Page 22

CHAPTER 22

CASSIE

I thought Gunnar and I would have a conversation about us breaking the rules about sleeping with each other. I was expecting the whole speech of “ This can never happen again,” and “ We need to be professional ,” but instead he’s been quiet and using his job as an excuse to avoid me.

The couch wasn’t the only place we had sex on that night. We also christened his shower and his bed. We were insatiable for each other and I had no regrets nor did I care about the consequences of crossing the line with him. But as I was falling asleep, he gently reminded me that I needed to go back to my room in case Izzy woke up and found me in the wrong bed. For some reason, that stung. I know I was in my head, but at that moment, I felt used. My feeling of rejection is silly considering I was a willing participant, and I know we aren’t planning on being in a personal relationship together. He’s my boss, I’m his employee, and if he wants to occasionally have sex with me, then I’m down for it. I’m tired of denying our attraction to one another. I’ve convinced myself that I can handle casual sex with him.

But my heart doesn’t seem to be on board with it. It’s being stupidly irrational and hurt at him dodging me.

He was out of the house the next morning earlier than usual, meaning he barely slept, which showed in his performance at his game later that day. He went 0-4 with three strikeouts, zero runs and zero RBIs. That’s unheard of for Gunnar. His mood was gloomy and dark when we saw him afterward to say goodbye before he left with the team for their next road trip. He barely spoke to me or his family and the only person he even smiled for was Izzy.

Before he left, he set up Izzy’s iPad so she could have scheduled daily calls with Tasha. Normally when he checks in on Izzy, he calls my cell phone. This time he called her iPad. He was cordial when I would answer it if she wasn’t near, but his interaction with me was brief before returning to his usual self with Izzy. He got back late last night and I decided to give him a dose of his own medicine—I left the house before anyone was up to avoid the awkwardness. Today’s his day off, which means it’s technically mine as well, but I was invited to Gavin’s party that he’s throwing for both Aly and Gunnar. I was excited to be included in the festivities, but now I don’t even want to go. Grace is going with Carter since all of Gunnar’s teammates and their partners were invited. I’m torn on what to do because I still want to celebrate Aly’s pending birth and give her the painting I made for her.

Maybe it’s for the best that he avoids you, Cassie. You need to protect yourself and just do your job. You told him you didn’t want a relationship, so he’s actually doing you a favor by being a grumpy asshole.

With my mental pep talk, I decide I’m still going to the party. It’s a pool party, so I put on the smallest, sexiest bikini I own, which probably covers up more of my body than what the other beautiful women in attendance will be wearing. Then I put on some jean shorts and a high-neck tank top and slip on my sandals. I pack a change of clothes, a towel, and my floppy hat to wear so my face doesn’t burn. After that, I carefully wrap Aly’s painting. Once I’m done, I grab my backpack, throw it over my shoulder, pick up the painting and head out of the house. My plan is to get there right as the party starts, spend time with Aly, Valerie, and Grace, play in the pool with Izzy for a little bit, and get out of there within a three-hour time span. I don’t want to stay too long because I need to get back to my dad’ s house and continue working on my painting for New York.

Which I still haven’t told Gunnar about.

I sigh, knowing that conversation needs to come up sooner rather than later with me needing a whole week off. I compared the dates I need off to Gunnar’s schedule and the majority of the days will be during his All-Star break. His only plans during the break are to relax so his body can recover. Aly and Valerie already offered to help with Izzy during the days he does have games, so my time off shouldn’t be a problem.

I arrive at Aly and Gavin’s house within twenty minutes and already there are tons of cars lining their street and driveway. I find a parking space a couple of houses down. I gather all my things out of the car and start walking to their driveway. I get closer to their front door and see Gunnar’s car right by the garage. I’m sure he came early to help get things set up. I take a deep breath, mentally prepare myself to be ignored by him again, especially in front of all these people. I put the painting down to ring the doorbell, but when no one answers and I can hear the music blaring from outside, I check the door knob and see it’s unlocked, so I let myself in.

Their place is packed with people I’ve never met before. I politely say hello to the guests who are hanging out inside and go to the windows in their living room that show off their backyard. I look out over at the pool and find Izzy, but it’s her daddy that draws my attention. He’s in the pool, throwing her up in the air and catching her before dunking her under the water. He’s wearing his baseball hat backwards, aviator sunglasses shading his eyes and his megawatt smile on full display as he laughs with her. His smile is contagious and I grin just watching them. The pool is crowded, but I notice a couple of women checking out his incredible body. His upper torso glistens in the sun and my mouth goes dry, soaking in the full effects of his essence.

“Cassie, you’re here!” I hear my name and turn around to see Aly coming toward me. Her hair is pulled back in a bun and she’s wearing a floral sheer cover up over her light blue maternity bathing suit. She’s glowing and barely looks almost nine months pregnant. I give her a hug and lift up her present for her to notice.

Her eyes light up as she sees what I’m carrying. “Is this for the baby?” she asks and I nod. “Ooh, I’m so excited. Let’s go upstairs to the baby’s room and do the big reveal.”

“Don’t you want to wait for Gavin to open it?”

She waves her hand at me. “Pfft, heck no. He won’t be paying attention to any of the gifts. He’s just using my pregnancy and his brother’s move to throw a party. The man loves being around people and is a better host than I am.” I laugh and follow her up the stairs to the baby’s room.

The walls of the room are painted white with light tan hardwood floors and matching beams on the ceiling with a big, beautiful light fixture hanging down in the middle of the room. There are multiple accent rugs covering the floors and the furniture is a similar shade of neutral light brown. It is a very boho chic baby nursery instead of whimsical and with the modern style furniture and decor, it’s the perfect room for any gender. Once the baby is here, she will add some more color.

Her plan is to hang the painting over the custom-built changing station, so we walk over to it and I lean the painting against the wall. I turn to look at her and smile. “If the painting doesn’t match the vision you have for this room, please tell me and I will paint a new one. It doesn’t hurt my feelings whatsoever, so be honest.”

“Okay,” she agrees. I hold up one side so she can remove the wrapping paper. She finds one of the crevices and tears it upon. The room is filled with the sound of ripping paper and she gasps as soon as she gets a good look at the painting.

“Cassie, this is perfect!” I remove the rest of the paper and we both stand back to admire it. “I love it so much! It’s exactly what I was hoping for. Thank you!” She turns toward me and gives me a tight hug. “Let me get my checkbook and write you a check.”

I stop her from leaving and squeeze her hand. “No, silly. It’s my gift to you and the baby. Hopefully they will keep it in their lives forever.”

“Oh, I love that and I hope they will too. Again, thank you.” She gives me another hug and glances back at the painting. “You’re so talented, Cassie. This is such a wonderful and thoughtful gift.”

“You’re welcome. I’m so happy you love it.”

“I can’t wait to show Gavin later and make him hang it up.” She glances at her smart watch. “Speaking of which, he’s looking for me. Let’s go back downstairs.”

We head back down to the bottom floor and go straight outside to their backyard. Aly stops to talk to some of her guests. I notice Grace standing by Carter, so I weave my way through people to say hello to her.

“There you are. I was starting to get worried about you,” Grace says while giving me a hug. I do the same to Carter and stand next to her.

“Sorry, Aly wanted to open her gift in the nursery. Fortunately, she loved the painting.”

“Of course she was going to love it.” Grace nudges my elbow and I smile sheepishly at her. Besides my father, Grace has always been my biggest supporter when it pertains to my art. She tells everyone and anyone that her best friend is an artist. If she wasn’t a nurse, she would be my own personal sales woman. Because of her, some of my paintings are hanging in restaurants she frequents and her dentist’s office.

The three of us stand in companionable silence, and I notice Carter’s arm around Grace, his hand lazily rubbing up and down the back of her arm. I smirk and make a mental note to ask her later what is going on between them because there’s no way this relationship is “fake” anymore.

“You can totally pick out who the baseball players are by their farmer’s tan,” Grace comments, causing Carter and I to both start laughing because it’s true.

“Cassie!” A little voice yells out as Izzy gets out of the pool and runs to me.

“Don’t run, Iz,” I warn her, not wanting her to slip and fall, but she doesn’t listen and barrels into my legs. I stumble back and hit something hard. Hands grab me around my waist and save me from falling.

“Whoa, I got you,” a deep voice assures me as I stand upright and turn around. The something hard that I stumbled into was a man’s hard, muscular chest. He’s very tall and I have to tilt my head up just to look at him. His kind eyes smile and assess me and I have to admit, he’s very good-looking. He removes his hands and my gaze snakes down to notice he has the same tan lines as the rest of the players.

“I’m so sorry.” I wrap one of my arms around Izzy, who’s still holding on to my legs.

“No big deal. I’m just glad I caught you and that you both didn’t get hurt.”

“Yes, thank you so much for that.”

“I’m Lucas Hamilton, by the way.” He holds out his hand for me to shake. “I’ve seen you at the ballpark before. You work for Gunnar, right?”

I place my hand in his and he gently squeezes, his touch warm and firm. “Yes, I’m Cassie, Izzy’s nanny.” I look down at her and she smiles.

I go to look back up at Lucas, but Gunnar cuts in between us, causing our hands to disconnect. “Are you okay?” He puts one hand on my shoulder and I feel the zing from his touch all the way down to my spine. Why can’t my body react that way to Lucas?

“Yes, we’re fine thanks to Lucas here.” I nod at Lucas over Gunnar’s shoulder. Gunnar turns around and shakes Lucas’ hand.

“Thanks for saving my girls, Hamilton.”

My girls? What the heck? I narrow my eyes at Gunnar, not liking this pissing contest he is starting with his own teammate. He has no reason to act this way and I’m annoyed that the only attention I receive from him in almost a week is jealousy over Lucas innocently touching me to make sure I don’t fall.

“C’mon, Izzy. Let’s go get some food.” I grab Izzy’s hand but before we go, I look at Lucas and give him what I hope is a flirtatious smile. “Thanks again, Lucas. We’ll chat later.” I turn around andeven though Gunnar is wearing sunglasses, I can feel his stare boring into my back as we walk away.

“What was that?” Grace whispers as she saddles up to my side to walk into the kitchen with us.

“I have no clue but how dare he!” I hiss, not wanting others to hear our conversation as we walk by. “Everyone was watching us too.”

“That’s why he did it. He was marking his territory.” I look over at Grace, who gives me a mischievous grin.

“Yeah, well I’m not his to mark,” I mutter and she raises her eyebrow in skepticism. “You're the one to talk, Miss I’m-in-a-fake-relationship .” Her cheeks flush pink and I chuckle.

We reach the kitchen and I see Valerie, Rowan, Sosie, Gavin, Damien, and Delilah congregated by the buffet table. I grab two empty plates for me and Izzy and walk over to greet them. While we all chat, I fill up our plates with food and sit Izzy down to eat next to where I stand so I can continue conversing with everyone. A rush of energy suddenly flows through me, my body alerting me to Gunnar’s presence before his handsome face appears in my line of vision.

You’re a traitor, body.

I watch him and Carter grab food and join our group. I focus my attention between eating and Izzy, not wanting to make eye contact with him, and listen to everyone else talk.

“Don’t drink too much, boys,” Gavin tells Gunnar, Carter, and Damien. “I don’t want Declan chewing my ass out for inviting you over if you suck during tomorrow’s game.”

“We won’t, but there’s no guarantee that Baby Bear won’t,” Damien comments. Baby Bear is rookie pitcher Griffin Barrett, who got that nickname for only being five foot eight, which is small for a pitcher. We all glance outside and see Griffin taking a swig of his beer while chatting up a pretty girl.

“I’ll say something to him,” Gunnar responds before taking a bite of his hamburger.

“Cassie, how’s your painting coming?” Sosie asks and everyone’s attention turns to me.

I shift on my feet, not comfortable being the center of attention. “It’s going good.”

“You’re an artist, Cassie?” Delilah asks and I nod. “That is so cool. I would love to see your work.”

“She has a website with her whole portfolio you can check out,” Grace responds for me and I give her a grateful smile.

“You can actually see one of her paintings right upstairs in our baby’s room. It’s gorgeous,” Aly chimes in, joining the conversation. She has a plate in her hands for Austin and she sits him next to Izzy at the table. She then moves next to Gavin and he pulls her into his side.

“Wait, how come I haven’t seen it yet?” Gavin asks his wife.

“Cassie brought it up and I opened it to see how it looks.”

“And you didn’t wait for me so we can see it together?” he asks with an incredulous look on his face. I press my lips together to avoid laughing out loud from her getting busted.

She shrugs. “I didn’t think you would be interested.”

“Of course I’m interested. We have a painting from an almost famous artist in our house now.”

I laugh and shake my head. “I’m definitely not famous.”

“But you will be after New York,” Valerie adds and my smile falters when I see confusion cross Gunnar’s features.

“New York?” He questions when he looks at me. “When are you going to New York?”

Oh, crap. This is not the best time to have this conversation, but I guess it’s going to happen.

Silence fills the air surrounding our group with uncomfortable glances being exchanged by everyone.

“Valerie’s friend owns an art gallery in Brooklyn. She sent him my website and he liked what he saw, so he invited me to submit a painting to a multi-artist exhibition. It happens while you’re on break, but I have to be up there a week before. Aly and Valerie offered to watch Izzy during the days you have games, so I didn’t think it would be a problem.”

“Why haven’t you told me?” His voice is demanding, and he stares at me with frustration and disappointment in his eyes.

“Because there hasn’t been a good opportunity for me to do so.” Did you forget that you’ve been avoiding me? Pretty sure he wouldn’t want me to reveal that to the group.

As if he can read my mind, his expression grows remorseful. The inner child in me wants to stomp my foot and say, “Y eah, you should be sorry you big, sexy, jerk ,” but I keep my mouth shut.

He quickly recovers so no one else notices and smiles softly. “That’s amazing, Cassie. Congratulations. Of course it won’t be a problem for you to go.”

“Thank you,” I tell him with a curt nod.

“Oh no!” Izzy yells, distracting us all away from the conversation. I glance over at her to see she has spilled her fruit punch all over herself.

I swiftly put my plate down and walk over to her to assess the damage. “It’s okay, Iz. We will clean it up.”

“Here’s some towels.” Sosie hands one to Gunnar before she bends down and starts cleaning the floor.

“But my bathing suit is ruined,” Izzy whines and her bottom lip starts to quiver as tears form in her eyes.

“We have an extra suit upstairs in the closet in the bunk bed room,” Aly says and starts to put her plate of food down to go, but I stop her.

“I’ll go get it,” I offer and before she can object, I leave to head upstairs.

Their bunk bed room is a bedroom that was converted to have two sets of built-in bunk beds with toys and a television hanging on the wall. It’s where Izzy and Austin sleep when they have sleepovers. I walk through the room and enter the bathroom. I pull open the closet door and find the bathing suit in one of the drawers. I turn around to walk out when I notice a couple of familiar looking boxes in the corner of the closet.

Why are three of my boxes that I use to ship my art in here?

The top of the boxes are open and I flip the flap up on one of them to see one of my paintings that I sold inside, still in its bubble wrap. I bend down to see the shipping label. The name and address aren’t even Aly’s. What the hell? How did they get here?

“Did you find the bathing suit, Cassie?” I hear Aly’s voice, but don’t answer. I see her feet in my peripheral vision and look up at her. She sees what I’m looking at and guilt is written all over her face.

“Why do you have paintings that I sold to someone else?” I ask, my words deliberately slow as I try to process what I just discovered.

“I can explain,” Gunnar says behind her. She turns to her side and I see he’s in the bathroom, Izzy perched on his hip. He puts her down and glances at Aly. “Can you take Izzy and get her dressed while I talk to Cassie?”

She nods and mutters to him. “Gavin warned us this wasn’t a good idea.” She grabs Izzy’s hand and they walk out of the bathroom, closing the door behind them.

I stand up but stay in the closet by my paintings. “What’s going on, Gunnar?”

He holds up his hands in defense. “Before you get upset, please try to keep in mind that I had good intentions.”

I cross my arms across my chest. “And those were?”

“I was trying to figure out ways to support your art career.”

My anger starts to boil as all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. “So you bought my paintings using fake names? What about the addresses?” I reach down and flip through the packages. “They’re all different.”

“Those aren’t fake people or addresses. Some are family and friends of Aly and Gavin’s who agreed to have your paintings sent to their homes.”

I storm into the bathroom and he backs up into the vanity. “Why would they agree to that? Because they felt sorry for me just like you do?”

He shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it, Gunnar? Because I don’t understand why you would spend all that money on my paintings using other people’s names and ask them to hide them for you if you didn’t feel bad for me.”

He sighs. “Cassie, I promise you, I didn’t mean anything bad by this. No one feels sorry for you. I just wanted to help boost your self-confidence and help you see how talented you are.”

“By giving me false hope that a stranger has discovered me and wanted to buy my paintings?” I yell, my rage coming in burning. I’m angry that I was deceived and it hurts like hell that it comes from him.

His shoulders sag in despair. “I can see how you would come to that conclusion.”

“How long were you planning on keeping them here before throwing them away?”

“What?” He looks at me in confusion. “They were never going to be thrown away.”

“Then what were your plans with them?”

“I was planning on donating them to the children’s hospital.”

I don’t know what to say to that. It’s a wonderful idea, but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that he was being sneaky. “If you wanted to donate paintings, I would’ve done that for free,” I emphasize, hating that I unknowingly accepted his pity money. Because that’s what this feels like. The guy with millions, who’s banging his nanny, feels sorry she hasn’t made it as an artist so he takes pity on her by buying her art using other people’s names. “I’ve sold a total of five paintings, ten tote bags, some pillows and note cards since I’ve been employed with you. Were all those sales you?”

“No,” he vehemently answers. “I bought four paintings and five tote bags.”

That makes me feel a little bit better to know he didn’t buy everything. “What did you do with the other painting and tote bags?”

“I handed out the bags to some of the ladies that work at the ballpark as ushers and in the concession stands. The other painting is hanging in The Rooftop Replay.”

We stand there in silence while I let his words sink in so I can calm down. “I’m so sorry, Cassie,” he apologizes, his voice filled with regret. “I wasn’t thinking that my actions might be deceitful. I honestly just wanted to help because I’m proud of you.”

“Proud of me? How?” I question in confusion.

“You’re busting your ass to make a name for yourself. You work two jobs that you give your everything to. Do you know how admirable that is? I just wanted to somehow, someway, help you.” He swallows and takes a step closer to me. “But I see how my actions were wrong and I’m sorry.”

In my heart, I know he meant well. It’s hard for me to stay mad at him when his intentions were good. Hell, hearing his plans to donate the paintings he bought to the children’s hospital is kind of swoon worthy.

This man takes my emotions on a rollercoaster ride, but as we continue to stare at each other, the tension shifts and the anger dissipates from my body. The overwhelming urge to be held by him is so overpowering that my heart rate speeds up and all I want to do is kiss him. “What you did was fucked up,” I start while I move closer to him. “But also the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Before he can respond, I stand up on my tip toes and plant a hard kiss on his mouth. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, especially since he’s made it clear by his avoidance of me that we can’t be together. He’s caught off guard by my actions and barely moves. Embarrassed by my brazen behavior, I keep the kiss brief and step back. I look down in embarrassment and turn to leave, but he grabs my wrist and hauls me against his chest. “Fuck no, you’re not leaving me after that,” he growls before claiming my mouth in a scorching kiss.

I sigh in ecstasy, my heart screaming yes because I’ve missed his touch so much. I wrap my arms around his neck and surrender to him. His lips are demanding, he kisses rough as our tongues battle with one another. He turns me around in his arms and walks me backwards until I bump into the vanity. He hoists me up with our mouths still fused together and sits me down on the countertop. I open my legs and he settles in between them.

My hands roam up and down his back as I try to bring him closer, but it’s not even physically possible since I’m already plastered against him. I knock off the baseball cap and sunglasses that were perched on top of his head and plunge my fingers into his hair.

He breaks our kiss and brings his lips to my neck. “Do you forgive me, baby?” he whispers into my ear while he kisses his way down my neck. I nod, not being able to talk due to the spell his heated kisses have me under.

“I need to hear you say it, Cassie.” He briefly comes back to my lips before going to the other side of my neck. I tilt my head back, giving him easier access. The only sound I can make are the little pants of desire as he nips at my earlobe, sending shockwaves to my core.

“I forgive you,” I rasp and tighten my legs around his hips. I feel his fingers fish the hem of my shirt out of my shorts. He breaks our kiss and with one sweeping motion, my tank top is over my head and lying on the floor.

He leans me back against the mirror and latches his mouth to my clavicle, licking and sucking his way down to my breast. His fingers gently pull the string of my bikini down my arms to reveal my hard nipple. He sucks the taught bud into his hot, wet mouth and I moan loudly in pleasure.

“Christ, if you don’t taste like the forbidden fruit that you are.” He continues his assault on my breasts, taking turns on each nipple. Waves of ecstasy are crashing inside of me, my body gyrating against his. Something feral unleashes within me and I pull his head from nipple and kiss him harshly.

“I need you, Gunnar,” I beg and I hate how I lose all sense of control when I’m in his arms. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want him and it unnerves me. One touch of his fingers and my body is under his command.

“Tell me what you need, baby,” he feverishly demands in between kisses. The urgency to have him inside of me is too much to bear. My hands glide frantically down his back until I feel the top of his bathing suit. I push it down and grab his firm, hard ass and squeeze.

“I want you to fuck me.” I inhale sharply at my words because I don’t even sound like myself, but I can tell he loves it as he growls into my mouth and starts to unbutton my shorts. Once the zipper is undone, I push him back so I can get off the counter top to stand-up. He helps me slide off the top and when I’m stable on my feet, he yanks my shorts and bikini bottoms down to the ground. When I step out of them, he lifts me up and walks us into the separate room that has the toilet. The lid is already down for him to sit on. I slam the door shut and climb on top of him.

I work my hands up and down his shaft, making him throw his head back and moan. Not being able to wait any longer, I push myself up, guide him to my entrance and slowly slide down, impaling myself on him. My walls clench around his hardness and I start riding him, seeking the orgasm he seems to be the master at getting out of me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he pants while I dig my nails into his shoulders, grinding my pelvis against his. “I don’t have the willpower to stay away from you anymore.”

“So don’t,” I whisper before claiming his lips, plunging my tongue to meet his while I throw all caution out the window to seek that high only he can give me.

The invisibly strings start tightening around us and I feel the anxious build-up coming. I break our kiss and lay my forehead against his, our breaths intermingling with each other.

“Look at me, Cassie. I want to watch you come undone.” His words open the flood gates and I stare into his eyes while fireworks explode inside of me, my walls clenching him as hard as I can with the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. I can’t stop the scream that starts to come out of me and he grabs my head and silences it with his mouth. He moans into me and I feel him shudder as he reaches his own climax.

We stare into each other’s eyes and it’s as if he is reaching into me and grabbing my soul for him to own. A silent understanding crosses between us as we float back down to reality and I shiver in the excitement of knowing there will be more to come with him.

I’m a fool to keep telling myself I’m not in love with this man and that things between us are just physical. I should run as fast as I can, quit this job, but I’m in too deep. Not only have I fallen for him, but I love Izzy as if she’s my own. I will let my naive heart accept the torture of unrequited love if it means I get to keep both of them for a little while longer, until the day comes that he won’t need me anymore and leaves. The pain will be worse than when my mother left, because I had my father to protect me. No one’s protecting me now. It’s the story of my life at this point.

I just pray that I will be able to recover once more from losing another love of my life.