Page 14 of The Ranger (Black Hawke Security #5)

COLE

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D o you love me, Cole ?

Fuck.

It’s four in the morning, and Scarlett’s words are going around and around inside my head like a goddamn Ferris wheel.

I need sleep. I’m undercover searching for the mole who’s trying to steal a top-secret military chip so it doesn’t land in enemy hands, and about to become a dad in a matter of days or weeks.

I need fucking sleep.

Not trying to do what men for millennia have failed to do; understand what a woman is thinking.

I toss the covers back and head to the kitchen.

After pouring a large glass of water, I pad over to the large ranch slider that overlooks my yard and take a few sips.

Aside from a nice path of grass, fruit trees and a hot tub, there’s not a lot to look at.

I need to get some landscaping done, which was always the plan when I bought this place.

Strangely enough, I’ve privately been going around in circles—even before learning Scarlett was pregnant—about what I wanted.

Do I set it up knowing I’d have a family one day or create a kickass adult’s playground with a huge BBQ and rock pool? I now have my answer, but it’s not a priority today.

Fuck the landscaping; I need to work out what the hell I do about my feelings for Scarlett.

You are not my partner, boyfriend or husband.

Every time I think I’ve worked out what we are, things get jumbled. I am attracted to her. Hell, I want to fuck her every single time I see her. I like the feeling of her in my arms, snuggling up to me on our Thursday nights.

I think about her day and night. But is that because she’s carrying my child? Probably, but it's not like she’s a project. I care about her. I find myself smiling at stupid shit she’s said.

Or when I find her watching me and biting her nail with lust pouring off her.

I really like that part.

But finally sinking inside her, fuck, that I can’t get out of my head.

So, I imagine a checklist in front of me on the glass.

Yes, to feeling responsible for protecting her and providing for her.

My. Kid. Is. In. Her. Body. Yes, to desiring that hot body of hers—pregnant and otherwise.

Yes, to enjoying her company when she is being a sassy jerk and curled up, trusting me finally.

But love?

I don’t know.

I’ve never been in love before.

I thought I was in love, but those relationships ended, and I was able to walk away without looking back. I don’t consider that true love.

If I never saw Scarlett again...?

My chest tightens, and I almost crush the damn glass.

Okay, so maybe there is something here I’m not fully acknowledging. Something more than just her growing our kid.

Do you love me, Cole?

I know I hate not seeing her for a few days.

I know I’d rather be lying in her bed every night.

I know Thursday is my favorite day of the week.

Shit.

Am I in love with Scarlett?

You know the answer; you just have to admit it.

What I do know is that shit is getting real at QuantumCore. If the erbium arrives, or is already there, my full attention is going to be on this project. It should be already.

The high-risk product cannot leave the facility.

If Chen is simply an argumentative narcissist and incompetent, then that’s fine. I can’t take my eyes off the others—it could be any of them.

But he’s still my top suspect.

Whoever it is may not be working alone. It’s likely he has covert operators inside or outside the organization. Ideally, we would have a lot more time.

We don’t.

So, I couldn’t answer Scarlett’s question. The answer was too important to get wrong.

I rang Nathan yesterday morning and flagged my concerns that Chen’s last report had some errors. Again, I wondered if he was incompetent or trying to buy himself time. I might not be an actual Senior Engineering Manager, but, unluckily for him, my attention to detail is very high.

A few hours later, Nathan rang me back. “I told Chen that you had raised some questions and asked him to get back to me.”

“Good. He needs to know that he’s being watched closely if he is the mole. If not, you’ve got some very expensive personnel feedback.” I smiled while holding the phone to my head.

“Yeah,” Nathan half laughed.

Then Trey, Savannah’s guard, messaged to say a van was outside Scarlett’s house. The team tracked it and discovered it was stolen.

It made me very uncomfortable. Although her road is busy enough, it could be there for any reason, I decided to head over. I’d already promised to make her dinner.

Which didn’t happen as she was exhausted and then asked that damn question.

Do you love me, Cole?

I didn’t leave. I sat outside Scar’s house for a few hours after she went to bed. Knowing she had cameras around her house, I went home and lay awake.

Great.

I walk to the sofa and sit, then swipe my phone open. I got to Scarlett’s social media pages and flick through the photos of the baby shower. I can’t help my smile.

Mom looks happy.

Scarlett looks overwhelmed.

Letting out a sigh, wishing she’d let me stay and feed her, I lie down and keep flicking until I get to one of me in the waiting room at her OBGYN. I’m winking at her.

Further along there’s a photo of us seeing the baby on the monitor for the first time. My arm is behind her head, leaning over as we stare at the screen.

We look scared, but I smile because we also look like a team. We’re doing this together despite how much she keeps me at arm's length.

Unless I’m between her legs.

The next one catches my attention. Scarlett is glancing up at me, while I gaze down at her. We could almost be about to kiss. The chemistry is thick, but it’s more than just lust. There’s emotion and a connection you’d never call friendship.

I’ve seen the photo before. The doctor showed it to me briefly before handing the phone back to Scar.

As a guy, I gave it a quick smile and carried on. We don’t care how our hair looks and all that jazz.

Now, I’m seeing it as if for the first time. Two people having a baby. Two people who created a life. Who are going through this wild experience together, terrified, excited, attracted...and way fucking more.

God, are we both dumb and blind?

Or ignoring what we don’t want to face?

Yeah, that.

I keep scrolling and find photo after photo of us together. At parties, and our Thursday nights where she’s taken a selfie of us in the kitchen or watching a show. Always with some sassy comment about my TV taste.

This is not just me.

Scarlett is in love with me, too.

I’m... almost sure of it.

“It would’ve been great to figure this shit out earlier, you idiot,” I mutter as my eyes drift shut.

When I fall into a deep, uncomfortable sleep on the sofa, I dream that Scarlett is holding one hand and our little girl is holding the other one, skipping beside me.

My two girls.

Dark gray storm clouds cross the sky with unnatural speed and rush at us.

I scoop up our daughter and pull Scarlett into my arms, protecting them as we run to safety.

The door of a random rickety barnlike structure batters against the storm as I press my hands against it.

They both cry, scared, while the wind roars around us.

I wake five hours later, my heart pounding as I bolt upright.

Just a dream.

It’s not real.

Slicing my fingers through the front of my hair, I sit up and curse.

“Jesus fucking Christ,”

Staring at the bright blue morning sky, I fight the need to fight the demon which doesn’t exist. The warrior in me tense and ready to battle.

I’m not a dream analyst or psychologist, but I’m almost certain that meant something. Deep in my subconscious, I must believe they are both mine to protect.

Scarlett and our baby.

I think about what she’s told me about her mother, and it makes sense she’s looking for security. To not make more of the mistakes her mom did. Getting sexually involved with me, so we are together but not when the baby is born, is stabilizing for all of us.

I need to make a decision.

Fuck that. I’ve already made it... I just need time to get this assignment done so I can give her all the focus she deserves.

After this week, we will sit down and talk.

If Scarlett does love me, then this is exactly what I want. A home with a wife and my children living under the same roof.

If she doesn’t, and I’m reading into everything, then I refuse to have a loveless marriage like my parents. It’s not fair to anyone. It just keeps the generational cycle going.

Mom’s parting words to me yesterday return.

“Cole, look deeper. You’ll find the answers you’re looking for.”

I laughed. “Okay, Mom.”

I stare at the coffee table, and grab my neck, trying to get the kink out.

Fuck.

Look deeper. Shit. QuantumCore.

I leap to my feet and race through the house to the shower. I’ve overlooked something important.

I need to get to the office.

Now.