Page 56 of The Eternal Mirror (Lucifer’s Mirror #3)

When I Get What I Want

I ’m truly alone now.

Just me and the ghosts. I still sometimes hear the echo of my mother’s laughter. She was happy here.

I lie on my bed and wait for sleep to come. And nope—not happening.

Are Zayne and Josh and the others okay? Has Thanouq made them welcome? What’s happening on Valandria? Has Thanouq been crowned? I will probably never know.

Thanouq once asked me to be his queen. That’s two chances of being a queen I’ve turned down now.

I doubt I’ll get another.

Thanouq deserves a great queen. And I’m sure he’ll find one.

Go to sleep!

I’m doing my best to avoid thinking about Khaosti because it hurts too much. But he keeps creeping in when I’m not paying attention. I see his face as he calls me a coward. That hurt. Maybe because he’s right. He looked at me as though I was betraying him. But I’m not betraying him. I’m saving him.

And our feelings were never real anyway; we were just formed by someone else. They probably took one look at me lying in my cradle and then said—that girl deserves an asshole. And so, they hunted for the biggest one they could find. And hey presto, I’m tied to Khaosti for eternity.

Or not.

Selene, where are you?

But the visions of Selene usually come in my sleep—or occasionally when I’m just about to die—and sleep is eluding me.

I slide out of bed, grabbing the sheet as I go.

Barefoot, I leave the room, pad down the stairs, along the hallway, and push open the big front door.

Wrapping the sheet around my shoulders like a superhero cape, I stand at the top of the wide stone steps and stare up at the night sky.

There were no stars in Hell; they left them behind here.

The sky above me is a writhing mass of constellations, except for a patch of darkness at the center, darkness surrounding spinning rings of silver.

The mirror is not supposed to be of this world.

It’s supposed to be outside all worlds. I read that, in a book I pinched from a library in Zandar Aurion.

But it’s coming for us all. Or more likely, it’s coming for its missing part.

Khronus, by using the magic of the splinter has sent out a message, and it’s searching for the source .

But I know it’s not all Khronus. He used the splinter for thousands of years and the Mirror stayed away.

It was only when I showed up that the Eternal Mirror stirred.

Khronus called me a catalyst, and I think he’s right.

When I stared into the splinter, the Mirror saw me, maybe recognized something in the unique mix of my magic, and it came.

I drop my gaze, as though it won’t see me if I don’t look up. Instead, I stare at the spot where Wrath disappeared.

Where are you, Khaosti?

Is he somewhere close by? I don’t feel him through the bond, but everything is muted in this half-place.

I’d better get used to not feeling the bond. It’s the shape of things to come if Selene delivers.

A chill runs through me, and I wrap the sheet tighter around my shoulders and sink to the flagged stone floor, leaning against the wall of the house.

I want him so badly; everything hurts.

Maybe Selene will never sever the bond. Maybe she can’t. Or won’t, or...

This is the way it has to be. Because I’ll lose him anyway. And without being tied to me, he’ll have a chance. And I’ll be able to focus on what I need to do.

Destroy the world.

But the people I love will be safe.

I shove my hands into my pockets—and my fingers brush something hard. I pull it out. It’s the matching coin to the one I gave Josh when we said goodbye. I told him I’d look at it every night and remember him.

Now I stare at it so hard my eyes burn.

He’s out there—alive, maybe even safe. Because of me. Because I loved him enough to let him go.

Maybe love isn’t the problem.

Maybe it’s the answer.

And I’m hit by a blinding insight.

I’ve been pretending love doesn’t matter. But it’s the only thing that ever has. It’s why I’ve done everything. Why I’ll tear down this world.

To save the people I love.

And me? I’m Lucifer’s daughter. I was never meant to grow old. Born for one reason—to destroy my own father. There’s a name for it: patricide. And it’s frowned upon in most societies.

I curl up in a ball, pull the sheet over my head, and close my eyes.

I don’t try to go to sleep. And as soon as I stop trying, bam. I’m asleep and straight into a vision I’ve been praying for, but which I’m totally not ready for.

We’re standing in my dream reality, facing each other. “It’s done,” Selene says.

“What’s—”

But I know, because just like that, I feel it.

Disorientation.

Like gravity has shifted. I stumble. My body doesn’t quite belong to me. For so long, he’s been a compass inside me. Now my magic wobbles. My breath catches. I feel... alone.

“Why?” I ask. “Why now?”

“Because your mate came to me and asked for me to release you both.”

“Khaos asked you to sever the bond? I don’t understand.”

“He wants to give you what you believe you desire most.”

“But—”

“No more.” Her voice holds an equal measure of anger and sadness. With maybe a hint of disappointment. “You have what you wished for. I hope you don’t live to regret it.”

And she’s gone.

And it’s quiet. Too quiet. Like a door slammed shut in my mind, and all the warmth drained out with it.

I hadn’t realized how much he was a part of me. The constant hum of his presence—his feelings brushing against mine, his heartbeat echoing under my skin—it's just gone.

In my dream, I throw back my head and scream, “Khaos!”

And I wake on the cold flagstones in the dark of night, a scream in my throat, my body wrenched in pain, my soul ripped in two.

I clamp my lips closed. He’s gone. And I want him.

Mine.

As the word echoes through my mind, I go still. The bond was wrapped tight around my heart. But now my heart is free.

I search inside myself.

The bond is gone, but Khaos remains in my heart.

And in that moment, I realize that my love for him is as real as anything in this world. Bond or no bond, I love him with all my heart. And I will never be free of him. And what if it’s the same for him?

Am I really such a coward?

Maybe it’s time to stop fighting myself.