Page 54 of Things I Overshared

Please let me explain

I throw my phone on my bed and get in the shower. I put on my songs, take my time, do a deep-conditioning rinse on my hair, and do a sugar scrub on my joints. I take care of me and my battered self for a while, and it feels nice. By the time I’m in my pajamas on my bed with a granola bar I found in the bottom of my bag, thank the Lord, I feel somewhat refreshed. I pick my phone back up, surprised at what I see.

Emerson: I need to apologize

Please

How can I convince you?

What if I keep texting?

And send you your very own

SamStorm?

My heart flips over.

Me: How do you know what a SamStorm is?!

Emerson: You’ve talked about it at the office, with Nicole.

Many texts in succession

And you

Break up sentences

Am I

Doing it right?

Was LEAVE ME ALONE not clear enough?

You have to

Break up the sentences

You’re not doing it right

At all.

I want to be irritated that he’s telling me how to be me, but it’s actually so . . . I don’t know, cute? Sweet? That he’s out-me-ing me.But it’s only sweet because it’s such a contrast from his usual cold brutality, Sam, get a grip!

Me: Leave.

Me.

Alone.

Emerson: Let me come talk to you

Please

No.

I’m sorry.

So you keep saying.