Page 27 of Total Assist (For Puck’s Sake #13)

DASAN

I watch the door Shively walked through for a minute. I know he’s nervous, and I hadn’t anticipated him being separated from me. Though I can’t hear them, I focus on where he disappeared and strain my ears for a little bit of sound.

When I’m convinced I can’t hear them at all, I turn to the others to find all six men looking at me. I smile, amused.

“So,” Miles says. “Your messages said you wanted to learn from people to be a dom.”

With a sigh, I nod. “I’ve done a lot of research, read a lot, and there was a documentary I watched.

But my profession means I’m traveling roughly half the month for a solid six or more months every year, and have never had time to have a relationship like this.

This was an accident, but once we realized what we had, we decided to strengthen it and see where it went.

” Despite the risk, though I don’t say those words out loud.

“The thing is, I didn’t believe that I’d actually be in this relationship dynamic any time soon, so I’ve not explored the lifestyle in the way I should have to be prepared. ”

“There isn’t a single way to do this,” Emmett says. “Hell, I even call myself a D-O-M-M-E because I like to feel feminine. That spelling is generally reserved for women.”

“That’s cool. And I get that. I guess maybe it isn’t so much… dynamics, but what’s the expectation from a full-time situation? I feel like there’s only so much I can get from reading, which is why I wanted to see some relationships in real life.”

“I know my boy asked about meet-ups closer to home, so I’m curious why you sought one so far away,” Miles says. “You were vague when I asked. You were also concerned about pictures.” He glances at the basket of phones.

Grinning, I nod. “None of you recognize me.” That makes every one of them study me closely. My grin widens. “That’s why.”

There are looks exchanged before Miles nods. “Fair enough. Anonymity. Understood. It’s easy to say that there are a lot of different kinds of doms and subs. Running down a list serves its purpose, but maybe we can talk more specifics. Do you know what way you’re leaning?”

“Soft dom. I’ve read a little more on the plane about soft doms specifically, and I’m pretty sure that’s where I lie. I’m not into pain. I’m awful at discipline, though I think my punishment of having Shiv write me an essay worked well enough.”

I receive several chuckles.

“Maybe it’s more than recognizing what we’re doing. I’ve not been around other doms and their subs, so I feel like maybe I’m missing vital pieces, you know? I’m also wondering what a full-time Dom/sub relationship looks like because it’s not entirely clear from anything I’ve read.”

“That’s something we can help with,” Emmett says. “Harvey is my husband, and he’s my full-time slave. Mason and Nika have been together for, what? Sixteen years?”

The man I determine to be Mason nods.

“And Miles and Benji are coming up on four years together, right?”

“We just passed four years,” Miles says.

Emmett shakes his head. “I’m never going to remember before New Years and not after.”

I grin. There’s a sense of actual friendship here that I appreciate.

“Contrariwise, Remy, Rory, and Alder don’t have partners. This isn’t even considered part-time for them. It’s a scene for the day,” Miles says. “From our exchange, I came up with an idea of what you were looking for and gathered the people I thought might be best suited for your purposes.”

“I truly appreciate you inviting us. For the record, I have looked at the local community in Winnipeg, but it’s far too close to home and my career is life up in the frozen North. I will be recognized.”

“You’re killing me, man,” Alder says, frowning.

I laugh. “I’m a pro athlete with the forbidden fruit for my sub.”

“Ohh,” Remy says, smirking. “I already love everything about this.”

Still smiling, I say, “How about a day in the life of a full-time Dom/sub?”

“Before we get there, let’s talk about your boy for a minute. What kind of sub is he?” Emmett asks. “My slave’s day looks much different from Mason’s brat’s day and Miles’s boy’s day.”

“And Caelum is a Little,” Alder says, “so while he and I agreed to partner for this meet-up, it’s over once the afternoon is over. That doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally fill in for him when he calls, because I do. We’re good friends.”

“I see. I think he’s more of a service sub, but disclaimer—he has done almost no research at all.

He knows what he wants, and those wants are all his personal desires.

It’s not a lifestyle he’s interested in so much as his needs being met, which is sometimes frustrating as he can only manage to describe his needs as whatever I want. ”

“He definitely sounds a lot like Benji,” Emmett says.

Miles nods. “He does, though Benji was very aware of the lifestyle before we met and had other Doms in the past. I can definitely give you a rundown of a typical day. Without explanation, here’s a bullet point of yesterday: I woke up first and spent some time in the backyard where I worked out for an hour or so.

I went on a short run. When I came back, Benji was awake and meditating, so I left him alone while I showered.

He was making breakfast when I finished and greeted me with a ‘Good morning, Sir.’ As we sat to eat, we discussed the plan for the day, which was work for both of us then some afternoon errands and relaxation.

While Benji took a shower, I laid out his clothes for work.

We prepared each other’s lunch. I walked Benji to work and headed to work myself.

Benji’s shift ended half an hour before mine, so he met me in the reception area of my work.

We stopped by the flower shop, picked up some groceries, and I treated Benji to an ice cream since he’s been very good on his meal choices and exercises.

Once home, we put away our shopping. Benji went through his exercise routine while I sat in our hammock outside to read.

When Benji finished his exercises, he joined me in the hammock where we swapped out books to read the one we’ve been working through together.

Benji cooked dinner, we ate, and I cleaned up after dinner.

We cuddled and talked until I was ready to have some fun before bed. ”

I nod. That sounds like a regular day, and it’s clear by the expressions on everyone’s faces that they’re expecting my unimpressed reaction.

Miles grins. “Not what you expected?”

“Uh… I don’t know.”

“Let me tell you the parts you don’t see.

Benji executed his morning skincare routine that I researched, planned, and provided all the necessary products to complete.

This isn’t because I have an issue with what I see, but because Benji is self-conscious of his skin.

He completed his workout routine to continue to shape his body into its ideal form as well as tracked the food he consumed throughout the day to help him work toward goals that I’ve set for him.

Both of these things—exercise and food tracking—became parts of his routine after consulting him for his input and because he’s always hated his body.

One of his needs is to not hate what he sees when he looks in the mirror, so we are working toward that goal.

Benji consistently sits and walks at my right side.

He waits to begin eating until I’ve begun eating.

He seeks my approval and validation throughout the day and addresses me with politeness, courtesy, appreciation, respect, and oftentimes with ‘Sir.’ He reaches for my hand in public as well as in private.

He asks for my help when making decisions that frustrate him, such as what to wear and what to eat.

He spends time reading books I’ve selected for him. ”

“Everything has your influence,” I note.

Miles inclines his head. “Correct. Being full-time partners and full-time Dom/sub isn’t about bossing my boy around all day and treating him like a slave.”

“That’s my job,” Emmett notes.

Miles rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “I’ve set parameters for how he is expected to please and obey me.

But everything we’ve done throughout the day are things we’ve discussed, things that help us work toward personal goals of development, both separately and as a couple.

Everything has always been with his input and consent, but I guide him and teach him along the way.

I said we had goals we’re working toward.

First and foremost, it’s rewriting all the religious programming he grew up with.

Setting his sexuality free from the radical rigidness he grew up with so he can feel desire without shame and crave pleasure without holding back.

We’re working on his body image so he can feel at home in his own body.

So he can feel desirable. Riding on that, we’re working on freeing his spirit from the shackles of his past. He was never allowed to be his own person but expected to fulfill a role that was placed before him.

I’m helping him learn that he’s allowed to be a little irresponsible.

Enjoy simply existing. Taking pride in his small successes as well as celebrating his larger successes.

He’s allowed to work for and appreciate the body he desires, and he’s allowed to be gay without burning in the fiery pits of hell. ”

I feel my face scrunch, and he gives me a demure look. “Is it safe to assume he didn’t grow up on Kala?”

Miles chuckles. “He did not. While I won’t share all of my boy’s story, there was a catalytic moment in his life that forced him out, and he was effectively banished from his home and community.

He met someone who, essentially, saved his life and also introduced him to the lifestyle.

He hopped between Doms for a while. One eventually brought him here, and he’s been on Kala since. ”

“I’ll never get over how ugly this world is,” I mutter. “How contradictory and hypocritical so many groups of people are. It’s disgusting.”

“It is. We’re happy for our little island paradise.”

“Sir?”

We all look toward the door where the enormous Harvey stands with his hands behind his back. “Food is prepared, Sir. Would you like for us to bring it out, or should we wait until you’re ready?”

“Bring it out, boy,” Emmett says.

“Yes, Sir.”

I get to my feet when the others do and help them bring the tables together so all thirteen of us can gather around it.

The “boys” bring out the meals, place settings, and beverages.

I catch Shively’s eyes several times, and I’m relieved to see a shy little smile on his lips.

I’ll never get tired of seeing that distinguished, elegant man shy for me.

Even now, he’s wearing suit pants, with a button-down shirt tucked into them and a thin leather belt.

Sure, the sleeves are neatly rolled up and his shirt is unbuttoned some, but he’s in a suit! On a tropical island!

Shiv takes a seat beside me, and we studiously observe the interactions of the other couples. I don’t receive any more explanations. Now it’s what I’ve come here for—to observe and absorb. Shively remains just as silent and transfixed as I do.

Our meet-up lasts a total of four hours.

We finish eating, and the boys take care of the food and dishes while we move the tables out of the way again.

Emmett brings out some board games and sets them on the ground.

The boys return and sit on their cushions.

I spend a while observing more Dom/sub interactions, and I enjoy the casualness of it.

They’re given permission to play board games, and I get a glimpse of what it means to be a Little as Caelum almost de-ages in front of me.

That’s not a word, but that’s what it looks like.

I can almost see a six-year-old where he sits.

I also catch glimpses of bratty Nika. I’m amused when Shively glances at me with horror a few times.

By the time we leave, we’re silent. Our hands are clasped together as we walk down the road toward the ferry. It isn’t until we’re on the dock that I blink into the present and pull Shively against me.

“So? Was it as terrifying as you were anticipating?” I ask.

Shively shakes his head.

“Thoughts?”

He shakes his head again. “Input overload.” A few seconds pass before he raises his eyes to mine and adds, “Alpha.”

I grin and kiss his lips. His eyes flick around briefly, but he remains relaxed. We’re beyond the electronic checkpoint now. We’ve gone through “security,” so everyone on the docks is without a means to snap a picture or record our presence, together or otherwise, in any way.

“I agree. I think we just sit on the information we’ve gathered and digest for a couple days.”

There’s his wariness again.

“We will have a very long, thorough discussion before leaving Kala, Shiv. I promise. No more open endings. You will know exactly what’s expected of you at every single minute of the day. Okay?”

I take pleasure in seeing his tension release at my words. “Okay. I trust you.”

“You don’t want to write another paper, do you?”

“No, Alpha,” he says, shaking his head. “Not at all.”

“I don’t think I’m supposed to let punishments go, but I think I’ll forgive the two outstanding ones. I don’t think it’s fair to wait so long for a punishment, and we didn’t have parameters of punishments set up. The slate is clean.”

Shively nods. “Thank you, Alpha.”

The ferry arrives, and we find a spot toward the front against the railing. I wrap around him, hugging him tightly, as we watch the islands pass us by. I don’t unload us when we reach Nyoka, though, and Shively doesn’t ask. Instead, we remain on the ferry and take another loop through the islands.

“I want you to thrive,” I say after a while. “Out of everything I learned today, that’s my biggest takeaway. It’s not how to be a good alpha for you but what I see for us in the future. What that boils down to is that I want you to thrive.”

“But what do you want for you?” Shively asks.

“I don’t know,” I answer, chuckling. “I suppose the easy answer is that I want to thrive as well, but I think before I can make a true detailed plan of what growth looks like for us, I need to have my own plan for the future. Not just a vague ‘hockey’ plan, you know?”

“You imagine playing hockey for the rest of your life?” Shiv asks teasingly.

I laugh. “No, and I do have ideas for after hockey. This is one of the reasons I think I personally need to sit on what I’ve learned from today’s visit. The only thing I know for sure is that whatever future I plan, I want you in it.”

The way he smiles at me simply melts my heart.