Page 11 of Total Assist (For Puck’s Sake #13)

DASAN

Since Felton and Ren got together, our two friendship groups have hung out a lot more.

Our team isn’t necessarily clique-y, but everyone has people they tend to hang out with more than others.

For me, that’s Felton and Willits. Ren, Denny, and Zenia are good friends and have been for as long as I’ve been with the Avalanche.

Our two groups still hang out separately, but there are times when we’re six instead of sets of three, too.

Like today at the team gym. Working out goes by much quicker when you’re with your buddies and have someone to talk to. The six of us are moving around a few sets of machines, making a circuit as we chat.

“Ty walking yet?” Zenia asks.

I glance up in time to see Denny shake his head. “Soon.”

“You manage to convince him to crawl?”

Denny snorts. “Nope.” He looks up at me and Willits. “He sits on his ass and scoots around. It’s hilarious. Whenever we try to show him how to crawl, he looks at us like we’re insane.”

I grin. “That’s funny.”

He nods. “It really is.”

“Okay, I need to ask, and I’ve been sooo good not asking,” Willits says. I shake my head as everyone looks at him. “Are you with the baby mama’s brother or not?”

Denny takes a breath and closes his eyes. “Yeah,” he says quietly.

I frown.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look happy about it,” Willits says.

Denny chuckles. “No, no. I am. It’s just… I feel… guilty.”

“Why?” I ask.

He sighs heavily and sits up from where he’d been sitting in the arms machine.

“I didn’t want to be with Sally. I panic-proposed when she told me she was pregnant, and then the holidays, birth, Valentine’s Day—all of it was right around the corner, and all of those times seemed heartless to call it off.

Then she fucking died, which I’m not mad about. Wait. That came out wrong. I’m not…”

Denny closes his eyes. Zenia grips his arm gently.

“I’m frustrated that she died before I could tell her the truth.

I’m sure she knew, but the fact that I didn’t have enough balls to just tell her kills me.

And then her damn brother shows up and I fall in love with him, which feels like a damn slap in the face to her.

Not that she’s aware of it because she’s dead , which makes it even worse.

” He shakes his head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to get heavy.

Yes, I’m happy to be with Tyler. That’s the short answer. ”

“I’m sorry you’re struggling,” Felton says.

I smile at the sincerity in his voice. The biggest man here has the softest soul.

Denny gives him a tired smile. “I’m not as much as I make it sound. Which, again, makes me feel guilty.”

“Have you talked to someone about how you feel? Maybe Tyler?” I ask.

“Tyler and I have had conversations, yes. He knew his sister much better than I did. They were incredibly close, which I hadn’t known. Again, another thing to be guilty about since I’m sure she’d mentioned him many times and I simply didn’t care about her enough to pay attention.”

“You’re beating yourself up about her a lot,” Ren says.

“No, I’m really not. It’s just that we’re talking about it now, and I never talk about it, so it’s all coming out. I swear to you, I’m fine,” Denny insists.

I’m not sure any of us believe that.

“So… Did you name your kid after her brother?” Willits asks.

Denny laughs. “ I didn’t, no. Sally did. I didn’t know her brother’s name even though she likely told me many times. I didn’t realize until he showed up on my fucking doorstep. It’s amusing that Ty looks more like his uncle than he does me or Sally. It’s a strange way to make a junior, no?”

I grin. He seems far happier about this part of the conversation.

“I have a good therapist,” Felton says quietly. “I can give you her number.”

Denny gives him a smile. It’s not a fake one this time, but soft. “Thanks, Fel. Maybe I’ll take it.”

Felton nods. “It’s hard to talk about some things, especially when you’ve struggled with them for a long time. But it feels good to talk about it with someone who understands how you feel and helps you heal from it.”

Denny nods, his eyes closed. “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay,” Felton says.

I glance at Ren, unsurprised to find him smiling fondly at Felton. He’s been stupidly good for Felton over the past year. I thought I’d been pretty attuned to Felton and what was going on in his life, but I hadn’t realized just how much he’d kept from us until Ren came along.

The confidence he hid behind was a whole wall of fake. It covered cracks so deep that you could fall through them. His big smile for fans and arrogant demeanor for the opposing teams were all just a facade to take attention away from the torment he carried around with him.

I’d always known he didn’t get along with his family. He’d said so early on. If I’d have thought for just one second that his father was a piece of shit who still verbally abused his grown son, I’d have lost my shit.

Felton’s been used to hiding his wounds from the world though. You don’t look at a guy like him and think that he’s anything other than intimidating. Being told he’s been abused since he was a kid is unbelievable. People would scoff. The man is enormous. Who could be big enough to abuse him?

It still pisses me off, and I’m sure I don’t know the depths of what he’s been through. He’s shared more with Willits and me since Ren truly stepped into his life, but I’m positive we don’t have all the horrible details.

I’m not necessarily an overly affectionate guy, but thinking about the torment he’s gone through his entire life, I always want to wrap him up in a hug.

“Are you bringing Ty and Tyler to the Halloween party?” Willits asks.

Denny nods. He’s kept both pretty well hidden from the world.

I’m not even sure the public knows that they’re together.

There was a whole hoopla when Denny’s baby was born and the mother died in the hospital.

There’s a haunting picture that still circulates of what appears to be a grief-stricken Denny looking down at his newborn.

I think, more accurately, he’s lost as fuck and doesn’t know what to do. He’d never intended on being a full-time single father.

There was coverage of Sally’s brother showing up, but from what I’ve seen, no one thinks anything of it. He’s just there to help with his nephew. He and his sister were close, best friends. It’s not a scandal.

“He’s got the cutest costume,” Felton says with a big smile.

“A hockey player?” I ask.

Denny laughs. “No. I did just buy him skates though. He’s beginning to stand on his own, so it’s almost time. He’s going to be a gremlin, like from that horrible movie that gave all the kids nightmares, but the cute gremlin from before they get rained on or whatever turns them into demons.”

“That’s going to be adorable,” I say.

Felton nods excitedly. “I can’t wait to see him.”

I elbow Felton. “Do you see them often?”

Felton shakes his head. “No, but they come over sometimes.”

“When Tyler works, I take Ty out of the house when I can,” Denny says.

“What does he do?” I ask.

“Customer service quality checks for a variety of companies.”

“You know when someone calls and says, ‘This call is being recorded for quality assurance?’ He’s the quality assurance,” Felton says.

“That sounds… exciting,” Willits says.

Denny snorts. “It’s dull as fuck except sometimes he comes across something funny. Most of the time, it’s boring, but he gets paid really good money and only works three or so hours a day.”

“That’s not a bad workday,” I comment.

“Far less demanding than ours,” Zenia says.

I’m distracted by movement outside the gym.

Two entire walls of the gym are glass panels.

One wall of glass faces the outside, but it’s one-way glass, so no one can see inside while we can look out.

The other wall looks into the facility, and it can be seen through in both directions.

It’s where Seb and Mina watch us and observe what we’re doing.

It’s been the cause of many hidden injuries being found. I think some guys forget that not both sets of windows are one way.

The movement that caught my eye is Coach. He glances into the gym, and I swear, he meets my eyes. I try not to smirk, though I’m not sure I pull off a straight face when I see him.

Remembering the image of him from last night after the game against Toronto makes me want to smile. Walking in the door and finding him naked, waiting on his knees, will never get old. Hard. Shy.

He looks different like that. I’m beginning to view his clothing like a different skin. Once he puts his clothes on, the vulnerability that I’ve been seeing is completely gone. He’s confident, refined, and looks like a million dollars.

But when we’re alone, when he’s naked and bare for me, the coach that I’ve come to know isn’t who I’m with. There are very few glimpses of that man.

The one I spend my time with, my concubine—yep, still not feeling that title—is the real Shively Myers.

The man that doesn’t have to live up to the appearance he’s put into the world.

I see how soft he truly is. I see how different he is from the man standing on the other side of the wall of windows with our assistant coach.

It’s strange how very unrecognizable he has become.

I know my man is hidden in that gorgeous exterior, and I’m not at all surprised he has a repressed submissive side.

His life is demanding, and the world around him expects a lot from him.

He’s needed a safe space to shed that weight for a long time.

Shively turns his body toward the glass, pushing his hands into his pants pockets. I’m not sure he’s looking at anyone in particular, though I’m confident his eyes snag on me often. Assistant Coach Reno is still beside him. I can see their mouths moving, so I know they’re having a conversation.

I blink out of my staring when Felton shoves me. He’s grinning when I meet his eyes.

“What’re you staring at?”

I shake my head. “Sorry. Zoned out for a minute.”

“What’re you thinking about?” he asks.

I pointedly don’t look back at the windows as I shake my head. “I don’t even know.” A yawn sneaks up, and I exaggerate it when I let it out. “Think I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, we played our asses off and still lost,” Zenia mutters.

Felton scowls. “I swear that one didn’t go in. I caught it on my blade before it crossed the red line.”

“Not your fault, big guy.” I pat his shoulder. “Toronto got the best of us. That’s all. There will be other games, and we’ll win.”

“Toronto is a tough team,” Denny says. “Historically, we don’t do well against them.”

“That’s frustrating,” Felton says.

“It is, but there are thirty other teams in the league, and we do well against many of them. We’re still going to have a good season. You’ll see.”

Felton nods.

We get back to reps and rotate through the machines. Now that we’re working out again, I steal a glance at the window. Coach is still standing there, though he’s been joined by Mina and… Is that the owner?

I elbow Ren, who’s closest to me. “Is that Edries?”

Ren glances at the window then back at me with a nod. “Yep.”

“I can’t decide if that should make me nervous.”

“I think it should make you feel good that the owner takes an active interest in the team,” Ren counters. “I’ve been on several, and I wouldn’t be able to pick out the face of the owner if my paycheck depended on it.”

“Huh.”

“To be fair, Edries’ face has been all over the tabloids and news for ages. Eccentric billionaire buys hockey team .” Zenia waves his hand. “That’s probably the least scandalous headline.”

“I’m still laughing over the fact that he went away on a solo holiday retreat in the stormy mountains and came away married to Gabe,” Felton says, beaming. “Gabe is a cool guy, so it’s pretty awesome.”

“You know Gabe Zanderman?” Zenia asks.

“Of course. He’s gay.”

“Ah. There’s a gay club that we’re not included in,” Denny says, nodding.

“I think you and Ren should be inducted. Honorary gays even though you’re bisexual,” Zenia says.

Felton snorts. “Yes, there is a club,” he says, shrugging. “It’s exclusive. But I know Gabe because of the Gays Can Play functions. You know other sports leagues are creating similar initiatives too, right? We’ve been around Gabe a lot over the last few years because of it.”

“We?”

“The hockey Gays Can Play guys,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Ah.” Denny looks at Ren. “Are you a part of that now?”

Ren gives him a demure look. “No.”

“Why?” Willits asks.

Ren shakes his head.

“Maybe you should,” I say. When Ren meets my eyes, I say, “While this is riding off the back of another good cause, people that look like you and me are often overlooked in this league. Think about it. This is going to come out a little wrong, so I’ll apologize ahead of time, but they give the LGBTQIA+ a bright spotlight, while anyone who isn’t white is still invisible unless they’re part of the queer movement that hockey has begun.

” I look at Felton. “I’m not saying the queer community shouldn’t have a loud presence. ”

“I know,” Felton says. “And I agree. Though I think they call Ren white adjacent.” He gives Ren an amused smile.

Ren rolls his eyes. “I understand your point, Dasan.”

“But I haven’t convinced you.”

“Why don’t you get involved?” he counters.

“Is he in a gay-presenting relationship?” Willits asks, raising an eyebrow.

I am, though no one knows that, I suppose.

Ren inclines his head in acknowledgment. “You know what? Maybe we rock the boat together and see who else we can get on board. We could request that the league call better positive attention to the minorities who play in the league,” Ren says thoughtfully.

I look around the gym. About a third of our team is present. We have a decently diverse team as far as nationalities are concerned. However, most are of white descent.

There’s such a strange stigma against Asians in North American sports too.

They’re white, yet that’s almost erased because they’re Asian.

It’s a strange oxymoron that I might not have noticed except that I’ve lived my life in the shadow of white men.

I tend to notice when race is even an unconscious factor in something.

“Yeah,” I say, meeting Ren’s eyes. “Let’s do it. Diversity is beautiful, and it’s time the rest of the world gets on board with that.”

“I don’t have the motivation to take on the world, but I think I can handle the league,” Ren says. “Baby steps, Dasan.”

I smile. “Noted.”