Page 9 of The Wayward Lady (The Wayward Widows of Willoughby Hall #1)
L avender traced the curve of Kendrick’s jaw on her sketchpad, the soft scratch of pencil on paper the only sound in her silent chamber. She paused, studying the intricate curves and subtle shadows she had captured. With a sigh, she set down her pencil and gazed out the window at the brilliant blue of a rare sunny sky.
Since she was a child, she had always entertained herself with her sketches, but in the weeks since Kendrick had kissed her, she’d become obsessed with drawing him. In the garden. On the beach. The way he smiled. It seemed the only way to prove to herself that those magical days had happened.
Her thoughts drifted to the afternoons spent in his garden, the air perfumed with blooms and filled with easy conversation. Now, those memories haunted her, bittersweet ghosts of what might have been.
Every morning, she was certain that he would come to call and attempt to renew their friendship, even if it never became more than that. Because they’d been great friends, hadn’t they?
Lavender’s brow furrowed as she recalled Genevieve’s bold visit to Kendrick’s home. Was he angry at her friend for overstepping? Perhaps he resented the intrusion into his private affairs. The uncertainty gnawed at her. Why hadn’t he come? The fact that he hadn’t seemed very telling. Perhaps she hadn’t meant as much to him as she’d hoped.
She turned back to her sketches, fingertips trailing over the earlier pages filled with delicate renderings of flowers. Each petal and leaf was a testament to the beauty she had discovered in Kendrick’s world. If only she could muster the courage to bridge the chasm between them.
Even though she still wasn’t certain Genevieve had done the right thing by taking it upon herself to go and confront Kendrick, what she’d learned had helped explain his behavior. Still, she wished she’d been the one he’d confided in.
When he didn’t come to her, the urge to go to him grew stronger and stronger, but she still had a little pride. If he didn’t care about her enough to try and mend things, then she certainly wasn’t going to go groveling to him.
A knock on her door pulled her from her thoughts, and she gratefully went to answer it, happy to find Eden waiting on the other side.
“Would you like to go to town with me?” Eden asked, her sunny attitude chasing the clouds away. “I need to run to the bookstore and pick up some things I ordered. I can either have the carriage brought ‘round, or we can walk if you feel like stretching your legs a bit.”
“You know I always like to visit the bookstore,” Lavender declared, happy for the distraction, even though she knew it was just that—a distraction. Her friends had been worried about her these last few weeks, constantly coming up with new ways to keep her spirits up. “And let’s walk. I haven’t been outside much lately.”
She quickly changed her shoes to some sturdy walking boots, and they left the house, heading toward the village a mile away.
As they strolled along the rutted lane, the fresh air did wonders for Lavender’s mood, the warmth of the sun sinking into her bones and chasing away the last of the cobwebs that had plagued her mind lately. Eden chattered away, regaling her with tales of her struggles to find a team to accompany her on her upcoming expedition to Egypt.
“I’m growing so frustrated with my attempts to find an expedition leader,” Eden lamented, shaking her head. “It takes a month or more to track down someone who might be interested. Then we send letters back and forth until they realize I am a woman. That is when they politely, or not so politely, decline.”
Lavender frowned at the thought of the men who were determined to deny Eden the chance to follow her dreams. She knew how determined and capable her friend was, and she could not imagine any man being foolish enough not to see it.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find the perfect team eventually,” Lavender reassured her. “And if all else fails, you can always take me with you,” she added with a grin.
Eden laughed, throwing an arm around Lavender’s shoulders. “I may just take you up on that offer,” she said teasingly. “I can see it now... Two intrepid female explorers, traveling through Egypt in our trousers.”
“Well, since we can’t even get away with wearing them to the village, I doubt we’d be able to don them in Egypt,” Lavender said with a sigh. If she had her way, she would never wear anything else. “They’d probably burn us as witches.”
“You’re right,” Eden lamented. “Have you ever felt like we were just born a century too early?”
“I think you were,” Lavender replied. “I don’t have any big dreams that men are standing in the way of.”
Eden gave a little snort of laughter but did not argue, and they continued in silence for a while. Unfortunately, the talk of trousers had reminded Lavender of the long walks she and Kendrick had taken along the beach and even more so of the kiss they’d shared upon the trail, when he’d cupped her bottom with his big hands. Having nothing between them but that thin layer of material had shown her clearly what it would have been like if they’d ever been naked together.
With a sigh, she wondered if she would ever be naked with anyone again.
As they reached the village, they headed straight for the bookstore. The bell above the door tinkled merrily as Lavender and Eden stepped into the cozy interior. The scent of leather-bound tomes and fresh ink enveloped them, a comforting embrace that brought a small smile to Lavender’s lips. This was one of her favorite places in the world. And Lord knows she’d had little to smile about since that day on the cliffs.
“Hello, old friends,” Lavender murmured, strolling about the towering shelves. Her fingers trailed along the spines of nearby books, relishing their textured surfaces.
Eden strode purposefully toward the archaeology section, her tall frame cutting an imposing figure. “I’ll just be a moment,” she called over her shoulder. “There’s a new treatise on Egyptian hieroglyphs I simply must acquire, and I also ordered some maps and guidebooks of Egypt.”
Left to her own devices, Lavender found herself drawn to a display of romantic novels. She picked one up, thumbing through its pages with a wistful sigh.
“Still pining for your Mr. Darcy?” Eden’s voice startled her, and Lavender nearly dropped the book.
“I... well...” Lavender stammered, a blush creeping across her cheeks. “Is it so wrong to want companionship?”
Eden’s brow furrowed. “But surely you relish this newfound freedom? No husband to dictate your choices, no need to conform to a man’s whims.” All her friends had made that argument in one way or another over the last few weeks, and she desperately wished that they could see her point of view.
Lavender set the book down, wringing her hands. “I do appreciate the independence, truly. Geoffrey never sought my opinion on anything. He would never have allowed me to illustrate a book. But a part of me misses having someone to care for, to build a life with. And for a while, I thought Kendrick might be... that person.”
“I confess, I don’t quite understand,” Eden replied, her tone softening at Lavender’s obvious distress. “But perhaps that’s because I never cared for Richard, nor he for me. We always lived very separate lives. However, I can see it means a great deal to you.”
They made their way to a secluded corner of the shop, settling into worn leather armchairs. Lavender’s gaze fell to her lap as she struggled to articulate her feelings.
“I have no desire to accomplish grand things,” she said softly. “I simply long for a family, for love. Is that terribly old-fashioned of me?”
Eden reached out, covering Lavender’s fidgeting hands with her own. “No, my dear friend. It isn’t wrong to want those things. In truth, I find myself a touch envious. You may find it hard to believe, but I was passionately in love once... And, of course, I imagined having a family with him. But that ended badly...” She trailed off, a distant look in her eyes, then cleared her throat and shrugged. “When I agreed to marry Richard, I knew I would never have love or children. We agreed that he would pursue his interests, and I would pursue mine. It seemed an acceptable bargain at the time, but I admit that the ache for a child sometimes hits me hard in the middle of the night. However, I made my peace with that long ago.”
Lavender looked up at her beautiful friend in surprise. She would never have guessed that Eden regretted not having children. And she had definitely never mentioned a lost love. “You’re envious of me? But you are so accomplished, so certain of your path.”
“Perhaps,” Eden conceded with a wry smile. “But there are moments when I wonder if I’ve missed something essential in my pursuit of knowledge.”
As they left the bookshop, arm in arm, Lavender felt a weight lift from her shoulders. She may not have found the answers she sought, but at least she no longer felt alone in her uncertainty.
With their purchases in hand, they made their way back through town. They passed by familiar faces and exchanged friendly greetings with shopkeepers before stopping for tea at a nearby café.
As they sipped their tea and nibbled on pastries, Eden began telling Lavender about some archaeological discoveries recently made in Egypt, her longing to be the one to make such discoveries palpable. The hint of vulnerability her friend had shown her at the bookstore had disappeared, and Eden was once again her confident self, obsessed with her passion for history.
Lavender listened with only half her attention as she mulled over their previous conversation. Under the table, she surreptitiously pressed her hand to her stomach. If only she had been able to have a baby with Geoffrey. Her life would be so much different if she had a child to shower all her love upon. Perhaps then she wouldn’t be looking to give it to a married man....
The sun was setting as they approached the house, casting long shadows across the manicured lawn. Genevieve stood on the front steps, her usually composed features marred by an uncharacteristic frown.
“Lavender,” she called out, her voice tight with an emotion Lavender could not quite place. “I’ve received news about Kendrick’s wife and child.”
Lavender’s heart lurched, her steps faltering. “What sort of news?” she asked, barely able to hear her voice over the sudden roaring in her ears.
Genevieve glanced at Eden, then back to Lavender. “Come inside, dear. You’ll want to sit down for this.”