Page 13 of The Ranger (Black Hawke Security #5)

SCARLETT

––––––––

“A re you still pregnant ?” I taunt Savannah as she climbs out of the huge SUV and walks down the path to my front door.

Lucky her, she knows when she is having her baby. She’s got a caesarean section booked in just after Trina’s wedding.

Handy.

“I have bodyguards who can kill you.” The movie star glares at me but kisses my cheek and then walks into the living room.

“That’s not what their job is.” Briar laughs, kissing the same cheek.

Savannah is her boss and friend.

“Nope. Not our job.” Trey leans against the wall outside the door and lifts his glasses. “Hey Scarlett.”

I like Trey.

Ryder put a number of the guys through the paces when he married the movie star and had to step away from being her bodyguard. I imagine Trey still puts up with a thousand questions from her protective husband.

Josh isn’t any better with Cassy, but Savannah’s fame does come with a lot more risks. Even if Cassy’s father is Blaze from Sonic Rebel, the rock band.

“You can come in,” I say, indicating the living room full of women.

“Ah.” Trey rubs his jaw uncomfortably. “I’m okay out here.”

I chuckle.

Then another car pulls up, and I stiffen. Cole’s mom and sister fuss around, getting plates of food and large gifts out of the trunk and back seat.

They didn’t need to do all that.

Cassy and Cole paid for absolutely everything today, which I’m so grateful for. I didn’t know until yesterday that he’d contributed, and while I almost rang to tell him to stop butting his nose in everywhere, I’m tired.

It's been a couple of days since I’ve seen or heard from him, and I hate to admit it, but I miss him. This— this !—is what I’ve been trying to avoid.

“Hello, sweetie,” Cole’s mom, Maggie, says, rubbing my arm.

“Hey, Scar,” Caylee says. I can’t tell her not to call me that because a) I like her, and b) she’s my kids’ aunt and Cole’s sister, so I welcome them inside and thank them for coming.

“I’m so happy you invited us,” Maggie says. “Wow, look at all this.” She glances around at the green-themed baby shower. “You really are keeping the gender a secret until the very last minute.”

“We don’t know. Honest. I’m crap at keeping secrets, so would’ve spilled it by now.” I laugh and let Cassy take over guiding them where to put the gifts.

Trina is handing out drinks and gathering everyone in the living area, explaining what the day will hold. Everyone is asking about her upcoming nuptials next weekend.

I wonder if I could go lie down and let everyone enjoy themselves while I nap. I wish Cole were here, curled up on the sofa with me, yelling at the screen.

I close the door and, for the third time in so many days, catch sight of a white van sitting on the road.

I’ve clearly been watching too many true crime documentaries, but it does seem weird.

My road is not super quiet, but it’s not a main road, either.

It could be someone moving house or having repairs.

“You okay?” Trey asks.

“Yeah, just...” I blink at him. “See that van?”

“You worried about it?”

“It’s been hanging around, and for me to notice it, I guess it’s just strange.”

“Have you told Cole?”

I shake my head.

“Okay.” Trey, who doesn’t look like a bodyguard in a pair of black jeans, running shoes, discreet BHS polo and dark sunglasses, calmly wanders down the path and takes a snap.

Fifteen seconds later, the van drives off.

Trey stares down at his phone and types something then walks back to me. “We’ll trace it. Go have fun. Nothing is going to happen while I’m here.”

He pulls out his weapon, checks the cartridge and puts it back.

“Is Cole coming?”

“Does he have a vagina?” I shrug.

Trey smirks slowly. “Maybe. But I figure by the size of your belly, probably not.”

I fight the urge to laugh. You have to be careful around these alpha men. Laugh at one joke and their ego expands a million-fold.

“You should never comment on a woman’s figure.”

He laughs as I close the door.

Then I smile.

Forgetting the van and feeling safe having one of the BHS guys here, I focus on my baby shower.

“Do you miss the twins?” I ask Briar as I lower myself onto the sofa next to her.

“God, no. Thank your lucky stars you’re only having one.” She laughs. “Although ask me in two hours and I will probably say yes. Knowing Aidan is with them helps. When we both leave them with a sitter, that’s hard.”

I swallow and lay my hand on my belly. It won’t be the same for me. I’ll have to hand our baby over to Cole, who will probably be out with his new girlfriend or wife. I won’t have much say in the matter.

“Hey,” Briar reaches for my hand. “You’ll be fine. You have us. Cole has been great, right?”

“Yeah, he’s been...no, good. Amazing.”

Around us, everyone is chatting and jovial, but I feel like crying. Cassy notices and shares a look with Briar. Her hand tightens.

“Want to go talk?”

No, I don’t want to talk. I want to turn back time and sew up my vagina so Cole can’t get inside it. I want to tell my drunk self that flirting with him is a bad idea.

But I do want everyone to leave so I can just cry for once.

A tear slips out, and I wipe it away. “Allergies.”

Briar rubs my hand.

God, I wish she wasn’t so nice.

“More like hormones and the terror of what lies ahead.”

“Okay, well, you could have sugar-coated it, Briar. You are a terrible friend.” I brush the other stupid tears away, and she smiles.

I wasn’t joking.

A good friend would lie.

Cassy stops in front of me, essentially blocking me from everyone else. “Okay?”

I nod.

“You need a moment?”

“No. I need a time machine so I can go back and never let Cole put his dick near me.” The first time .

God, I hope the baby can’t hear me. I don’t regret creating this special thing inside me. I just wish that the father and I were in love and hadn’t royally fucked up our lives.

“Is she okay?” Cole’s mom joins us.

Jesus Christ, did she hear the dick comment?

“I have gas, that’s all.” I wave out my hand, and Briar sniggers. “Let’s get this party started.”

And over with.

“Okay, ladies, grab your drinks.” Trina claps her hands. “And ladies, remember that we have the Cole’s mom and sister here today, so keep it clean.”

Caylee lists her hand. “If it’s about his body, please,” she fake gags. “I’ve heard it all my life.”

A few girls giggle.

“Stop. You love your brother.” Her mom pats her thigh.

“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about his six-pack.”

“Eight,” I mumble.

Fuck, did I say that out loud?

Briar snorts beside me.

“Interesting,” Caylee gives me a sideways grin.

“ Not interesting. Let’s open the gifts.” I wave at Trina. Christ, the last thing I need is his family getting the wrong impressions.

When I glance at Cole’s mom, she’s smiling at me knowingly.

Nope.

There is nothing to know.

T HREE HOURS LATER I’m almost dead on my feet. I’ve eaten so much I think I might give birth to a food baby instead. My feet ache, my back aches, my face hurts.

From smiling.

I don’t smile this much normally, and it’s very uncomfortable. How do people do it?

There were also more tears.

Caylee got our little alien a large pelican soft toy, which I have a feeling Cole had some input into, and a little matching onesie.

“If it’s a boy, I’m sorry, but it was too cute, so I had to get it.” She sighs. “I can’t wait to be a mom one day.”

Choose your man wisely , I think.

“It’s gorgeous, thank you.”

Then I opened Maggie’s gift and my heart melted. Inside the box was a white, soft cashmere blanket, which I crushed against my cheek, embroidered in the corner with the message I am loved.

Our wet eyes met, and for the first time I let myself feel the desire to be a real member of their family. She’s going to be a grandmother, but I don’t want to just be the mom that drops my child off.

My own mom wouldn’t be a part of this little family, but at least baby would have one amazing grandma.

What would Cole think of me becoming a bigger part of his family? Would it be awkward when another woman came into his life?

Yes.

Under the blanket were a pair of silk booties, beautiful lotions and a cute beige wooden elephant.

“Cole had one as a baby. I searched high and low for one but couldn’t find one, so...” Maggie trailed off.

My brows shot up. “Is this his?”

She nodded. “I got his permission.”

That was it. The tears fell down my cheeks, and I was incapable of stopping them.

“Oh, sweetheart. We’re so happy you are part of the family now. You and the baby.” She threw her arms around me and, for the first time in my life, I felt true motherly love.

Maybe Maggie would show me what that looks like? Because I’ve been scared, I won’t be a good mom. It’s not like I had a great example in my life.

I guess my mother loves me.

In her own way.

She just doesn’t show it.

I invited her today, and she made up some rubbish story about not having the funds to travel and how she had to go to the weekend bingo. How they relied on her.

Fucking hell.

I had zero expectations that she would show up, but in that moment, it hurt. I mean, her daughter was having a baby, but bingo is her priority?

And people wonder why I’m defensive and tough.

I’m not tough; I’m a survivor.

There is a difference.

And honestly, I’m tired of being strong.

“Fine, Mom, whatever. I’ve invited you. Task crossed off my list.”

“You don’t have to be an asshole about it, Scarlett Walton.”

I should have zipped my lips, but...I’m me, so I didn’t.

“I’m the asshole? I’m fucking pregnant, and you haven’t found the time to save a few dollars to travel to California for the birth or my baby shower. Catch a damn train. A bus. I’m having a baby,” I yelled.

“People have babies all the time. Settle down,” Mom said, as if I were the most annoying thing in her world.

I am.

“Your grand-fucking-child,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Send me pictures. Video conference.”

“Fine. Whatever. Enjoy your life.”

“God, you’re so dramatic. I hope you don’t pass that on to the kid,” she added, but I was used to her unfeeling rudeness. All I heard was to the kid. As if it meant nothing to her.

“Nice gaslighting, Mom. Go get some fucking therapy.” I hung up.

Then I’d slammed my phone down on the sofa and wished I had one of those old-fashioned phones so it was a lot more satisfactory.

What a contrast to this moment with Maggie, Cole’s mom. She was warm and loving, tears filling her eyes at the thought of our baby arriving.

We are so excited you’re part of the family.

I don’t know what that means in reality, but her words meant everything to me today.

“I’m not, though,” I sniffed.

“As far as we’re concerned, you are,” Caylee said, rubbing my arm.

Cassy gave me a smile from across the room.

“Thank you.” I smiled at the two women, grateful. “I mean it, thank you.”

Finally, everyone was saying their goodbyes, and I could stop damn crying. I glance at the door when I hear male voices.

Walking over, I see Cole hugging Maggie on her way out. “Bye, darling. She loved the elephant.”

“Yeah?” I watch his face light up, and when his eyes land on me, I’m surprised to see his confidence waver. Just for a split second. “That’s cool, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow. Drive safe, sis.”

“Why do you say that every time?” Caylee huffs and gives him a quick hug. “It was one road cone.”

What is he doing here?

“We’re heading out. You okay?” Cassy says, carrying some empty dishes and trash, with Briar and Trina by her side.

“Yup. Tired. Thank you for today; it was amazing.” I hug them as Cole hovers, then we both walk inside.

I collapse on the sofa and lay my head back against the cushion.

“Wow, look at all the gifts.” Cole walks to the table covered with things for me and our wee alien.

He picks up the elephant and gets lost in his thoughts. I stare at his profile, taking in his gorgeous jawline and long lashes. I hope our kid gets those. His skin is darker than mine, and I’m sure if she’s a girl, she’ll thank me for that one day.

“Scar,” Cole turns, and a shiver runs through me. “Did your mom show?”

I groan and turn my head, staring at the ceiling.

“No, she was playing bingo,” I reply, ashamed.

He walks over and sits on the armchair, not beside me as he normally does. Leaning his arms on his knees, he stares at the elephant and then back at me.

“You aren’t close.”

“She’s a narcissist. I don’t think she has a maternal bone in her body.”

“Your dad?”

“I dunno. Prison. Dead. The president. Could be anyone.”

He laughs at that. “Probably not the president.”

I smile. “Unlikely.”

Then something occurs to me, especially after spending more time with his lovely family. “Are you worried? About me? I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother, but I promise I’ll be better than her.”

He knows who I’m talking about.

“I know you will. Your tough girl act doesn’t fool me.”

I know.

Pisses me off.

“It’s not an act. I am tough. I’ve had to be. I’ll hurt anyone who tries to hurt our baby.” I run my hand over my belly. “Including you.”

When I glance up, his eyes are smiling.

“See,” Cole says. “Proof in point. You are already a much better mother.”

God, I could kiss him right now.

We stay staring at one another. Not a slither of sass between us, just total appreciation.

Suddenly, I yawn.

“Let me get you into bed.” Cole leaps to his feet.

I hold up a hand. “No. God no. Look how that turned out last time.”

He helps me to my feet despite my resistance, and when I glance up, those gorgeous blue eyes are bearing down on me while his hand settles on my hip.

“I said I didn’t regret that.”

“Please don’t confuse things. It’s been an emotional day. I’m weak.” I shake my head.

“Scar, what if—”

“Do you love me, Cole?”

He swallows and stays silent.

I shake my head.

“Then, no.” I pat his insanely muscular chest and push past him. “Go home. See you on Thursday.”

As I walk through the house, I hear the click of the front door. A different kind of tear falls down my cheek this time, and I don’t stop it.

Because while I’ve tried to hide these feelings from everyone, including myself, for months, the truth is, I think I am in love with Cole Zimbardo.

And I don’t think it has anything to do with hormones.