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Chapter Thirty-Two

LAIKEN

Two weeks have passed since the beach, and I think I’ve given Nason enough time to pull his head out of his ass. There are times when I think he’s avoiding me. I used to see him every single day, and I haven’t seen him at all. Not leaving his house. Not to get the mail. At. All!

I’m not sure the best decision is a confrontation, but I’m pissed off about the way he’s treating Lie. I get it. You’re angry. Neither of us is saying you shouldn’t be. But making your son cry after he hadn’t been home in six days because you’re making him feel like shit is unacceptable.

Who does that? What kind of parent looks at their hurting child and decides ‘ I’m going to continue being a dick to him since he brought this on himself? ’ Yes, I’m childless. But even I know that’s not how you should be treating your child.

I’m fucking flabbergasted that he’s still treating Lie this way. It’s hard to look beyond because I don’t fucking understand this man.

There have been times since Lie was born that I was jealous about how close he was with his son.

How they’d have their own inside jokes. How Lie would confide in him.

How Lie would seek him out above anyone else.

Nason loved hanging out with Lie. He’d take Lie everywhere.

There are at least an equal number of memories I have when it’s been the three of us—Nason, Lie, and me—over the last twenty-one years as there are without Lie.

Nason must know that he’s now fucked that relationship up beyond repair. Right? Is there no remorse at all?

I think this is what drives me to cross the backyard once Lie has gone to the bar with Cash to watch Whiskey Horizons play for a couple of hours. My staff know they have every authority to kick Benson out if need be. I support their decisions if it comes to that.

I pause in front of the glass sliding door. I’m not sure I’ve ever knocked on Nason’s door. It feels… wrong. I chew the inside of my lip and reconsider what I’m doing.

This is a bad idea. I know it is. I can feel it in my gut. I should turn around and let it be.

Except that I can’t. Lie needs his father to stop. Maybe I can help. Probably not, but I won’t know unless I try, right?

With that resolve, I knock on the glass door hard enough that it can’t be ignored.

Miranda appears around the corner and freezes in her tracks. Her eyes dart away, and then she’s wringing her hands in front of her. I’m a little surprised when she comes toward me and opens the door.

“Hello, Miranda,” I greet.

She gives me a weary smile. “Hi, Laiken.”

“I need to speak to your husband. Think you can convince him to come outside?”

Miranda is obviously torn. After a few seconds of indecision, she sighs. “Yeah.” She hesitates, her eyes meeting mine for a second.

“What? Say it.”

She glances into the house before stepping closer to me so she can keep her voice down. “I don’t… I miss my son, and I really need you to think about what you’re doing to this family.”

I nod. “I see. Choosing to be delusional as usual. Thank you for your concern. I’d like to speak to your husband now.”

Miranda shakes her head. “I get it. I’m not the best mother when it comes to letting my son express himself how he wants to. I don’t even know why, Laiken. But you have to see?—”

“That’s the difference between you and me. I do understand what I’ve done, and I agree I fucked up big time. However, I’m not the person tearing apart your family, Miranda. And neither is Lie. Our actions, our relationship, aren’t the poison in your family right now. Even you can see that.”

She can. It’s reflecting in her eyes as she takes a step back.

Without another word, she disappears into the house.

I step off the deck, away from the house.

I move close to our property line. Where I think it is, anyway.

We tore down the fence as soon as I moved in.

There’s nothing separating our properties anymore and hasn’t been for nearing two decades.

Somehow, I see a line as if it’s visible.

“What?”

I turn at Nason’s voice. He hasn’t stepped off the deck and stands there with his arms crossed over his chest. My throat is tight for a minute because I fucking miss him. I miss my best friend so damn much.

“Are you ready to listen to an explanation yet?”

He rolls his eyes. “What the fuck can you possibly say to make this okay?”

“Nothing. I didn’t say I could make it okay. But you’ve turned into an absolute jackass toward your son, and Nason, that’s not you. You and I and everyone else on Kala knows that.”

“Don’t pretend?—”

“That I know you?” I interrupt. “Are you really going to spew that bullshit right now?”

Nason doesn’t answer.

“I know you’re angry. You should be. You have every right to be. I fucked up, Nason. I know that. I deserve your ire. But are you really going to alienate your son? The person you have loved more than any other living thing in this entire world?”

He still doesn’t answer.

“I know we hurt you, but you should know that doesn’t give you permission to hurt him. You make him fucking cry, Nason. Does that not bother you? Are you seriously going to continue to push him out of your life?”

I’ve said something that finally penetrated his anger. I can see it flash in his eyes. So I push on.

“When he was nine and someone pushed him at school, making him scrape his knee, you were ready to hit the kid over the head with a baseball bat. You have spent every single day with Lie, who’s not just your son but your best friend.

You’ve been prouder of him than anything else in your life.

You’ve protected him from the world, so he always had a smile on his face.

Do you not see what you’re doing to him now?

I know you do. But how the hell can you stand to do it?

I thought there was nothing at all that could come between you two. ”

“Except you,” he snaps.

I shake my head. “No. You came between the two of you. I’m not the one making him miserable, Nason. That’s you. I’m not?—”

“Stop being such a fucking martyr, Laiken. You fucking groom my son, seduce him, and steal him from me. Right in front of my face. Under my nose this entire time. How long have you preyed on him, Laiken? How long? I used to let him spend the night at your house when he was a kid! Did you?—”

“Stop!” I shout. “Do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth? You don’t believe that for a second, but you’re so blinded by righteous jealousy that you’re listening to the fucking gossip mill as if it’s the gospel.”

“You stole my son!” he demands. “You’re fucking sick. He’s my child.”

“He’s your adult child. He’s twenty-one. I didn’t even see him as anything other than a child until about eight months ago. When, I might add, he was very much an adult.”

“He’s my child!” Nason screams. “You’re fucking vile. How can you stand here and-”

I don’t bother listening to any more. Nason’s words stop abruptly when I turn away. “Fuck you,” I mutter. “I hope one day you wake the fuck up and look around you, Nason. And see everything you lost because you can’t get over the anger that’s blinding you.”

Nason sputters some more repeated bullshit as I follow the line between our houses and walk away from him. Fuck him. Fuck that noise. Fuck my stomach for churning. Fuck my emotions for stinging my eyes right now.

I won’t be spoken to like that.

My chest heaves as I storm down the road, not knowing where I’m going. I can’t see anything but a black haze as fury, indignation, and hurt swirl so thickly that I might choke.

I stop at the border between residential and public to lock up my phone. I close my eyes for a minute, taking deep breaths to get rid of the influx of turmoil.

I send a quick text to Lie, telling him I’m going to Deryke’s for a while, so I don’t have my phone on me. I also tell him not to go to Nason’s house right now. Probably not a good idea to go tonight at all.

He doesn’t answer since he’s at the bar without his phone, but at least he’ll know where I am. I lock up my phone and wander the beach until I come to the back of Deryke’s rented bungalow. He’s stayed in this exact one for the past few summers. I wonder if he took out a timeshare.

He’s sitting outside with a book and looks up as I approach. He smiles, but his smile falls away. “You look even more like shit than last week.”

“I decided two weeks of Nason ignoring me was long enough, so I thought confronting him about how he’s treating his son is unacceptable.”

“Big mistake?” Deryke asks.

I snort. “Not strong enough.”

He hands me a drink, untouched. “You need this more than I do.”

I laugh, though it’s not humorous at all. I take a long drink and then let my head fall back, closing my eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” I admit.

“I think there is only one choice.” I turn my head to look at him. “It is time to admit defeat and write Nason out of your life.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“Yes,” Deryke agrees. “But what choice do you have? If Lie continues going home, he will continue being hurt. If you continue forcing him to talk, you will continue being hurt.”

“He’s Lie’s father,” I say.

“He is. But it sounds to me like he is not being a good father. The most difficult toxic people to cut from your life are those related to you. Or those so close they’re closer than relatives.”

“I don’t know how to live without Nason,” I admit, letting the tears sting my eyes. This time, without fighting them. I let the hurt of his words make my lower lip tremble. The fact that he said those things to me. I doubt he actually believes them, but that they left his mouth at all.

It hurts. It cuts so fucking deep.

“I’ve spent every single day for the last thirty years with this man by my side,” I say, voice cracking. “I don’t know… I don’t know how to live without him.”

Deryke grips my arm gently as I try to stop the tears that have unlocked. I’ve spent the last two weeks containing my own emotions to comfort Lie. I haven’t allowed myself time to fall apart. I hate that I need to. Nason doesn’t deserve my tears.

Deryke doesn’t speak for several minutes, letting me have my moment.

“Thanks,” I say and wipe my face.

“I think you need more time to feel,” he says. “Take it. I will read more.”

I nod, hanging my head. But I’m done crying. I’m done giving Nason that much real estate in my head and heart. He can’t take those words back. I won’t forgive him for saying them at all.

“I’m disgusted by him. The things he just said to me,” I shake my head, much more preferring the anger that clogs my chest. “They were… vile.”

“I can imagine.”

“Beyond that, I know he has no intention of reconciling with Lie. It’s like he’s compelled to act like an asshole.

Like he’s been assigned this role and is determined to do it justice.

But I can’t stand seeing Lie like that. Nason hurt me today.

But Lie is his damn child. The one person in this world that Nason loved more than any damn thing.

To see him treat Lie this way is just… It pisses me off the most because I can’t fix it.

I can’t take this pain away from Lie. I feel so fucking helpless. ”

“It must be hard,” Deryke agrees.

I nod, closing my eyes again. We don’t talk for a long time.

My brain is once more so overloaded with thoughts and emotions that it feels blessedly blank.

Deryke always has such a calm, quiet demeanor that being in his presence is like walking into a bubble where everything is peaceful.

I’m thankful for that feeling right now.

I don’t know how to fix this, but I think I just came to a hard conclusion. There is no fixing this. At least, not by me or Lie. Nason has made that very clear. If there will ever be any reconciliation, it’s going to need to be initiated by Nason.

Even if that happens, and I don’t see that as a possibility, it’s already too late. There is no fix to this now. The damage is irreversible. Not just by Nason’s words and actions, but by mine and Lie’s. We’re not innocent in all this by any means.