Page 20 of Things I Overshared

Susan: I am thinking of changing my number.

TUESDAY 7:29a.m.

Me: Last night I took every healthy snack out of the break room

And replaced it with something composed of 99% sugar

Sadie: Maybe Susan should change her number, after all.

Skye: Tell them the other part!

Tomorrow there will be a team-building exercise

Sally: Oh no

Whole office.

There will be trust falls.

Skye: I’m in hives right now with secondhand discomfort.

Susan: Um, totally as your sister, how are you scheduling this mandatory stuff? Margaret hasn’t said anything? That is not at all within the scope of your position!

MY LAST NAME IS CANTON

WHO IS GOING TO SAY NO TO ME

DUH

Sally: Badass

Sadie: Oh my

Susan: Okay, I am officially muting this thread until Sadie calls me with the all-clear.

Susan: Love you all.

Chapter 5

“All right, who’s excited for a day of fun!” Hannah calls to the room. She’s the epitome of a professional meeting facilitator: bubbly, sincere, articulate, funny . . .maybe I should change careers?She’s wearing corporate attire, but her hair is wild and free, giving her the feel of a hippie in disguise.

I look across the room, which no longer has a long conference table in the center, to see Mr. Clark looking a bit green already. I stifle a victorious smile. This was definitely the best idea I’ve ever had.

After some enthusiastic responses and muffled almost-moans, Hannah continues. “We’ll ease into this with something simple as everyone’s coffee and donuts kick in.” There were bran muffins and egg bites on Nicole’s initial breakfast order, which I promptly changed. This office is now all sugar all the time!

“First, we’re simply going to go around the room, and you’ll introduce yourself to me, then tell the group what you actually do all day. Not your title, which everyone knows, but in a few sentences, what do you really do here? Then add a tidbit that no one at the office knows. It can be simple, like a favorite vacation spot or your pet’s name or something small, but something not even your work wife or boss or assistant knows.”

The room grows quiet with everyone thinking. She has us go around in a circle, and I enjoy everyone’s answers. I didn’t realize what an average day entailed for some of my coworkers. Darrin is next to me, and he explains how he does a lot of sales planning and number crunching, in addition to meetings with our large accounts, set up by yours truly.

I’m not Darrin’s assistant, but I often function as one, as the sales associates do for me, and he mentions that he couldn’t do his job without me. He’s told me this regularly, but it feels good to hear him say it in front of Old Man Winter across from me. For some reason, I think he, and others in the office, probably assume I just goof off all day, simply because I like to have fun while I work. Or maybe they assume I eat bonbons and go shopping while on the clock, taking advantage of my last name.

Next to me is Nicole, and I wonder what she can possibly come up with that I don’t already know about her. I watch with pride as she says her piece.

“Hi, I’m Nicole. I am the office manager, and my day entails a lot of email correspondence and phone calls to coordinate a million things at once. I work with Margaret and Jake closely, and they let me know whatever our mighty CFO and CTO need, but there are also the needs of every department, so maybe I’m making an order for supplies, handling the scheduling of every conference room, all of that. And um . . .” She thinks for a second. “I desperately want to go to Disney World someday. I’ve never been.”

What?!

I am shocked I didn’t know this. Also, I’m surprised she never told me. I could’ve made that happen in a flash. Although people think I’m some kind of trust-fund kid, Dad actually cut all of us off financially after college graduation. He also forced each of us to go through all the things by Dave Ramsey. Cash is king . . . yada yada yada.