Page 55 of The Shift Between Us (Covewood #2)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Luke

T he sound of metal clanking together, the occasional grunt or two, and the scent of sweat fills the space around me. I normally can block these things out while I’m at the gym, but after three nights of no sleep, it’s getting harder to ignore anything, especially the noise in my own mind.

I shake my head and chug the rest of my pre-workout drink, hoping it’ll kick in soon and give me the push I need.

Ashton and Zane make their way into the gym, their duffel bags slung over their shoulders, and nod at me in greeting.

I give them a wave, hoping that they won’t come over and chat with me, as rude as that might sound, but I’m not in the mood.

I return my attention to the weights I have beside me and start doing my set of curls. One, two, three. I wonder if Olivia is up yet. Four, five, six. Maybe she’ll finally talk to me today. Seven, eight, nine, ten. Should I be the one to text first?

I set the weights down and reach over to the bench behind me for my phone. I open our text thread, seeing nothing new displayed, and stare at the last photo she had sent me, of Buttercream finally letting her snuggle with him. I would grin at the image if my heart wasn’t so broken.

I miss her.

I wasted so many years trying to outrun my feelings for Olivia, many attempts at relationships, trying to find someone who could make me feel complete, when all along, the only way I would feel whole is with her .

She’s the only one who has been there for me, willing to put the pieces back together, and I kept running away.

All because of cowardice and fear.

I pick up the weights again and begin my second set.

I thought by leaving her that night that I was taking care of her.

Like the flame on a candle, I wanted to protect her light from life’s harsh winds, even if some of those winds were caused by me.

That morning, when she woke me up with ice water, I saw that her light had disappeared.

It felt as if my heart had been torn out of my chest, because I knew that I was the reason that she fell into the darkness.

“Hey, bud,” Zane greets me with a clasp on my shoulder, and I tense.

He gives me an apologetic smile and releases his hand. “Hey,” I reply before returning my weights to the rack.

Ashton eyes me curiously, but instead of saying anything, he shoves his hands into his pockets and presses his lips together. Zane, however, is nosy. “Everything alright?” Zane asks.

“Yep,” I snap and turn toward the cable machine that’s behind us.

Zane lifts a brow, following me like the annoying little brother that he is, putting his nose where it doesn’t belong. “I know Olivia and you?—”

“Zane!” Ashton practically growls, demanding his best friend’s attention. “Let's leave the man alone.”

I give Ashton an appreciative nod before grabbing the pull-up handle and lifting myself off the ground.

“I care about you both and—” Zane goes to add, but Ashton gives him a small shove, shutting him up. I focus on doing a set of pull ups until my arms are burning so badly that I have to let go. The lack of sleep really is getting to me.

“Want to box it out?” Ashton asks, nudging a chin at me.

I eye them cautiously. “Box it out?”

“Come on.” Ashton turns and motions for us to follow him to the back room where a small boxing ring is set up.

I follow them, even though I’d rather let loneliness consume me.

I wish I didn’t cling tightly to isolation any time I’m grieving.

It’d be better for me if I would reach out for help, but being a loner is easier.

It’s less painful to only trust yourself than to trust someone not to abandon you.

Ashton tosses a pair of gloves at me before sliding on his own pair. I’d much rather box against Zane, who would be an easier opponent and a quicker defeat, so I can end this and go back to the weights. Ashton, however, is built like a lumberjack.

He’s got more upper-body strength than anyone I’ve ever met, making him a great addition to Ryland and Zane’s construction crew.

I can see the outline of every muscle in his arms. I bet the guy could knock me out with one punch.

Did Olivia put the guys up to this? I deserve a beating for how I hurt her, but it doesn’t mean I’d willingly put myself in this situation.

“Do you want to go against the lion or the grizzly bear?” Zane asks, wearing a smug smirk across his face that I’d very much like to punch away.

I cock a brow. “Are those your wrestler names?”

“We’re not wrestling. We’re boxing. Now get up here,” Ashton shouts as he gets into a stance.

“Go on…unless you’re too chicken?” Zane chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest.

I might be a little scared, but I’d never admit that out loud. I especially hate being called a chicken, so I roll my eyes and make my way into the ring .

I think I understand how David felt against Goliath. He was small and brave, and I…well I’m not small. I slide on my gloves and mimic Ashton’s stance. He moves closer so we can tap our gloves together.

“And just so you know, my boxing name is The Raging Bull ,” he says softly before giving my gloves a tap and taking the first swing.

Thankfully, I dodge him in time, missing his first swing but taking a hit right into my jaw with his second blow. I groan as pain shoots up my skull, and Zane chooses this time to start blasting “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor through his phone speakers. I’m not liking how much he’s enjoying this.

“There you guys are,” I hear a familiar voice say from behind us.

I twist around to see Ryland walking up beside his little brother, right as Ashton slams a right hook into my ribcage, sending me tumbling and landing on the boxing ropes. Ryland hisses, as if watching me is hurting him, and I frown.

Okay. I’m done playing nice.

I push myself away from the ropes and bounce back onto my feet. Ashton gives me a smirk, slamming his gloves together, gearing up for another blow. Zane and Ryland are cheering us on, gathering a crowd around them that I’m trying my best to ignore.

“I recognize that look,” Ashton says, taking a swing and missing.

“What look?” I grunt, stepping back and jabbing him in the ribs.

Ashton swings his fist toward me, but I block him with my arm. “You’re about to self-sabotage yourself.”

I pierce my brows together, feeling the prickle of hot rage travel up my spine, and I swing, hitting him square in the jaw. He stumbles backward, lifting a glove up to his lip, which is currently bleeding. I smirk, feeling victorious.

“I’m not self-sabotaging. ”

Ashton steps forward, spits onto the ground, and gives me a bloody smile. “Yes, you are. And you want to know how I know?”

I don’t want to think about what he’s going to say, so I swing another jab, and then another, growling in frustration as he dodges each one.

“Because I’ve been there. When my wife left me, I withdrew from everyone and started picking up a bottle to try to drown my sorrows. Thankfully, Zane dragged me out of the pit I had dug for myself.” He swings, but I block him.

“Is that what you're here to do? Drag me out of my pit?” I shout, growing more annoyed with this boxing match, because fighting Ashton isn’t going to fix anything. I’m starting to wonder if anything will…or if this is how things were meant to turn out.

Zane changes the music to something instrumental, and it takes me a moment to recognize the song. “Really, dude, you're playing the fight music from Harry Potter ?”

“The fact that you know that makes me so proud.” He beams up at me as Ashton slams into my stomach.

I grunt, all the air leaving my lungs from the impact.

“Don’t let Voldemort win,” Ryland adds, accepting Zane’s fist bump.

I’m about to say something to the two knuckleheads when Ashton moves closer. I’m over this boxing match. I sling my gloves off, lifting my bare knuckles, and ready myself to end this fight. Zane and Ryland are cheering loudly behind me while Ashton tosses his gloves to the side.

“My pit is too deep. So stop trying to help me,” I yell, twisting my body so I can kick my leg out, slamming my foot into Ashton’s knee.

He falls to the ground with a loud thump. I jump on top of him, feeling way too much in this moment, and I have to admit that the Harry Potter music is only adding to it. He shoves his arms up to protect his face as I slam my fist into his side.

“Trust me— when I say that— you need to forgive yourself— so you can finally move forward,” Ashton grunts out before he slings his leg around my torso and slams me down onto the mat.

Everyone seems to enjoy telling me what to do and what’s good for me. No one wants me to find my own answers. They just want me to believe theirs. The thought rushes through my head as Ashton shifts his weight on top of me and pins me down.

“We all make mistakes, man. But the mistakes don’t make us.”

“You don’t get it!” I yell, shifting my weight so I can push against him, but he doesn’t budge.

I focus on my breathing, channeling all my energy into getting out from underneath him.

“I can’t change— the past— and all it does— is haunt me.

I can’t— get away from it,” I grumble as I twist under his weight.

“Maybe you’re not meant to run from it,” Ryland adds.

Ashton puts his full weight on me, stealing my breath.

I stop fighting, mainly because I can’t physically move at the moment.

“Listen, you have to work on strengthening your mindset. Once you do, you’ll get out of your own way and quit self-sabotaging.

You need to witness your pain, allow yourself to feel it, and then learn to release it. ”

He pushes himself away from me, taking a few steps back, giving me a moment to catch my breath. “That’s why we’re boxing. It has helped me to release it. I’m just trying to help,” he adds.

“Really?” I wheeze, embarrassed at my lack of strength today. “This is how you’re helping me?”