Page 21

CHAPTER 21

GUNNAR

R age is brewing inside of me like trapped steam inside a pressure cooker and all I want to do is get to my little girl. I explained to Declan that I have a family situation I needed to attend to and he let me take the night off. I’m speeding to Aly and Gavin’s house, needing to see with my own eyes that Izzy is okay.

I can’t believe Tasha has the balls to show up here unannounced. How did she even find us? She hasn’t called Izzy in over six months and I wasn’t going to be the one to remind her that she has a daughter to speak to. Izzy isn’t just some convenience she gets to pay attention to whenever she feels like it.

It takes me twenty minutes to get to Gavin’s house from the ballpark due to traffic. As soon as I get out of the car, I race to the front door and ring the doorbell.

Gavin opens the door and gives me a hug. “The girls are upstairs playing with Austin in his playroom.”

“Thanks for having them over,” I tell him while we climb the stairs to their second floor.

“No need to thank me. I’m glad Cassie thought about coming here instead of going home. The security guard at the gate has reported no followers so far.”

“Good.”

We get to the hallway and round the corner into the playroom. Cassie and Aly are sitting on the couch talking while Austin and Izzy are playing inside a fort made-up with sheets and blankets. Hearing her little voice puts me at ease and I’m grateful to see she’s bossing her cousin around like usual. I put my finger to my lips to signal Cassie and Aly not to announce my presence. I grab the hem of one of the sheets and quickly yank it up in the air.

“Boo!” I yell and the two kids scream in fright.

“Daddy!” Izzy crawls out of the fort and hugs my legs. “You scared me.”

I pick her up and hold her tightly to me. “I’m sorry for scaring you. I was just playing around.”

She pulls back and fists her hands on my chest. “I saw mommy today at the park!”

I swallow and muster up a fake smile. “I heard. How did that make you feel?”

She shrugs. “Confused at first because I didn’t remember her, but then happy she finally came and saw me. Cassie said we had to go though, so I didn’t get to play with her. Will I see her tomorrow?”

“Not sure. I will have to call her and see.” Fuck, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Now I have to arrange something with Tasha… if she even has the time. Who knows why she’s here and how long she’ll be in town. I will find all of this out once I call her and chew her ass out.

I give Izzy a kiss before putting her down. Austin also comes out of the fort and I pick him up to flip him upside down. Once I put him back on the floor, the kids go back in it to continue playing.

Aly and Cassie are standing up and they both walk over to me. Aly gives me a hug and I thank her for having us over.

“Oh, stop.” She pulls back and waves a hand at me. “You know you guys could move in here if you wanted to.”

“We are fine at the house. There haven't been any issues. In fact, I don’t think people know I’m even living there. Cassie is the one outside the most with Izzy.” I look over at Cassie, who gives me a tight smile. “Good thinking about coming here instead of going home.”

She nods but doesn’t acknowledge my comment. “Can we go somewhere private to talk?”

I’m sure today was quite shocking for Cassie given the fact that I’ve barely talked about Tasha and her lack of involvement in Izzy’s life. I owe her an explanation and since Izzy’s preoccupied with her cousin, now would be the most convenient time.

“Sure,” I agree and look at Gavin and Aly. “Do you guys mind watching Izzy while we go downstairs to talk?”

“Take your time,” Aly suggests and Gavin gets on the floor and crawls underneath the tent to be with the kids in the fort.

“Thanks guys.” I extend my arm out to Cassie for her to go first and I follow her downstairs into the kitchen.

Cassie wastes no time on small talk. “Tell me everything about Tasha, Gunnar.”

I blow out a breath and rake my hand through my hair. “Let’s sit down then.” We take a seat at the counter and I tell her everything about Tasha and the events leading up to today. She listens intently and it actually feels good telling her everything.

“So when Tasha moved to California, how frequently was she calling to talk to Izzy?” she asks.

She moved two years ago, so I had to stop and think about it. “At first, it was every day and then as time went on, it started dwindling down to only twice a week. The last six months have been the longest she has ever gone without calling.”

“Didn’t you find that odd?” Cassie questions with narrowed eyes. “Were you not concerned about her well-being?”

I scoff at that. “Fuck no. She hasn’t been concerned about her child’s well-being enough to call her consistently so why should I be concerned about hers?”

“I get it, Gunnar. You are angry and bitter, but she’s your child’s mother.”

“Yeah, and she chose partying over her own family. Izzy is better off without her in her life.”

Cassie smiles sadly at me. “My mother was an alcoholic as well. My parents divorced when I was in high school and she eventually died from the disease, so I understand your resentment.”

My chest tightens and the overwhelming need to comfort her washes over me. I reach over and grab her hand, squeezing it for support. “I’m sorry, Cassie. I had no idea.”

“I know you didn’t. I haven’t offered up that information.” She lets go of my hand and I already miss her touch. “But the difference between my mother and Tasha is that my mother never went to rehab for six months. Sure, she attended some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings but never stuck with it. She didn’t want to put the time in to get better. Tasha cared enough to put herself through extensive rehab. Will it stick? Who knows. Some people go to rehab once and never touch a drink again. Others go to rehab multiple times and never get sober.”

“Maybe her boyfriend forced her to go. I find it hard to believe Tasha would go willingly. She always had a motive.”

“Maybe you’re right or maybe she hit rock bottom and wanted a change. People can change if they really want to, Gunnar.”

Cassie’s words sink in and I see the shadows of the past lurking in her gaze. My palms are itching to grab her and hold her tightly. I hate to hear what she went through and this is exactly what I don’t want for Izzy.

“What are you suggesting I do?” I ask, because I care about what she thinks. The thought of disappointing her doesn’t sit right with me.

She fidgets with her hands before looking at me. “You need to meet with Tasha and hear her out. Let her talk about what she learned in rehab. Ask her if she wants to be in Izzy’s life and what she thinks that will look like because she can only be in it if she’s sober.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk to her on the phone, let alone be in the same room as her.”

“I get it, but it’s not about you, Gunnar. It’s about Izzy. Do it for her. You don’t want her thinking you kept her mother from her just because of your personal feelings for Tasha.”

Cassie’s words hit home and I know she’s right. I groan, not wanting to do it, but I will for my daughter. “Okay, I’ll call her right now and go meet with her.”

She places her hands over her heart and the smile she gives me makes my breath hitch. “Thank you, Gunnar.”

“I’ll meet you and Izzy back at the house?” I ask and she nods. We stand up and she walks me to the door. It takes all my willpower not to pull her in for a hug and instead, I wave goodbye and head to my car. Once I’m inside, I call Tasha.

She picks up right away. “Hi Gunnar. Thanks for calling me back.” She doesn’t say it sarcastically. In fact, her voice sounds solemn and defeated.

“Against my better judgment, it’s probably best we speak in person. Where are you located?”

“I’m staying in a rental by the Green Hills Mall.”

“Meet me at the cheesecake restaurant that is inside the mall. I will be there in fifteen minutes,” I tell her and I can hear her sigh with relief.

“Thank you, Gunnar.”

I hang up without saying another word and start to my car, praying that Tasha has changed for the sake of our daughter.

* * *

B y the time I return home, it’s past dinner time and Cassie is putting Izzy to sleep. I hear Cassie reading her a book as I near her bedroom door. I stand in the doorway and watch the two of them together, their heads touching as they get lost in the story together. Cassie’s going to make a great mother someday , but the thought of another man touching her, let alone impregnating her, makes me clench my hand into a fist.

“Daddy!” Izzy’s voice clears away my angry thoughts and I smile at her.

“Mind if I take over reading to her?” I ask Cassie, who shakes her head and moves to get out of the bed.

“Good night, Peanut, see you in the morning,” Cassie tells Izzy and then glances my way. “I’ll be in the playroom finishing Aly’s painting if you want to talk when you’re done.”

I nod at her and watch her walk out of the room before resuming where she left off reading to Izzy. It doesn’t take Izzy long to fall asleep. I sneak out of her bed and quietly close her door. I go to the playroom and knock, not wanting to scare Cassie while she paints. She turns around and smiles, motioning for me to come in.

“Wow, that’s beautiful,” I tell her as I admire her work. The sun rises above the ocean in colors that evoke warmth and joy upon looking at it.

“Thanks. She wants the baby’s room to be relaxed and inviting and to me, that’s sitting on the beach, with the sun’s rays shining down.” I watch her tilt her head as she analyzes her painting and then looks back at me.

“It’s perfect. She’s going to love it.”

“I hope so.” She puts her brushes in a cup of water and lifts the straps of her apron over her head. “Let’s sit down so you can tell me what happened with Tasha.” She places her apron on the table and follows me to the couch. I sit down and Cassie sits at the opposite end from me, making sure there’s ample distance between us.

I take a deep breath and begin telling her what transpired. “We met at the cheesecake restaurant inside the mall. When I first walked in, I didn’t recognize her. Tasha used to wear revealing, tight clothes with her hair and make-up always done up, even when we would go to the grocery store. The Tasha that showed up tonight was the total opposite. She was still dressed nicely, but in clothes that were modest. She wore no make-up and just looked…natural.” I shrug, not really knowing how else to describe her.

“I wasn’t there for small talk, so as soon as we were seated, I demanded to know where the hell she’s been these last six months, and why she hasn’t called Izzy. She told me she has been in rehab, working on her alcohol addiction and confidence issues, and learning how to live a sober life. She got into a bad place while dating Marcus and he eventually dumped her for the woman he was cheating on her with.” I give Cassie a small smile. “Talk about karma, right?”

“After Marcus kicked her out, she moved in with some friends and continued partying and spiraling out of control. Her rock bottom was getting arrested for disorderly conduct. Her parents came to California, got her out of jail and took her straight to an inpatient rehab facility in Texas. She was there for ninety days and then spent another three months in a sober living house.”

“Wow,” Cassie whispers. “That’s a lot.”

“She said getting arrested was a blessing in disguise, because if she hadn’t been arrested, she probably would be dead or would have killed someone when she was drinking and driving. It made me sick when I would come home from a game to see her drunk, knowing she drove with our daughter in the car.”

Cassie nods and looks down at her hands. “It’s good that she sees it as a blessing. My mother got arrested numerous times and she would only last a couple of months before falling off the wagon again.”

I move closer to her, feeling the urge to comfort her. “That’s what I’m afraid of though. What if she’s not strong enough to stay sober? I don’t want Izzy exposed to that.”

“Izzy would be protected by supervised visits.”

“Yes, but now that Izzy is older and can start recognizing when her mother is sober or drunk, I don’t want her to have to deal with that. One of the reasons I stopped picking up the phone when Tasha called was because the last couple of months before she got arrested, she would call Izzy drunk and then not remember the conversation the next morning.”

“Your fear is valid, Gunnar. How did she even know where to find us?”

“I forgot that I gave her parents my new address because they wanted to send Izzy some of her favorite things that she left at their house. They gave her my address and she probably followed you guys to the park.” I bring the palms of my hands up to my eyes and rub them. “Her being here is my fault. I enjoyed her silence and got stressed when she started calling again. If I had just answered her calls and let her talk to Izzy, we wouldn’t be dealing with her presence.”

“You don’t know that though. If she’s truly on a path of sobriety, she will make her way to wherever her daughter is so she can be in her life.”

I look up at her and nod. “That’s exactly what she said. She wants to move here so she can be close to Izzy. Her plan is to enroll in school to get her degree in addiction counseling so she can help others.”

Cassie gives me a sad smile. “That’s really admirable of her.”

I snort. “There’s nothing admirable about Tasha.”

She ignores my comment. “So what happens next?”

“She wants to see Izzy, but I told her no.”

Cassie frowns. “Why not? I can be with her when she sees her.”

“That’s not your job, Cassie. I want a state supervisor at all visits until Tasha can be trusted and even after that, I still won’t be comfortable leaving Izzy alone with her.”

“Okay, but can she at least FaceTime with her until that gets set up?”

I shake my head. “I told her I needed time to think about things.”

“Time to think? You leave for a road trip after tomorrow’s game.” Cassie stands up in frustration and looks at me. “How are you going to think about things when you are away and need to concentrate on your job?”

I stand up as well and glare at her. “Why are you acting like this is my fault? She’s the one who put herself in this situation.”

“You can give her my phone number to FaceTime with Izzy.”

“Hell no!”

She places her hands on her hips. “Why not?”

“Because it’s not your job to have to deal with her. It’s mine and I don’t want to do it just yet.”

She throws her hands up in the air and scoffs at me. “You just aren’t listening to what I’m saying,” she grinds out in anger. “She’s trying to get sober for Izzy, Gunnar. If she’s allowed to see or speak to her daughter, that might be the motivation she needs to keep going, knowing she has a future with her kid.”

I rear back, not used to seeing Cassie this upset. I can see the trauma of her past battling to the surface within her and she’s struggling to keep it at bay.

“Your relationship with Tasha is irrevocably damaged, but Izzy’s is not. She barely remembers Tasha and if Tasha can stay sober, this will be the fresh start Izzy gets with her mother.” Her eyes start watering and I can see she’s barely keeping it together. “God, how I would’ve given anything for my mother to do what Tasha is doing. She never fought her demons for us…for me.”

The dam that was holding Cassie’s tears back breaks. She shields her eyes with her hands and starts bawling. Within two strides I take her in my arms and hold her tightly. She wraps her arms around me and buries her face in my chest. Her tears soak through my shirt and the wetness pierces my skin and breaks my heart.

“I’m so sorry, Cassie,” I whisper against her ear, not knowing what to say to make her feel better. So I just hold her. I hold her until her shoulders stop shaking and the tears stop leaking. When I feel the time is right, I pull back slightly and take her head in my hands and lift up her chin. Her gorgeous blue eyes look into mine just as two tears splash down her cheeks. I use the pad of my thumbs to wipe them away.

“Please set up a daily call for Tasha to speak with Izzy. It can be through Izzy’s iPad that we both can monitor. I promise Gunnar, if she calls intoxicated, I will hang up and block her number.”

I hesitate and she grips my wrists and squeezes. “Please do this for Izzy.”

I rest my forehead against hers and squeeze my eyes shut. “Okay,” I whisper and I open my eyes to see her tears start to fall again. “Cas, please…I can’t stand to watch you cry.”

Without thinking about what I’m doing, I bring her face closer and start kissing away the tears. I go back and forth from each cheek, trying to catch the tears. I rub my nose against hers and before I can stop myself, my lips find hers in a searing kiss.

God, how I fucking want her. I crush her to me and she whimpers while opening her mouth and giving my tongue full access. I groan, our tongues dueling with each other as she holds my head at the perfect angle before we break apart to gasp for air. My lips find her neck and I roughly suck while my hand roams down to her ass and plasters her pelvis to mine so she can feel how hard she makes me.

“Please, Gunnar,” she moans as I suck on her earlobe.

“Please, what?” I want to hear her say what she wants.

“I want you so badly.” Her hands reach for my shirt to untuck it and I feel her fingers against my bare skin as she rubs my back.

“Tell me what you want, Cassie, and I’ll do it.” I cover her mouth with mine hungrily, needing to taste her over and over again.

She claws at my back while I devour her. A small warning is going off in my head, trying to convince me to stop. This is going to change everything and I might not like the outcome, but right now I just don’t care. I can’t stop myself.

I don’t want to stop.

She abruptly pulls back, grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it up and over her head, revealing those magnificent breasts of hers encased in black bra.

“I want you, Gunnar.” Before I can even respond, she grabs my face and recaptures my lips. She alternates between sucking my tongue and nipping at my bottom lip, and the combination drives me wild. I walk her backward until her calves hit the back of the couch, forcing her to sit down. She starts working the button of my jeans while I grab the fabric of my shirt at the back of my neck and pull it over my head. I throw it to the ground just as she unzips my pants. She pulls the top of my jeans and underwear down, making my cock spring to life in front of her face. She immediately grabs it and sticks it in her mouth. I inhale sharply as her mouth suctions against my shaft and she starts bringing me in and out of her mouth.

I throw my head back in ecstasy as I feel her tongue lapping against the tip of my cock. My hands snake through her head, holding her closer and she moans, the vibrations sending shivers up my spine.

“Fuck, you do that so well.” I look back down at her and almost come undone watching her mouth attached to me. My need to be inside her grows more urgent and I tighten my hold in her hair and gently pull so she looks at me. “Keep doing that and you’re going to make me come. If you want me to fuck you, then lay down on the couch.”

She releases me from her mouth and fervently takes her clothes off. I lose the remainder of my own and cover her with my body, but I stop myself from entering her.

“Shit, I don’t have any condoms,” I groan out in disappointment.

“I’m on birth control,” she says, her hand guiding me to her entrance. With one sweeping motion, I’m inside of her and we both moan with how incredible it feels.

“God, I’ve missed you,” I murmur as I start thrusting inside of her. Her body is warm and tight as my cock slides through her wet heat, impaling her in the perfect spot that makes her back arch, her soft moans of pleasure heightening my own. Her mouth latches on to the hardened peak of my nipple, eliciting an animal-like growl from deep within my chest as electricity starts to ping pong throughout my body.

She feels too good and as her walls start pulsating around me, I pound into her harder and faster. She cries out my name and, fuck, if I don’t love hearing her say it. Her palms rest against my ass as she gyrates against me in search of her release. It doesn’t take long before I feel myself about to combust just in time for her to come.

I’m panting into her neck, trying to stop my hips from continuing to grind into her, but the feeling of her in my arms, wrapped around my body is euphoria itself.

And I never want to give it up.