Page 25 of The Runaway
Gasping at the delicious shivers that skittered just under my skin, I hugged myself as the most amazing feeling beat against the backs of my eyes. Around me, the world wasbeautifulandbright. The train and everyone in it were tinged pink, and I leaned to rest my head on Jacob’s shoulder with a harsh sigh. Holding the bag with my lingerie in it tightly to my chest, I could feel my heart beating furiously against my arms.
“See? That lady was real nice, letting you wear it out of the store.” Jacob’s arm tightened around my back, and I rolled my lips between my teeth to stop them quivering. Pressing a kiss to my temple, he murmured softly under the rattling of the train. “Are you going to wear it tomorrow under your clothes?”
“Yeah.” Honestly, I couldn’t remember the outfit I’d bought for tomorrow, but…who cares!“I feel amazing.”
“I can tell. Did you just never think you could help how you looked, or did you not know you had options in the first place?” That question put a damper on me, forcing me to think instead of floating through the haze of finding this sensation. Gnawing on my inner cheek, I flexed my fingers around my bag. Jacob didn’t rush me with expectancy, and I inhaled a deep breath thickened by his smell.
“In Russia, I was a thing. I was a thing that served no purpose— a broken piece that had no place anywhere.Feeling happy… it never mattered. I can do things okay. That’s all that mattered.” My smile dimmed but didn’t disappear, and I truly felt like Russia was in the past. I was learning to read and write English! I had a truly good man next to me. I feltgoodabout myself for the first time in a long time. “I’m not that person anymore.”
“I’m happy for you, Joci.”
“No— for real—” Pulling my wallet out of my jacket pocket, I held up my American ID card in shaky fingers. “I’m a different person in America. It’s as close to real as he could get, which is really close.”
Lowering my tone to whisper, I knew the risk I was taking by showing Jacob. He shot me a curious look, taking the thick plastic to frown at it under furrowed brows. Thin strands of anxiety wormed through my veins, but he didn’tlookupset— simply curious.
“I hope you never get in trouble or anything…” He handed me back my ID, sighing while I slipped it back in my plain, cloth wallet. “How come all the illegal stuff you’re involved in doesn’t feel creepy and illegal?”
“For lower people, it’s like that. Not for us. My boss istheboss of the whole Russia. His father says that business is business, outside legal and illegal. You treat it bad, it will be bad. You treat it business-y, it’s is just business. Lower people don’t treat it business-y because they can get in trouble for it.” Arching a brow quizzically when Jacob nodded, I licked my lips heavily. “It doesn’t bother you?”
“I honestly don’t think about it. Like I said— it doesn’t feel threatening or anything. Besides, it’s not going to matter soon, anyway, right?” His cheek twitched at his own question, and I nodded dumbly while the train screeched to a stop. “I guess, the thing I’d worry about the most was you getting found out and deported. You’d never be able to come back.”
“I’d be killed for going back. It wouldn’t matter the reason.”
“… That would be bad, yeah.” Standing up as the people around us shuffled towards doors, Jacob and I made our way off the train. The ebb and flow of people that he’d mentioned— I could see it. Everyone temporarily in sync in such a small space, all trying to escape to the world above. Holding me to his side, Jacob sighed into the slightly heavy silence that engulfed us. “Tomorrow is going to be an experience. I’m excited. I think you’ll have a nice time once the excitement of a new face wears down.”
“I can’t think of it… what that’s like…” Smiling as I trailed off, he didn’t say anything more as we headed up a long hallway. The air became a little easier to breathe, and the smell started to fade before we hit the stairs. Tightening my grip on my bag, I glanced over at him from under my lashes.
I’m so lucky. I was so lucky to have met Jacob, even if we didn’t last. Even if the cultural gulf between us was never bridged… even if this hot, fun phase ended, and we started to get bored… even if he realized that I didn’t benefit him in any way…I was so lucky to have this, no matter how briefly.
“Joci?” Blinking at the call, I pursed my lips thinly as Jacob’s eyes met mine. “You worried about meeting my family?”
“Do you think time means anything?” We reached the top of the stairs and the surface, my question disappearing into a faint cloud of white. Turning my gaze to the concrete underfoot, I inhaled deeply as palpable confusion hung heavy in the air. “You think it matters? Is it even real? If no… then… whatdoesmatter?”
“I don’t know. Why?” His eyes bored holes into my crown before he shielded me with his palm, rubbing my scalp with his fingertips. Warmth enveloped me entirely, a hum of pleasure lodging in my throat before he spoke up again. “You’re not having an existential crisis over Thanksgiving dinner, are you? We don’thaveto go. I invited you because I want to introduce you to my family, but we can hang home if you’d rather not go.”
“I do.” Speaking up after a long moment, I turned to him to frown under knit brows. “You like me enough to meet your family. Why?”
His blue eyes widened, and my heart pounded hard against my ribs as we turned a corner. Despite the silence, we didn’t stop walking, coming closer to his apartment. Blood drummed in my ears, drowning out the rumpling of the bag when I unfurled my arms to hold it by my side. My elbows throbbed, and I rubbed them over my jacket— not that it helped.
“I like you because you’re funny— and you’re awesome— and you came all the way here for a better life after all that shit you went through. You’re willing to fuck me even though your last boyfriend tortured you. And if you wear the right stuff, you’re insanely beautiful. When you smile, you scrunch up your nose, and it’s the cutest shit ever. Not to mention… what I know about you, I like enough to want more. I think that’s more important than ‘why’.” His short nails scraped my crown, and my eyelids fluttered closed as pleasurable tingles swept down my back in powerful waves. “I especially like when you do this. It’ssocute. I did it because it seemed like a better idea than kissing you in front of the pizza place and all those people.”
He stalled our journey to turn to me, and I gnawed on my lower lip as his palm slid to cup my cheek. Everything about him drew me in, from the uniform direction of his beard to the thin wrinkles around his eyes. His touch was warm, comforting,intimate, and I realized— no one ever touched me like they’d regret it if they didn’t. No man ever looked at me as if he worried he never would again.
Everything I had, even before Anatoly, was meaningless. It was fun and fast, but it was over the moment it began.
“Time doesn’t matter because there are moments where it stops.” My throat closed at his murmur, and Jacob smiled that wonderful smile as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. Tilting my head into his touch, I closed my eyes to savor his touch. “Does that answer your question, Joci?”
“Yeah… I’m learning to love you.” Jacob’s palm flexed against my jaw, but I found myself too weak to open my eyes. I couldn’t bare looking at his expression and ruining this blissful moment with doubt. His puff of a sigh flowed down my nose and chin, his fingers following to draw my lips to his.Oh…
There was no better feeling than Jacob’s kisses.
“You, of all people, understand that time doesn’t exist when you’re so deep in an intense situation, Joci. It works both ways. The horrid darkness… and the blinding, beautiful light.”That’s very philosophical… but more than that, it was true. Leaning to rest my forehead against his chest, I inhaled as deep a breath as I could as he cupped the back of my head. “It’s amazing what one, proper piece of clothing can make you think and feel, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It is.”
26
Jacob