Page 27

When I finally lowered the rabbit gun, I was shivering, and not from the cold. Even after everything we’d been through, I still wasn’t used to killing. It still felt like it went against my fundamental nature in some way, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing anymore. I needed to be stronger.

“You go ahead,” John said to me, nodding back in the direction Kimmy and Asha had gone. “I’ll follow. Just want eyes on them. ”

I nodded. He leaned over and pecked my lips.

“Thank you.”

Something like pride bloomed inside me, and I smiled.

I started off after the other two, who had pulled ahead and were almost to the other side of the lake.

Kimmy waved as she moved onto the shore, then tied her end of the rope around a tree for stability.

I moved as quickly as I could, still using the rope to balance, and John followed slowly behind me.

His rifle was on his back again, but he still kept watch.

Thankfully, it seemed like we were in the clear.

We were within ten feet of the other side when a deep groan came from behind me. It was not a human groan—not any sound an animal could make. It came from within the earth itself.

I looked over my shoulder at John just in time to see a long, thick crack snaking across the ice, underneath his boots. I opened my mouth to call out in warning, but it was too late. With an enormous crash, the ice split, opening like a yawning mouth to swallow him up.

“John!” I screamed as he plunged into the freezing water.

He only made a small sound of alarm before disappearing under the water.

I ran toward the hole in the ice, even as I heard Kimmy yelling at me to stay back.

He’d dropped his end of the rope onto the ice when he fell. I snatched it up and wound it around my wrist a few times, hoping to God it would hold. I dropped my bag at the edge, then dove into the lake.

The impact of the icy water hit me in an intense, painful shockwave that paradoxically seemed to scorch my skin. I took an involuntary gasp and briefly choked on water. My eyes burned as I dove deeper into the dark, murky depths of the lake.

Thankfully, John had only sunk about eight feet below the surface, struggling frantically against an errant tree branch that had gotten caught on his jacket and was pulling him deeper.

Relief surged through me at the sight of him, even as the freezing water sucked the strength from my muscles.

His eyes widened at the sight of me, and there was new fear there that I couldn’t dwell on if I planned on saving both of us.

Quicker than I knew I was capable of, I reached him, and with more strength than I knew I had, I disentangled his jacket from the heavy branch, allowing it to fall away and sink.

I grabbed his hand and kicked furiously upward, using the cord wrapped around my wrist to pull us up.

I kept my gaze on the one source of light: the hole in the ice.

John helped me, pushing me as he swam upward, and finally—finally—we broke the surface, both of us gasping for breath.

“Holy shit,” Kimmy yelled from the shore.

Asha was bent over a hastily built fire, trying to coax it into life.

I wasn’t strong enough to pull John out of the water with me. He understood, because he unraveled the cord from around my wrist with shaky fingers, looping it around his own. He wrapped his free arm around me, pulling me tight against his body.

“Now!” Kimmy called.

She and Asha heaved with all their might on the cord, putting their full weight into it and lifting us enough so that John got traction on the ice and hauled us out.

The exposure to the frigid air while soaked to the skin was somehow even worse than diving in, and I hyperventilated with every full-body shiver.

From the sounds of it, John wasn’t faring much better, but he grabbed my hand and began to gingerly crawl across the ice, dragging me with him as he inched toward the bank where Kimmy waited.

I followed his lead, but metres felt like kilometres when we were this cold, and by the time we made it, I was dangerously close to passing out.

Kimmy sprang forward, barking orders at Asha.

“Look after Claire. Help her change into dry clothes. I’ll take care of John. I’ll check on you soon.”

Asha rushed to my side, dry clothes in hand. It took longer than it should have with my frozen joints creaking and jerking like rusted hinges, but we managed to change my soaked clothes. Strangely, I had stopped shivering.

Kimmy was much more efficient; she’d clearly done this before.

John was already changed and wrapped in a blanket by the campfire by the time I joined them.

He was shivering violently, his teeth chattering, but some colour had returned to his cheeks, which I took as an encouraging sign.

I sat across from him on the other side of the fire, too numb to do much except stare blankly into the flames.

I was more tired than I thought I’d ever been.

My eyes burned, though I couldn’t tell if it was from the water or from the overwhelming urge to sleep .

Kimmy was hard at work brewing broth for us, while Asha had ventured off to gather more fuel for our fire. It seemed to take forever, and I felt my eyelids closing and my head drooping.

“Cl-Claire,” John said, suddenly urgent. “Are y-you going to f-faint?”

“No,” I answered, right before my eyes snapped shut and my body fell forward.

I heard John’s cry of alarm before everything turned dark. My faceplant on the frozen ground startled me back into consciousness.

“For God’s sake,” Kimmy said critically as she dragged me onto my back. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, my eyes closing again. “Not even shivering, Kim. Just so tired.”

“Shit,” she muttered. “Asha! Where are you?”

Evidently, John was not prepared to wait, because I heard him groan with effort as he hauled himself up. A moment later, he shoved my bedroll into Kimmy’s arms. Kimmy set my sleeping bag up by the fire, then helped me under the covers. My eyelids drifted closed again.

“No,” Kimmy said urgently, tapping my windburned cheek. “Stay awake.”

John sat by my head, pulling his blanket tighter around his body as Kimmy got to work erecting the tent on the other side of the campfire. I tried to keep my eyes open and stay alert, but it felt like a losing battle.

“C-Claire,” John said, giving my shoulder a shake. “Hang on. P-please.”

“I’m okay,” I said. “Perfectly…ah…”

My voice trailed off, and I drifted again.

“N-no!” he said, an undertone of panic in his voice now. “St-stay with me, b-baby.”

Darkness closed in at the corners of my vision, even as I tried to fight it.

A million images flashed by my mind’s eye, like a fast-motion slideshow: my sister, when we were little girls together; the golden eye of the Order, following and watching me like a hawk; and the voice of my father, gently murmuring, sleep tight, Claire-bear.

I was too weary to fight anymore. The cold had sapped all my remaining strength. I slipped under the surface of unconsciousness with barely a ripple.

I didn’t remember being moved into the tent, but when I woke up, I was lying inside it, practically swaddled in a tight bundle of my sleeping bag and extra blankets. And I was finally warm.

I was jostled by John unzipping my sleeping bag and pulling me into his arms. He wore only a t-shirt and boxer shorts and was now radiating warmth like a space heater. I instinctively snuggled close to his core, stealing as much heat as I could. The frigid air still had a bite to it.

“You’re warm,” I said sleepily, my eyes still closed. “That’s good news.”

John chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “Asha lay with you until I was warm enough.”

“Remind me to thank her,” I said with a sigh. “Well, that was scary, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

A pregnant pause followed, where he seemed to clutch me tighter to him. I wasn’t complaining.

“Thank you,” he finally murmured, pressing his cheek against my hair. “I could’ve killed you for going in after me back there, but…you saved my life.”

“What was I supposed to do, shrug my shoulders and go on without you?” I said, my voice too muffled by weariness to sound truly impatient.

He sighed. “You could’ve died.”

I made a disgruntled noise. “You would have died.”

“I know,” he replied, idly playing with my hair. “But…I’m supposed to take care of you. Not the other way around.”

“That’s stupid,” I said with a wide yawn. “What would I have without you, John? You’re the centre of my whole world. I’d have nothing if I lost you.”

John didn’t say anything for a long time. When he spoke again, there was a slight tremor in his voice .

“If you died for me, I’d never forgive myself,” he whispered, burying his face in my hair. “You can’t ever do that for me again.”

“No deal,” I murmured. “I love you. And that means I have to save you, too.”

He took a sharp intake of breath and squeezed me. Silence followed for a beat before his hand found my chin and tilted my head back. He pressed his lips to mine, his hand moving to cradle the back of my head and pull me deeper.

John kissed me for a long time. At first, he was slow and tender, but there was a growing urgency in him.

His tongue thrust into my mouth, and his thumb stroked my cheek.

I moaned softly, and his kiss took on an almost frantic quality in response, as though I’d given him tacit permission to unleash whatever emotion was coursing through him.

He broke away to breathlessly shower my face, neck, and chest with more kisses, as though unable to stop himself.

“I can’t bear how much I love you,” he said, pained. “If I could love you even a little less, maybe I could stand for you to take risks. But as it is, I can’t. Every second you’re in danger is fucking agony.”