orgasm. Or if you want something else.”

“Why don’t you put your hands on me?” he asks.

The question confuses me. “Right now?”

“Ever, Shiv. You never touch me.”

“Oh. Uh…” I look at him all over, though he’s still clothed. “I guess I didn’t have your permission?” I shake my head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m waiting for you to tell me what to do. I guess it’s not a conscious thing.”

“Okay, thank you for sharing that. That helps me understand what you need.”

“I like when you do that,” I admit.

“Tell you what helps me?”

“No. Well, yes. But tell me when I’ve done something right.”

“You like affirmation. I already figured that out. I’ll make sure you get plenty of it.”

My chest feels so fucking warm.

“I told you that I also want to make you feel good, but it sounds as if your needs aren’t on your mind as often as mine are.”

“Unless you’re fucking me,” I say, giving him a bemused smile. “Then it’s the only thing I can feel. Like my orgasm is pounding at a door and ready to break through.”

Dasan’s grin is huge, and I might flush a little. “I want to hit a lot of topics today. We’ll continue to flesh them out as we go, but I don’t want to forget any. So, riding on the back of servicing me, let’s talk about toys. How do you feel about sex toys?”

“Which ones?”

“The ones I’m interested in using on you aren’t overly adventurous, admittedly.

Vibrator, cock sleeves, maybe a chastity toy of some kind.

” Dasan studies my face. My heart is already racing at the thought.

It’s an excited kind of race, though. “How do you feel about wearing a leash around your junk and letting me lead you around like a puppy?”

“In the house, right?” I ask, my voice sounding a little breathless.

He laughs. “Yes. Always in private. Except maybe the chastity toy.”

I nod. “Okay, I think I can handle those.”

“I’m putting a hard rule into place, Shiv. If you don’t like something, you are required to tell me. Understand?”

“I don’t like that rule. If you like it?—”

“I didn’t say we’d stop if you don’t like it, depending on what it is.

It means we’re going to have a discussion to see where it lies on your scale of likes and dislikes.

I know that you’ll do things you don’t like to please me, and I’m going to let you.

But if it’s something that you truly hate and take zero enjoyment out of, we need to talk about it.

If you disobey this rule, there will be consequences. Am I clear?”

Jesus, when he talks like that, it sends shivers of excitement through me. “Yes.”

“Good. Now back to sex. We’re good on the toys for now. Self-pleasure comes to mind next. You are not to get off on your own. Ever. Understand? Your orgasms are mine alone. Mine to give you. Mine to command from you.”

Yep, more heat surges through me. “Okay.”

“Good. Lastly for now, I want to see you just like this when you’re expecting me. Naked and on your knees with your hands behind your back.”

He’s just trying to turn me on now. I nod. “Yes.”

Dasan pulls his shirt over his head. “We have a couple other things I want to talk about, such as when you need to suck for self-soothing. The line between part-time and full-time, for instance. But I think we need a talk break. What do you think?”

I nod wildly. “Yes!”

He chuckles. “Get over here and pull my dick out, Shiv. It’s time for you to show me what your hands can do too.”