Page 44

CHAPTER 43

ALEXEI

“Don’t say things like that,” Emery whispers, shock and confusion rippling across her face.

But I have to. If I let Emery go without her knowing how I feel, she’s gone forever. She moves to New York, she meets someone who loves asparagus sorbet more than any human being possibly should, and they have a herd of foodie children with pointy little chins and flashing eyes.

I shake my head. “I need to. I didn’t get to say them for two years?—”

“I’m never finding better than you.” She grabs the front of my shirt and tries to shake me. And she’s strong, but she’s not that strong, so she just pulls herself right up against me as I brace my hands on either side of her again. “And never be together ? Shut your face, Alexei Artyomov. We’re going to be so together. I’ll show you. Because you make me happy.”

Her words ring through me like someone has rung a massive bell. “I make you happy?”

“So happy,” she breathes.

“I thought you were mad at me.”

“I—” She stops and really thinks about that, her eyebrows tugging together. “Well, I’m not— I mean, if I am mad at you, it’s only because I’m in love with you.”

I exhale in relief and laugh a little as I lean in and rub my nose against hers. “In that case, be as mad as you want.”

“We never have enough time to talk.” She tugs and shoves at my chest. “Even right now. Inessa is at the park with your parents and I told them I’d meet them there.”

“We’ll go together in a minute. I want to enjoy you being mad at me first.” I step back and catch her hands, then scoop her up by the hips and toss her over my shoulder.

She pummels her little fists against my back. “Alexei, put me down!”

It’s a few strides to my bed, where I do exactly as she asks.

She glares up at me. “My phone is still recording, you know.”

I grin and jog back to the closet to pick it up.

“I love you, sunshine,” I say, winking at the camera before I end the video.

When I hand it over, she takes it, but the storm clouds don’t fade from her face.

Immediately, I turn serious again as well. I settle on the bed, sitting up against the headboard. “You’re still unhappy.”

“I’m not happy, but I’m…” She blows a raspberry. “I guess it’s what I said. We never have time to talk. You’re gone half the time, and when you are here, it’s very regimented. As my parents love to point out, it’s an important time in the season.”

I take a deep breath. “Yes. Right. We need to deal with your parents at some point. And of course, I cannot change my job. I don’t want to change my job. But I am a grown-up, Emery. I can handle many things at once. We will make time to talk. You said my parents are at the park?”

She nods.

I pull out my phone and call my dad.

He answers on the third ring. “Yes, Alexei?”

“Papa, I’m at home with Emery, and I need some privacy to speak to her,” I say in Russian. “Are you all right with Inessa? When you come home, can you keep her in your apartment for a bit?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

He laughs. “I know, son. I love you, too.”

I hang up and gesture to Emery. “Go on. We have all the time we need right now.”

“What did you say?”

“I told my dad that I love him.”

Her expression softens. “That’s sweet.”

“And before that, I told him I needed time and privacy to talk to you.”

“Oh.” Her eyes go wide. “So they…”

“They live with us. Of course they can see how I feel about you.”

She presses her lips together, her cheeks turning pink. “They’re going to be so disappointed when I leave.”

“No.” I drag in a rough breath. “Fucking hell, come here. Let me hold you, please.”

She crawls towards me, tentatively, and we both exhale in relief when I pull her into my lap and hug her, an embrace that starts out tight and gets even tighter. I wrap my arms all the way around her, my face burrowing into her neck.

“They could never be disappointed in you for following your dreams,” I mumble. “And neither could I.”

“But…” She takes a deep breath. “I know your mom doesn’t like Tatyana.”

Ah, fuck.

I squeeze even tighter. “That’s more complicated than her dreams simply being elsewhere. You are your own person, and our relationship is completely different.” I grunt, hating what I’m about to admit, but Emery deserves to know everything. “This isn’t about her. But Tatyana never got mad at me. She would pout and beg and plead, but if I put up a limit about anything, she would just…how do you say it, take her ball and go home? And when she was gone, she didn’t miss me. Our lives were never entwined, until we had a child together. And I’m grateful for the gift she gave me, but I will never understand it, because even after that, she somehow managed to detangle herself from us with ease. That’s why my mother doesn’t like her. She is not objective when it comes to her only child and grandchild.”

“No, of course she isn’t.” Emery kisses the side of my head softly.

I spread my hands wide across her back, wanting to anchor as much of myself to her as I can. “And that fierce energy? That protective mama bear vibe? The only other time I have ever seen it, Emery, is when I watched that video of you talking to Inessa this morning.”

“I can’t believe you watched that,” she says, then groans. “I fell apart.”

“I have done that, too. It’s okay.”

She takes a deep breath, then wriggles backwards. I give her just enough space for her to take my face in her hands, so she can look at me. “She never got mad at you?”

I laugh. “That’s the part you picked up on?”

“I don’t know. I just…I feel like I could get mad at you a lot.”

I grin. “Because you care.”

She exhales carefully, her lips pursed in an oh, and she nods. “So much.” Her voice hitches. “I know this isn’t about Tatyana, but I’m glad you told me. I…I don’t have any experience with serious relationships.”

“I need to be very clear. In hindsight, neither do I. You’re right. This isn’t about her. But also, I didn’t want this with her. I only want this with you.”

“And what is this? ”

“It’s everything. But don’t worry. I know that your everything includes an adventure in New York. And I’ll miss you, but I miss you when I have to travel for work, too. And I do that half of the season, don’t I? So it’s hardly fair for me to begrudge you the same thing.”

“I’ll miss you, too. And Inessa…” She makes a face, clearly trying not to cry. “Fuck, I’m going to miss her so much.”

“We’ll come to New York as soon as the season is over.”

“Don’t rush through playoffs for my sake,” she says, laughing through her watery words.

“I won’t. Maybe we’ll luck out and New York will meet us in the conference finals.”

“Can you imagine?” She gets a bright, hopeful look on her face.

And for all the bruised feelings she has about hockey, I can imagine it very clearly. Her in the stands, and then on the ice after we win. Her pure joy, because that’s what we are always going to have for each other—love, and respect, and celebrating each other in every way.

Which starts with putting her first.

I thread our fingers together.

She looks down at our hands. “I don’t know how summer vacation in New York sounds to you…”

“It sounds great,” I say immediately. “We’ll make it work. We would anyway, because it’s where you need to be. But there are some really solid off-season goalie coaches in Jersey. We can spend the entire summer with you if that’s what you want.”

The little hesitation even as she as nods makes me feel like shit. I pull her back against me with my free arm, our hands still clasped. My heartbeat slows as soon as I’m wrapped around her again.

“I’ll even get Inessa into a preschool there,” I murmur into her hair.

“Pretty sure New York preschools are more competitive than Hamilton’s,” she mumbles.

“I’ve heard money can make things happen. For us to be with you? I would happily spend it.”

“Or we could find you a proper nanny this week, and they could come with you.”

“I don’t—” I cut my protest off. Because she’s right. I do need to find a nanny, at least for the playoffs and the summer.

And they won’t be a replacement for Emery.

Because Emery was never my nanny. She was my chef, and my EBUB, and a friend, and then my lover.

And unlike her parents, I don’t think it’s her job to fix this gap in childcare for me.

Which brings us full circle back to the text message she sent me that brought us to this moment.

I stroke her thumb with mine. “Tell me about your phone call with your parents.”