Page 23 of The Runaway
“Ugh. That was awful.” Having dinner with Sascha, his brother, Ophelia, Aleksander, and Delilah was more fun than sitting in these meetings, and that’d been noticeably awkward. There were full minutes of silence before someone broke it, but then it’d fall back into place. I didn’t even know Sascha’s brother’s name or remember what he looked like— I spent all that time staring at my plate.
And the food wasn’t even that good. I didn’t have to spend much effort to forget that night happened.
Reaching into my pants pocket, I puffed out my lips as I stared at the English that glared through the screen. At least pictures were easy to follow, and I tapped Jacob’s name as I frowned. He was so upset, and my heart was so full because of that fact.
“Hey, Joci. I’m just getting off the subway now. Right on time, huh?” Instantly, my frown smoothened out, and I nodded as I walked through Aleksander’s room and into my own. The adjoining door could be locked, but only from his side, and only the manager of the place had the key. “So, how was the meeting? What does a bodyguard even do at something like that?”
“Die of bring bored.” My grumble earned me a chuckle through the phone, and my palm tingly wildly. “I don’t really guard. I can’t fight. I can’t shoot guns. But no one ever attacked Lyov. He’s a loser.”
“Sounds like it was just a place to put you, then?” Stopping my trek in front of my suitcase, I flipped the soft top to gaze at all my clothes. “It’s not like you need to know how to shoot here.”
“I don’t know what to wear tomorrow.” Truthfully, I had no idea what was even appropriate to wear to something like this.Thanksgivingwas a stupid idea— an excuse to get a family together. But I couldn’t just go in my normal clothes.I don’t even have normal clothes, just business stuff.
“Uh… how about we go shopping for something? I need a new shirt, anyway. Mark spilled coffee on me in the break room today. I’m almost at the hotel, so just come down in what you’re wearing.”
“Oh, okay. Are you okay?” Worry slithered into my veins even when Jacob breathed a ‘yeah’, my frown forming again as I shut my suitcase. “Good. I’m glad.”
“The office coffee is usually cold by the time the office opens. I never drink that stuff, anyway, because it’s cheap.” I grabbed my jacket off a chair to pat the pockets for my wallet before heading out of my room, and Jacob sighed over the line. “Tomorrow is gonna be fine. It’ll be a little rough in the beginning, but everyone will get over you quick. Plus, there’s a ton of food. That’s always a good thing. How did your English lesson go?”
“She was very nice. She said I wasn’t terrible.” Waiting for the elevator doors to open, a tiny bubble of pride formed in my chest at my own words. “I have every day for now, but I can do reading by the time my boss goes back to Russia. A little bit. Not a lot. But she said to learn all the letters, and little kids can do it, so I can do it.”
“You definitely can, Joci. It’s not easy to learn a second language, and you have the advantage of not being forced to learn shit you’ll never need to know, like reading Shakespeare or The Great Gatsby.”Uh…I didn’t know what either of those things were, and my silence must’ve spoke for itself when Jacob continued. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Can you teach me some Russian? That would be cool.”
“You’re easy to fall in love with.”Licking my lips heavily as my native tongue rolled out of my mouth, I smiled to myself while heat slithered up my neck. Jacob’s confused, expectant silent rang in my ears, but I didn’t answer when the elevator doors slid open. “I’m going down now.”
“Okay— I’m a block away. I’ll be there in five.” We hung up, and I held my American phone to my chest tightly as I reached in my pocket for my other phone. The green case was so ugly now, like dead grass, and I just wanted to throw it out my hotel room window. I was going to destroy it in the craziest way I could think of, but not until Aleksander left.
“I… hate you.” My face reflected in the black screen, and my cheek twitched as I slid the device back in my pocket. 21 days as of tomorrow. I could handle that. What lay beyond was what lay beyond, and nothing more. The future didn’t exist. No one could anticipate what was in store.
Like with Jacob. His obvious disgust with himself at being disgusted by me was soheartwarming. He recoiled, yes, and he clearly did not find my scars attractive, but he felt bad about it. That was the important part. These past few days, I realized… no one ever felt bad about what happened to me.Ididn’t even feel bad about what happened to me. It was something I couldn’t change, so I had to force myself to accept it and move on. Losing myself to the despair of events out of my control was not how I’d been raised to live.
When was the last time I talked about my parents?The only time I could remember was whenever their deaths were brought up. What did my mom’s face look like, still attached to her skull? What color was my dad’s hair when it wasn’t crusted with piss and blood?I can’t remember.
Leaving the hotel to stand against the building, I put my coat on gingerly and winced when my arm pulled too far back. When was the last time I thought aboutanythingbefore five years ago? But here, in America, even Anatoly didn’t exist. Aleksander would never let him set foot on American soil, and if he did, he was a dead man. Not for me, but because Aleksander’s power was absolute, and being related to him was worse than not.
“Joci—” Pausing awkwardly to glance up, a smile crested my lips when Jacob stopped in front of me to very gently tug my coat. “You know, you can always put your coat on backwards and no one will think it’s strange.”
“Really?”That’s actually really smart.I couldn’t take my coat off now that I’d gotten it on, but I stored away that notion for later while Jacob nodded. He effortlessly pulled back my hair, and I licked my lips as his warm radiated like the sun. True to his word, a huge stain discolored most of his shirt, but he didn’t seem at all perturbed by it. “You didn’t go home first?”
“I didn’t see the point. I’m just throwing this shirt out, anyway. So, is there anything you can’t wear?” Rather than wrap his arm around me, Jacob grabbed my hand, and my brows rose in surprise. His lips thinned, his own gaze shimmering brightly with all the beautiful things that tingled and warmed my face. “You always wear loose stuff. I thought that maybe it’s because tight clothes hurt your skin?”
“You’re right. Yeah.” My heart was so full in this moment, but I couldn’t help but wonder what’d happened to Jacob over the course of the day. He sounded so different than this morning on the phone; I was half asleep, but even then, I could hear how awkward he was. “What happened?”
“What?” Shooting him a pointed look, I arched a brow before realization dawned on Jacob’s face, and he reached his free hand to rub the back of his neck. “Oh— about that. I just realized… I mean… does it bother you to have clothes on while we fuck? You didn’t show me because you hoped I would think you were sexy. You showed me because you trust me, and you wanted me to know. If it was about how attractive you are, you wouldn’t need to take your clothes off. I already thought you were insanely hot, so if it wasn’t for that… you showed me for a deeper reason, and I only focused on the sex part.”
“I want clothes on… no. I hate myself.” Squeezing his hand reassuringly, I smiled at howclosewe were in this moment. In this moment, Jacob and I existed together, in harmony. “I do not blame you for hating me, too.”
His eyes flooded with relief, and he swayed to the side to kiss my head with a heavy sigh that ruffled my hair. Tangling our fingers together, I feltgood. I felt like Jacobunderstoodme. I felt like we were seeing the same thing, and feeling the same thing, andbeingthe same.
24
Joci
“Let’s go in there.” Pointing at the lingerie store, I couldn’t help but giggle at Jacob’s surprised expression, and I nudged him with my elbow. “You said so. Remember?”
“Well, yeah, but I was being facetious.” Grumbling even as he pulled me to his side, Jacob didn’t protest as we ducked into the store. The place smelled like flowers, and there wasn’t a single shopper; even the employees were just hanging around the registers waiting to leave. One of them, a more middle-aged lady greying at the temples, popped up to walk over to us, her heels silent on the carpet.
“Hello! Looking for a last-minute gift for yourselves?” I nodded, releasing Jacob’s arm to unzip my jacket as anxiety sent tremors through my hands. “Do you need help finding something?”