Page 20 of The Lilac River (Silver Peaks #1)

Lily

A s I waited for Cassidy to grab her purse, the press of bodies inside Downtown made it hard to move. I stepped back, bumping into someone.

"Hey, watch it," a familiar voice said, and when I turned, Forester Bridge was standing there, grinning at me like we were old friends.

"Sorry," I said, sharp and curt, already stepping aside. I didn’t need this tonight. I didn’t need him .

But Forester moved with me, crowding too close, his breath heavy with beer. "Well would you look at who it is. You look good, Lily. Real good. How you doing?"

“Good thanks, Forester. How about you?” I looked over his shoulder to see Cassidy was chatting to someone and Forester’s equally asshole-ish brother, Maddox was staring at her lasciviously.

“Great. Why don’t you let me buy you a drink and we can catch up.” His eyes roamed over my body, stopping at my lips for a beat before moving down to my boobs.

It appeared he was just as much a douche as he’d been in high school.

“We’re done for the night. Thanks anyway.”

“Ah, come on Lil, don’t be boring. You and your friend come have a drink with me and Maddox.

” He placed a hand on the wall, right next to my head, caging me in and when he leaned in all I could smell was sour whisky.

“I always did have a thing for you, but seeing as the star man got there first.” He shrugged and glanced over to the table where Nash and his brother sat.

“Sure, would piss him off wouldn’t it if we hooked up tonight. ”

“I don’t think so and in any case,” I pushed against his chest, “we won’t be hooking up. Good to see you and everything Forester, but like I said I’m done for the night.”

As I moved away he grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. “Don’t be so boring. Live a little. You know you want to.” His eyes were back staring at my boobs. “I think you’ve always wanted to.”

I opened my mouth, ready to shut him down with words which probably weren’t very nice, when an arm went around my waist. Firm and unyielding, it pulled me back against a solid chest. I was about to protest when I recognized the heat, the firmness and the cologne.

Nash.

His voice was low and dangerous, vibrating against my spine. "Walk away, Forester."

Forester huffed a laugh. "Just talking, man. Chill."

"You don’t talk to her," Nash said, voice flat and lethal. "Not now. Not ever. You certainly don’t look at her like that ever again."

The room around us faded. All I could feel was the heavy weight of Nash at my back, the protective cage of his body, the way he made me feel... like I was his to defend.

And for a second, just one, I almost let myself lean into it.

But then the anger flared, hot and immediate as I remembered his words in the back hallway. The things he’s accused me of. I didn’t need saving. Not from Forester. Not from anyone. Certainly not by him .

Forester threw up his hands and stumbled back into the crowd. Nash didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at me.

His hand fell away from waist like I’d burned him.

And that was it. No apology. No explanation. Just Nash, furious and silent, acting like he still had a right to step into my life whenever he pleased.

“What the hell!” My hands curled into fists at my sides as Cassidy returned, shooting me a confused look.

“He was being a dick,” Nash growled.

“What happened?” Cassidy asked.

“Nothing happened apart from him thinking he’s some sort of bodyguard. One I should point out I don’t need.”

“Didn’t look like it to me. Looked like you need help.”

“Hey, you guys.” It was Gunner, a stabilizing hand on Nash’s arm. “Everything okay?”

“Might have known you’d have to interfere,” Cassidy muttered.

“Gunner, tell your brother he’s a dick and to leave me alone.”

“Lily,” Nash said in a warning tone. “At least let one of us make sure you get home without Forester bothering you.”

I stared at him, my chest heaving with the exertion of not punching him in the nuts. “Oh, why don’t you just…oh fuck off.”

I didn’t wait for Cassidy and stormed for the door.

“Lily, just hold up,” Nash’s voice boomed out, like he was the boss of me or something.

"I told you I could deal with him," I snapped, stalking to the edge of the sidewalk and hugging my arms around my waist. The main drag of Laytmer was a ghost town now, the shopfronts shuttered, the sidewalks empty under the late September moon.

Strings of fairy lights draped across the street blinked weakly, casting patches of gold on the cracked pavement.

"You shouldn't have to deal with him," Nash said, following me, his voice rough. "Forester Bridge is a pushy drunk, and he was getting too damn close."

Forester. Of course it was Forester. He'd been a loud-mouthed troublemaker in high school, and it seemed he hadn't matured much. He'd cornered me once in the school gym when no one else was around. Then his breath had been hot with the smell of garlic instead of whisky, as he’d ignored every polite hint I’d given for him to back off. Nash had ‘rescued’ me then, too. Then I’d been his girlfriend, and I’d liked his protective side. Now he was just an egotistical idiot.

"He barely touched me," I hissed. "And why should you care anyway?"

The scent of leather and clean soap wrapped around me, pulling me back into a place I had no business visiting. I took a step back, trying to put space between us, but it was like trying to outrun gravity.

"What happened to Bertie's mom?" The question slipped out before I could catch it.

Nash's mouth tightened. "It was a one-night thing. She left Bertie with me when she took off to work on a cruise ship. Only heard from her again to sign over custody."

His voice softened slightly when he said his daughter’s name, and for one heartbreaking second, I caught a glimpse of the man I used to know, the one who would have given the world to the people he loved.

"Anything else you want to catch up on from the last ten years?" he asked, the bitterness sharp beneath the calm. “Or can we get back to Forester fucking Bridge.”

"Why aren't you playing football?" I blurted. "You were supposed to be winning Super Bowls."

"Okay it seems we can’t talk about Forester.” He laughed without humor. “If we must talk about Super Bowls then let’s, because I thought we were supposed to be winning them together."

The air grew thick between us, heavy with regret and words left unsaid. My chest ached from holding in everything I wanted to scream at him that I had never wanted to leave, that I'd been forced.

“Did you even ask about me while you were away?”

I shook my head. “No. It was too hard. I asked my mom not to ever talk about you.” The sadness I’d been experiencing thickened and squeezed at my insides, making it hard to breathe. “It was just, too,…, too, hard.”

Nash’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and his jaw tightened.

“Yet you still left.” A slow breath, ragged and tired, filled the space between us.

“You left, Lily and you never came back.” He strode away two steps, before stopping and turning around.

“Delaney offers an Uber service; you should go back inside and ask him.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” I pushed. Call it sadistic but it seemed like I should share whatever pain he was in. If I was the cause of it I should take some of the burden. “Why are you back on the ranch? Why aren’t you living your best life in the NFL.”

“Funny, because I thought we were supposed to be living that best life together.” He shrugged. “Didn’t quite work out like that did it?”

Weariness overcame me as the events of the week and the evening started to take their toll. All I wanted was to go home and sleep for ten hours. I didn’t need another confrontational conversation with him. I didn’t have the energy.

The door to Downtown Bar & Grill banged open. Cassidy came out first, followed by Gunner and Wilder, both looking far too amused for the tension crackling around us.

"Everything okay out here?" Cassidy asked, eyeing the standoff.

"Told you to leave them be," Gunner muttered. "Private conversation."

Cassidy shot him a look but turned back to me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, even though my heart was hammering so loud I was sure everyone could hear it. “I need to arrange an Uber with Delaney.”

"Come stay at my place," Cassidy offered quickly. "Spare toothbrush, PJ’s. And I live above the bookshop, so no waiting for an Uber."

I hesitated. Did I really want to crash on someone's couch tonight? But going back into that bar or waiting around here with Nash watching me like a hawk...not a chance.

I nodded. "Just need to text my mom."

"Yeah, because you always make sure to tell your mom where you are," Nash muttered darkly.

The comment stung more than it should have.

"I’ve apologized," I said, my voice breaking. "I've said it over and over. If it’s never going to be enough, just tell me."

"Steer clear of each other. That’s how we do it," Nash said, stepping back like he couldn't stand to be near me anymore. "Wilder’ll walk you."

"Why me?" Wilder protested.

"Because you’re the youngest," Nash and Gunner said in unison before disappearing back inside, the door swinging shut behind them.

Wilder sighed dramatically but caught up to us easily. "C’mon, ladies. Might only be two blocks, but you know Nash—order from on high."

The three of us started walking. Cassidy looped her arm through mine, squeezing in silent support.

After half a block, Wilder nudged me with his elbow. "You know, Lil, you didn’t just leave Nash when you left. You left us too."

"I’m sorry," I whispered, guilt clawing at my throat.

"I know you are. But why’d you go?" he asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.

"Didn’t Nash tell you?" I asked, my voice hollow.

"Said you thought you were too young to settle down," Wilder said, doubt dripping from every word.

"Then there’s your answer."

He shook his head. "Nah. Even at sixteen, I could see it. You would've followed Nash to the ends of the earth and to Alabama, which is basically the same thing." He grinned, lightening the mood.

Cassidy laughed. "I had a high school boyfriend. Thought I’d marry him. Didn’t mean it was right."

"Maybe," I said, but I didn’t sound convincing.

Wilder turned serious again. "My money’s on Dad."

I stiffened but kept walking.

"You saw him, thought, ‘nope, don’t wanna tie myself to that gene pool,’" Wilder said, laughing as he jogged ahead of us. "Let’s go! I got bourbon and a pretty blonde waiting back at the bar."

"Okay," Cassidy said later, tossing herself into a squishy armchair in her cozy, mismatched apartment above the bookstore. "What’s the real reason you left Nash?"

I fidgeted with the hem of her borrowed PJ top. "I felt too tied down."

"Bullshit." Cassidy grinned. "You were radiating regret and sorrow and anger tonight, not freedom."

I said nothing, and Cassidy’s face softened. "You don’t have to tell me. But if you want to, you can trust me."

The words stuck in my throat. I’d carried this secret so long it had twisted into something black and heavy inside me.

"My dad was in prison for murder," I said finally.

Cassidy’s mouth dropped open.

"Nash’s father found out. Threatened to expose it if I didn’t leave," I continued, the words tumbling out now. "My mom… she couldn’t handle it."

"Would Nash have cared?" Cassidy asked, her voice gentle.

"No," I admitted. "But it would have crushed my mom."

Cassidy sat forward, her eyes full of compassion. "What did he do?"

"Held up an elderly couple. Shot them both when they refused to hand over their wedding rings."

"Jesus, Lily," Cassidy breathed.

"My mom turned him in," I added quietly. "She sacrificed everything to protect me."

Cassidy crossed the room and took my hands. "That’s not on you. Or her. That's all on him."

I nodded, blinking back tears.

"So why not tell Nash now?" she asked.

"Because the mayor made it clear: if I get close to Nash again, he’ll tell everyone about Dad and then get me and Mom fired. And I can’t do that to her."

Cassidy’s brow furrowed. "Your dad’s dead, though?"

"Yeah. Murdered in prison." I gave a hollow laugh. "Ironically, over a pack of cigarettes."

"Still doesn’t make it your burden to carry."

"Maybe," I whispered. "But I lost Nash once. I don't think I could survive losing him again. Even if it’s just glimpses of him at school."

“But surely if you told him?”

I shook my head. “I’m not sure I could. I’ve already made so many mistakes.” I sighed wearily. “I wouldn’t want to make another one.”

“What mistakes did you make? It was our damn Mayor who made you leave.” Cassidy’s jaw was tight with consternation, and it was good to have someone on my side. But even so…

"Getting married was my biggest mistake,” I said softly, staring at nothing and remembering everything. “I catch myself wondering if I married Erik to prove I could actually go through with it. To prove that I wasn't just waiting for Nash."

Cassidy’s expression was carefully neutral. "Do you really believe that?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe it was the safety. Erik had everything mapped out, his career, our life together, even how many kids we'd have and when." I gave a hollow laugh. "Everything except what I actually wanted."

"He sounds perfect on paper," Cassidy scoffed.

"He was," I responded with an empty laugh. "Principal by thirty-five. House in the suburbs. Country club membership."

"But?"

I met her eyes. "But he couldn't stand when I deviated from his plan. He'd never raise his voice, never make a scene. He'd just... withdraw. Give me that disappointed look, like I'd let him down somehow." I swallowed hard. "Three years of feeling like I was constantly failing at being his wife."

"Is that why you finally left?"

"No." I hugged a cushion to myself, enjoying its warmth and comfort.

"I left when I realized I was turning into someone I didn't recognize anymore.

This quiet, agreeable version of myself who was afraid to speak up.

" My voice cracked. "I caught myself rehearsing conversations with him in my head, planning exactly what to say so he wouldn't be disappointed. "

Cassidy leaned forward to squeeze my hand. "Oh, Lily."

"With Nash, even when we were kids, I never had to be anything but myself." Tears pricked behind my eyes. "With Erik, I was always performing. Always falling short."

"And then he fired you."

"The final power play," I said bitterly. "He couldn't control me anymore, so he made sure I had nothing left." I wiped my eyes. "Three years of marriage wiped away like it meant nothing. Like I meant nothing."

"You deserved better," Cassidy said fiercely.

"I know that now." I straightened my shoulders. "I won't ever let anyone dim my light again."

Cassidy squeezed my hands tighter. "Then maybe it’s time you stop letting fear make your decisions for you."

Her words echoed in the silence of the small apartment, sinking deep into the cracks of my broken heart.