Page 20 of Too Sexy for My Hooves (Inn or Out #2)

I returned to the basement and found Jezel leaning against the wall of the cage. The door was open. When she saw me carrying the tea tray, a table instantly appeared for me to set it down on.

“If you could materialize, I would happily serve you tea and cookies too, Jezel.”

“No need to worry about me. I remember precisely what tea tastes like and can recall it any time I wish. Being one with the inn also allows me to live vicariously through its guests.”

Queen Elsbeth smiled as I poured her tea and put in the honey and almond milk.

“It doesn’t make it taste like almonds, but there is a bit of a nutty taste.”

She cautiously sipped the hot brew. “Delicious,” she pronounced. “Jezel and I have been having the most marvelous talk. She’s been alive almost as long as I have.”

Jezel looked at me. “Like you, Queen Elsbeth considers me prudish as well.”

“I never said you were prudish. I simply said things are different now. Women freely exercise their choices. Many live as only men were allowed to do back in your day.”

Queen Elsbeth softly cackled as she sipped her tea. “I suggested to her that humans have so many rules about love and sex because of the great pleasure they get in breaking them. The forbidden can be so much more fun.”

I waved my hand—no wand needed for this magic—and the other chair from the parlor appeared.

I lowered myself into it and smiled. “I’ve never denied myself a lover or a friend.

People think I should stay mad at Peace forever just because she slept with my ex-boyfriend once.

But that’s about timing. I was done with Ethan, but hadn’t broken things off yet. She gave me good reason.”

I looked at Jezel. “And don’t ask me again what I would do if the male were Farley. As a fellow witch, you know I would turn her into some hideous creature for revenge.”

“Peace has a good heart.”

“Yes, she does.”

“Yet you turned her into a centaur,” Queen Elsbeth said with a grin.

“I did that to thwart your daughter’s evil plans.”

“Margotta is not evil—far from it—though the jury is still out on her secondborn. Margotta is what you humans refer to as a plane mother.”

“Plane mother?” I asked.

Queen Elsbeth looked at Jezel. “Did I get that modern saying wrong?”

Jezel snorted. “I have no idea. Modern jargon makes so little sense to me that I don’t bother learning it. Plus, it never stops changing. I’m tired of trying to accommodate stupidity.”

I grinned at Jezel’s rant. “I’m sure I must frustrate you daily.”

“More like hourly,” Jezel said.

I looked at Queen Elsbeth. “What I think you mean is that your daughter is a helicopter parent .”

“What’s the difference?” she asked.

My laughter sneaked out past my smile. “My ex’s mother was like that, and now her adult son feels entitled to everything he decides he wants.

Ethan is the reason Prince William showed up on my doorstep.

He told them I was evil and holding Prince Robin hostage.

Ethan wanted Prince William to kill me.”

“How exciting,” Queen Elsbeth said.

I shrugged. “We sorted things out.”

“Of course, you did,” Queen Elsbeth said with a grin. “May I have some more tea?”

She set her cup down on the table. I rose from my chair and refilled her cup. “I’m sorry I summoned you by mistake, but it’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

“The feeling is mutual. So what were you planning to do to Margotta?”

“Confine her to this cage and force her to remove the curse from Prince Robin. He and Peace need a chance to be normal together. Parents hovering in the background while plotting and planning aren’t conducive to romance.”

“No, they’re not. Hovering parents are real bone killers. I read that online,” Queen Elsbeth said flatly.

Jezel’s gasp made me snicker. This impromptu tea party was turning out to be fun. “Will I cause you or fairy kind any problems if I confine the acting queen for a while?”

Elsbeth lifted an eyebrow. “You underestimate yourself. Discovering Queen Margotta’s disguise won’t bother her half as much as you changing her daughter into a centaur. Are the kids having fun playing at being horses together?”

I nodded. “They’re racing. I hear Princess Peace is upset because her centaur legs are shorter than Prince Robin’s. He’s winning too much.”

“Peace hates losing. It’s going to take a few more centuries to knock that need to be on top all the time out of her.”

“Is that a sly dig about the positions she prefers in bed? Or are you speaking of Peace’s competitive nature?” Jezel threw up her hands. “This lack of clarity is precisely why I hate modern speech.”

I chuckled at her outbursts, which always delighted me. “Good for you for seeing both possibilities. In this instance, it’s about Peace’s competitive nature. You need to have dinner with Farley and me on metaphor nights. Only with you, we’d have to discuss nuances.”

“If this situation weren’t partly my fault, I’d leave you to your own devices until you swore never to mock me again.”

“I’m laughing with you, Jezel, not at you. I think you’re great.”

She stopped fussing and studied me. “Am I great enough to make you want to stay?”

I didn’t answer her question, but I did smile.

* * *

Queen Elsbeth insisted on staying. Despite being abducted by mistake, she acted like she’d always planned to be a part of my hot mess. I hoped I could rock that kind of attitude at her age.

“Ready?” I asked her and got a thumbs-up in reply.

I sent the second chair inside the cage, and then raised my wand.

“ Bippidity, dippity, flippity, flue.

You must come to the inn when I summon you.

Today, I summon Fairy Queen Margotta. ”

I snorted at being right when Gertruda the Barracuda materialized in the empty chair.

Lord Alfred had known all along. He was now officially uninvited to return, and my weakness for bunny cuteness now sickened me.

Next time, I would do more digging into personalities and spend less time cutting guests so much slack.

“Why, Gertruda? What are you doing here? I summoned Queen Margotta—not you .”

“Don’t play coy with me, witch. I can tell this is your work. I was resting when I felt your tug.”

Her head turned at a nearby cough. “Mother? Why in seven hells are you here?”

“I’m here because I’m still the real fairy queen,” Queen Elsbeth said in her most queenly tone. “I can be anywhere I want to be.”

I turned to Jezel. “Can the inn remove her camouflage?”

“Since she lied about her identity, the inn is within its rights to still that magic away. None of my guests ever lied outright. And no, Selene, my seaman doesn’t count.”

I inclined my head toward her. “Son of a biscuit, Jezel, I wasn’t going there. Let’s try not to fight in front of guests. Strip her of her magic.”

Magic encircled the cage. “You can’t do this,” Queen Margotta declared. “I’m the fairy queen.”

“Not yet, you aren’t. And I say she can do anything to you that she wants,” Elsbeth announced with a cackle.

The magic coating Margotta melted away to reveal a short, beautiful woman who looked like her daughter. “Great disguise, Queenie. I bought it completely. Unfortunately, the inn didn’t. That’s why you’re now in a cage.”

“I’m only here because Alfred betrayed me.”

“No, Alfred saved your royal ass because I was going to zap you into your Next Great Adventure for lying about who you were. He pleaded with me to spare you, so I brought you to my makeshift dungeon instead. Ironically, I don’t care about your deception anymore because I found another solution to my issue. ”

Margotta perked up. “What issue? Perhaps I can help. Perhaps we can strike a deal.”

“It’s far too late to offer to be helpful. I already turned your daughter into a centaur. Well, the inn did. Your presence in my cage tells me you’re not more powerful than the inn.”

“You did what?!!!” Margotta yelled as she stood to glare at me. The outrage was very Gertruda of her. “When I am out of here, I swear I will turn you into a goat.”

I laughed at the threat. “Not before I can turn you into one. We’re on my territory. Besides, your mother would likely help me.”

“I would. I think Margotta would make an excellent goat,” Elsbeth said with another cackle.

I smiled wide and saw her wink.

Margotta slowly sat back down in the chair. “I don’t understand how this could go so wrong. All I wanted was for Peace to be happy.”

I snorted. “Happy, but only on your terms and with the male you chose for her. Robin was your choice initially because you wanted to be politically connected to his parents. You didn’t curse Robin to help him.

You cursed him hoping Peace would be upset enough by his new mojo with women to never to want him.

I think you have someone else in mind for her now—someone who you think might bring a higher gain to your fairy queendom.

Don’t you care at all about what she wants? ”

“Wanting the best match for your child is not a criminal act. Peace is a princess. The political gains of her marriage can support her rule.”

“They won’t make her glad to bed him every night.

Or happy to raise his children. The inn and I think cursing the only man Peace has ever loved is a crime.

If it’s not, then it should be. Robin did nothing to deserve what you did to him.

His brother knows it. His parents know it.

Peace knows it. You lost respect all around for doing that to him. ”

Margotta snorted. “I did my daughter no actual harm. She doesn’t love Robin. If she had loved him, she would have married him long ago.”

“Did you marry the man Elsbeth picked for you?”

“No,” mother and daughter answered.

“Then butt out and let Peace choose her own life mate. Promise me that, and your deception will be forgotten by me and the inn. Peace may never forgive you, but that’s between you and her. She pretty much hates you at the moment.”

Margotta looked like I’d slapped her. “I’m her mother. She can’t hate me. It’s not allowed.”

“No, the innkeeper is right, Peace hates you,” Elsbeth said.

“She told me she did. I don’t think she would shed a single tear if she never saw you again.

And your other daughter hates you for giving all your attention to irritating Peace.

Go find a man and get a life of your own, Margotta. It may yet save you and your children.”

“I never hated you, Mother,” Margotta said.

“Of course, you did. And I don’t want you to repeat my mistakes.

Peace’s father was a far superior fairy to the man I promised you to.

You were right to get with child by him.

You were right to do as you pleased. With the exception of the cruel tricks you play on your subjects, you’re a decent queen. ”

Margotta scrubbed her face with her hands. “Why did you never tell me any of this before now?”

“Because you would never have believed me— until now . Also, the innkeeper’s mistake brought my family situation into sharper focus for me.

I want you to be successful as a queen. I want you to mend your relationship with both your daughters.

Peace will make a good queen without or without your help, but you will miss a lot of wonderful things if you don’t get this right.

Don’t wait until you’re ancient to learn these life lessons. ”

Margotta sighed at the lecture.

My legs were getting tired while they fought, and I wished I had another chair. Surely, the inn had some others in storage? I hummed a game show theme in my head while mother and daughter cleared the air between them. The conversation was tense and I tuned out after a few minutes.

Finally, Margotta turned to me. “Would you truly leave Peace as a centaur?”

“Yes, but she would probably want me to extend her legs. She's always losing to Robin in races. Farley’s helpful explanation of the physics of why only upset her more.”

“Princess Peace and Harmony hates to lose.”

I laughed. “So do I. That’s why I don’t make a habit of it.”

Margotta looked at her mother and lifted a hand in the air. “Fine. You have my word. Peace can pick her own life mate.”

“And marry whenever she’s ready—not when you say she is.”

“Fine—that too.”

Magic spread to the cage and wrapped around all of us. After it dissipated, I made a sound in my throat. “Now what happens?” I asked Jezel.

She lifted a hand. “If the fairy queen breaks her word, the inn’s magic will collect her and return her to this cage.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“No, I would say... allegedly . No other innkeeper, including myself, has ever needed to take this level of disciplinary action with a guest. Most deceivers never got beyond the front door. You somehow managed to let two inside.”

I opened my mouth to protest on principle, but Jezel was right. I let Peace in without knowing about her and Ethan. I also let in the fairy queen disguised as her own spy. “They were both in the same family, so you really can’t consider that a trend. It was more of a coincidence.”

Jezel chuckled at my defense. “I will still point it out if it happens again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m sure you will.”