Page 2 of Too Sexy for My Hooves (Inn or Out #2)

I crossed my arms. “The princess merely asked if I would take in a friend of hers for a short stay. I said yes to the request, but she did not stipulate a date nor confirm that your arrival would be today.”

The rabbit sighed heavily and nodded. “Yes, well, unfortunately, our plans changed. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

I nodded once to accept his apology. “Could you leave and return tomorrow? I have plans for this evening that I’m unwilling to change.”

He raised his front paws. “ But you’re the innkeeper. Your job is to serve those who stay here. Can’t your love life wait?”

“Look, Lord Rabbit , this innkeeper gig is temporary. I’m a criminal, and being here is my punishment. I am not a real innkeeper. I’m just standing in for one. The inn’s owner is extorting me.”

“What?!” the rabbit exclaimed, placing one tiny bunny paw to put it on his chest. “I had no idea you were a criminal. This is so unexpected. What kind of crime did you commit?”

“I shrank my ex-boyfriend’s man stick after he cheated on me.”

The rabbit huffed, and the movement sent his whiskers twitching. “Perhaps that explains why your dating life isn’t going well. A witch wanting to date should keep such spells to herself.”

Politeness gone now, I openly glared at him.

“For your snooty information, Lord Long Ears , I caught the bastard doing the wild thing with another woman in my grandmother’s antique bed.

He deserved what I did to him, and I needed to make sure he knew we were over.

It was a temporary spell, and it eventually wore off.

I’m just here because... oh, never mind . None of that changes anything.”

I liked Peace too much to blame her for this insulting conversation, but I really didn’t appreciate this snooty critter passing judgment on me and my love life. I wanted to tell him to get lost, but I couldn’t. Jezel would probably kill me if I sent him away.

I was going to do that anyway, but then he nodded and patted his furry chest with his tiny bunny paw. It was bunny cuteness times ten—damn it. I found I simply couldn’t say no to a cute bunny, even if he did have a pompous, know-it-all attitude.

The wand vibrated in my hand, but didn’t shock me this time. I knew Jezel was trying to tell me something, but I had no idea what. The shock of talking to a rabbit sitting on hay bales hadn’t worn off yet.

A full minute passed before I let out a breath to signal my defeat. “What’s your name?” I demanded.

The talking rabbit blew out a frustrated breath and then politely bowed his head. “Lord Alfred of Hutchley, at your service, Innkeeper.”

I raised an eyebrow at his title. “My name is Selene. You’re welcome to stay at the inn, Lord Alfred, but I have a third date scheduled for tonight. If I get lucky—and I fully intend to—I cannot guarantee you a quiet evening. Do you need further clarification about the situation?”

“No, and please do not provide it. Can you accommodate large four-legged creatures inside the inn?”

“No, the bedrooms are up a flight of stairs, and the inn has no elevator. You’re pretty big for a rabbit, but I could probably carry you up the stairs if you like. Would you require a litter box for your room?”

Alfred made a choked noise. “No, My Good Lady. His Highness and I require only the best your stable has to offer. One stall with fresh hay is all that is necessary. I will sleep outside Prince Robin’s stall door. If His Highness needs something in the middle of the night, I prefer to be close.”

“Prince Robin?”

“Yes, my companion is Prince Robin of Locksley,” Alfred explained.

“Locksley? Like in Robin Hood?” I asked, fighting not to laugh. Wasn’t Robin Hood a fox in the cartoon movie? He for sure wasn’t the rabbit. Was Little John going to turn out to be a bear? Farley wouldn’t appreciate me letting a strange bear stick around.

I looked around the mountain of hay for the mysterious prince but saw no other animals.

Alfred’s sigh was large. “That myth involved the Prince’s ancestor from many centuries ago. His Highness was named after that ancestor in the hope that he would be inspired to be as honorable. Alas, Prince Robin has grown up in a different time. Life has shaped the prince differently.”

I grunted softly, “So I guess he doesn’t rob rich people and give the money to poor people, then?”

Alfred grunted. “No, he’s a software designer—what most would call a geek. To his queen mother’s horror, he prefers playing video games to participating in real life.”

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Games were fun, but they were still just games. I visualized a chubby fox in a castle basement with a game controller desperately clutched in his paws. What kind of games would he play?

The clip-clop of hooves on the sidewalk drew my gaze away from the rabbit and the hay bales.

A majestic centaur approached us at a leisurely pace.

I watched, mesmerized, unable to take my eyes off him.

He might very well be the most handsome creature I had ever seen in my life.

He literally glowed with male beauty. There were no other words to explain the light emanating from his skin.

My fingers itched to touch him. I wanted to run my hand up his arm.

I wanted to see what the rest of him looked like and whether he glowed everywhere else.

The wand buzzed and sent a stinging shock through my fingers. I lifted it and yelled in pain. When I looked at the centaur again, my raging hormones were once more under control.

Oh. Right. Something strange was happening here.

It was Farley’s skin I wanted to explore, not this beautiful stranger’s. I didn’t even like shifters. Farley was my exception—my only exception. And Goddess help me, I intended to keep it that way.

The centaur stopped behind the hay bales and shyly smiled in my direction. “Greetings, Innkeeper,” he said in a voice that melted my insides. He bowed his head respectfully.

Wow. The centaur’s voice was as lethal as the rest of him.

It took a lot of concerted effort to ignore the lustful thoughts his voice caused. A conversation with this creature would weaken any woman’s legs, regardless of how many she possessed. For a couple of seconds, I was actually grateful mine were hidden beneath the layers of my ugly skirts.

I blinked and tried not to stare at him. “Welcome to the inn, Prince Robin of Locksley.” It took me a few moments, but I finally dragged my gaze back to Alfred. “Peace said her friend was dealing with some sort of curse.”

“Indeed, he is,” Alfred said, bobbing his rabbit head. “Are you not affected by it?”

I cautiously glanced at Prince Robin again, who ducked his head to study his hooves. “No, I’m not really seeing anything out of the ordinary.”

“Because he refused to date, the Fairy Queen turned him into a lothario. Everywhere we go, His Highness is now bombarded with unwelcome advances from strange females.”

I shrugged. “Why is that a curse? Most men would love to have that problem.”

“He is betrothed ,” Alfred said stiffly, puffing up his furry chest. “Drawing so much unwanted attention is unseemly. He desires only one female in his bed, and I support his choice to abstain from others. Hiding from the efforts of the curse is what has brought us to your door.”

I lifted the wand in my hand and glared at it. “Maybe you should pop out and take this one, Jezel. The prudish rabbit speaks your archaic language. You know that I have no idea how to talk to someone about abstaining.”

“I beg your pardon,” Alfred exclaimed in his snootiest tone. “Are you suffering another mental breakdown? Do you have some strange fetish about your wand?”

Loud laughter erupted from me. The wand sparked painfully against my fingers, causing me to drop it to the porch floor.

Still chuckling, I bent to pick it up. Unfortunately, the corset-tight layers of heavy cloth wouldn’t let me reach down enough.

I laughed again, feeling utterly ridiculous.

Carol would pay for all this nutty stuff— all of it .

“Don’t bend over too far, Selene. I’ll get that for you,” Farley said, walking outside.

Picking up the wand, he smiled and handed it back to me.

He must have come from the back of the house.

Because they were here so often, Paul and his mates had carved a path through the woods that led to the inn’s backyard.

To shorten their walk from the infamous Assjacket, Farley said he bent time with his new physics.

Now it only took them all of five minutes to reach the inn.

If it were anyone but Farley, I would have considered such a wild claim about bending physics to be a strange pickup line meant only to impress.

Hey baby, I bent physics for you. Are you impressed?

I understood magic, and I could tell Farley possessed some. What I didn’t quite believe was that bending physics on a path was truly possible, but... whatever .

Since I talked to a ghost witch inhabiting a wand and was stuck in a magical house that dressed me in ugly clothes whenever it wanted, I had no right to challenge other people’s magical claims.

“I have unexpected guests, Farley. These are the friends Princess Peace-and-Harmony mentioned.” Looking back at Alfred, I inclined my head toward Farley. “This is my hot date. He sees beyond my ghastly innkeeper clothes.”

Farley grinned at me and turned to be polite to my guest. He nodded and said hello to the rabbit without asking a single prying question. As if he saw strange things every day, he cast a cursory, indifferent glance at the hay bales, saddle, and hay fork.

Then his gaze shifted beyond the hay to the centaur looming behind it. His eyes turned feral in an instant, and a deep growl emanated from the area covered by his eight-pack abs. It rose in his throat, and when it emerged from his mouth, it was everything except a roar.

I reached out a hand and patted his abs. It took all my willpower not to explore them. Who knew roaring would turn me on so much? “Shush, honey. You’re scaring my guests.”

“He can’t be a guest because he can’t stay here,” Farley said in a growly voice. The fangs I loved were on full display, but he was not smiling. “I forbid you to look at him.”