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“ S he can’t die.”

She won’t , Haru assured me.

“You don’t know that. “

The carpet was being remarkably resilient against my pacing, but I had already discarded my toothbrush after it suffered through multiple rounds trying to scrub away the taste of Logan’s blood in my mouth.

The part of me that wasn’t steeping in despair wanted to rip Kendrick’s antlers off his head.

Haru herded me to the bed and climbed his fluffy body on top of mine to stop my nervous movements. They’ll come tell you when there’s news.

“I feel like I’m failing at everything. I’m not being a good Protector or a good mate.”

Logan knows the consequences of getting between fighting shifters.

“I shouldn’t have been fighting. It’s not like me.”

Lockdown can get the best of anyone .

I was the one who put people back together, not the one who fell apart. I couldn’t afford to fall apart with so many relying on me, no matter what Haru said.

“I’m not being a good mate to you either.”

I promise I’m not feeling neglected. At no point in our relationship have I ever expected you to put me above the nest. You can love me and believe me to be important, but I still respect your responsibilities.

“I’m just struggling. I love you so much and I never want you to feel like you’re falling by the wayside.”

Haru stuck his nose to my cheek, golden eyes staring down at me. I don’t, so put that worry out of your head.

I let out a sigh. “Okay.”

Logan was concerningly quiet in the bond but that was presumably because they’d knocked her out to work on her. I hated not knowing. My only consolation was that Kendrick had also been temporarily stripped of his authority.

I wrapped my arms around Haru, burying my face in their fur.

Want me to go bite Kendrick?

I gave a sharp laugh. “I don’t think that would get us out of this situation any faster.”

No, but I would enjoy myself.

“I can’t encourage it. I let go once and look what happened. I need to get back to a state where I have control.”

Corralling my mind away from the potential of Logan dying was a constant battle.

She healed quickly, but she didn’t know how to use her magic well, and no one was going to make her come in an operating room to replenish the magic she needed to heal.

In theory Haru and I could assist with that through the bond, but I had never felt less like fucking someone than I did right now, and Logan’s power was dependent on pleasure, not pressure.

Doing something I wasn’t wholeheartedly into would serve no purpose.

“Maybe we should open the nest to witches too.”

Certainly wouldn’t hurt to have more magic on location if this ever happens again.

Witches and shifters didn’t have a negative relationship, but we didn’t intermingle all that much.

It was more difficult for all of us as the world modernized, nudging us closer together so we could figure out ways to navigate the new human systems. Logan deserved to be around other witches, deserved the camaraderie that came with being near your own kind, and she still had so much to learn.

Haru wiggled on top of me, their movements exaggerated, their nose thrust against my cheek and sniffing wildly until I let out a laugh.

“What was that?”

You were thinking too hard. Stressing isn’t going to help anyone.

“If I could turn it off, I would.”

Why don’t you look through Logan’s fancy book. See if there’s anything that helps with witch healing.

Although it was probably a fruitless endeavor, Haru was right. I needed something to occupy my mind while we waited.

I’d been reading for a couple of hours, finding nothing of particular use, Haru’s head in my lap, when the door opened. Caden slipped inside and we both turned toward him with our full attention.

“How is she?” I asked.

“Alive.”

Stable?

“Praise the gods, yes. I wouldn’t have left her side otherwise.”

“You could’ve told us through telepathy,” I pointed out.

“But then I wouldn’t be able to look you in the eye when I say what I need to.”

I braced myself for vitriol.

“Come here.”

I slipped off the bed, Haru joining me on the floor. I stood silently, staring into Caden’s hazel eyes, soaking in the red rims and exhausted pallor of his face.

“I know you’re scared, but I need you to understand that our enemy is out there, not in here.

You know that. We can’t help Logan help us if conflict is going to win.

For whatever reason she likes Kendrick, and none of us have to be happy about that, but we can’t be ripping him apart for it as much as I would like to. ”

I heaved out an exhausted breath. “I know all that.”

In the next moment his arms were around me. “It’s okay that you broke, but it can’t happen again.”

I didn’t know what to do with his affection.

“Take the comfort, lioness.”

I locked my arms around his torso and let my forehead rest against his cheek. Beyond the stress coating him, he smelled earthy, almost sweet.

“How is everything out there?”

“Shakti and Velda are preparing everyone for a potential evacuation again. People are scared.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We’ll get through it,” Caden promised. “I hate saying it, but Logan knew the risks and did it anyway. If you had tried to deliberately hurt her, I’d be trying to kill you right now.

I know that wasn’t your intention and I’m focusing on putting that above the impact of your choice.

If she dies, I will never forgive you, but while she’s still alive, forgiveness is hers to give. ”

The lump in my throat made swallowing difficult. Stable didn’t mean she would stay that way. We didn’t have top-tier facilities because we were supposed to be able to access more advanced medical care as required.

“If she dies, I’ll never forgive myself .”

“I can’t say anymore that I know what it feels like to have a bond mate die, but I do know it’s probably worse than what I felt when Rachel locked it all down to make me believe she was gone. It’s like you’re suddenly cut off from air. Going through that would be punishment enough if we lose her.”

I let my tears fall. His body trembled, holding me tighter and I couldn’t help but understand that he had come here as much for his own comfort as to confront me, even if it was just for a few moments.

He couldn’t very well hug Logan in her hospital bed, and maybe I was a poor choice for comfort since I was the reason she was there, but he came anyway.

“I’m sorry. I let my anger get the better of me.”

“I know what that’s like.” Caden sighed, squeezing me just a bit tighter before stepping away. “I should get back.”

“Yes.” I nodded, my throat thick from my tears. “Be there when she wakes.”

Haru leaned against Caden’s legs, a silent offer of comfort. The panther trailed his fingers over Haru’s fur before departing. I leaned against the door after he left, agony bringing my claws out to dig into the wood.

I couldn’t fix this.

I hated being helpless. Waiting for news with the horrible silence in the bond turned my stomach, but I had no other choice.

“You can go to her,” I told Haru, “If you want to. Or to Seth. I’m sure he could use the support. You don’t have to stay with me.”

I wish I could be in two places at once.

“You’ve spent more than enough time with me. We’re part of a unit, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay. Go and come back, or go and stay with them, but don’t restrict yourself on my account.”

I’ll come back , Haru promised.

Kneeling, I wrapped my arms around him, soaking in a few more moments of his presence before I would be left alone with my own thoughts.

His golden gaze scrutinized me when I leaned back. You can’t hide from me anymore. I can feel your guilt and panic even when you try to bury it. If you get worse, I’ll return immediately. Seth and Caden have each other at the very least. I don’t want you to be all alone.

“It’s my own fault. Go. I’ll be fine.”

I wasn’t, not by a long shot, feeling everything creep up on me the moment Haru was out of sight.

The staff brought me a meal I couldn’t bring myself to eat. My thoughts tumbled over all the moments that had come to this, and all the ways we might avoid it in the future.

It couldn’t, wouldn’t , happen again. Even if I hated it, I had to make peace with Kendrick, for all of our sakes.

Now if only they would let me out of this fucking room to do that.