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M y eyes refused to focus. Something inside me had broken in the midst of all we were learning from Anya, and I didn’t know how to repair it. Logan’s hand in mine was a lifeline that kept me from drifting away, barely.

Rachel had sought me out because of my ancestry. Seth, too, apparently.

“Did she…” I trailed off, unsure if I could make myself say the words.

“Speak your mind,” Anya said softly. “I’m losing my desire to protect her the more I learn.”

“Did she ever actually love me?” My throat was tight as I forced the question out, my whole chest aching.

Anya frowned, chewing her lip. “We didn’t talk much about it, to be honest. She was relieved that you were handsome and seemed kind, said she could make it work for the sake of healing the rift and hoped for love over time.”

“And my brother?”

“She didn’t say a lot about him, just that her plan didn’t work out and she needed a new identity ASAP.

” Anya rubbed her hand over her face with a sigh.

“She hid the bond from me. I can’t believe she’d have gone through with one for this.

I’m sorry, genuinely, that I played any part in what she did. ”

“How did she hide the bond, though?” Logan asked. “I don’t understand that part.”

“It’s possible she tried to break it,” said Anya, “which is why you felt like she died. There’s some old, complex magic she likely used to silence it from her side when she failed to break it, and if that was applied right after the failed break, you wouldn’t have been able to tell what actually happened.

If she’d asked me at all, I’d have told her not to.

Magic like that is dangerous, which is why a bond is never supposed to be undertaken unless you truly want it. ”

I supposed that explained why it was so easy for her to leave me.

She had never really wanted me to begin with, and when she couldn’t force herself to love me she had moved on to Seth, trying for a second time before disappearing entirely.

I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the layers of lies and betrayal, the falsehoods I had bought into so easily.

“What—” I swallowed hard. “What do we do now? I haven’t bonded my actual mate because of this connection to Maeve.” Calling her that name was strange when I had fallen in love with Rachel, but she could have a hundred names for all I knew.

“In all honesty, that will probably save your magic. Everyone connected to Logan through a bond will be risking everything to put this monster to bed for good.”

“I don’t care about any of that. Maeve has cost me my place in my pack.”

“She hasn’t,” Logan insisted. “You’re pack with or without a bond because I love you.”

A traitorous snake of a thought slid through my mind. “Do you actually? Or is this some fucked-up ancestral remnant drawing us together?”

I hated myself the second the words were out. Logan’s eyes filled with tears and she yanked her hand from mine. “How could you say that?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t—I don’t mean it, I just…” I never should’ve said it, but confirmation that she and Maeve shared a bloodline, that I had already been targeted by one of them because of this monster, made me question everything no matter how much I hated it.

“Okay, okay,” Anya piped up, another flying book almost taking her out before she caught it and laid it flat on the desk, its pages frantically flipping. “Let’s figure this out.”

Anya read, eyes widening with each passing second.

“I think Maeve’s theory may have been correct. In part, at least.”

I tore my gaze away from Logan’s stricken face, and back to the screen with Anya. “How so?”

“She could have delivered her own magic plus yours to the monster with the bond. You freely bonded with her, so maybe she thought that would be the same as you freely offering your magic core to the monster to heal it. Unfortunately, it sounds an awful lot like what Fiona did to begin with since it’s not a true surrendering. ”

Nausea turned in my gut. “She bonded me to steal my shifting?”

“I can’t say for sure, but it’s definitely a possibility.”

“So why didn’t she?”

“Maybe she couldn’t get access? She might’ve known where the monster was, but the magic of a lot of witches went into the containment. Sixty years ago she may not have been strong enough to get to it.”

Logan sat like a block of ice next to me, eyes unfocused. I had never experienced such a chill coming off her and I despised that I had caused it. I reached for her hand again, and while she didn’t pull away, she didn’t respond to my touch at all.

“Do you think she might’ve planned to tackle the monster again?”

“Hard to say,” replied Anya. “She moved out of the country some time ago, and I guess it’s possible she forgot all of this. It’s been a long time, and when her first attempt didn’t work, she could have moved on.”

How could she have forgotten something that almost destroyed me? That had caused so much conflict between Seth and me we barely spoke for decades?

“I’m having a hard time with how things have lined up,” I confessed. “I’m not trying to negate Logan’s sincerity, but fate has a heavy hand. It drew both Seth and me to her, and then it led us here. Now she has five bonds just in time to face down a creature that steals magic.”

Logan gripped my hand so tightly I yelped, her nails digging into my skin.

“Sure fucking feels like you’re trying to negate my sincerity.

I could say the same about you and Seth, and I’m not.

You think it didn’t cross my mind that you guys only loved me because I was part of a bloodline that could fix this mess?

I kept it to my damn self. You’d better get one thing really fucking clear before I risk my life for everyone, because if I die, you are not allowed to lose me believing I didn’t love you. ”

Her power snaked hot and bright up my arm.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying to trust myself and it’s hard. You know I’ve been trying, been pushing down every insecurity so I can support you in this whole process. I’m not infallible.”

“You’re not, you never have been, but I love you anyway.

It’s not because of fate. I know the timing is weird with the others, and I can’t do anything about that.

You’ve been there for me every single day, and fate may have brought you to my door, but it sure as fuck didn’t make me love you. You did that.”

“I know I’m not part of this exact conversation,” said Anya, “but I agree with Logan. Fate does indeed have a heavy hand on occasion, but it can’t force love.

It draws people together who have a natural compatibility, it gives us an opportunity, but once it drops us on a path, it’s our own choice to walk it.

If you had turned away from Logan, there’s a good chance you’d have kept crossing paths, giving you more and more opportunities, but I believe that’s as far as it goes.

You don’t have to feel like your love is less or not as true simply because it was destined. ”

I pulled Logan onto my lap, and she didn’t protest, just letting me envelop her. “I’m sorry. I love you so much, and even the idea that a repeat of what happened with Rachel could happen again made me lose my sense.”

“I get it. I do,” Logan promised. “You’ve been afraid this whole time that Seth would steal me away like he did with Rachel. Have I not proven how much I love you, that no matter how many others there are, I’m always going to love you?”

Each word was a kick in the chest. Logan had never faltered in her love for me. Even without a bond I knew that, but it didn’t stop old wounds from ripping open.

“I’ll do better,” I whispered. “I need time to process everything we’ve learned, but I swear I love you. I know you love me.”

Logan burrowed into my arms, pressing her cheek hard to my shoulder. I couldn’t let the damage Rachel had done to me hurt things with Logan, and I also didn’t relish having to share this information with Seth. How much destruction could one person cause?

Logically, I understood Rachel may have been trying to prevent exactly what we were experiencing now, but no matter how good the cause, I fully resented being the collateral damage in her plan.

If she’d been honest, maybe I would have willingly given up my shifting to save lives, but I would never know.

She hadn’t loved me or trusted me; she’d only wanted to use me.

“Logan,” Anya said, piping up again, “I’ll keep doing research. What can I help with in the meantime? I don’t think Maeve will be willing to train you, given everything we’ve uncovered, but I can be available for questions. I’m a terrible teacher, or I would offer that.”

“I’ll think about what I need to know. Thank you,” Logan replied.

“I promise I won’t forget my email exists again.”

“How do I give up my magic to the monster if I get close enough without dying?”

“If you truly want to, it will happen. I would suggest you make your peace with everything and instruct your bondmates to do the same. It’s a terrible situation, but if you survive, I’ll make sure you’re not cut off from this world.

You’re still a witch even without your magic, and it’s not fair that you have to clean up the mess your ancestors left behind. ”

Logan swiped at her wet cheeks. “Thank you. I don’t even know how I feel about losing something I just got.

How am I going to ask the others to give up their shifting?

Seth already lost his and has to rely on the amulet I won’t be able to recharge without my own magic.

Feels like I’m asking them to cut off a limb. ”

“I won’t lie and say it’s not similar,” Anya said softly, probably as gently as she could to make Logan understand the truth.

“It will be difficult and traumatic, but if all goes well, you and your mates will survive. I’ll cast a few luck charms for you and pray that your patrons protect you. I’m so sorry, truly.”

Logan’s tears got the better of her, my sweet omega dissolving into sobs.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to keep my own tears at bay.

Everything felt like it was falling apart and I couldn’t keep it together anymore.

If we failed, how many more might die? And what if I lost Logan?

What if I lost Seth or Yelena? If the creature didn’t take me, I’d probably follow them into the damn grave anyway. There would be nothing left for me.

It felt strange hating a dead woman. Fiona O’Clery probably had no idea how badly she would hurt her descendants. Had she thought of them at all? Had she cared? How the hell had she set so many things in motion?

I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were still missing some piece of the puzzle. Hopefully I figured it out before we all died.

What a fucking mess.