Page 10 of This Blood that Bonds Us

Because of that, I spent most of my time out in the empty frozen wilderness. I felt like less of a danger sitting on a tree stump and watching the stars overhead.

I’d made it through the night without killing anyone, and that had to count for something. I just had to get in the car again and start driving. It would stop. It had to stop.

The sounds of the cars roared by. More people were getting out now that the blizzard was over. The snow crunched beneath every step I took, and I tried to focus on it while I organized the trunk of the car. It didn’t need organizing. It’s not like we had that much stuff. But I couldn’t get out of my head. Nothing brought my attention away from the emptiness in my stomach.

Maybe being with the queen is the only solution . . .

My heart jolted with fear at the thought. That’s exactly how She’d want me to feel.

Kimberly appeared beside me and maneuvered the last bag into the trunk of an old 4Runner. My chest ached with guilt. I should’ve been there to hold her. I should’ve been coming up with answers on how to find my brothers, but I needed blood and was about to be trapped in another car.

“Are you okay?”

“I . . .” I wanted to lie, but I promised not to. I’d have done anything to go back before I drank Akira’s blood, and everything in me felt ravenous. Her blood was poison.

What could I say?“I know you just changed and left everything you’ve ever known and you’re counting on me to protect you, but I feel like I’m going to murder someone in the next few seconds.”

I was at the crossroads to hell. Suddenly, all I could think about was what the queen’s blood would feel like in my veins and the want. The heat of it. The taste.

“Aaron.” Kimberly’s voice was stern, and without another word, she grabbed my arm and shoved me into the back seat of the SUV with her.

The car door slammed, and we sat with our knees touching in the back seat. We were close. Almost too close. I moved toward the door, and she stopped me with a hand on my leg.

“Tell me. Whatever it is. We can deal with it together.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Try.”

With my head spinning, I couldn’t gather the words. Blood. I needed blood.

“Aaron, you disappeared at 3 a.m., and you haven’t said a word. Where did you go? Besides to get the car.”

“The woods. I was in the woods.”

“Why?”

“Because . . . Because I . . .”

“I know a lot is going on right now—”

“I need to get out of the car.”

“No you don’t.” There was fire in her eyes. “We can fix this.”

“We can’t! There is something wrong with me. Hunting isn’t helping. I’m starting to wonder if it’s making it worse. I can’t think straight. Ever. I can’t do anything without thinking about blood.”

That was Akira’s plan, after all. To make us want Her. To make us so insane we’d have no other choice but to seek Her out.

“You want more . . .” she whispered, averting her eyes. “You want Her.”

The threat of her words stilled me. My sudden urge to bolt disappeared. She was jealous. There was no way I could let her think the queen had any hold on me. Even if She did, it was just blood. It was nothing compared to what I felt for Kimberly.

“Kim.” I grabbed her face with urgency. “No. You’re the only person I want. You don’t understand how badly I need you, and I don’t know how to even begin to tell you.”

Her cheeks flushed with warmth, making my mouth water.

“You are everything.” I looked into the cool blue of her eyes. “It’s just . . . I’m making everything worse. I don’t know how to fix this, and all I’m doing right now is holding you and Presley back from getting to where we need to go. Maybe we should split up. You both keep going and—”