Page 11 of Too Sexy for My Hooves (Inn or Out #2)

As a meddlesome boss, the next day I asked Peace to take Robin for another walk.

I secretly watched until the centaur trotted off into the woods with a giggling fairy riding bareback on his haunches.

Whoever thought of turning him into a creature to punish him should have made Lord Alfred the centaur and Prince Robyn the bunny.

One of Peace’s hands clutched his mane desperately, while the other waved excitedly as she chastised him for going too fast. I couldn’t hear the rest of their discussion, but his shoulders shook with wicked, male laughter.

Their auras spread to encase each other, and they sweetly bickered.

If that wasn’t true love happening, I’d eat my wand and the inn’s.

Bringing my attention back to my dreaded task of shoveling centaur poop, I looked at the massive pile with dread.

Instead of getting the worst over as quickly as possible, I closed my eyes and sighed.

My back hurt because this was day four of my shoveling stubbornness.

My self-righteous refusal to do things my way had finally given way to a whopping amount of self-pity.

Groaning in defeat, I held up Jezel’s wand—the inn’s wand. It sparkled in the shaft of light filtering down across the remaining hay bales. “Okay, you win. Help me, Jezel. I need you.”

When nothing happened, I punched forward with the wand like I was fencing with the beam of sunlight I stood in. I blew out a frustrated breath when my bossy ghost didn’t appear.

“Please,” I said in a more pleading tone despite my resolve not to beg.

Yet still, the spiteful ghost ignored me.

Was this supposed to even be happening? I thought I was the one who summoned her. I was the innkeeper, and she was only a ghost. How could she ignore me and the inn in my time of great need?

Staring at the giant pile in one corner of the centaur’s stall, I made a mental note to buy fewer fibrous vegetables. Maybe I could convert Prince Robyn to being a carnivore before he left. Red meat can accumulate in the colon, leading to less frequent bowel movements. Right?

I shook the wand with more determination than Harry and Ron learning to levitate. “Innkeeper Jezel, I command you to appear.”

By now, Jezel was surely laughing at my lame attempts to call her out. I stopped and hung my head in defeat as the whining began. “Come on, Jezel. I’m sorry. I warned you I wasn’t the person you thought I was.”

“Who are you speaking to?” Gertruda asked with a frown.

I hadn’t seen her enter the stable. She was very stealthy. “No one,” I said casually, suddenly on edge. How long had she been listening to me?

She smirked and pointed to where she’d come in. “I was taking a walk and heard you in the stable talking to someone. I thought I might catch Prince Robin and say hello to him. Instead, I watched you stab a sunbeam with your wand while ranting to your invisible friend.”

I pretended not to have heard the insults in her jabs. Ignoring rudeness was a skill I’d learned from being called to see the Council of Witches so often. Those wankers thought crafting insults were a perk of their magical roles.

“Prince Robin and Princess Peace are out taking a walk together. I’m cleaning the prince’s stall while they’re out. And I wasn’t talking to myself. I was practicing for a play.”

“No, I’m quite sure I heard you talking to yourself. You seemed very animated too. One might think you had gone mad from the dull and dreary menial work you are forced to do.”

I stiffened and felt one of my eyebrows raise. “Well, if you must know, I was talking to an invisible friend. She’s a ghost that lives in my wand. She was the original innkeeper. Does that make more sense to you?”

Gertruda blinked several times before she burst out laughing. “My apologies, innkeeper. Your acting is superb. The level of sincerity in your tone is so realistic that I nearly believed your silly words.”

I smiled at her. Or smirked back. I doubt she would have noticed the difference. Gertruda the Barracuda was as pompous as anyone on the Council of Witches.

“You’re welcome to keep me company, Gertruda. I’m getting ready to shovel centaur shit into a wheelbarrow.”

Gertruda held up a hand. “No, no... I’ll leave you to it. I believe I’ll visit your beautiful backyard gardens. You’re quite the landscape artist too. What’s your secret?”

I chuckled. “I’m a big believer in composting.”

Gertruda laughed again. She glanced at Prince Robyn’s stall. “I was mistaken, Selene. This job does suit you. You appear to have the perfect skills for it.”

She glided back out of the stable door, still laughing at me. I waited to make sure she was actually gone before heading to get the wheelbarrow. The only thing worse than dealing with the fairy queen’s spy would be Prince Robyn returning while I was still shoveling his poop.

Rolling my eyes, I started walking toward where I’d parked the wheelbarrow.

Stop , Jezel ordered in my head.

I did stop and I grinned. “Nice of you to finally say something. Where in the seven hells were you?”

I do not trust that guest. I’m stronger when I am in the wand.

“Oh,” I said, frowning at the news. Gertruda was rude. Was she also a threat in ways I had yet to discover?

That fairy is not who she says she is. I was trying to see through her glamour.

“She calls herself Gertruda. Peace told me her mother chooses a random lesser fairy and spells them to do her bidding.”

Jezel materialized with her arms crossed. “That is no lesser fairy. That’s a royal. They’re masters at disguises.”

“Gertruda the Barracuda is here spying on Peace to ensure she’s working for me like her mother ordered her to do. Peace’s mother keeps putting flaming hoops in front of her to jump through.”

“Is the fairy princess working for you?”

I huffed. “No, of course not. Well, sort of... I guess. I make her walk with Robin while I clean out his stall. It’s been good for them to spend some alone time together, even if I suspect Lord Alfred hops along in the woods in his rabbit form to keep watch in case his precious celibate prince tries to make a pass.

Good Goddess, Jezel. Anyone with eyes can see those kids have a lot of shit to work out.

The last thing they need is a judgy audience. ”

Jezel peered into the stall. “Looks like you have a lot of shit to deal with yourself.” Her gaze lifted to mine. “They’re both three centuries old, Selene. You’re only in your 30s.”

I waved away the numbers. “I’m sexually ancient compared to them. They want each other and want to be together, but their guardians won’t keep out of their business long enough for the love magic to work the way it’s supposed to.”

“What do you consider to be love magic?” Jezel asked.

“It’s that slight tingle that flutters in your belly when the person you desire is nearby. If you are together long enough, it splits. It moves from your belly up to your heart and also down your hips and into your...”

Jezel’s hand flew up, and my words faded away. “Stop explaining— I understand .”

When the pressure on my throat eased, I grunted in disgust. “I doubt that. You’re the most repressed woman I’ve ever met.”

Jezel looked like I slapped her. Her ethereal form puffed up more than Alfred in full fluffy bunny mode. “I am not repressed,” she said.

I rolled my eyes and turned away to fetch the shovel.

“Use the freaking wand, Selene. Send it all to the compost pile and spread some new hay, for Goddess’s sake.”

Tapping the wand on my hand, I grinned. “Swearing, Jezel? Is that any way for a repressed, dead witch to talk at her inn?”

“Selene...”

Chuckling, I twirled the wand and pointed it at the pile. The poop disappeared like magic. “Thanks, Jezel. You were right. That was much, much easier than shoveling it.”

I was humming and spreading new hay when I heard Prince Robin clip-clopping his way off the path from Assjacket, which now had a bunch of fine gravel covering it. Every other day it seemed either Paul or Farley did something new to improve the path.

The prince’s low voice rumbled, instantly producing delighted giggles in Peace. I smiled at their cuteness and ran to the end of the stable, waving the wand to move Robin and Alfred’s platters back to the kitchen.

I exited one end of the stable just as Peace and Robyn entered the other.

Moving quickly, I nearly ran to the back door that entered the kitchen.

Not surprisingly, I found Jezel waiting there for me.

“That was quick,” I told her with a grin.

“Wish I could pop around like you. Transporting takes more magic than I natively possess. Carol tried to teach me, but I couldn’t master it. ”

Jezel lifted one translucent shoulder and let it fall.

“If you stay, over time you’ll be able to do it because the inn will share its magic with you.

Remember when the inn summoned The Baba Yaga and brought her here at your command?

Well, it can do similar things for you. Perhaps you might consider that a perk for sticking around. ”

My sigh was loud. “Jezel, I just can’t see how this gig could work out for the long term. I don’t want to belong to the inn... or to you. At the risk of sounding like a movie heroine, I’m not the ‘chosen one’ you’ve been searching for.”

“True,” Jezel said soberly, with a nod. “You weren’t the witch I was looking for, but you’re the most perfect witch I’ve come across.

All the quirks that make you nearly too unique are the very things that also make you the perfect innkeeper.

I didn’t have to even ask you to watch over the fairy princess. You did it naturally.”