Page 65 of TJ Powar Has Something to Prove
For the next two weeks, she throws herself into school, and all the graduation to-do’s she can’t avoid anymore. She writes extensive pros-and-cons lists for each university she’s been accepted to (Western is still winning). She shows up to every soccer practice, and spends hours on her Nationals speeches, often with her father, who helps her write arguments. She works herself until she’s too exhausted to think at the end of the day.
And then Spring Break arrives. Before TJ knows it, she’s on Vancouver Island with the rest of her class on the Northridge senior retreat. Thankfully, there’s plenty to keep her busy here, too.
“We should go on a whale-watching tour tomorrow,” Piper says one afternoon early in the week. It’s chilly but sunny on the beach of their Tofino resort; she and TJ are lugging their surfboards through the sand after a bout of surfing lessons. “Chandani gave me extra tickets.”
TJ frowns at the reminder that Piper and Chandani still talk. Meanwhile, Chandani barely acknowledges TJ’s existence,and even then, only when forced. But it doesn’t seem smart to accuse her last remaining friend of being disloyal. “I don’t think she’d wantmeusing her ticket.”
“I asked her for two and she didn’t react. I don’t think she cares.”
TJ tugs at the neck of her wetsuit, privately doubting that very much.
They return their surfboards to the rental room, where most of their classmates are collected doing the same. Piper’s just telling her how she’s going to accept UVic’s offer to play for their team when they pass a group of boys, Jake included.
Jake doesn’t acknowledge TJ, but he gives Piper a grin. “Hey, Pied Piper.”
Piper gives him a sly look and saunters out. TJ follows, and as soon as they’re out of earshot, she says, “You two are hooking up, aren’t you?”
Piper whips around, eyes wide. “Why do you think that? Did I seem desperate?”
TJ restrains the urge to laugh. “So you haven’t?”
“No.” She sighs and runs a hand through her red tresses. “But last night we made out in the hot tub.”
That explains why TJ didn’t know about it. She hasn’t made any appearances in the resort’s pool area. Well, good for Piper. TJ’s glad for her. Even if Jake has ignored TJ ever since she broke up with Liam. But what does it matter what Jake thinks of her if he’s into Piper?
“It was really hot,” Piper adds. She has an expression on her face like she’s remembering certain details she will never quiteshare in their entirety. TJ used to know the feeling.
She wrings her hair out, trying not to sound bitter. “The water, or the kissing?”
Piper snorts. “Both. Seriously, the pool is amazing. You should come.” TJ hesitates, and Piper notices. “Oh! Sorry, I forgot.”
Her eyes flicker to TJ’s body, currently hidden in a wetsuit. TJ frowns. Until now, she hasn’t really examined why she was never interested in an evening swim like the rest of them. But now she entertains the thought and is slammed with a wave of anxiety, the same one she gets every time she considers using the communal showers after soccer.
Damn it. She’sscared.
She wishes she could take the realization back. Because now there’s no choice. If she lets her fear stop her, she’s once again disproving her own resolution. And she isnotdoing that again. “You know what? I think Iwillcome to the pool tonight.”
“Oh. Okay.” Piper blinks. “I guess you could wear the wetsuit.”
TJ scoffs. “I’m not wearing thewetsuit. I’ll get something else.” The same kind of swimsuit she would’ve worn before. Why shouldn’t she enjoy the hot tub? She squares her shoulders. “I’ll see you there.”
∗
That night, after dinner, she stands in front of the bathroom mirror and tries to envision herself walking out wearing the black two-piece suit she bought from the shop next door. And she just—can’t.
It looks horrible. And it shouldn’t, because it would’ve lookedfine months ago. But now... the hair is just so unmissable.
Oh, there are the usual places, like on her arms and legs and underarms, but this suit also showcases other things. Her chest. Her tummy. Her bikini line—and god, this is the worst part, it really is. These aren’t even the most revealing kinds of bikini bottoms, they’re closer in cut to booty shorts, and yet the hair on her thighs is so obvious andgross.
Her body is totally gross.
Her vision blurs with frustrated, hot tears. There’s nothing cute about this. Not a single thing.
Why can’t she ever seem to make up her mind? Some days, she’s able to stride down the hallways without giving a shit—in fact, reveling in the freedom—and then there are days like this.
She tugs a little on the hem of the bottoms and considers backing out. She could text Piper and tell her she feels sick. Piper wouldn’t question it.
Her phone buzzes. Piper? TJ snatches it from the counter, but it’s just her mom. TJ hesitates. She’s not in the mood, but then again, if she’s in here talking to her mom, at least she’s not outthere, wearing this ridiculous swimsuit.