Page 122 of The Restoration Program

“Are you afraid of him, Zhou?”

The question cut right to her center, to a black festering spot in her chest she hadn’t been aware of until that moment. Carlos looked at her with such rare softness, Nicole was sure she was going to burst into tears on the spot.

“H-he’s the one who’s scared,” she managed, struggling to keep her voice from choking off. “He’s so scared to lose me again, even now.”

Carlos stepped closer, lowering his voice as though they might be overheard. “Tell me the truth. Has he hurt you?”

The darkness rising in his expression made her stomach flutter, though she knew it was not aimed at her.

The pit in her stomach only deepened when she thought about the way Ryan loomed over her. Before, his intimidation had been a matter of circumstance. It had been accidental, even cute when he sheepishly realized what he was doing. Now, he never passed up the opportunity to use his height to his advantage when it suited him.

But she knew he wasn’t some thoughtless monster. He could be gentle and loving. The first weeks after her Restoration, he had treated her like she was the most precious thing in the world. The experimental touches, the soft brush of his kisses…

Ultimately, her thoughts settled on the yarn digging into her limbs, his teeth drawing blood from her leg. She’d never told Carlos the full details of that night. Part of her wanted to believe it had only been a nightmare.

What happened to my Ryan?

“Do you get the feeling that they’re the ones who have changed more than us?” she asked softly. “Like… we’re fighting and fighting to be who we were, but it’sthemwho’ve become something different?”

Carlos drew a sharp breath. “What did he do?”

“It wasn’t on purpose.” Her voice cracked, and despite her best efforts, tears began to flow. “I feel like I married a total stranger. He just… Did he change? Or am I a fucking idiot for not seeing all of this before the accident?”

He pulled her into a tight hug, resting his chin on top of her head. “You’re not an idiot,” he said. “This place, this procedure… It’s Pandora’s box. Now that it’s open, there’s no closing it. Burman and the other doctors can pretend all they want that everything will go back to normal, but it won’t.”

“Burman doesn’t even seem excited anymore,” Nicole sniffled. “Maybe I could learn to live withoutnormal. I just thought Ryan was on my side. It’s been me and him against the world for so long. Nothing else used to matter.” She shuddered, burying her tears into Carlos’ chest. “Sometimes I wish he would have let me die,” she whispered.

“Zhou.” Carlos took her by the shoulders and pulled her back enough to look her in the eye. “Living in these bodies may be a nightmare, but getting to meetyouhas been one of the only bright spots. You’re…incandescent.”

She swallowed hard, staring at his earnest, ground down expression. “You—we told him you weren’t coming on to me.”

“I wasn’t then. I am now.”

He leaned in, and though her mind screamed for her to pull away, she followed suit. Their lips meshed together the way they were meant to. Breath catching, she looped her arms up behind his neck as his thick arms urged her closer to his body.

It felt like something had been returned to her. But she couldn’t accept it.

Jerking away with a gasp, Nicole looked around to see if anyone was there to witness what they had done. The hall was still empty.

“It’s okay,” Carlos said, seeing the panic in her eyes. “No one needs to know. We didn’t do anything wrong.” He reached for her hand, but she snapped it away.

“This didn’t happen,” she croaked, shaking her head. “I’m married. I made a promise—vows.”

“Did you vow to be miserable, Nicki?”

“Only Ryan calls me that.”

He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips. “I’m sorry. On both accounts.”

Defenses softening, she allowed herself to edge closer again. “It was great, Carlos, but I can’t.”

He furrowed his brow and stared hard at the sleek tiled floor. When his gaze snapped up, it was fired with intensity she hadn’t seen before. “I’m leaving,” he said.

She glanced at the door, realizing with a sinking heart that they were essentially trapped until someone else came along and activated the sensor. “We can’t.”

He followed her gaze and shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. I’m leaving…everything. And you should come too.”

“What are you talking about?Where?”