Page 8 of The Lilac River (Silver Peaks #1)

Secrets – One Republic

Nash

Nash

I t had been four days since I’d seen Lily. And if I thought time would cool the fire inside me, I was dead wrong.

Maybe on the outside, I looked calm. Maybe I’d even fooled my brothers. Maybe I’d convinced myself, a little, that I was past it. That I’d moved on. But inside?

Inside, it was a goddamn war.

The knot of need, pain, and rage tightened a little more with every minute she wasn’t in my sight, and every minute I had to live with the fact that I wanted her in my sight.

My emotions were a mess. Did I hate her? Did I Still want her? Why, when I closed my eyes, did I only see her?

My Lila. The girl who promised forever and gave me silence.

And when I opened my eyes, all I could remember was the way she left.

Eleven Years Ago

“I want us to always be like this,” I whispered against Lily’s heated skin. “In love and desperate for each other.”

She stretched her arm out and picked a stem of lavender, bringing it to the bridge of my nose. “Always,” she said, brushing it along my skin, slow and teasing.

“Forever and a day.”

“I love you, Lila.” My mouth found her nipple and she cried out into the night, hips lifting, urging me to take her again. “Don’t ever leave me.”

“Never,” she gasped. “I swear.”

She had. Left me. Left us. Left everything we’d promised.

I gripped the railing harder, watching the horses in the paddock, trying to force down the rage clawing up my chest.

They had it easy. No heartbreak. No broken promises. Just grass, sun, and freedom. No expectations. No shattered dreams. Just instinct. Routine.

Charlie, one of the stable girls, waved as she led a gelding back toward the barn. She was a good kid, hardworking and kind. From the way Wilder’s eyes tracked her, it was clear he thought so too.

“Got your sights on her?” I teased, not bothering to hide my grin.

“Fuck off, Nash,” Wilder grumbled. “You know what they say, don’t shit on your own doorstep.”

“If only you’d stuck to that rule with the girl from Montrose who worked here that summer.”

He shot me a look, but I caught him sneaking another glance.

“Whatever,” he muttered. “Anyway, what’s up? You never just stand here and, well… be still.”

He was right. Keeping busy kept me from unraveling. It stopped the spiral. Blocked out the memories of my mom, of what we were losing. And her.

I shrugged. “I should be asking you that. Bertie's playing Roblox, which usually means you're right there beside her. You're not dressed for a date, and it's too early for drinking, so...”

“Clever prick,” he muttered.

I just laughed and clapped him on the back.

“So?” I prompted.

He scuffed his boot into the gravel. “I need a week off.”

I raised a brow. “Okay. You’re entitled.”

He shifted awkwardly. “Problem is, it’s the week we bring the cattle down.”

I blew out a breath. Not ideal, but not a deal-breaker either.

“Going somewhere nice?”

“Visiting an old friend,” he said casually.

I didn’t push. We all had our ghosts. I had a whole damn graveyard. Besides, I knew he often hooked up with a girl he knew when she visited from her home in Canada.

“Fine by me. Just hire someone to cover for you.”

He grinned. “Thanks, Nash.”

“You’re part of this ranch, Wild. Not just muscle, you’ve got more sense than you let on. We’d be lost without you.”

He rolled his eyes, but his grin widened.

“Just don’t ask for a raise. We might need every dime to buy this place out from under Dad.”

Wilder glanced toward the lavender fields in the distance. His face shifted, something hard and angry flickering beneath the usual calm.

“If he sells it… or the ranch… I’ll never speak to him again.”

“You won’t get the chance. Because I’ll kill him,” I muttered.

“Dark.”

I gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Simple.”

“You think he will? Sell it?”

“Not if I have anything to do with it.”

I looked toward the lavender fields. Mom’s pride. Her therapy. The place I first told Lily she was mine.

Forever.

“You really going to kill him?” Wilder asked dryly.

I smirked. “Nah. I’ve got friends who’d do it for me.”

He chuckled, but it didn’t last.

“Anyway,” he said after a beat. “Talking of ghosts… how are you feeling about seeing Lily?”

The name still landed like a sucker punch.

“We weren’t talking about them, but fine,” I lied, scratching the back of my neck.

Wilder gave me a look.

“She broke your heart, man. That’s not something you just walk off.”

“You an expert now?”

“Only because you’ve been living with a hole in your chest for a decade.”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Because he wasn’t wrong.

“Honestly?” I said finally. “I don’t know what I feel. I hated her for so long. But seeing her... that hatred felt hollow. Like I’d been carrying it around just to feel something.”

“And now?”

“Now it’s just heavy.”

He nodded, quiet for a second.

“Lust or love?” he asked softly.

“Neither.”

“Head or heart, then?”

“You really need to stop reading romance novels.”

He smirked. “Helps with the chicks.”

I snorted. “You’re messed up.”

“Says the guy talking to the horses every night like they’re therapists.”

One of the mares stomped, shaking her mane as if on cue.

“Sometimes,” I muttered, “I think animals have it figured out better than we ever will.”

Wilder clapped me on the back. “You’ve got Bertie. You’ve got this place. You’ve got us.”

I smiled faintly. “Yeah. I do.”

We stood there in silence until I said, “Gotta finish some paperwork before Bertie's bath time. You?”

“Got a lady to see about one or two things,” he said with a wicked grin.

“One or two things?” I snorted. “Let me guess, your dick and her?—”

He roared laughing, waved over his shoulder, and wandered off.

Shaking my head, I turned back toward the house.

That’s when I heard a car approaching.

My stomach dropped.

Anyone I wanted to see was already here.

Which meant it was him.

“Fucking Dad,” I muttered.

Sure enough, his sleek Mercedes rolled up, kicking dust into the late afternoon air. He flashed the headlights like I was supposed to come running.

I didn’t move.

He honked once. I stayed where I was, arms crossed.

Eventually, he climbed out, a scowl carved into his face like he’d practiced it.

“I don’t have time for this, Nash,” he barked.

“Then don’t waste it,” I drawled. “Feel free to turn around.”

“We need to talk.”

“Do we?” I asked, keeping my voice flat. “Unless you’re here to explain the slimeball realtor sniffing around.”

He stiffened.

“It’s my ranch. I can do what I damn well please.”

“And your sons? Your granddaughter? Where do we go when you’re done cashing out?”

“You’re grown. You’ll figure it out.”

Rage flared, white-hot and fast, but I held my ground.

“You’re lucky Mom raised us better than you ever did.”

His sneer deepened. “Do you want to hear what I came to say or not?”

I gave a mocking bow. “By all means.”

He looked me dead in the eye.

“Lily Jones is back.”

I barked a humorless laugh. “Tell me something I don’t know, Dad.”