Page 101 of TJ Powar Has Something to Prove
“I shouldn’t have listened to them in the first place. But it’s hard not to feel like they’re right sometimes. Like maybe I’ll...miss out on things in life, because of how I look.”
TJ’s already vehemently shaking her head. “Screw those miserable people, okay? You don’t have to change who you are. You can have love and happiness and—everything you want out of life.”
Simran lifts her head. “Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.”
“Do you really believe that,” Simran asks, “foryourself?”
TJ pauses at the echo of their past conversation. So much has changed since then. She holds Simran’s gaze. “Yes. I do.”
Simran studies her for a moment before nodding slowly.
They’re silent for some time after that. The hall is nearly empty now save for a few little kids running around on the other side of it; sunlight streams through the tall window behind them, warm as a blanket. TJ leans her head against Simran’s shoulder. It’s peaceful, at least until TJ’s stomach growls. They both laugh.
“I see emotional talk makes you hungry,” Simran says. “You know, I spotted some fresh pakoré downstairs this morning.”
TJ sits up. “Damn it, Simran. Why didn’t you say that earlier?”
TWENTY-EIGHT
***
TJ and her father arrive back home later that afternoon. As they’re walking up the driveway, he pats her shoulder. “I’m glad you and Simran get along.”
TJ smiles. After langar, she had given him and Simran a play-by-play of the final debate over chah. They talked in the langar hall for almost an hour. Her father, it seems, has picked up on their new dynamic. “Yeah, me too.”
The front door swings open before they reach it. TJ’s mom.
“How was the gurdwara?” she asks impatiently. She’s dressed to go out in street clothes, her hair combed and tied back in a short ponytail.
TJ exchanges looks with her dad before replying. “It was good.” Her father skirts past them both and continues on into the kitchen. “Simran played her rabab. She’s a great singer, do you remember?”
“Yes, I think so,” her mother murmurs. She closes the door behind TJ, eyes flicking over her face. She changes the subject abruptly. “I’m going to the salon. For eyebrow threading. Want to come?”
She asks as if hopeful, and despite everything, it stings. TJ takes a deep breath and faces her fully. “No. And you can stop asking me, okay? I’m not going to be pressured into this.”
Her mother blinks. “You think I’m... pressuring you?”
“Well, yeah.” TJ lifts her chin. “Because you are.”
TJ expects her to deny it, but instead she’s silent. TJ sighs and heads for the stairs. She only takes one step before her mother speaks again.
“You know, I was eighteen when I started removing my hair.”
TJ stops in her tracks and turns. Well, that was unexpected. She waits, but there isn’t more. “Eighteen? You waited that long?”
Her mother shrugs. “My family never let me. They didn’t understand why I wanted to fit in. They thought I was letting go of our culture, and Sikhism. No one realized the pressure I was under, going to school here.” She smiles grimly. “My sister especially.”
“Why are you telling me this?” TJ asks slowly. Her mother’s never talked about her teenage years before.
“Because I told myself I’d never shame my own daughter for wanting to remove her hair. I wanted you to feel supported when the time came, the way I wished I had. Except I think I ended up shaming you anyway.” She wrings her hands together. “I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just want you to be happy, but if your way to happiness is different than mine, that’s okay. You should not feel ashamed.”
TJ almost can’t believe the things her mother is admitting—so vulnerable. Bitter. She’s always seemed impenetrable to those things. Without thinking about it, TJ walks back to hug her. Her mother’s stiff for a moment, but then her arms encircle her and hold on tight. Neither of them speaks, but TJ knows her mother’s never going to mention her hairiness again.
Her mother clears her throat and steps away. “I should go. I’ll be late for my appointment.”
Right. Her eyebrows, which she regularly gets compliments on, are becoming chaotic, growing into the middle. Just like TJ, the hair always returns so strongly, despite all their efforts over the years to stomp it out. TJ almost has to marvel at a thing so resilient that no matter how many times it gets cut down, even destroyed at the very root, it eventually grows back. It refuses to have its existence erased.