Page 17 of Tis the Season for Tentacles (Tinsel and Tentacles 2.0)

Chapter Seventeen

Chronicles of Chaos: An Informal Record of Life Aboard the Sleigh Belle

Stardate: 78429.1

Origin: Elysium Lunar System

Destination: Earth

I never thought I’d be writing this in the ship’s log, but I’ve fallen in love. Our captain, Khephren Thrase, was right when he warned me that such emotions can slowly creep up on you before suddenly bowling you over. But by that point, you’re happy to be swept away.

Will I ever be as lovey-dovey and ridiculous as Khephren and Sasha? Probably not. Or, at least, not around others. Maybe just when Felix and I are alone…

I’ve asked him to marry me. Never in my life did I think I would be the marrying type. Not because I’m against marriage, per se. Rather, I just never believed it was in the cards for me. But the minute I pulled Felix onto our ship with that tractor beam, I changed my destiny—and his.

Because the greatest miracle of all is that he loves me too and wants to share his life with me.

And Cosmo, our newly adopted foxhound, of course.

If I didn’t already know that it would set Luna and Khephren off into annoying raptures, I’d almost say it’s a Christmas miracle…

—Najar Mezdel, First Lieutenant and Voice of Reason on the Sleigh Belle

NAJAR

A fter our heart-to-heart, Felix crashes and falls fast asleep with Cosmo curled up protectively by his head.

“You keep an eye on him,” I whisper to the little foxhound.

He yawns back, which I take for agreement.

I waste no time in rounding up Luna, Khephren, and Sasha so I can share the plan that’s been slowly developing in my mind over the last hour.

When I get to the end, Sasha nods his head in approval. “Wow, man. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

Khephren grabs me in a tight hug, his tentacles vibrating. “I always knew you had it in you! I’m so proud of you!”

However, Luna nervously jiggles her foot. “Do you think this will really work?”

“I don’t know for certain, but we have to try. Are you all willing to help me?”

“All for one and one for all,” Rambo says and beeps as he twirls around us.

Sasha gives me a fist bump. “We’ve got your back, man. And for the record, I think you two are a good match.”

“Of course, they are,” Khephren adds with a dreamy sigh. “They were brought together by the magic of Christmas. It’s destiny .”

I would normally quibble with such rhetoric, but for once, I keep my mouth shut. After all, what are the odds that I would find my one true love in this big, vast universe the way that I did? Even to me, it feels pretty magical.

Luna laughs. “It sure has been fun watching the mighty fall. Never thought Najar would become a big schmoopy fool for love.”

I give her a mischievous side-eye. “Well, if the Christmas romance tradition holds, we all know who’s next in line, don’t we?”

Everyone stares at Luna, who backs up, hands in the air. “Whoa, let’s not start talking out of turn here, folks.”

However, I have a sneaking suspicion that if my plan works, I might just be helping orchestrate a romance for Luna too.

“Do you think we can make it to Earth by Christmas Eve?” I ask Khephren.

He immediately hurries to his station and begins recalculating our route. “Hmm, I think we can make it work—just barely.”

Originally, we had planned to arrive closer to Earth’s New Year’s Eve, but with my new plan, I want us to get there before Christmas.

“Now here’s the most important part,” I tell everyone. “For the next few days, you have to keep this a secret from Felix. I don’t want to prematurely get his hopes up, and if this works out the way I’m hoping it will, then it will be my Christmas present to him.”

“Aww!” Khephren says, hearts in his eyes. “That’s so sweet. Felix brings out the best in you, my friend.”

On that, I cannot disagree.

However, I soon discover that keeping things a secret from Felix proves more challenging than I anticipated. Every time he looks at me and gives me that smile he saves just for me, I want to bare my soul. I’m probably more relieved than anyone when it’s finally Christmas Eve.

“Don’t worry,” I tell Felix for the umpteenth time. “My nearly foolproof plan is already in motion.”

Felix nibbles on his bottom lip while stroking Cosmo’s fur. “I trust you, I really do, but I can’t help but be a little anxious. Won’t you let me in on at least part of what you’ve figured out?”

“Everything will be revealed very soon.”

“The man-of-mystery thing you have going on is not helping my nerves,” he grumbles.

I pull him into my arms, and he rests his head on my chest. “I can’t believe it’s Christmas Eve already,” he says with a sigh.

“I know, but this is the season of miracles, isn’t it?”

He pulls back and arches an eyebrow at me. “I thought you didn’t believe in any of that kind of stuff.”

“Well, I didn’t until you came into my life. What bigger miracle could there be?”

He smacks me playfully. “Smooth talker. Although, to be fair, I am pretty miraculous.”

Just as I’m about to show him how special he is, Khephren’s voice comes over the comm system. “Attention, crew. Ho, ho, ho and Merry Christmas Eve to you all. Tonight, we have a very special surprise in store for our very own Felix Taylor. Felix, please report to the bridge ASAP.”

I offer him my arm. “Shall we?”

He takes it and leans into my side. “I’ve told you before that I love this rather gentlemanly side of you, haven’t I?”

“Perhaps, but I’m always happy to hear praise from you.”

He reaches out his free hand and pets one of my tentacles while Cosmo gives me a dirty look, something that happens often when I’m getting Felix’s attention instead of him. I do not blame our little foxhound. Getting petted by Felix is one of my new favorite things too.

“Very well, then. Najar Mezdel, I find that side of you quite enchanting.” He smiles and then flutters his eyelashes at me. “So, want to tell me what this surprise is?”

I laugh. “Well, it wouldn’t very well remain a surprise if I told you now, would it?”

He growls in frustration.

“Think of it as a collective gift from me and the rest of the crew of the Sleigh Belle.”

“Color me intrigued,” he murmurs. “I warn you, it better be awesome. You’ve built up way too much hype to let me down now.”

Once the elevator arrives at the bridge, the doors open to reveal a beaming Khephren. “You’re here. Okay, everyone strap in. We’re going to be landing momentarily.”

Felix frowns. “Landing where? I didn’t think we had any stops on our route back to Earth.”

Khephren waves a finger and a tentacle in admonishment. “Uh-uh. That’s part of The Surprise. You’ll see very soon. Have some patience.”

My love grumbles but straps himself into a seat, and we all follow suit.

In moments, we’re hurtling through Earth’s atmosphere and straight toward the Nevada desert once again.

Talk about déjà vu.

I’m surprised to find myself smiling, an oddly nostalgic sensation washing over me. Was it only a few short weeks ago that we came here and picked up Felix?

I glance at him, admiring every line of his handsome face that has become so dear to me.

That old adage of “When you know, you know” certainly proved true for me. I don’t have any doubts about being with Felix—only an eagerness to start this new chapter of our lives as partners.

Now I’m just keeping my fingers, toes, and tentacles crossed that the final piece of the puzzle comes through as promised.

Once the ship has completed its landing, we all head toward the cargo bay, where Khephren lets down the ramp.

I guide Felix down it and we emerge into the early evening air of the rather chilly desert.

Felix looks around bewildered for a moment. “Uh… are we back on Earth? I thought we wouldn’t arrive until closer to New Year’s. What’s going on?”

Thank goodness he still doesn’t know how to read the ship’s navigation system or else he would have figured out what we were doing right away.

His gaze shifts directions and he squints. “Wait, what is that?”

In the distance, a pair of vehicle lights come ever closer, and the tension in my gut eases.

Thank you, dear goddess Thekmis.

The automobile comes to a stop a short distance away, and the lights turn off. Then the driver’s door opens and out steps a full-figured woman with curly auburn hair and an enormous smile on her face, a mirror image of Felix’s, immediately reveals something she shares with her brother.

None of us are surprised when Felix suddenly starts running toward his sister, sweeping her up in a joyful embrace.

“Gemsy, is it really you?” He clutches her tightly. “Oh, my God. I know it hasn’t been that long, but damn have I missed you.”

She lets out a tear-filled laugh. “I missed you too, bro.”

He pulls back, holding her shoulders. “What are you doing here?”

Gemma grins and dashes away her tears. “Ask your friends.”

Keeping his arms around her, Felix turns back to us as we move to stand closer to the reunited siblings. “What on earth—no pun intended—is going on here?”

“Merry Christmas, from all of us,” I say.

He blinks at me like I’ve sprouted an extra tentacle or two.

Gemma lets go of him, tosses her hair over her shoulder, and pops the trunk of the vehicle.

“Nice to finally meet you all in person. Now, can you guys help me get a couple of things out of the car?” She eyes Luna with interest. “After all, you have quite a few extra appendages on you, so I say, all the better to help carry my bags with.”

“So feisty,” Luna whispers.

“Be careful, I think you might be drooling,” I tell her, my tone sardonic.

Luna scowls at me, wipes her mouth surreptitiously, and hurries to assist Gemma.

In no short order, we all start carrying several heavy suitcases to the ship.

“Wait, hold up. What the hell is going on here?” Felix demands as he trails his sister, looking utterly bewildered.

Gemma puts her hands on her hips and raises a brow at him. “I’m saying sayonara to Earth, big bro, and coming along for the ride of a lifetime while exploring the universe with you, your hubby-to-be, and all your new friends. That’s what’s going on.”

Felix’s mouth drops open. “Say what now?”

His sister rolls her eyes at him fondly. “Stay focused, will you, Felix? Here’s the dealio. Your fiancé and the rest of the crew reached out to me a couple of days ago and told me of your predicament.” She shakes her head. “Honestly, you should have called me yourself as soon as possible. We could have figured this out together from the start.”

Felix’s eyes start glistening with unshed tears. “I didn’t know how to tell you I wanted to stay, and I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you alone.”

“I don’t know, maybe you could have done what they did and invited me to join you? Duh!”

He bites back a sob. “I thought about it, but I didn’t want to unintentionally pressure or even guilt you into doing something you didn’t want to do.”

Her expression softens. “As if that would ever happen. You, of all people, should know that I have a backbone and a will of my own.” She grins. “But that being said, wherever you go, I go. We’re family, and we always will be.”

I have to say, I’m already looking forward to becoming family with them too.

Felix stares at his sister with a mixture of amazement and awe. “I know, but this is such a big ask. Are you really prepared to leave behind all that you’ve worked for?”

Gemma shrugs. “I’ve already quit my job, so I’d say so.”

Even I’m surprised to hear that part.

Felix’s eyes practically bug out of his head. “You what ?”

She laughs. “Don’t get me wrong. I love helping people as a doctor, but I’ve become really fucking jaded by the American healthcare system. Before all of this”—she gestures to us—“went down, I was seriously contemplating moving to New Zealand or something, just to try a new experience in a place that might value actual lives over profit—unlike most of the hospitals I’ve worked at during my career.” She shrugs once more. “Then the universe saw fit to open up a different path, and I’m totally down to try it out. Besides, I can always come back if I want to. Najar and Khephren have promised me that.”

Indeed. Kheph and I quickly learned that Gemma Taylor is a ruthless negotiator.

Felix looks to us questioningly, and we both nod.

Gemma continues, “I’ve told most of my colleagues that I’m taking some time off to deal with personal family issues but that I might be back in a couple of years or so. Who knows? They were actually all pretty cool about it. Some of them were even envious.”

The smug look on her face reminds me of her brother and I’m certain she learned it from him.

“B-but what about your medical license?”

She cuts him off. “That’s for me to worry about, not you. I love you, big bro, but I am a full-fledged adult now, and I have been for a long time. You’re not responsible for my life choices.”

“I know,” he whispers. “I just don’t want you to be making a rash decision that could leave you unhappy and full of regret. Your happiness is just as important to me as my own.”

She pulls him back into a hug. “Sure, it’s a comparatively quick one, but not rash. For instance, I’ve asked all of your new friends about a million questions in the process of making my decision.”

“She really has,” Sasha agrees. “It was seriously intense. I was way impressed.”

Felix doesn’t even know the half of it. His sister was able to intimidate me a little, which I respect as a warrior.

“I thought it was totally hot,” Luna adds in a dreamy whisper.

Gemma grins. “I’m not the kind of person who’s going to make an uninformed choice that affects my life in a massive way. I’ve done my research.” She gestures to the Sleigh Belle. “And talk about kismet. This ship of yours didn’t have a medical professional on it, and now it will. I’ll be responsible for keeping the crew healthy and medically safe during our travels.” She rubs her hands together. “And I’m super pumped to check out the high-tech equipment Luna told me your medical bay contains.”

Luna twirls one of her pigtails with a flirty tentacle. “I’d be happy to give you a tour, Gemma.”

I smirk.

Yep, I have a feeling it won’t be long until Luna gets bitten by the Love Bug too.

Felix takes hold of Gemma’s hands. “You’re completely sure about this?”

She smiles at him, affection written all over her face. “I love you, Felix, and I want you to be happy. You found someone special you want to spend the rest of your life with. There’s no way I’d stand for you turning him down because of me. I refuse to be an impediment to true love, dammit.”

Felix sputters. “B-but I didn’t even tell you he’d proposed.”

“Honey, you didn’t need to tell me. I knew you were falling in love with him almost from the start. Then, of course, Naj shared all the details when he called.” She glances at me. “You’re totally his type, by the way.”

“Oh, really?” I drawl. I can’t wait to interrogate Felix about that later.

“When Najar told me what was going on, I honestly wasn’t surprised.” Gemma’s expression turns mischievous. “Besides, you’ve always had a weird fascination with tentacles, ever since you started reading?—”

He hastily lifts a hand to cover her mouth, and I’m immediately curious. That sure sounded promising. I add it to the list of things I plan to pry out of my delectable human fiancé.

“Enough of that now. Ahem,” Felix says, looking all kinds of awkward. Then he frowns at Gemma. “What about all of your stuff here on Earth?”

She waves a hand dismissively. “I’ve already moved all my important stuff into storage. I had your apartment packed up and put your stuff in my unit too. By the way, you totally owe me for that. I closed out your lease and did the same for mine. The storage unit’s set on an auto draft, so my bank account will stay active and pay it on a monthly basis. I’ve got plenty in there to pay for that unit for at least several years. Otherwise, I don’t have a whole lot tying me down here.” She tilts her head in thought. “I’ll have to figure out how I’m going to earn money while we’re gallivanting across the universe, but your friends assure me it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Again, Gemma has really thought of everything. She’s going to be a valuable addition to our crew for multiple reasons.

Felix shakes his head in amazement. “Damn. I haven’t even considered what I’m going to be doing in that regard.”

Gemma grins. “Your head’s just been too full of lovey-dovey thoughts for you to think about anything else, don’t worry. But there are options for us. Believe me, I’ve grilled Khephren and Najar on this extensively over the last few days.”

I shudder a little, remembering. She could have made a skillful Dravethian warrior specializing in interrogation.

Felix studies all of us. “You guys would really be okay with my sister becoming part of the crew?”

My best friend steps forward. “We might be an odd band of misfits, but we’re one happy family here on the Sleigh Belle—and we already consider you part of that family, Felix, so your sister was an honorary member before we ever talked to her. After getting to know her better over the last few days, we’re confident she’ll fit right in, and we’re happy to have her.”

Gemma claps her hands loudly. “Okay, now that we’ve got that all cleared up, let’s get a move on. No point in spending too long out here. We don’t want any randos spotting us, do we?”

That kicks us all into gear and we spend the next fifteen minutes loading all of Gemma’s stuff—of which she has quite a bit—on the ship. She definitely came prepared to be gone from Earth for a very long time. Oddly, it makes me feel even more confident about things working out well.

As we’re finishing up, she pulls out a strange tank and a bag holding water and… a fish?

Felix gasps. “You brought Wanda!”

“Of course, I brought Wanda. There’s no way I was going to leave your beloved pet behind.”

Felix gives her a big smacking kiss on the cheek and grins. “Thank you. You are seriously the best. Just wait until you meet Cosmo. I hope he and Wanda get along.”

“The picture you sent me when we texted the other day was adorable. I can’t wait to make friends with him.”

“We also have many wonderful cats aboard our ship, beloved by Thekmis,” Kheph adds enthusiastically. Today, he’s wearing his Meowy Catmas shirt and a Santa hat.

Gemma gives him a sincere smile. “That’s cool. I like cats too. We’re pretty much a pro-animal family.”

Finally, we have Gemma’s vehicle emptied of all her belongings, and she leans in to put the key in the ignition, then leaves the door unlocked when she closes it.

“Don’t worry,” she tells Felix. “I have someone coming to pick it up later, and they said they’ll take it with them for good. People will do weird shit to get a good deal, especially on a car these days.”

“You really are on top of things,” Felix marvels. “Nana would be so proud.”

“I think so too.”

We all make our way onto the ship and help Gemma move her things to the room that will be hers.

Luna got it all prepared for her in advance, and I’m not surprised to see she chose the room next to hers.

“I’m right next door if you need anything,” Luna says, licking her lips, which Gemma can’t seem to stop staring at.

Hmmm. I think there’s going to be a lot of love in the air this Christmas season.

We give Gemma a tour of the ship, and she goes into raptures when we get to the medical bay. Sasha stays pressed against Kheph’s side, smiling indulgently while he and Luna spend quite a bit of time explaining all the machinery and equipment to her, most of which is substantially more advanced than what she had available to her on Earth.

But based on her questions, I get the impression that Gemma is a quick study and will no doubt master most of it quite fast.

While she’s chatting away with the others, Felix presses into my side, and I wrap an arm and tentacle around him before leaning down to kiss the top of his head.

“Happy early Christmas,” I tell him. “Was it a good surprise?”

“The best. I never thought…” His voice fails him for a second. “I was really starting to worry we might not be able to make this happen.” He gazes at his sister in gratitude. “She’s truly remarkable, you know.”

“I have gotten that impression, for sure.”

He nods to himself. “Let’s make sure we do all we can to help her adapt and get comfortable. I want her to enjoy traveling the universe with us.”

I study her and Luna, who has inched quite a bit closer to Gemma, her green tentacles straining as they try not to touch the human woman.

“Oh, I don’t think we have to worry about that too much,” I murmur.

Eventually, Khephren informs us that we need to, quote, “get the hell out of Dodge before the Alliance notices us” and we take off.

I can breathe a little easier once we’ve left Earth’s orbit and are heading en route to our next destination.

But then my moment of harmony is shattered.

“It’s time for the Christmas Eve Extravaganza,” Khephren announces with glee. “Let us all adjourn to the movie theater.”

Felix blinks in surprise. “There’s a movie theater on the ship? How did I not know that after all this time?”

I try not to groan, having an awful notion about what this extravaganza is going to entail.

But I resign myself to my fate and trudge after everyone heading to the ship’s movie theater.

Gemma’s bright-eyed and obviously intrigued, which I take as a good sign, and when she sits down in one of the theater seats, I’m not remotely surprised that Luna parks herself at Gemma’s side.

Felix and I take our own seats, and I grip the arm rests until my knuckles turn white.

Sasha moves to the front of the room and turns on the screen. “Good evening, friends. In honor of this festive holiday eve, I’m delighted to debut this year’s special Christmas episode of The Cat-tacular Tales of Princess Jonesy .”

Khephren begins clapping loudly. “You are so amazing, my love!”

I hang my head and cover my face with one of my tentacles.

Felix lets out a nervous laugh. “Haha. You know, uh, that kind of reminds me of this obscure online story I like to read.”

Sasha zeros in on him like a man on a mission. “No fucking way. Please tell me you also read The Tentacular Tales of Captain Starblade .”

Felix’s eyes go wide. “This is so surreal, but yeah, I’m a huge fan.”

I startle. Felix has read that story?

A slow smile starts to spread over my lips. That would explain so many things.

“Fucking A,” Sasha says. “I’m a major fan too, although I only discovered it when a bunch of extraterrestrials introduced me to it. You know it’s, like, a mega sensation on the intergalactic web, right?”

Felix sits up straighter. “No way. Hardly anyone on Earth knows anything about it. I honestly felt a bit weird for my level of investment in it.”

Sasha shakes his head. “Dude, it’s amazing, and totally inspired the title for my show. But we’ll get to that in a minute.” Sasha grins at him, puffing his chest out with pride. “I actually know the author.”

Felix gasps. “Shut the front door. You know KirklovesSpock4eva?”

“Fuck yeah. His real name is River Sullivan. And, get this, he works for the Alliance for Neutral Alien Lifeforms on Earth.” He smirks. “We call it ANAL.”

“No freaking way! You’re joking.”

Sasha shakes his head. “For real. I’m fucking pen pals with him. We write each other emails on the regular. He hasn’t had a chance to travel to outer space yet, but he’s dying to do it, and from what he’s told me, he should be able to in a couple more years.” He winks.

“We’re gonna try to meet up and go to Tentacular Tales Con.”

Felix jumps to his feet, eyes alight. “What???”

Sasha grins knowingly. “That’s right, there’s a fucking intergalactic fan convention for Tentacular Tales that happens every year. It’s one of the biggest conventions around the universe.”

Felix reaches out and grabs his hands. “We have to go.”

Sasha gives an evil grin. “Fuck yeah, we do.” He looks over at Khephren and mock glares. “Make it so, Tentacle Boy.”

Kheph happily flaps several tentacles in the air and blows Sasha a kiss. “Anything for you, my love.”

I can’t hold back any longer. “So, you read that tentacle porn space opera, huh?”

Felix’s cheeks turn bright red.

Gemma starts cackling with laughter. “You don’t know the half of it, Najar. Not only does he read it and fanboy over it like nobody’s business, but he also writes his own Tentacular Tales fanfic.”

Felix groans and covers his face with his hands. “Gemma,” he whines, “I hadn’t told him about that yet.”

She shrugs unrepentantly. “You snooze, you lose, bro.”

“Are you sure we need to bring her along with us?” he stage-whispers to the rest of us.

Gemma reaches over and flicks him on the forehead.

“Oww!”

“Serves you right,” she chortles.

A warm sensation that’s starting to become familiar unfurls in my chest just watching them. The sibling love and affection between them is very evident, and I’m so thrilled I could make this happen for both of them.

Selfishly, of course, I’m also happy for me, because I was going to do whatever it took to be able to be with Felix.

Even if I had to bribe Gemma or fight the Alliance to do it.

“I’d love to read some of your fanfic… together,” I whisper in Felix’s ear.

He blushes but the way he squirms in his seat tells me he likes that idea too.

Everyone soon settles down, and Sasha finally starts the special Christmas episode we recently finished producing.

Felix is entranced the entire time and keeps grinning at me.

When the end credits start to play, he leans over and whispers in my ear, “You were amazing.”

I shrug awkwardly. “I don’t know why, but the fans of the show really seem to like having me in it. If it weren’t for Kheph, Sasha, and Luna, I wouldn’t do it.”

“But you’re too good a friend to say no,” he says, reading me like a book. “I love that about you,” he murmurs softly. He takes hold of one of my hands and kisses it. “Thank you for arranging everything, for figuring out how we could be together so I wouldn’t have to leave my sister behind. Like I told her, I don’t think I could have asked her myself. I thought about it, of course, but it felt like I would be subtly pressuring her, not only as her older brother but also as her only family. The fact that you all wanted to, and were able to convince her yourselves, means the world to me.” He stares deep into my eyes. “It’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten, Najar. Thank you.”

Then he kisses me and everything else falls away.

The things this man makes me feel.

“May we have many merry Christmases to come,” I tell him once his mouth lets mine go.

In response, his eyes shine with joy. “I know we will. After all, we’re proof that Christmas miracles do exist.”