Page 141 of The Restoration Program

“Don’t call me that, you fucking liar!”

Ryan sighed. She kicked and clawed and cursed. He did nothing. He simply held her, waiting for her to tire herself out.

Trembling with adrenaline, Nicole forced herself to stop and gather the scraps of her dignity. She glared, willing her venom to transcend the confines of her body.

“How long?” she demanded.

Maybe it was safer to keep him talking.

He sighed. “Nicki… When you left, I went a little off the rails. I didn’t know what to do with myself. What you saw was a mistake.”

“Bullshit,” she hissed. “Bullshit. I saw the Mystify charge. That was long before I left. Tell the fucking truth.”

He pursed his lips like he actually had to think about it. “Cora introduced me to Emma a while back. It was innocent. A few texts here and there. Then… I dunno, Nicki. I let it slip how things were going in the bedroom for us. I asked if she had any advice. Things got out of hand. I swear, nothing really happened until youleftme.”

Her fault. Alwaysherfault.

“You’re still lying. I know you.” Nicole shuddered, the truth poisoning any pleasant memories she had from the past few months. “Christ, Ryan. Why marry me if—”

“I still meant every word of my vows,” he said overtop her. “Did you? You think I didn’t notice those little looks you were sending Carlos across the circle? You’re no saint, either, Nicki.”

“It was onekiss! And you fucking assaulted me over it!” Her chest heaved, trying to contain the rage burning through her. “You know what? I’m glad I died. I’m glad I was reborn into this tiny-ass body if this was the only way I could see what a scum-sucking monster you are!”

He gave a vexed groan that shook straight through his grip. The worst part was, he probably didn’tintendto be frightening with that particular movement. She clenched her jaw. The earnest voice telling her that he wouldn’t hurt her sounded miles away.

“How about you stop and think about how fucking hard I’ve tried for you?” he said. “Tried to make you happy. Tried to be there for you. But nothing I did was enough. You’re the one who refused to adapt.”

When he lifted her a little higher, she couldn’t help but flinch. She threw a yearning glance toward the door, where Darlene’s muffled shouts hadn’t let up. Ryan forced her gaze back to him, guiding her chin with a fingertip. She jolted back, struck by the nearness of his intense gaze.

“Poor Ryan,” she sneered. “Why didn’t you just leave me if you were so miserable? Why are you so desperate to hold onto this broken thing we used to be?”

“Because I love you!”

“As a trophy! You go on about what you did for me—but it was all foryou! Everything to keep me as some sick possession and show off what a great guy you are. I bet you just eat it up, sticking it out with your tiny freak wife. What ahero.”

She shook her head in disgust, hating that her fury left a degree of space for heartache. Not forhim. For who she imagined he was.

“You wanted to have me,” she said. “I believe that. But you don’t love me.”

He looked horrified, but he was like a stranger in familiar skin. Where was the man she’d ridden shotgun next to so many times? A hand on her thigh, grinning at her smart-ass remarks like she was fucking Ellen Degeneres.

The sudden clipshow of memories made another sob seize her. Her treasured moments with Ryan were simply something beautiful in a drawer now; taken out on a future rainy day to observe like dusty polaroids of a tragedy she’d been so convinced was a song of hope.

“Please, put me down,” Nicole said, wiping her eyes.

Ryan’s fingers twitched. She wondered if he finally complied only to prove her wrong—or perhaps a beat of remorse was finally working its way into his system. Nicole rubbed her ribs, feeling the places where soreness would sink in tomorrow.

Darlene’s voice floated in from the other side of the door. She had stopped pounding and was answering questions they couldn’t hear. Address, names, anddomestic violence situation, response is needed immediately.

“You had her call the cops?” Ryan growled.

“No, I didn’t. But what do you expect? You’re acting like a fucking psychopath.”

He breathed heavily, hands pushing back through his hair. He was losing it. “It was a mistake. One fucking mistake!”

“Don’t yell!” Nicole screamed, flinching her hands to her ears.

“Then listen to me! We just need to talk,” he said slowly. “We need to work through this and we can’t do that with your lesbian lover and the cops ramming down our front door. We’ve got a responsibility to—”