Page 37 of This Blood that Bonds Us

My heart raced thinking of the chase. What would happen when I finally tackled her to the ground, stripped off her clothes, and wrapped her legs around my waist. And that sound she makes when I—

God. Someone make me stop.

I was aware of how fucked up that fantasy was, considering our first meeting. It packed guilt on top of my already aching chest. My control over my thoughts was slipping. The bloodlust was too much.

Kimberly smiled at me, and my stomach sank. I scratched at the back of my hand, fighting the urge to pace the kitchen. Maybe I could get her alone for a minute . . .

No. Shit. Stop. You’re good. You got this.

My skin was crawling. I needed to move. I had to get out of the house. I needed blood and needed it now.

“Are you okay?” Kim whispered.

I backed away. Fearful of her breath on my neck and the fact it could set me off at any minute. I was seconds away from throwing her over my shoulder and taking her to our cabin.

I was certain there would be nothing left of that sweater.

I just needed some air. Away from thoughts of blood and lust and need.

She stared at me with those cool-blue eyes I usually wanted to disappear into. Now I didn’t know what I wanted. What would she think if she knew? If she knew how bad I truly was?

I didn’t want to lie. “I need some air.”

I stepped out into the snow. There amid the negative temperatures, I could finally think. It was time to feed again, but I wasn’t thinking of the pub. I wanted what I’d already had. Kimberly’s blood was everything, but I didn’t want to want her in that way. I wanted to be a normal freaking boyfriend. Why couldn’t I have normal issues?

She’ll get sick of you. She’ll hate you.

I know.

She didn’t mind the biting, but it was wrong. I’d almost killed her twice. Good boyfriends don’t almost kill their girlfriends. They don’t bite them or hurt them and drink their blood. Normal ones don’t, anyway. And she deserved normal.

I needed something to distract me. I didn’t take turns and walked straight into the trees. The snow was never ending, like the cold. Though the cold didn’t make me shiver or my teeth chatter, I still felt it everywhere. That kind of cold wasn’t natural, and even being bundled up, I was uncomfortable. It didn’t hurt, but it sank into my body, leaving me numb and chilled to the bone.

You’re so pathetic.

I snarled and walked faster. I wanted to disappear. Leave this place behind. Everyone might be better off without me. It waswhat I thought two weeks ago and had forgotten about. I was holding everyone back. Maybe I was the bad luck we had and that’s why The Legion hadn’t come for us yet. And this was my punishment. It all seemed to make sense.

I spun around in the clearing, looking for the best place to bolt.

Then I saw it.

A buck walking in the field in the distance.

It wouldn’t help. I knew it wouldn’t, but at that moment, I had to try. Drinking any blood at all might make the feeling go away.

I ran for it and tried to let the Thing in my head take over, but it didn’t. It wouldn’t.

I was too fast for the deer, and I made its death quick by snapping its neck.

But everything was too raw. Too vivid. I was too lucid as I brought my fangs out to bite it. I ignored the sirens going off in my brain, at least tried to, before the reality of what I was doing made me choke. All the gamey blood in my throat was tasteless. My body convulsed until the blood splattered over the white snow, my clothes, my hands, and even the dead animal lying at my feet.

It looked like a massacre.

Emptiness consumed me as I realized what I’d done.

I hated when Zach and Presley squashed ants on the sidewalk, and now I’d tried to drink a deer.

I took off as fast as my feet would take me. My feet were numb from the cold. Snow packed in the soles of my shoes and weighed me down as I ran, and I ran until something bright and blue sparkled in the distance. A pond sat cold, frozen, and lonely.