Page 20 of The Wayward Lady (The Wayward Widows of Willoughby Hall #1)
W hen Kendrick and the children finally exited the carriage in front of Seacrest, Teresa and Rafael could hardly contain their excitement. The large cottage with its lovely gardens and views of the sea sparkling in the distance was now their home, and they rushed ahead to explore every nook and cranny. Kendrick watched them with amusement and exhaustion, his shoulders slumping slightly as the weight of his new responsibilities settled over him.
Miranda showed no excitement whatsoever, her face a mask of indifference as she proceeded more slowly in front of him. He fixed his gaze on the rigid set of her shoulders, wishing she would allow herself to be a child instead of a small adult who was suspicious of everything. It broke his heart to know that he bore some responsibility for that.
When he walked inside, the younger children were already running from room to room. “We get to live here?” Rafael asked, looking completely overwhelmed. “Forever?”
“Forever,” Kendrick agreed, realizing how much permanence meant to them. He cleared his throat. “There are three bedrooms upstairs and another in the attic. I’m not sure if you girls want to share a room or if perhaps one of you wants the one upstairs. There’s only one extra bed at the moment, but we’ll see what we can do about that tomorrow. I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight, and some of you can use mine.”
Kendrick gave all three of them a full tour, including the garden and the gazebo overlooking the ocean. One of the servants from Willoughby Hall brought Daisy home, and even Miranda seemed thrilled at the thought of having a dog. For her part, Daisy wagged her tail so hard that Kendrick worried she might hurt herself, then chased Rafael around the garden until the boy was breathless with laughter.
Kendrick watched with a half-smile, glad the younger children were settling in so well, though he wished Lavender had been the one to bring his dog home. But why would she? He knew he’d hurt her when he’d told her not to come home with him and the children.
Her absence weighed heavily on Kendrick, but he didn’t know how to overcome the fact that Miranda felt so threatened by her. Still, he couldn’t help missing her with every fiber in his body. The younger children had been utterly charmed by her, and he didn’t understand why Miranda seemed so determined to hate her. He didn’t know how he would have managed any of it without Lavender. How could he move on with his life, knowing she was right next door? So close, yet so far. He couldn’t bear the thought of never holding her in his arms again nor waking to her sweet smile. The memories of the sweet solace they had found in each other’s arms on the way to Barcelona haunted him.
He loved her. He wanted her in his life desperately.
All he’d wanted for the last seven years was to have his daughter back. Now, he had her, but it meant losing the only other person in his life who mattered.
He had aways believed that fate could be cruel and capricious, but he didn’t think that fact had ever been illustrated to him so clearly. Did he really have to make this choice? Was there nothing he could do to convince Miranda that Lavender would never hurt her?
As the evening shadows began to lengthen, Kendrick could not shake off the heaviness that settled in his heart. The laughter of the children playing in the garden echoed through the house, but it couldn’t dispel the ache of loneliness that gnawed at him.
He stood by the window, watching the waves crash against the shore in the distance, a tumultuous dance that mirrored his own conflicted emotions. The realization that he had let Lavender slip away, that she was now beyond his reach, weighed on him like a stone pressing down on his chest.
“Papa?” Miranda said softly from behind him.
He turned and tried to smile. “Yes?”
She bit her lip. “You seem sad.”
“How could I be sad?” he asked softly. “I have you and now your brother and sister as well. All is finally as it should be.”
She bit her lip. “Truly?”
He nodded. “I’ve wanted nothing more since the moment your mother took you away from me.”
“My mother never loved me,” she whispered, her face crumpling. “She only cared about the men she brought home. And they were never nice to me. When they would leave her, she always acted like it was my fault.”
He sighed and crossed the distance between them, pulling her into a tight embrace. “Oh, Miranda,” he said with a sigh. “She loved you. She just needed more love than anyone could ever have given her. Not you, and definitely not me.”
As he said the words, he knew they were true. For so long, he’d blamed himself for not having been able to make Isabella stay, but now he knew that no matter how much he’d loved her, it would never have been enough.
He also finally understood why Miranda had been so averse to his relationship with Lavender. She was so afraid of him ignoring her in favor of Lavender that she didn’t want her around. Dear Lord, knowing the reason for Miranda’s behavior made everything even more difficult. How could he let her believe that he would put her through that again? That he was going to put his own selfish needs above her own?
Miranda hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Papa. For coming and getting me. I think Teresa and Rafael and I will be very happy here.”
He bowed his head and kissed the top of her shiny dark head, loving her so much it hurt and fully understanding that if a choice had to be made, it had to be her, no matter what it meant for him and Lavender. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”
“ T hree children?” Daphne asked, her voice rising. “Mr. Wycliffe now has three children?”
Lavender nodded, taking a sip of tea, her nerves still rattled from all that had happened. She’d told her friends everything— everything —that had happened during the trip, hoping they could help her make sense of it all.
Daphne clutched her teacup, her blue eyes wide with disbelief. “And he let you go? Without a fight?”
Lavender’s heart clenched at the memory of Kendrick’s parting words, the ache of longing still fresh in her chest. She shook her head softly. “He had to think of the children first. Miranda is wary of me, and he didn’t want to upset her further.”
“But what about you, Lavender?” Genevieve asked, concern etched on her features. “You’re obviously madly in love with the man.”
A wistful smile tugged at Lavender’s lips as she remembered all the moments she’d spent with Kendrick, both the steamy and the sweet ones. “I... I care for him deeply, but I understand he needs to put the children first.” The words felt heavy on her tongue, a bitter truth she had to accept.
“Perhaps he just needs time to adjust,” Eden offered gently. “Taking in three children all at once is bound to be overwhelming.”
Lavender nodded, her fingers tracing the delicate pattern on her teacup. “I know you’re right. And I suppose there is a chance that eventually, Miranda will feel secure enough to be open to Kendrick and me being friends again.” Despite the circumstances, she could not deny the ache in her chest, the longing to be by Kendrick’s side.
Genevieve placed a comforting hand on Lavender’s arm. “It must be difficult for you, my dear. To have found such a connection with him, only to have it cut short.”
“It is,” Lavender admitted softly. “But I cannot fault him for prioritizing his children. Miranda, Rafael, and Teresa need him far more than I do.”
Daphne leaned forward, her expression thoughtful. “Do you think he will realize what he’s missing without you there?”
Lavender sighed as she considered Daphne’s question. “I don’t know. Kendrick is a man of duty and responsibility. He would never choose me over his daughter. And I don’t think he cares nearly as much for me as I do for him.”
Had she somehow managed to convince herself that there had been more between them than there had been? She was so confused. That day they had spent in their private railroad compartment, she would have sworn that he loved her, but he’d never actually said the words. How could she have once again let herself be the one to care more?
As Lavender sat with her friends, their words of comfort and understanding washing over her, she couldn’t shake the lingering doubt in her heart. The memory of Kendrick’s conflicted gaze as he bid her farewell haunted her, as did the unspoken emotions that had passed between them during their time together on the journey home. They’d had no chance to discuss any of it, and she supposed that was the most difficult thing of all. If she only had a true picture of what he was thinking and feeling, she might realize that nothing was lost, that there was still a way forward for them.
But since he had left her without a backward glance, she had only fear and regret to keep her company during all the long, lonely nights to come.
She took a deep breath, steeling herself against the swell of longing that threatened to consume her. “I must respect Kendrick’s choices,” she said softly, more to herself than to her friends. “He has a family now, and I cannot intrude where I am not wanted.”
Daphne frowned, concern evident in her eyes. “But what about your own happiness, Lavender? Are you prepared to sacrifice it for the sake of his family?”
Lavender’s fingers tightened around her teacup, the porcelain cool against her skin. “Of course,” she replied because when put like that, there was really no other answer she could give.