Page 56

T he worst was over and the dust had settled. New connections glowed brightly in the bond, and while I was grateful we still had that particular magic, I was not coping well with being trapped in a singular form.

I sprawled out on the grass in the sunlight, letting the heat of it bake into my skin.

The earth was a small comfort. The forest, which had always brought me peace, offered its calming energy.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that too much was missing.

My core was like a phantom limb, the ache of its loss too deep to ignore, my brain and body knowing it was supposed to be there and unwilling to accept its absence.

“I think they’re almost done,” Yelena said when she found me.

Cecily, Kyoko, Anya, and Sharla had been working with Logan all day on reestablishing the wards.

Standard warding wasn’t complicated magic, but the nests often required multi-layered spells to create a self-sustaining system.

It needed to make us invisible, protect us from the outside, allow for it to be opened and closed at will, and seamlessly draw from its power sources.

I sat up slowly, waiting while my mate settled next to me. Yelena took my hand, lacing our fingers together before drawing our joined hands onto her lap. “You’re hurting so much. I wish I could fix it.”

I should be grateful we escaped with our lives and the bond lets us communicate this way, but…

“I know. We experienced a loss. A devastating one, and it’s not something easily corrected. Logan can make you an amulet now that she has magic again.”

Seth and I talked about it this morning. It’s not the same, more like a bypass channeling Logan directly. Better than nothing, obviously, but it feels almost humiliating to rely on someone else for something that once came so easily.

“I’m trying to think of it as a disability aid.

We’re allowed to grieve our bodies being unable to do something that used to come naturally, but there’s no shame in needing support to get close to how things were.

Some of our community might view it differently, but our magic isn’t who we are.

I hate feeling vulnerable, knowing I can’t rely on my lioness form without a witch’s intervention, but I still insist there’s nothing wrong with needing it. ”

I leaned against her, letting her put her arm around my shoulders. Do you think the gods hate us?

“Why would you think that?”

I’m sure they could’ve found a way around the issue without requiring our sacrifice. Why were our lives and our magic an acceptable risk to them? They have no concept of death, nothing to risk themselves. Is that why?

“I’m sure it definitely colors their perception of the situation. This was all in the works before we were born, and even the gods can’t intervene against fate. I know it’s hard, but your pack loves you, and will do anything we can to help.”

You can’t help, though. I’m caged in my own body.

One of the reasons I covered myself in tattoos was to alter how I looked in the mirror, striving to create a human form I didn’t hate.

Sometimes it felt like I had accomplished that.

When I was tangled up with Yelena or Seth or Logan, I didn’t mind my body, almost liked it, and I came to an understanding in those moments.

But a human body had so many flaws I didn’t enjoy contending with.

When I juxtaposed the differences between it and my wolf form, there was no competition: dulled senses, weaker muscles, slower speeds.

When I was a wolf, I felt freedom like it was a tangible thing and not simply a concept.

Yelena sat with me for hours, the others joining or passing by every so often.

Velda wedged herself next to Yelena to satisfy the fresh bond, and Seth laid my head in his lap, playing with my hair as if it could distract me from my living prison.

Caden and Kendrick made sure we had no shortage of water and scrounged together a simple meal from the remaining supplies in the kitchen.

The witches had restocked that too, though only enough for us and themselves to last a couple of days.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about them moving in, but they’d defended one of my mates against the Council, come to our aid without question, and healed us, and Cecily had offered to train Logan.

I couldn’t think too badly about them despite their association with the woman who had targeted Seth and Caden.

She had fooled a lot of people over the years, and I couldn’t expect the witches to be immune to that.

We all knew now, and they were doing their best to make up for it.

We stayed outside until the stars came out and Logan stumbled into the yard, the other witches at her heels. “Finally done. I had no idea the magic was so complicated to set up.”

Caden and Kendrick followed them all out, the lot of them settling on the grass with us.

Logan leaned to kiss my cheek. “You’ve been so sad today. Is there anything I can do?”

I shook my head.

The last light of the sun disappeared behind the hills, shrouding us in pure night. Whispers drifted from the forest, making my little hairs stand on end, priming every instinct for a threat.

The soft glow of starlight shimmered through the trees, the delicate form of a robed woman slowly emerging to stand before us. Everyone had fallen completely silent, the witches clinging to one another. My breath sat lodged in my throat.

Hello, my dearest ones. The woman crooked her finger and Logan rose from our group, stepping toward her. Little star, you were so brave. I’m so proud of you.

“Holy shit, is that…?” Cecily whispered.

“Hecate,” Anya replied, her voice low.

The woman smiled and reached her hand to me. Instinct told me she wasn’t a threat to me, but she was dangerous, purely from the amount of power she carried. My whole body tingled when I laid my hand in hers.

I know you resent your sacrifice, and I do not blame you for that.

You’re right. It’s not possible for us to understand the full ramifications of what we ask of our children, but please know we do not ask out of malice or negligence.

We ask because of necessity. Some things can only be healed the way they were damaged.

I think you know what sort of chaos would occur if the gods simply took matters into their own hands, how detrimental it would be to the growth of the world.

She wasn’t wrong. How could you learn if everything was done for you? I nodded slowly.

That being said, sacrifice does not need to go unrewarded. She turned to Logan. Little star, do you remember the tale you read in Melinda’s book? The origin of how the magically blessed of our children came to be?

“It feels like years since I read it with everything that happened, but I think so.”

The wisps of cloud above us disappeared, a shooting star streaking across the sky.

A thousand more joined and we all stared up at the beauty decorating the heavens, or at least until one of them careened away from the others.

The glow grew bigger and bigger, my body frozen with fear as it crashed into the ground, splintering, the glow shooting straight through my chest.

I collapsed to the ground, unable to breathe as the starlight bloomed inside me, bathing every cell in light. The world around me disappeared in a blaze of white.

“Haru!” Logan pawed at me, rolling me over to cradle my cheeks. “Fuck. Everyone’s down. There’s not enough of me to go around. What happened?”

Slow blinks brought my vision back to life. The witches were still standing, but the rest of my pack was sprawled across the grass in various states of recovery.

Restoration , Hecate replied. We once brought the stars to earth to bless our children, and I have done so again.

The pressure in my chest eased, erasing the hollowness from before, infusing me with hope. Magic swirled, sure and strong.

A core? Was my magic back?

I imagined my wolf form, my body seamlessly shifting, and when I opened my eyes, all of my senses were elevated and I was on all fours. Excitement crashed over me and I leapt up, laying my paws on Logan’s shoulders, frantically licking her cheeks.

She laughed, hugging me tightly.

When I dropped down, I went straight for Seth and Yelena, licking all over their faces, my tail wagging too hard to stop.

One by one they slipped out of their human forms into their animals and back again, relief so potent in the bond most of them wept.

I couldn’t cry as a wolf, but I was overwhelmed all the same.

Velda sprinted over to the goddess in our midst. “Thank you. I have to ask, though, what happened to the people Godric killed? They’re not stuck in some sort of horrible limbo, are they?”

Hecate smiled softly, cupping Velda’s cheeks.

They are all safe with us. Have no fear of their fates, my little bear.

They are not gone and they are not in pain.

Your Laila and all the others lost are at peace, awaiting their time to be reborn or to join us as part of the fabric of the universe.

I promise she bears no ill will toward you, nor does anyone else.

Hecate kissed Velda’s forehead. Pun intended.

Velda laughed for a brief second at the goddess’s indulgence in her particular brand of humor before her sobs won out, her grief bright in the bond.

Logan wrapped both arms around her, Hecate tenderly stroking a hand over each of their heads, much like a mother might. I nudged close, Velda laying a hand on my back, her fingers curling tight in my fur.

I will take my leave of you, dear ones, Hecate said. Your trials are over for now. Go forward with my blessings.

She disappeared as quickly as she had come, leaving my heart light.

Guilt clawed at me that I had ever considered the gods hated us.

As the saying often went, the gods helped those who helped themselves, but in this case I think our strength lay in helping others, in helping one another.

Even without the assurance that my shifting would be returned, I would have surrendered it again, knowing it made the difference between life and death, kept my pack alive and with me.

Pain wasn’t always easy to reason with, but that was the beauty of surrounding myself with people I loved and trusted. I would have healed in time, however difficult it might have been, because they would never abandon me.

I would sacrifice anything for them, but I still hoped the gods gave us a little break before thrusting us toward any more destiny for a while.