Page 42

CHAPTER 41

ALEXEI

By the time I get Inessa changed, Emery has disappeared into the bathroom and the shower is running.

“Let’s go downstairs,” I say, my heart sinking.

“I do it,” Inessa insists, not wanting me to carry her.

“Hold on to the railing.”

“Yep,” she says, and she sounds so much like Emery it physically hurts.

She’s leaving.

Inessa is oblivious, chattering away to me in Russian.

“Let’s go to the park, Papa.”

“Can we play mini sticks, Papa?”

“It’s okay, I’ll get it, Papa.”

“Wait, what?” I realize I’ve followed Inessa into the kitchen, and she’s trying to open the fridge. “I’ll get it.”

I open the door, then look down at her. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. What do you want?”

“Papa!”

“What?”

“I want milk.” She gives me an exaggerated pout.

“Try using your manners.”

She takes a deep, exaggerated breath, then gives me a very sweet smile. “Please have milk?”

“Of course.”

I fill a sippy cup for her, then mix up a supplement shake for myself, too, while I’m at it. The routine of it is like a lifetime.

She’s leaving.

It’s a drum beat in my head for the next few hours. Emery escapes for an hour, going grocery shopping and dropping off the baby shower supplies at Kieran and Harper’s house.

By the time she gets back, she has busy work in the kitchen that occupies her until my parents appear for dinner.

She puts on a good mask with them, asking them to teach her phrases in Russian, and practicing the vocabulary she’s already learned. And I can’t pretend that I don’t need the space she’s created, too.

I’m still reeling.

But when bedtime for Inessa rolls around, and my parents head downstairs for the night, I’m also glad for the chance to be alone again, and try to repair what I broke earlier.

I lift Inessa into my right arm and press a kiss to her temple. She’s already half asleep, soft and heavy against my shoulder.

“Say goodnight to Emery,” I murmur.

“Night-night, Emmy,” she mumbles, lifting her head just enough to offer a sleepy kiss.

Emery leans in and kisses her back. “Goodnight, baby girl,” she whispers, brushing her fingers down Inessa’s curls.

For just a second, I wrap my free arm around Emery, and I press a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m sorry,” I say, low.

She nods, but doesn’t look at me.

“I’ll come back to clean up.”

I carry Inessa upstairs, settle her in bed, trying to pretend the night is normal. It isn’t, though. Everything feels unmoored and my thoughts are spinning fast and furious, the panicky drumbeat growing louder again.

She’s leaving .

She was always leaving, but… in the summer. When I could follow her like a lovesick puppy.

Now she has to disappear before the playoffs even begin.

She promised me the playoffs.

But did she?

I browbeat her into agreeing to work for me. And then I seduced her. I didn’t take no for an answer, ever, because it’s unfathomable to me that we aren’t meant to be together again.

She didn’t argue because I wouldn’t hear it.

But behind the scenes, she made a decision to leave.

She’s leaving, she’s leaving, she’s leaving.

It’s been hours, and I’m still not able to think about it without my body wanting to fight, and fight hard.

And downstairs, the steady clatter from the kitchen tells me she’s ignored my instruction that I would clean up

By the time I make it back downstairs, Emery’s even tidied the living room. The toys are stacked. The dishwasher’s humming. The couch looks untouched except for her—sitting there like she’s bracing for impact.

“I would have…” I trail off, then gesture to the spot beside her. “Can I sit?”

She nods.

I lower myself to couch, wanting desperately to stretch my arm out across the back of the cushions, to wrap my hand around her far shoulder and tug her into my side.

She’s leaving.

I don’t pull her into me.

We don’t speak for a long time.

“I’m not handling this well,” I finally admit. “I am sorry.”

“I know.”

“I was looking at vacation rentals in Switzerland last week.” My voice is rough.

She doesn’t say anything, but her shoulders go tight. I press on.

“I never want you to think I don’t support your dreams. I do. I would do anything I can to help you get there.” I swallow hard. “So if you need to go to New York, you go. I’m not going to stop you.” My pulse is so loud in my ear, I can barely hear my own voice. “But I don’t like being blindsided by it.”

Her voice is small. “I just found out yesterday.”

I look over at her.

“And then you came home, and…it felt really good. I missed you a lot.” She exhales shakily. “I knew I needed to talk to you, and I meant to, but then I just… I just wanted to be with you. It wasn’t like a parting gift.”

“That was a shitty thing for me to say. I’m sorry.” I reach for her hand.

But she pulls her fingers into the sleeves of her sweatshirt and shakes her head.

“Emery…”

“No, I just…” She makes a face that looks like she’s trying hard not to cry. “I can’t.”

Fuck.

Fuck .

I close my eyes and nod. She needs some space.

She goes to stand up.

“Wait,” I say, knowing there’s something else I need to tell her, so she’s not the one blindsided. “When I was looking at those rentals… It was on the plane. It turned into a group discussion. I swore them to secrecy, but…at some point, your brothers are probably going to find out that I’m in love with you.”

She laughs weakly. “Great. Cool. All right. I’m going to bed.”

Let me…

But she’s heading for the stairs.

This really isn’t how I thought a day where I told her that I loved her twice would end.

* * *

Her door stays firmly shut for the rest of the night.

In the morning, I listen for any movement at the other end of the hall. My bedroom door is open, but she doesn’t appear. That would be asking too much.

When I finally hear her door open, I leap out of bed, and make it to the doorway just in time to see her step into the bathroom, her hair sleep-tousled and her clothes rumpled.

So fucking squeezable.

Did she sleep like shit, too?

She doesn’t glance my way.

She doesn’t close the door, either, so I have a direct view of her from the side as she runs the sink, fills a glass with water, takes her pills off the shelf, and pops one into her mouth.

I take a step forward, but then there’s a creak from Inessa’s room, followed by a thump.

I wait for the inevitable Papa? but it doesn’t come.

Instead, Inessa comes into the hallway and immediately turns into the bathroom door.

“Emmy,” she says happily, throwing herself around Emery’s leg.

“Morning,” Emery says softly, her voice tight with a bittersweet sadness. “Do you want to see Charlie today, hmm?”

“Yep.” Inessa moves around her, climbing up onto the closed toilet.

Emery instinctively hovers her hands behind my daughter, but lets her be fearless.

Quietly, I fade back into the shadows of my bedroom.

They aren’t going to have much more time together, and Emery has made it clear she doesn’t want to spend any time with me right now. The least I can do is give them their space.

But I want…

Fuck, I really want to keep watching them.

She’s leaving.

Yeah, she’s going.

But she’s leaving her heart here, too. I have to get out of my own way and find a way to show her that we’ll protect it. That we’ll miss her, and we’ll wait forever for her to come back.