Page 18 of Too Sexy for My Hooves (Inn or Out #2)

Lord Alfred hopped around me as we left Robin and Peace meandering in the backyard. They were holding hands and laughing. I wish I’d thought of making them equals from the very beginning. Now the curse couldn’t bother either of them.

“How could you do this to them?” Lord Alfred demanded.

“Peace said she wished she could be Robin’s equal. I couldn’t turn her into a software engineer or a gaming nerd, so I had to go a different route. The bottom line is that what I did worked. Now she’s his true equal. I don’t see what your problem is.”

“Princess Peace and Harmony is the future fairy queen. She’s of royal blood. You turned her into a creature she was never meant to be.”

“Her mother, the queen, obviously doesn’t care what kind of fate her daughter meets.

Why should you care, Alfred?” I shrugged when he didn’t answer.

“Prince Robin is a royal and just as important. His mother cares about him and sent someone to make sure he was doing okay. I met Prince William, his royal brother. Despite his initial threats to unleash his army on me, I thought he was nice.”

Alfred stopped hopping. “I thought his mother sent an emissary to check on him. Robin didn’t say Prince William came here in person.”

I stopped walking to look down at the rabbit. “Didn’t Farley tell you about my standoff with him? Once things got worked out, I offered to let him stay, but he said he had to report back to his mother about Robin being okay.”

Alfred rubbed his furry chest with his tiny furry paws. If I had a strawberry on me, I would have given it to him for being so damn cute.

“I wasn’t awake when Farley came to tell us the story. I was napping after a late night. The second-hand version was not as alarming.”

I giggled. “Have you been keeping company with a local pub bunny, Alfred? I hope you’re practicing safe relations with her.”

He drew himself up. “I’ll have you know that I only look like a rabbit. I am not one.”

“Oh, well, sorry if I offended you. Why were you having a rough night? Was your hay burrow not comfy?”

He rubbed his tiny paws together. “Can we get into all this later? What I do in my off hours is of no concern to anyone but me.”

I shrugged and started walking again. “You don’t have to tell me at all. I’m actually too busy to talk anyway. I have to move a queen-sized cage into one of the basement bedrooms.”

“Why?” Alfred asked cautiously while hopping madly to keep up with my long-legged strides.

I looked sideways but kept walking. “I’m going to summon the fairy queen and talk to her. I seem to be the only person not afraid to do so. Someone needs to convince her to let Peace choose the love of her life for herself.”

“You can’t abduct the fairy queen,” Alfred said, stopping to stare up at me.

“I’m not abducting her. I’m merely summoning her. As soon as we have our little chat, she’ll be free to go.”

“You can’t do this,” Alfred exclaimed, stomping one bunny foot.

“Well, yes, I can.” I pulled the wand from the back pocket of my jeans. “Just like I can do this...” I touched the wand between Lord Alfred’s ears and chanted. The bunny grew into a well-dressed man. “It should last longer this time.”

“Selene, wait!” Alfred called, running after me. In his human form, he was taller than me. “You can’t summon the queen. It won’t work.”

I lifted one eyebrow and held my wand in my hand. “Why would you say that, Alfred? What secrets have you been keeping? Be careful how you answer. The inn doesn’t like deceivers.”

Alfred held up both hands. “Be careful where you point that thing. There’s a good reason why you can’t bring the fairy queen to this place.”

I crossed my arms and glared. “Explain,” I ordered.

Alfred ran both hands through his hair and made it stick out all around his head. “Because she’s already here. I’ve been reporting to her this whole time.”

My eyes narrowed to slits. “It wasn’t personal, Selene. I was doing my job,” he exclaimed.

“Remember that because I’m about to do mine. Deceiving an innkeeper is a magical offense.”

Alfred stared at me with wide eyes as I stomped my way back to the house.

* * *

Jezel stared at the cage. “It’s too nice for her. She was blackmailing a bunny.”

“He wasn’t being blackmailed. Alfred was just doing his job.

Robin is the one who deserves our pity. His every move was being watched, catalogued, and reported back to the fairy queen.

Now, tell me her name so I can proceed. They live for ages.

I’m sure it’s the same one you knew when you were alive. ”

Jezel snorted. “Address your summons for Fairy Queen Elsbeth .”

“Thank you.” I lifted the wand and cleared my throat.

“ Bippidity, dippity, flippity, flue.

You must come to the inn when I summon you.

Today, I summon Fairy Queen Elsbeth. ”

An ancient fairy instantly appeared in the cage. She was bent over with age and shrunken to the size of a hobbit. The woman looked at her hands and then through the bars of the cage at us. I hadn’t provided a chair, so she couldn’t even sit.

“Have I finally gone on to my Next Great Adventure?” she asked.

“No, ma’am. You’re still alive,” I said as I magically moved a chair from the parlor to the cage. “I’m terribly sorry to bring you here. Something must have gone wrong with my spell to summon the fairy queen.”

Groaning with the effort to move, the woman sat down in the chair, folded her hands in her lap, and mildly glared at me. “Well, who in seven hells do you think I am?”

“But...” I looked at Jezel. “She’s not the right one, though. Are you as confused as I am?”

Jezel grunted at me... or at everything.

She was such a negative witch I couldn’t tell.

She ran a ghostly hand over her perfectly pinned-up hairdo and sighed loudly.

“The inn did not make a mistake, and neither did you. Since Elsbeth still lives, she’s technically still the fairy queen.

I guess her daughter is acting in her stead.

Normally, that doesn’t happen until death. ”

“I might not be as dead as you, Lady Ghost, but I’m close enough to see the afterlife,” Queen Elsbeth said with a crone-like cackle.

I turned back to stare at the woman. “Are you Princess Peace and Harmony’s grandmother?”

“Yes. Are you her champion?”

“Uh... more like I’m a concerned friend.”

Queen Elsbeth breathed out so hard that she deflated until she looked skeletal.

“Good Goddess, what has my daughter done to her eldest child now? Can’t she leave the girl be for a few centuries?

I told Margotta over and over that she needed to butt out of the girl’s life and do something about her wicked second child.

Peace is going to have to kill her sister one day.

That’s a terrible way to prove you’re the rightful queen. ”

Well, now, that made sense. “So, your daughter, Margotta, is the one pretending to be Gertruda the Barracuda. I mean, the one pretending to be Lady Gertruda .”

“Pretending?” Queen Elsbeth repeated. Then she rolled her eyes. “She’s spying on Peace and Robin, isn’t she?”

I blew out a breath and nodded. “Yes, she’s here pretending to be someone she’s not. Plus, she ordered Peace to work for me so she would look bad to Robin. Peace has nothing good to say about her mother.”

“Ah... sweet little Prince Robin. Is he well? They were the best of friends as children, you know. They deflowered each other behind Margotta’s back. I was quite proud of their rebellion. Peace confided in me because she couldn’t confess to her mother.”

“Your daughter had recently cursed Prince Robin and turned him into a centaur. His new attractiveness drew a lot of unwanted attention to him. I thought it was to make him Peace’s equal, because she’s a woman who knows her mind about males, but then I discovered from Prince William...”

“Ah... handsome Prince William. How is that strapping young fairy? His mother and father produced such handsome sons. Robin is the youngest of their brood.”

“Uh... well, when Prince William came here, he was leading an army.”

Queen Elsbeth quietly clapped her wrinkled hands. “I heard he got married too.”

“Yes, I believe that is correct. He asked to come stay at the inn sometime.”

“Oh? Is this an inn?”

“Yes, and I’m the innkeeper—at least for now.”

A locket hung around Queen Elsbeth’s neck chimed loudly. “Time for my medicine. May I have some tea, Innkeeper? Do you have a name?”

“My name is Selene.”

“What a wonderful witch name... and perfect for an innkeeper. Yes, Innkeeper Selene—that has a delightful sound to it. I take my tea with honey and a bit of clover milk. If you don’t have clover milk, regular dairy will do.”

“I have almond milk.”

“Sounds delightful. Bring tea and we’ll discuss what to do about my family. Since I’m not dead, I might as well help sort this crap out. Right?”

The smile bloomed slowly on my face, but it soon took over. Goddess, I could only hope to be this self-possessed and confident at her age. “May I move you to the parlor. It hasn’t been renovated yet, but you don’t belong in this cage. I feel bad for bringing you here.”

“Nonsense,” she said, waving a hand. “This will make a great story to tell my friends later. Adventures don’t come to me as often anymore.”

“Okay… well… before I go, I need to warn you that I turned Peace into a centaur. I’m not turning her back until your daughter removes the curse from Robin.”

Queen Elsbeth laughed. “You’re devious, and I appreciate that. You should have turned Margotta into something.”

“I did something worse. Before I tell you what I did to her, let me go make our tea.”

“Of course, dear. Leave your ghost to keep me company. I’ll try to remove that horrible look from her face.”

“What look?” Jezel demanded.

I shrugged without trying to explain. I had enough shit to answer for.

Elsbeth pointed a shriveled finger. “You look like you need some prunes. I get that look every now and then if I don’t eat enough fiber. But then, I guess ghosts don’t need fiber.”