Page 19

CHAPTER 19

GUNNAR

T oday was scheduled to be a day off, but all players had to report to the team’s annual charity golf tournament. Cassie arrived to the house early and made eggs and pancakes for Izzy and me. Our text exchange from last night wasn’t brought up, but she seemed distant and shy this morning. I need to stop being so freely open with my feelings when it pertains to how much I want her. Aly would tell me I’m playing games, but that isn’t my intent. It’s crystal clear that we both want each other, but even though we agreed that we don’t want a relationship, I can’t risk us becoming physical again and having feelings develop.

Stop lying to yourself, Gunnar. Feelings for her have already developed .

Fuck, if that’s not the truth. To me, no other woman holds a candle to Cassie. She occupies my thoughts constantly. It’s unhealthy to want someone as much as I want her, but I don’t know if my feelings are lust at first sight again like they were with Tasha or if this is something more.

I shake my head as I drive home from the tournament. It can’t be anything more. She’s young and has her whole life ahead of her. I’m only a couple years out of retirement and have a daughter to raise. I don’t even know where I’ll be after the end of this season. Nashville is where her family and friends are. Texas is my home and once the season is done, Izzy and I will probably head back there until I know where I’m going or until I decide to retire. I don’t want to start something with Cassie only to have to end things once the season is over.

The thought just reaffirms that I need to stop behaving like a horny teenager and remind myself when I have lecherous thoughts about her that she’s my employee. Nothing can happen between us.

Nothing .

I’m pulling into my driveway when my phone rings. Tasha’s name flashes on the screen and my mood immediately darkens. I’ve been ignoring her calls for the past week because I’m still pissed that she’s gone months without calling Izzy. She’s left me a dozen voicemails and texts, but I haven’t listened or read any of them. There’s nothing she can say that will make me forgive her for abandoning our child. Her parents claim she’s been in rehab, but they’ve also lied for her in the past. For years they were in denial of what a terrible mother she was, and it’s only been recently that they’ve apologized to me for enabling their daughter’s behavior. I don’t know why she’s suddenly trying to get a hold of me and quite honestly, I don’t care. I send the call to voicemail and get out of my car to go into the house.

“Hello?” I call out, but no one greets me back. I hear the faint sounds of music playing, so I walk to the back windows and that’s where I find the girls. They are outside on the back porch and by the looks of it, they are gardening. They are facing each other, dancing and singing the lyrics to the music of Coldplay’s “Higher Power”. While Cassie in a bikini top and cut off shorts makes my mouth run dry, I’m mesmerized by the sight of my daughter.She’s wearing her butterfly one-piece bathing suit, with purple rain boots and a hat shielding her face from the sun. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her radiate this kind of happiness before. I know she loved being with her grandparents, but it dawns on me that she needed someone younger like Cassie, who can match her energy.

When the song ends and a different one begins, they walk over to one of the planters and inspect its contents. I hear Cassie instruct Izzy to get the hose so they can water their garden. Izzy runs over to the side, grabs it and brings it to her. Cassie proceeds to show her how to turn the nozzle and spray the plants. After she’s done demonstrating, she hands the hose back to Izzy. Uh-oh, that’s a mistake , and sure enough, my daughter proves me right by turning the hose on Cassie.

Cassie screams and Izzy’s evil giggling has me throwing my head back in laughter. Cassie tries to grab the hose from her, but Izzy gets her square in the face.Cassie turns her body to the side and tries to dodge the flowing water, but Izzy is being relentless. Eventually, Cassie pries the hose out of Izzy’s hands and it’s payback time.Izzy’s screaming, trying to run from Cassie and they’re both soaked to the bone. Cassie eventually turns off the hose, scoops up Izzy in her arms and starts to tickle her. She puts her down and holds her upright until Izzy regains her balance and then kisses her on her forehead. The love that shines from Cassie’s eyes for my child tightens my chest with emotions I should not feel for my nanny.

I continue to watch them for a couple more minutes and decide to make my presence known. I grab some towels from the laundry room and open the back door. “Can I join in on the fun?”

“Daddy!” Izzy runs straight toward me and plasters her wet body against my legs, my shorts absorbing the water off her body. “Cassie got me with the hose.”

I bend down and wrap Izzy’s towel around her back. “Yes, but only after you got her first.” I look up to say something to Cassie but the words die in my throat as my eyes widen and freeze on the hard buds of her nipples protruding against the fabric of her bikini.

“Looks like you're both excited to see me.” Cassie follows my gaze, looks down at herself and gasps. She crosses her arms over her chest, her cheeks flush red with embarrassment. I chuckle and hand over the other towel I brought out for her. She yanks it out of my hands and wraps her body in it.

“Izzy, show me what you girls are planting.” I walk over to the planter they were working on when I arrived.

“We made two fairy gardens and planted some flowers that will bring us butterflies,” she exclaims in excitement, and I laugh.

“That is very cool. You have to make sure the plants get watered every day so when their flowers bloom, the butterflies will eventually come. Do you think you will remember to do that?”

She nods with a smile. “Uh-huh.”

“Why don’t we go inside and write it on our daily to-do list?” Cassie suggests while walking toward the door. Izzy runs after her and I follow both girls inside and up the stairs to the playroom. I watch Cassie help Izzy write it on their list that is written on one of the whiteboards.

“Cassie, why don't you take the rest of the day off?” I offer. “Izzy and I are going on a daddy/daughter date to the movies and then to dinner at my brother’s house.”

“I want Cassie to come too,” Izzy interjects and gives me a look of hope.

“I’m sure Cassie has things she would like to do by herself.” I glance from Izzy to Cassie, who gives me a small smile.

“Lucky girl that you get to go on a date with your dad! Let’s go pick out something fun for you to wear to the movies.” Cassie holds out her hand for Izzy, who immediately takes it and they walk out together to get her ready.

* * *

“I zzy looks adorable tonight, Gunnar. Where did you get her outfit?” Aly asks while the adults watch the kids try to catch fireflies in their backyard after we eat dinner.

I look over at Izzy and think for a moment, not remembering buying her the pastel rainbow tulle skirt she is wearing with a jean jacket and white top. Then it dawns on me where she got it from. “Cassie made the skirt for her.”

“That nanny of yours is like Mary Poppins, except hotter.”

Ain’t that the truth .

“Maybe I should introduce her to my brother, Nick,” Rowan ponders and the thought makes me scowl. Nicholas Pryor is a good-looking hockey player. No way in hell do I want him to make an introduction.

“She’s not looking for a relationship right now,” I tell him and can see out of the corner of my eye Aly’s know-it-all smirk.

“What does Cassie do on her days off?” Valerie asks.

“Tonight she’s having dinner with her dad and then painting. Sometimes she goes to exhibitions to support other local artists.”

“Her work is remarkable. I was scoping out her website the other day and I bought one of her paintings for our new offices.” Valerie and Rowan own their own CPA firm and are rapidly growing, so they just opened a second office close to downtown Nashville.

“I’ve already asked her to make something for the new baby’s room,” Aly chimes in while rubbing her belly.

“But you don’t know what we’re having yet,” Gavin comments in confusion.

“As long as you know the theme and color palette of the room, you can still paint something without knowing what the gender is.” She rolls her eyes and I smirk because as always, my sister-in-law is right.

“That’s really great of you guys for supporting her. I appreciate it.”

“It’s so great that you care so much about her and her art,” Aly comments back with a sly smile. I narrow my eyes, hoping she can mentally hear me telling her to shut up.

“Don’t tell her I’m telling you this, because I don’t want to get her hopes up, but I actually know someone who owns an art gallery in New York,” Valerie says with a cocky smile on her face.

“Do I know who this person is?” Aly asks.

“Maybe. Do you remember Michael McDermott in high school? He was in my grade but very popular?”

Recognition lights up Aly’s face. “I actually do remember. He was hot. All the girls swooned over him.”

Valerie nods. “Yup, that’s the one. Anyway, he owns a big-time art gallery in Brooklyn, so I reached out to him about Cassie. I sent him her website and he called me right away.”

“ Who is this guy again?” Rowan asks in a demanding voice.

“I went to high school with him and he’s gay. Stop being so alpha.” She rolls her eyes at him and I chuckle at how the two sisters handle their husbands so similarly.

“What did he think about her paintings?” I ask, dread starting to creep inside my belly.

“He said he will take a look at her portfolio in the next couple of days.”

“If he likes her stuff, then what does that mean?” Sosie chimes in with a question.

“It means he might offer her a spot at one of his exhibitions.”

I sit up a little straighter with this news. “Wait, does that mean she would have to go to New York?”

Valerie thinks for a moment. “Probably because they’ll have an opening night for her.”

I slouch back into my chair, not liking the idea of Cassie going to New York. If she goes to New York and does well, then she might want to stay there forever, leaving you and Izzy.

“Why do you seem upset by this, Gunnar?” Aly gives me a pointed look. “Is it because you don’t want her to leave you?”

“ Izzy would be very upset if she left us,” I emphasize, my eyes warning her to cut it out.

“I don’t think Izzy would be the only one upset.”

“Alyson, stop!” I growl out, my patience snapping at her meddling.

“Ooh, he called you Alyson.” Valerie looks over at her sister with a mischievous grin on her face.

“Don’t talk to my wife in that tone of voice.” I glance at Gavin, who is giving me a warning look.

I look over at Aly and apologize. “I’m sorry for my tone, Aly, but please stop insinuating things that aren’t true.”

She scoffs. “What am I insinuating that isn’t true?”

I just shake my head at my sister-in-law because she knows she’s pushing my buttons on purpose.

“What is the deal with you and Cassie?” Gavin asks and I wonder if Aly slipped and told him.

My head whips toward her and I glare at her. “You told him, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t, asshole, but way to take the bait and oust yourself.”

I glance at Gavin and his face confirms it. Shit, he got me.

I sigh in resignation. “Something in the past happened, but there’s nothing going on now.”

“I find that very hard to believe,” Rowan pipes in with his two cents. “We all see how you two eye fuck each other. The sexual tension is so high that it rubs off on us and I have to go home and bang my wife. Not that I needed your endorphins rubbing off on me to do that in the first place.”

“TMI, Rowan.” Aly covers her ears. “I don’t want any mental images of you having sex with my sister.” Rowan laughs and Valerie hits him in the chest to stop.

“Jesus Christ, what did you do, Gunnar?” Gavin demands in a stern voice and I know I’m not getting out of here without telling them, so I give them the short, condensed version. Everyone’s quiet for a moment when I finish the story.

“This is straight out of a romance movie,” Valerie sighs and Aly nods in agreement with her.

“Except there’s not going to be a happy ending, not for Cassie anyway,” Sosie says so matter-of-factly that for a moment, I want to argue that there could be if I was willing to put my heart back on the line.

“Cassie says she doesn’t want a relationship, so maybe I would be the one to get hurt. Either way, we’re not taking the risk of finding out.”

“Gunnar, I think she cares about you and if you tell her what you’ve been doing?—”

“Aly, no!” I give her a warning look and this time, she keeps her mouth closed.

This is the perfect time to get out of here. “Izzy, it’s time to go.” I stand up out of my chair and hug everyone goodbye. “Thanks for having us.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Gavin offers.

“You don’t have to,” I tell him as I watch Izzy give everyone a hug and kiss goodbye.

“I want to.” I inwardly groan, knowing that I’m about to get one of his lectures.

He carries Izzy over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and tickles her belly as we walk out the front door to my car. He opens her door for her and gives her a kiss after she buckles herself into her booster seat. He shuts the door and walks me over to the driver’s side of the car.

“You're an honorable guy, Gunnar. You were dealt a shitty hand with Tasha, but that doesn’t mean every woman is going to be like her.”

“She’s too young, Gavin...” I start but he interrupts.

“Don’t bring age into this. Do you like her and I don’t mean just as your nanny?”

“Yes, I like her,” I groan. “I don’t fucking want to, but I do.”

“Then either be with her or don’t. It’s that simple.”

“No, it’s not that simple,” I argue, my voice rising.

“You’re the one making it complicated.” He jabs his finger into my chest, pushing me against the car. “Do the right thing by her: either date her or treat her as your employee and stop playing games.” God, he knows me so well. I haven’t even told him half the things I’ve said to her and I certainly haven’t told him about her responses back.

“What if she’s the one playing games and leaves me when it’s time to move on?”

He looks at me as if I’m the dumbest human on the planet. “Then she wasn’t good enough to be your forever if that’s how she’s going to treat you.”

I shake my head. “I just don’t want to take that risk if that’s going to be the outcome.”

“Then I guess you’ll never know, Brother.” He points to Izzy in the car. “Your little girl needs a mother figure in her life. You need a woman in your life. You say you don’t, but Gunnar, you deserve to find love and I think this girl makes you happy. I haven’t seen you this lively in a long time and I know it isn’t just because of your new team.”

He walks toward me and pulls me in for a hug. “I love you, Gunnar, but life is a risk and sometimes you have to risk losing your heart again for the one who might be worth it.”

He lets go of me, turns around and starts walking back to the house. “I’ll see you in the suite after your game tomorrow.”

I watch him walk in and shut the door. I take a deep breath, get in the car and start the engine. I look in the rearview mirror at my beautiful daughter. He’s right, she does need someone other than me in her life and I have no doubt that Cassie would be the perfect fit for that role.

If that’s a role she would even want.

But the bigger question is: Am I mentally strong enough to handle the rejection of not being wanted again?

I don’t know if I want to find that out.