Page 20 of The Runaway

“You said your boss was covering your medical bills, right? Did you think taking all the metal out would help your pain?” The question rolled off my tongue heavily, just before my cell phone started to vibrate from an unknown caller. Reaching over to grab it off the nightstand, I tapped around to add Joci to my contacts as her questioning gaze rested on me. “America’s where everyone tries to go to be a doctor right? Come here, and it’ll look good back in Russia.”

“Oh-h… No. I can’t take them out. There’s nopain, really… if I take them out, there’s no holding anything together. My arms and fingers are worst.”That’s not how it works.I wanted to tell her that she’d probably healed a long time ago, but I kept my mouth shut. There was the entire possibility that Joci would be in pain if she took the pins and plates out, anyway. “Besides— they’re in my spine, and my ribs, and my legs— everywhere.”

“Seriously? What the fuck did that guynotbreak?” I fucked up— the punch to my gut hit me too late, and I scowled as Joci looked up from her phone completely. “Sorry… it’s just… It’ssoinfuriating.”

“He did not breakme. And Icantry with the scars… just not the bones.” My mouth dried at that, but Joci smiled with understanding glimmering in her eyes. “I know how it is. Trust me— it’s okay that you’re disgusting. I am, too. Five years don’t change that.”

“There’s a difference between being disgusted with you and just needing some time to process the fact that a trained professional left you like that.”Was there really, though?When I saw her naked, my damned near first reaction was disgust. Nothing could’ve prepared me for the reality of Joci’s body. This kind of shit would be illegal in the States!

As much as it physically sickened me to acknowledge it, I didn’twantto look at Joci naked. I was caught so off-guard, so ill-equipped, that her body wasn’t something my mind could process.

“Jacob—” Blinking hard, I inhaled deeply through my nose as Joci crawled the few feet between us to sit across from me. Her expression drenched in understanding, and Ihatedit. “It’sokay. Yeah? I see it in you— you don’t like it, and you don’t like that you don’t like it.”

“Okay. Okay— you’re right, Joci. I don’t like it, and I resent myself for fucking you, but it was thebestlay of my life— and you know, I feel like a real asshole right now.” Silence met my short ramble, and I just felt even worse realizing I’d talked too fast for her to follow. Running both my hands through my hair, I held my head between my forearms to exhale a heavy breath. “I feel too much to make sense.”

“… Do you want me to leave?”

“Don’t ask me that.” Groaning roughly, I flopped sideways onto the bed to cover my face with both my arms. “I don’t know. I don’t want you to leave, but I’m too far up my own ass to be good company.”

“Uh— okay…” She sounded as confused as I felt, and my scowl intensified. “You can walk me home. I can leave without leaving? Sorta.”

“I’m a piece of shit. Yeah— I’ll walk you home, Joci.” I sat up despite how heavy my body was, and Joci patting my shoulder gently. There was no good way about this situation, but she was right— walking her home solved my two problems. The cold would get my head out of my ass,maybe, and I would be alone,eventually. Most importantly, I could fool myself into pretending I wasn’t a dick because she’d suggested leaving, not me.

“Do you know something— you can message me, but I can’t read English.” Cocking my head, I watched Joci wiggle her phone suggestively. “You can say anything. I won’t know what it is.”

My brows rose at that, my gaze fixing on her brand-new smartphone. She had a point— my number was the only one in there, and she couldn’t read English. I’d fiddled with her settings so she couldn’t get notifications unless a number was on her contacts, too. It wouldn’t even vibrate. It’d just be ignored.Of course, it’d just be ignored, anyway.

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” Man, this wasnothow I expected this night to go when Joci proposed it this afternoon. If I thought things would get so out of control… well, I don’t know what I would’ve done, but—Who cares about ‘if’s when I’m in this fucked up situation because of my own stupidity?Ducking her head in a nod, Joci’s smile widened to roil my stomach.

“It’s okay. Really.” I nodded curtly, simply giving in as I threw my legs over the side of the bed. Both of us were clothed, sans shoes, but even those weren’t far. “I had a nice time.”

“I did, too. I had agreattime until my brain started working again.” My grumble earned me a little giggle, and Joci grabbed my hand to squeeze. “I was an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“I knew it’d be bad. Like I said— it wasn’t how bad I thought. You’re not just dumb by yourself.” Slinging my arm around her back, I reached up through her mess of hair to knead her scalp. Her face relaxed, and she sat next to me to rest of her cheek on my shoulder. “If you want to ignore me for some time, that’s okay. I remember when I woke up. I didn’t want to look at myself either.”

“This is just so fucked up.” I couldn’t get around this situation; there was no way to avoid the harsh truth. Either, I worked through this, or I couldn’t see Joci anymore. As much as I didn’t want that to be an option, it was— andthatwas what made me sick to my fucking stomach.

People that had scars got them from someone or something else. Even self-harm scars were a result of some outside force. But medical professionals are supposed toimprovea person’s quality of life, not just take orders and money and ignore all else.

Palming Joci’s cheek, I closed my eyes and sighed, but it did nothing to ease the tightness in my chest or the ache gripping my heart.

21

Joci

“So… call me.” Jacob nodded but didn’t move, and I glanced over my shoulder into the hotel lobby. I didn’t want anyone coming down and seeing him; no doubt, Aleksander already knew everything about Jacob, but Ophelia and Sascha I wanted left in the dark. His eyes glistened with regret, but I feltniceandlight. Humming softly, I reached to flick back my hair, and he moved for the first time since we paused in front the glass doors. Gathering up all the strands, he strained a smile as he stepped closer.

“I’ll make it up to you, Joci.” My lips quirked up at that, but I kept them tightly closed as Jacob let go of my hair. Ducking to kiss me, his mouth staved away the cold that nipped at my chin. “I’ll call you.”

There was a determination in his tone that slithered into my ears and wrapped thickly around my brain, and I hummed again. Stepping back, I stuffed my hands into my pockets to feel both my phones— one Russian, and one American. Reluctantly, he turned to start down the street, his shoulders curling and gloom hanging over him that had nothing to do with the late night.

Shuffling slowly myself into the hotel, I stepped through the sliding glass doors only to pause as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Ophelia came rushing over, a huge smile stretching her lips, but it gradually fell when she neared. Sucking my teeth ugly, I walked past her towards the elevator.

“M— Joci—” Pausing to glance at her, I arched a brow even though it did nothing to help how supremely unapproachable I must’ve looked. She hesitated, and I clenched my jaw at the uncertainty that flashed across her face. “Is everything alright?”

Her English is so much better than mine.Ophelia didn’t have any nasty, gross scars. No missing pieces. There was nothing she couldn’t share with Sascha. She had her own money, and a job, and her parents might be dead but— fuck them, right? She was better off without them.

“I’m fine. Why? Are you going somewhere?” Turning to her to lick the roof of my mouth, I threw my thumb over my shoulder towards the elevators. Now, acting like nothing was wrong with me was effortless, and Ophelia’s expression eased. “I was going up. It’s late now.”