Page 12 of The Wayward Lady (The Wayward Widows of Willoughby Hall #1)

T he next morning, Lavender and Kendrick set forth to Dover in the duchess’s grandest coach. Kendrick had been a bit reluctant to accept the woman’s generosity, especially since she’d already done so much to help him find Miranda, but Lavender deserved to travel in style. Besides, he wasn’t certain what sort of conveyances they’d be able to hire once they reached the Continent. They might as well be comfortable on the relatively short trip to the port.

He'd walked over to Willoughby Hall earlier this morning with Daisy and still felt guilty about leaving her behind. But the three women who would be taking care of her had seemed completely smitten with her. He was somewhat comforted by the thought of her getting spoiled rotten while he was gone.

At some point, during the half hour before they left, all three ladies had managed to corner him and threaten him with dire consequences should anything happen to Lavender during their journey. Rather than being angry, however, he had been oddly touched by their concern for her and had assured each of them that he would ensure her safety. She was incredibly lucky to have such friends.

As they settled across from each other and the driver headed down the drive, Lavender gave him a nervous smile. “Are you ready for this?”

He ran his fingers through his hair as the monumental task in front of him made nausea churn in his gut. “I want to see Miranda more than anything, but I’m haunted by the thought that she might not remember me or worse... not want to come with me.”

Lavender reached across the carriage to squeeze his knee. “It might be awkward or even difficult initially, but I’m confident you’ll be able to rebuild your relationship with her.”

Kendrick offered her a grateful smile, the weight of his fears momentarily lifted by Lavender’s unwavering support. Her touch was a lifeline amidst the turbulent sea of emotions threatening to engulf him. “Thank you,” he murmured.

The rhythmic clip-clop of the horses’ hooves against the cobblestone streets of Broadstairs soon gave way to the softer sound of the dirt road toward Dover. As everything familiar to him vanished behind them, he focused on Lavender. Her eyes held a glimmer of determination, reflecting her resolve to help him even though he knew she must be as nervous as he was. She seemed to truly believe in him and his capacity to connect with his daughter despite the years of separation and uncertainty. He wasn’t quite certain what he’d done to deserve such trust, but he was grateful to have her by his side.

With a deep breath, Kendrick straightened in his seat, steeling himself for the journey ahead. “I can’t help thinking it was selfish to ask you to come with me,” he admitted. “But I’m more grateful than I can say to have you here.”

“It wasn’t selfish at all. In fact, I think it was incredibly generous of you to offer.” She gave him a gentle smile, her lovely blue eyes wide with excitement. Her hair was caught up in a tidy chignon, and she wore a sturdy brown traveling dress, looking every inch the respectable lady that she was. “This is the most exciting thing I have ever done. For so long, I have listened to other people talk about their adventures, but I never dreamed I’d ever get to go on one myself.”

He gave a rough laugh. “There hasn’t been much adventure in my life, either,” he told her. “I’m looking forward to seeing Paris and Barcelona as well.”

“It’s rare for a woman to get to travel,” Lavender said with a sigh. “Geoffrey went to the Continent several times while we were married, but he never took me with him, even though I pleaded with him to do so.”

“From everything you’ve told me about him, I think Geoffrey was a bit of a fool,” he said, wishing the man were still alive so he could give him a thrashing for hurting Lavender’s tender heart. “If you were mine, I would never leave you behind.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. He had no right to say such things to her because, sadly, she wasn’t his, no matter how much he might wish she was. He shouldn’t even be thinking of such things until he settled things regarding Miranda.

To his surprise, she didn’t seem angry that he’d insulted her dead husband. Instead, she laughed and shook her head. “I’m starting to think that he was a bit of a fool, too,” she agreed, thankfully ignoring the rest of what he had said. “He was selfish, at the very least.”

“Isabella was selfish, too,” he said haltingly. It seemed disloyal to say it, but he still had so much anger churning within him that he felt if he didn’t let it out, he might explode. “But I know I bear some responsibility as well. If I’d been able to make her happy, maybe she wouldn’t have left.”

“You can’t make someone else happy,” Lavender said softly, and he could tell she was speaking from personal experience. “If someone isn’t happy within themselves, there’s very little you can do to change that.”

He sighed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and stretching his legs out in front of him until they brushed her skirts. “I suppose you’re right. But I’ve gone over things a thousand times in my mind, trying to figure out what I could have done differently.”

“As have I,” she told him, her earlier excitement fading to sadness.

He regretted having broached the topic but couldn’t resist asking, “What do you think you could have done differently? The man was frequenting brothels and ended up dying in one. That isn’t your fault.”

She blushed scarlet. “I can’t help but wonder why he felt the need to do so. I never turned him away. Why wasn’t he happy in our marriage bed?”

Kendrick cleared his throat, hating the sadness in her voice. “I’m afraid I don’t know the answer, but some men are never satisfied with one woman.”

She glanced up at him and then quickly dropped her gaze. “Are you one of those men?”

“No,” he said fiercely. “I think the physical act is far sweeter when you actually love the person you’re with. I never strayed from Isabella’s bed when we were together. Not once.” He wanted to tell her that the kiss they had shared in the rain was the first time he’d ever been tempted in all the years Isabella had been gone, but he wasn’t certain she’d want to hear that, or if she’d even believe him.

Her mouth rounded in a perfect “O,” and then, she visibly shook herself. “Oh, Kendrick! It must have been difficult to find out she had been gone for years. That you had been free all that time and never knew it.”

He shrugged. “Until I met you, I never thought much of it. And my anger with her over taking Miranda far eclipses anything else. But when you fell into my life, you changed everything. I think you know that.”

She turned to look out the window, trying to hide her smile. His own lips curved a bit when he saw how pleased she was to know that she had been the one to tempt him.

And for the first time, he dared to believe that things just might go his way, that their trip would be uneventful, and they would return with Miranda, who’d forgive him for all his past sins. And then, finally, he might be able to think about the physical needs he had put to the side for so long and think about a future with the wonderful woman who sat across from him.

T he midday sun was beating down when they reached the busy port of Dover early that afternoon. The carriage rolled to a stop at the bustling dock, where ships of all sizes were neatly lined up. Kendrick procured tickets for the next ferry to Calais, and the footman expertly lifted their luggage from the carriage and carried it to the boat they would be taking, its decks full of passengers eager to cross the Channel.

While Lavender waited for Kendrick to return, she let the coachman help her down from the carriage, then took a moment to stretch her legs and look around. Even though she’d lived a stone’s throw from this seaport for a year now, she’d never been here. The majestic white chalk cliffs rose in the distance, and she gazed at them breathlessly.

“It’s beautiful,” she murmured as Kendrick rejoined her.

He looked in the direction she pointed, and they stared in awe. “It certainly is,” he agreed.

The salty tang of the ocean filled the air, mingling with the fresh sea breeze. The scent of fish and seaweed wafted from the nearby fishing boats, while the aroma of freshly baked bread drifted from the dockside cafes.

“Do you want to have some tea before we set sail?” Kendrick asked, looking at his pocket watch as they finally turned away from the view. “We still have an hour or so.” Her stomach gave a low grumble in answer, and she laughed. “That sounds lovely. I was too nervous to eat this morning.”

“As was I,” he admitted.

They strolled to the closest cafe side by side, and Lavender couldn’t control her surge of pride at being seen on the arm of such a man. He wore a gray tweed traveling suit with a subtle herringbone pattern, black trousers, and a bowler hat. Until now, she’d never seen him in anything other than simple linen shirts and comfortable trousers he wore to work in his garden. She liked the way he looked when they were roaming around the estate, but she liked seeing him a bit more dressed up as well.

She knew no one in Dover, so there was no need to worry about scandal. She was certain that anyone who observed them would assume they were married, and the thought was dangerously tempting.

She shouldn’t want that. She should be like her friends and want more from her life than to simply be the property of a man, but ever since she’d gotten into the carriage with Kendrick this morning, a sense of peace had settled over her. It felt right, somehow, to be traveling with him.

As she’d told him earlier, Geoffrey had never taken her with him anywhere. Most of her married life had been spent in London. They’d only gone to their country house once because Geoffrey didn’t like to rusticate and had never put much into the estate’s upkeep. Even then, he had gone ahead on horseback and left her to travel alone in the carriage.

But traveling with someone was proving to be just as much fun as she’d imagined it would be. Kendrick had been very attentive, and even the silences between them had been comfortable. She just wished the reason for their journey wasn’t so stressful for him. She had to keep reminding herself that they weren’t supposed to be having fun, that they had a mission to accomplish.

The cafe was decorated with white and blue checkered tablecloths, and vibrant paintings of seaside scenes hung on the walls. A large window overlooked the bustling dock, offering a glimpse of the boats and ships sailing in and out of the harbor.

The air was filled with the intoxicating scent of freshly baked pastries, making Lavender’s stomach growl again. She ordered a warm scone. As she took a bite, the buttery pastry melted in her mouth, followed by a burst of sweet berry filling. She savored the flavors, feeling certain she’d never eaten anything so delicious.

Kendrick watched her, his gaze oddly intense. He seemed to be staring at her lips, and she suddenly wondered if he was thinking of the kiss they’d shared. Lord knows she had thought of little else herself in the intervening weeks.

Clearing her throat, she gestured to his own pastry. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

He smiled and dropped his gaze. “Sorry, just woolgathering, I suppose.”

But he reached across the table and covered her hand with his, squeezing it for a moment before letting go. “I don’t think you realize how lovely you are, Lavender. I have a hard time looking at anything else when you’re near.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, and her heart surged with affection. Geoffrey had never complimented her in such a manner, but she didn’t doubt Kendrick’s sincerity. For whatever reason, he seemed to like her short, curvy body.

Lavender’s eyes traced the sharp angles of Kendrick’s jaw and the high cheekbones of his handsome face. His dark hair swept softly over his forehead, a bit messy since he’d taken off his hat when they entered the bakery, and his deep brown eyes seemed to glow in the warm sunlight coming through the cafe window.

“Aren’t you going to finish yours?” he asked teasingly, his eyes dancing.

She looked away, heat climbing in her cheeks as she realized she had been caught staring just as he had.

“You know I find you very attractive as well,” she managed.

“Actually, I wasn’t sure of that at all,” he said softly. “But it’s good to know.”

He changed the subject then, and they spent the next half hour engaged in idle chitchat, but the warm feeling lingered, and her anticipation for what lay ahead grew.

As the ferry set sail, they found a comfortable spot on deck to watch as the coast of England grew smaller and smaller in the distance. The wind whipped through their hair, and the smell of the sea filled their nostrils.

Lavender couldn’t contain her excitement, staring in wonder at the vast expanse of water before them. “This is my first time on a boat,” she exclaimed, gazing at the horizon. “I can’t believe that we’re actually doing this.”

Kendrick smiled at her enthusiasm, grateful for her lightheartedness amidst his own tumultuous thoughts. He had spent most of his days brooding over his past mistakes, but Lavender’s presence brought a welcome breath of fresh air and reminded him that there was still beauty and joy to be found in life. He wished he could look at things the way she did.

As they sailed across the Channel, they talked about their plans for when they reached France. They would take a train from Calais to Paris, which would take about three or four hours. Then, they would find a place near the railroad station to spend the night. Tomorrow, they would take another train to Barcelona. The journey consisted of several stops and transfers, but they should still reach their destination before nightfall the next day. He wasn’t certain how far the orphanage would be from the train station, whether he’d have to rent a carriage or if he could walk. But by this time three days from now, Miranda should be with him once again. He couldn’t believe he was finally so close to seeing her again.

Unfortunately, even after making all these preparations, Kendrick couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling in his gut that something could still go wrong. What if Miranda refused to see him? What if she hated him? If she refused to go with him, should he force her? He couldn’t imagine that would end well.

The biggest fear of all was that she wouldn’t be there at all. That he’d come all this way, only to find that the duchess’s information had been wrong. Perhaps he should have wired ahead, made certain that she really was at the orphanage. But the thought of waiting days more had seemed intolerable. Besides, once he was in Barcelona, he should be able to track her down. He just needed to be moving, to be making progress after all this time.

Lavender must have noticed his troubled expression because she squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Everything will work out,” she said softly. “You’re doing everything you can to make things right.”

He nodded, grateful for her words but still unsure if he deserved such kindness.

T he afternoon sun had dipped lower in the sky, casting a warm golden light over the bustling port of Calais as the ferry pulled up to the dock. Lavender’s eyes widened with excitement. She eagerly scanned the busy docks, taking in the colorful sights of sailors unloading cargo and travelers rushing to and from the ferry.

They hired a porter to take their luggage to the train station but decided to walk, eager to stretch their legs after a long day of travel.

“I can’t believe I’m in France,” Lavender exclaimed, gazing around in awe.

The streets of Calais were alive with a vibrant energy that was a stark contrast to the calm English countryside Lavender was used to. The sound of rapid French conversations filled the air, mingling with the tantalizing scents of freshly baked bread and exotic spices wafting from the nearby cafes.

Kendrick couldn’t help but feel a sense of anticipation building within him as they navigated through the bustling streets toward the train station. The thought of finally reuniting with his daughter sent a surge of emotions through him—hope, fear, and a deep longing. He couldn’t believe this nightmare that had begun seven years ago was nearly over.

As they approached the station, Lavender caught sight of a quaint little patisserie with colorful macarons displayed in the window. Her eyes lit up with delight as she tugged gently on Kendrick’s sleeve. “Can we please stop for just a moment? I’ve always wanted to try authentic French pastries.”

Kendrick couldn’t help but smile at her infectious enthusiasm, feeling a warmth blossom in his chest at the sight of her joy. He had forgotten what it felt like to be so carefree, so unburdened by the weight of his past. With Lavender by his side, he felt like a new man, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.

“Of course, we can,” he told her, and they ducked into the shop. Luckily, the shop owner spoke fluent English, and they were able to order a selection of pastries, which were wrapped up and placed in a small box. He wasn’t certain they’d be any better than the ones they’d had on the other side of the Channel earlier today, but he was willing to put aside his natural reticence toward new things and give them a try.

As they once again walked toward the train station, Lavender slipped her hand into his, a simple gesture that sent a jolt of electricity through him. Her touch was gentle yet reassuring, and it seemed very natural to be connected to her. He had the fanciful thought that it was her and him against the world.

The train station loomed ahead, its grand facade a testament to the bustling city of Calais. Lavender and Kendrick made their way inside, the noise of the crowd and the click-clack of baggage carts filling the air. They retrieved their luggage, purchased their tickets, found their platform, and settled onto a wooden bench, surrounded by travelers from all walks of life.

Lavender curiously watched the eclectic mix of people passing by. Families with young children, elderly couples with weathered faces, and bustling groups of friends all hurried toward their respective trains.

Kendrick sat beside her, his gaze fixed on the tracks ahead, lost in his thoughts. The weight of his mission lay heavy on his shoulders, but the warmth of Lavender’s hand in his provided a sense of solace he hadn’t felt in years. No matter what happened in Spain, he was no longer alone, and that was a heady feeling.

A whistle blew in the distance, signaling the imminent departure of their train. Lavender looked up at Kendrick, her expression filled with excitement. “Next stop... Paris!”

He smiled, basking in her joy. He was so glad to be able to give her these new experiences.

The sleek, black train glided into the station, its perfectly polished exterior reflecting the bustle of the crowd. Lavender and Kendrick made their way up the steps, the metallic scent of the train car filling their noses. The plush seats and clean aisles exuded a sense of luxury and comfort.

They settled in two adjacent seats toward the back of the car, where they made themselves comfortable. Kendrick stretched his long legs out in front of him and gave her a rueful smile. “I will book a private compartment from Paris to Barcelona since it will take more than twenty-four hours. But since this leg of our journey is only a few hours, I thought traveling in coach would be all right.”

“This is fine,” Lavender hurried to reassure him. “I enjoy watching people.”

He smiled. “Do you? I have spent most of the last decade avoiding everyone. I already felt a little overwhelmed by how many people I’ve had to deal with today. If I didn’t have you by my side, I’m certain I’d be ready to pull my hair out in frustration.”

“Well, I find people endlessly interesting,” she replied. “I like to try and guess who they are and what they’re doing.”

He gestured to a couple who had just boarded. “What do you think about them?”

She frowned, taking in every detail of their appearance.

The couple appeared to be in their late fifties. The man had a distinguished air about him and a twinkle in his eye, which seemed to indicate he had a mischievous sense of humor. His wife, elegant and regal, with a strand of pearls draped around her neck, exuded warmth and grace.

Lavender observed them for a moment, noticing how the man whispered something in his wife’s ear, causing her to chuckle softly. “I think they’ve been married for many years,” Lavender began, her eyes crinkling with amusement. “He still knows how to make her laugh, even after all this time. They seem like they’ve shared a lifetime of wonderful moments.”

Kendrick glanced at the couple and then back at Lavender. “Do you think they’re happy?” he asked quietly.

Lavender pondered his question for a moment before answering. “They seem content,” she finally replied, her gaze lingering on the couple. “In each other’s company, they find joy and comfort. It’s the kind of love that withstands the test of time, where every shared moment becomes a cherished memory.”

Kendrick watched the couple for a moment longer, feeling a bit wistful. “I would like to think that such a thing is possible, but my previous experience with married life was never like that.”

“Neither was mine,” Lavender admitted, thinking of all the tears she’d cried herself to sleep and the long evenings spent alone while Geoffrey spent his time at gaming hells and brothels.

“You haven’t told me much about the viscount,” he said softly, his dark gaze holding hers.

Lavender hesitated momentarily, memories of her past life flashing through her mind. She took a deep breath, steeling herself to share a part of her history with Kendrick.

“Geoffrey was charming and captivating when we first met,” Lavender began, her voice tinged with melancholy. “In the beginning, I truly thought I could love him. I thought he might love me too. But as time went on, and I was unable to conceive, his facade crumbled to reveal a man consumed by his desires and vices. I can see now that in the end, our marriage was more of a business arrangement than anything else, only he liked to remind me that I wasn’t living up to my part of the bargain.”

Kendrick listened intently, his eyes filled with understanding as she spoke, offering silent support.

“I tried to be the dutiful wife, to ignore the late nights and the rumors that followed him like shadows,” Lavender continued. “But I was still surprised to hear that he’d died in a brothel.” Heat crept up her cheeks. “Now I wonder if he ever really cared for me.” She wondered if Kendrick knew what sort of “particular tastes” Geoffrey had engaged in that night. Because she still didn’t. She’d tried to get the other widows to tell her, but they all claimed not to know. She doubted that. They just thought she couldn’t handle it.

“He was obviously a fool,” Kendrick assured her. “Any man would be lucky to have a lady such as you.”

She absorbed the comfort his warm hand provided, wondering if he was right. Had the fault in her marriage been Geoffrey’s more than her own? Eden had thought so, but it was nice to hear it from a man. It was a relief to let go of some of the guilt and regret she’d been shouldering since his death.

“Thank you,” she whispered just as the train shuddered to life.

As the train started to move, Lavender pressed her face to the window, taking in the bustling station disappearing behind them. In the distance, the idyllic French countryside stretched out before her, fields of green dotted with vibrant wildflowers and quaint villages. The sun dipped low in the west, casting a warm pink glow over the landscape.

The train's rhythmic sound and gentle swaying were very comforting. Lavender turned back to Kendrick, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Thank you for listening. It means more than you know to be able to share that with someone who truly understands.”

He nodded, looking troubled. “I know what it’s like to feel like you’re all alone in a marriage. Isabella may have tried at first... Maybe not. I don’t even know anymore. I think she just wanted out of her parents’ house, and I was the first one to ask for her hand. But as soon as she realized the reality of being a wife, she stopped trying to make me happy.” He sighed ruefully. “Sometimes, I thought she was trying to make me miserable. She certainly did her best to make me jealous. I think it actually angered her that I didn’t fly into a rage over her antics. I sensed she was trying to get a reaction, and the only thing I could control was not to give her one.”

“The more you shut her out, the more she tried to break down your walls,” Lavender said softly. “She just went about it in all the wrong ways. She probably needed more attention than anyone could ever give her.”

“I should have tried harder,” he admitted. “But I had no idea how to please her.”

“You aren’t responsible for her choices,” Lavender assured him. “And it really was deplorable of her to take your child away from you.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face, looking utterly forlorn. “I hate that Miranda paid the price for both of our mistakes. I just don’t know what I’m going to say or do that will make up for my inaction the last seven years.”

“I think she will just be so glad to see you that she will forgive you anything,” Lavender said, hoping it was true. “All you can really do is move forward.”

He nodded but didn’t look convinced.