Page 112 of This Blood that Bonds Us

The birthday celebration was almost over. I would accept the gift, then I could forget it. Super easy. Then I’d be at work for a few hours where I wouldn’t have to feel guilty for being quiet.

When Aaron opened the door, the sound of panting excitement came with a blur of black fur, and Sarah the dog came bounding toward me.

“We adopted her for you. I know you’ve always wanted a dog, and well . . . thought she could keep you company.”

Sarah was haunting me with her cute, fluffy ears. We couldn’t escape each other. She circled my legs, and I kneeled to scratch behind her ears.

“You can rename her whatever you want. If you want to.” Aaron spoke slowly and watched me like I was a ticking time bomb.

“I set aside some money so we can go get her a new collar and some things today.” Mom had the same anxious expression.

“I . . . don’t know what to say. She’s . . . perfect.”

I’d begged for a dog growing up. I’d made slideshows and wrote it on every Christmas list, but Mom and Luke especially drilled into me the responsibility it would be.

“She can keep you company in your room.”

All that acting in the hospital was paying off. I was able to put on a decent enough smile to where everyone’s shoulders relaxed and their anxious shifting stopped. They needed me to be okay and have a good birthday, so that’s what I would do.

“What do you think? You wanna stay with someone like me?”

She licked my face, and I rubbed her belly.

We could be sad together.

“Care if I join you?” Kimberly came to sit beside me on the porch steps. Mom and I were waiting for the car to warm up so she could take me to the shelter.

“Sure.” I was on my second cigarette and loving the sense of calm I felt from it.

“Did you not like your gift?”

“What gave you that impression?”

“You just seem . . . off.”

She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and snuggled close to me. It was a nice contrast to the cold chill creeping into my clothes and biting my ankles.

“I love the gift. I’ve just been thinking a dog is a big responsibility that requires me to be here and take care of it, which is exactly what Luke would want. All of this is exactly what he’d want.”

“And that’s bad?”

“I’m not staying here.” The words poured from my mouth before they registered in my brain.

I’d asked myself over and over again thewhyof it all. Why did Luke think we would just forget about them? Why couldn’t he have said something before all this happened?

Why? Why? Why?

There had to be a reason, and maybe . . . it was me.

“It was Aaron’s idea, you know . . . He was so excited because he knew you’d been asking for one since you were a kid. He told me he planned to get you one for your next birthday. Before you were both turned. We just want you to have a good birthday. And Sydney at the shelter mentioned how much you loved Sarah . . . the dog.”

“I know . . . I know. And I do. I’ll probably give her another name, though, when I think of a good one. Feel like that will trigger Luke when he comes back . . .” I paused at the weight of those words. My brother would come back. We all would. Kimberly rubbed my back. “I kinda like her name for now. It makes me think of Luke all the time. And Sarah . . . the human Sarah. She liked dogs. She had this cute little Pomeranian that would get out, and we’d have to go look for it. Luke’s gonna love her. He likes dogs just as much as me.”

The thought hit me suddenly. I tried to push it out. The memories of Luke and Sarah and our collective childhood. We’d all grown up together. Sarah was going to do something great. She’d been so excited to go to college. Her whole family was abuzz with the celebration, but she never got to go. All thosedreams she’d had, everything she’d hoped for, had been snuffed out.

A tear fell from my eyes and ran down the tip of my nose, but I wiped it before it could fall.

“Oh, gross. I’m sad again. Don’t tell Aaron.”