Page 12

CHAPTER 12

GUNNAR

I t feels like time is standing still as I stare at the woman who has been haunting my dreams since I met her last week. This can’t be Cassie Warner, the woman who’s interviewing to be Izzy’s nanny. This woman looks exactly like my Amber. She has the same beautiful face, same red hair, and those same blue colored eyes that hypnotize me like a moth to a flame.

But her name never really was Amber, was it?

Flashbacks of when we first met come racing back to me and I feel my shock start to turn into disappointment. My emotions must be playing all over my face because Aly steps into my line of vision, giving me a look of concern.

“Gunnar, are you okay?” No, I’m not fucking okay is what I want to say, but I clamp my jaw shut, needing to calm down before I speak.

The woman whose name was never Amber, but Cassie, steps forward and clears her throat. “Hi, I’m Cassie.” I look down at her outstretched hand and back up to her face. Her eyes are pleading with me to play along, to pretend we don’t know each other, and I give in.

“Gunnar McNeer,” is all I can muster. I take her hand into mine and gently squeeze, wishing I didn’t remember how smooth the touch of her skin felt. I quickly drop her hand, needing to get as far away from her as possible. Her scent has already permeated my nasal passage and has made its way down to my dick, which is hardening as it takes a joy ride down memory lane. I walk back behind my desk, but don’t sit down.

“Thanks Aly, I’ll take it from here,” I tell my sister-in-law, who’s looking at me as if I’ve grown two heads. I know she’s going to be questioning me as soon as Cassie leaves, but I can’t focus on that right now.

“I’ll just be in the kitchen if you need me.” Aly gives me a what is wrong with you look before walking out and closing the door behind her.

We stand in uncomfortable silence, both of us not even knowing where to begin. I grab her resume off my desk, reading it one more time. She told me she was an artist. Was that a lie? I look down at her schooling to see she did graduate with an art degree. Then I look at the year she graduated and start doing the math in my head of how old she is.

No, that can’t be right, I think and do the calculation again.

Holy shit, I think I’m going to be sick.

She clears her throat and I look at her in shock. “Wow, when I said we can let fate decide if we ever see each other again, I never imagined it would be like this.” She laughs nervously and shifts uncomfortably on her feet. She’s wringing her hands while she stands there, and I somehow manage to find my voice.

“You’re twenty-four?” My voice is hoarse and sounds foreign even to me.

She narrows her gaze and I see something ignite in her irises. “Yeah, so?” Her voice is defensive, as if I’m starting to piss her off.

I drop her resume to my desk and rub the back of my neck before looking at her in utter disbelief. “Jesus Christ, I’m eleven years older than you!”

Her pupils widen and she places her hands on her hips with an angry stance. “That’s what you’re focused on? My age? Not the fact that you had me in positions you only see in pornos and yet here I am seeking to be your nanny?”

Fuck . I rub my hands down my face, wishing she never said that because all I can see right now is her naked body riding me hard, her tits bouncing in a way that is forever embedded in my brain.

“Which is precisely why you being my child’s nanny is a horrible idea,” I growl out in frustration.

She scoffs. “It was just one night of sex. Just because it happened once doesn’t mean it will happen again.”

Are you fucking kidding me? I walk toward her and get within inches of her face. She stands her ground and doesn’t move, but I see her swallow. My gaze lobbies between her eyes and those damn, addictive lips of hers.

“You don’t think now that I’ve had a taste of you, I wouldn’t want more? I can’t stop thinking about you or that night.” She sharply inhales, causing me to solely focus on her lips. “So yeah, you being my nanny and living under my roof is a terrible idea.”

Walk away before you do something stupid, Gunnar, like kiss her. I ball my hands into fists to refrain from grabbing and crushing her to me. I go back behind my desk again. This time I do sit down because I can’t let her see how she’s physically affecting me. The air is thick with emotional and sexual tension. I need to stay away from her.

Do not leave this chair, Gunnar. Sit here, ignore her and hopefully she’ll take the hint and depart.

But instead of leaving, she walks forward and sits down in the chair in front of me.

“We’re both adults here and can be professional.” She folds her hands in her lap, and I’m amazed at how composed she looks on the outside.

“You’re barely an adult.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, but I don’t care. I can’t get over the fact that I’m eleven years older than her.

She rolls her eyes but ignores my comment. “I agree that hiring me might be awkward in the beginning, but I’m here for your daughter, not you.” For some reason, that stings, and pisses me off even more that I’m hurt by it. “We can pretend that night never happened.”

Good fucking luck! “I haven’t been able to get the scent of your perfume out of my nostrils since that night, so there’s no way if I see you every day, can smell you every day, that I’m going to forget. And guess what?” I really need to just stop speaking my mind, but I can’t. Her indifference to the situation has made my anger explode like lava out of a volcano. “I don’t want to fucking forget!”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens them back up, her gaze is filled with desperation. “I need this job; you need a nanny. I’m more than qualified to take care of your daughter. Please don’t let what transpired between us prevent you from giving me a chance.”

I shake my head, not wanting to hear anymore. “It’s not going to work, Cassie. I’m sorry to have wasted your time, but you need to leave.”

She hangs her head in defeat and nods. She gets up from the chair and starts walking toward the door. She stops and turns around to look at me. I groan inwardly, my resolve about to snap in two at the sight of her.

“Good luck, Gunnar. I truly wish you nothing but the best.” She opens the door with her head held high and walks out.

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. I have this urge to run after her, but what the hell would I say? I can’t hire her. She’s the distraction I can’t have in my life right now, plus I have to think of Izzy. I don’t want to bring a new person in her life and me fuck it all up for her to lose them. She’s already lost so much not having her mother.

I can hear Aly’s voice asking if Cassie’s okay, but her response is inaudible. I listen for the front door to open and it’s only when I hear it shut that I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

I hear footsteps getting closer to my office and know Aly’s upset by how heavy they sound against the hardwood floors. Within seconds, she enters over the threshold into my office and marches straight up to my desk.

“How do you know Cassie Warner?”

I knew Aly was too smart to ignore the look of recognition that passed between us when we saw each other.

“Technically, I don’t know her.” I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands, a headache forming at the base of my skull.

“What does ‘technically’ mean? Don’t lie to me, Gunnar. All I know is that girl was barely in your office for ten minutes and left here with tears in eyes.”

Shit, I wish Aly never told me that. I hate myself right now knowing that she was upset enough to cry, but telling her to go was the right decision. “I didn’t mean to make her cry.”

“I left your brother’s tour to be here to help you. Don’t bullshit me and tell me the truth.”

“It’s a long story, Aly.” I remove my hands from my face and look at her wearily. With my adrenaline depleted, I’m left feeling tired, disappointed, and not in the mood to have this discussion.

“I’ve got nowhere to be, Gunnar.” She sits down in the chair that was just vacated by Cassie. She leans back into the chair, folds her hands and places them on the top of her baby bump.

“Don’t you need to get back to Austin?” I suggest, trying to stall telling her the truth.

“Valerie and Rowan are watching him.” Valerie is Aly’s sister and Rowan is her husband. They live in a small town called Murfreesboro just southeast of Nashville. “Don’t piss off your pregnant sister-in-law or Gavin will kick your ass. Tell me what happened so I can try to help fix it.”

I shake my head, a sad smile playing on my lips. “There’s nothing you can fix. The damage is done.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Damage? What damage? Stop being dramatic. Are you hiring her or not?”

“No, I can’t hire her.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “Why? She’s perfect for Izzy.”

“You can’t tell someone’s perfect for one another until you get to know them better.” Not sure if I mean Cassie and Izzy or Cassie and me, but regardless, it’s the truth.

“Cut the shit, Gunnar. Why are you not hiring her?”

“She’s too young?” It’s more of a question, not a statement, and it doesn’t fly with Aly.

She sits up and slams her hand against the desk. “Gunnar, you’re really upsetting me and it’s not good for the baby. Please,” she begs and I know it’s time to cut the shit. “Tell me how you know Cassie.”

I take a deep breath and for the next five minutes, I tell her everything that happened between Cassie and me. When I’m done, she grabs a tissue from my desk and dabs at her eyes.

“Why are you crying?” Fuck, I’ve made another woman cry. I think I’m developing an ulcer from the stress of it.

“The entire thing is just so sad,” she sniffles and proceeds to blow her nose loudly.

“Sad for who?”

She throws her hands up in the air in exasperation. “Sad for you both. Gunnar, what if Cassie is your one true love?”

This must be the pregnancy hormones talking because that’s just crazy. “Let’s not get carried away here, Aly. This isn’t one of your romance books, you know.”

“You said you can’t stop thinking about her.”

I shrug. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m in love with her. I just haven’t had sex in a very long time.”

“No, because if it was about popping your dry spell, you would’ve continued hooking up with psycho groupies on your road trip this past week.” I snort at her theory. After what happened today, I’m definitely done with one-night stands.

“I still think fate brought her here today for a reason.”

I sigh in exasperation. “It’s just a fucked-up coincidence, Aly.”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s a sign that you should hire her.”

“Aly, it’s a bad idea,” I tell her sternly.

“Why?”

I love my sister-in-law, but I can’t hide my annoyance at repeating this subject. “Because I probably won’t be able to keep my hands to myself.”

“That’s the dumbest reason I’ve ever heard. You’re an adult, Gunnar! If you don’t want to start a relationship with her, then keep your hands to yourself. If you can’t stop thinking about her, then date her. This isn’t a life-or-death situation here.”

“If it goes bad, then Izzy is the one who suffers again, and I refuse to let that happen.”

“Is that the real reason or are you just afraid to let someone back in again?”

I take a moment to think about what she’s asking. “Maybe it’s both.”

She gives me a sympathetic smile. “You can’t continue living your life in fear of getting hurt again. You don’t deserve to be alone, Gunnar.”

I lean over the desk and grab her hand. “The smartest thing my brother ever did in his life was marrying you, Aly. Thank you for loving me and my family. I truly appreciate it. Don’t worry about me, I’m doing just fine being alone.”

The lie comes smoothly out of my mouth. I’m hanging on by a thread being a single dad in a new city, but she doesn’t need me to admit that. I know everyone is worried about how I’m going to handle things once Izzy arrives here permanently, but they don’t need to live my life for me. They all need to concentrate on their own lives. Gavin and Aly will soon have a newborn again and my parents are getting older. They need to enjoy each other and their retirement and not be my permanent babysitters. Getting a nanny is the right thing to do, but it can’t be one who I lust after and who consumes all of my thoughts.

“I’ll always worry about you, Gunnar.” She slips her hand from underneath mine and puts her business face back on. “Let’s not change the subject here. Are we hiring Cassie or not?”

“Not and the answer is final.”

She stands up and points her finger at me. “I think this is a mistake, Gunnar. She’s perfect for the job.”

I give her a knowing look. “I’m confident that there are other candidates out there who are just as perfect.”

She harrumphs. “Your penis had to go screw everything up.”

Her comment is so unexpected that I bark out a laugh. “My penis and I apologize for this inconvenience.”

She sighs and rubs her belly. “I’ll go call the agency and ask for more candidates.” She pauses before turning around. “They’re going to ask for a reason why Cassie wasn’t considered. What do you want me to tell them?”

The only logical reasoning that they would believe is her age. “Tell them I prefer someone with a little more experience who’s older.”

She nods but does so with a scowl. “Stupid men,” she mutters loud enough for me to hear while exiting my office.

I don’t disagree with her, because I feel like the dumbest asshole on the face of the planet. I also feel horrible about how things ended with Cassie. I glance down at her resume and find her phone number. I could call her and apologize for how I handled things…

No, Gunnar! You need to leave her alone.

Annoyed with myself for even thinking of reaching out to her, I take her resume and run it through the shredder to avoid any temptation. Cassie Warner needs to be deleted from my brain forever. No more distractions! My family and my baseball team are the only people I need in my life right now.