Page 100 of TJ Powar Has Something to Prove
“The rabab? Yeah. But I’m so used to playing the harmonium. My fingers weren’t ready for the pain of strings. I love the sound though, and I’ve heard once you build up calluses, it gets easier—” Simran pauses, perhaps seeing how wide TJ’s eyes are, and shakes her head. “I heard you and Charlie won at Nationals. That’s amazing. Congratulations.”
“Oh. Thanks.” TJ frowns; once again the conversation hasswung back to her. “I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to say sorry to you.”
Simran blinks. “What for?”
“For everything!” TJ shrugs helplessly. “Everything you said about me being self-centered was true.”
But Simran’s putting up a hand to stop her. “TJ. I regretted everything I said that day. I wanted to take it back, but I thought you’d be mad—”
So it’s true! Simranhasbeen avoiding her! “No! Why would I be mad?” Simran gives her a look, and TJ sighs. “Okay, fine, but I swear I wasn’t mad this time. You were right. Our relationship has been one-sided as hell for a long time. I just didn’t realize until now.” She takes a deep breath. “But that’s going to change now. I want to know you outside of debate, and I want to listen to you play your rabab and hear about your day and meet your friends and—and—I want tobeyour friend.” Her voice catches. “I want to be the friend to you that you’ve always been to me.”
Simran’s silent.
“I get it if you don’t want that,” TJ adds. “I’ve never been the nicest to you, I always ignored you in class—”
“I do want that.”
Relief sinks through TJ’s body, melting her anxiety away. “You do?”
She nods. “Remember when we were little? I miss that.”
Those were good times. Simple times. But then they grew up. And everything changed, except... “We still have debate.”
Simran smiles. “Not even that anymore. But Western’s debate team will be lucky to have you.”
“They’d be even luckier to have you.” Simran makes a face. “Oh, come on! You could go wherever you want. I don’t get why you’re staying here. Didn’t you get accepted everywhere you applied?”
Simran shrugs. “I just did that to see if I could. I like it here. UBCO’s good, too. I don’t expect you to get it.”
Her last statement is kind, not derisive. And she’s right; TJ doesn’t get it. There are a lot of things about Simran she doesn’t get. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to try. “I guess jumping right into something new isn’t for everyone,” she ventures, and is rewarded with a nod.
“Yeah. Starting university will be a big adjustment, and I’d rather do it from the comfort of home since I can. But at the same time,” she adds, “I like that you’re so ready to take risks all the time. Like going out in a two-piece suit without shaving. Or going all in if there was someone you wanted to date. You don’t weigh every risk and benefit. You go with your gut.”
TJ snorts. “Some people would call that impulsive.”
“Or brave.”
That has TJ sputtering a laugh. “Brave?Me? Simran, I tried to go without shaving or waxing for half a year, and all the people laughing at me nearly made me lose my mind. And I was doing it to make a point, whileyouwere just existing and refusing to compromise who you are.”
Simran’s smile fades. She takes TJ’s arm and leads her to the corner of the grand hall.
TJ looks behind them, confused. “Simran, what—”
Simran shakes her head and sits TJ down against the wall,far away from the stragglers. Then she takes a deep breath and sits next to her. “I have to tell you something. I lied to you, about whether that original meme bothered me. It did.”
TJ’s jaw drops. Simran hugs her knees to her chest and continues.
“Remember when I was at your house over Winter Break? While I was there, I stole one of your razors.”
TJ’s head is spinning. She remembers this; she remembers trying to find a razor and thinking she must’ve thrown it out. But Simran had taken it. “You shaved...?”
Simran sighs. “Well, I locked myself in my bathroom later and watched some videos on how to do it. And then I shaved one ankle. But it felt so wrong, when I touched it. Too smooth, like plastic. And itlookedso wrong, my hair on the floor of the tub. That’s my hair. It’s part of my body. And I just cut off a piece of me and left it on the floor. I was horrified, so I stopped.” She pauses. “I threw out the razor. Sorry.”
“Unforgivable,” TJ deadpans. Simran smiles slightly, but it fades with her next words.
“I couldn’t wait for it to grow back, TJ. I had this moment of weakness and my ankle showed that to the world. I felt... so ashamed.”
Simran drops her head against her knees. TJ puts a hand on her back. Knowing the connection Simran has with her hair, she can only imagine how hard that must have been. “You shouldn’t feel ashamed of what people did to you.”