Page 26 of The Eternal Mirror (Lucifer’s Mirror #3)

Back into the Belly of the Beastmaster

I stand in the early morning light. The camp is coming awake around us, but I feel shut off in a little bubble with the people I love.

Me facing them.

They’re all in a line, looking at me with varying levels of disapproval.

Zayne. Josh—Grimlet on his shoulder. Sheela.

And finally, Khaosti. Something changed in him during that last conversation over our early breakfast. I saw acceptance in his eyes.

He knows he’s not going to change my mind.

I also know that I’m not going to change his… though that won’t stop me from trying .

But more than that, I think he’s realized that I’m doing the right thing.

He has a lot to atone for, and maybe he sees this as a chance.

He always said that he doesn’t care about the world, that all he cares about is me.

Maybe that’s changing, or maybe he realizes he can’t have one without the other.

I’ve already spoken to Zayne earlier, trying to persuade him to head back to Valandria or Earth.

I can open a mirror wherever he wants to go.

I’d feel much happier with him on a completely different world than Khronus.

He wouldn’t even consider it—he’s so stubborn.

He’d rather stay in the same world as I am. He says I might need rescuing.

All the same, I can’t resist having one last go at convincing him to leave this place because I think things are going to get worse on Astrali, probably very quickly. And I’d prefer him and Josh to be out of the way.

I cross over to where he’s standing, go up on tiptoes, and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you for everything,” I say.

“Don’t talk like you’re going to die,” he snaps.

“I’m not going to die. I just wanted to check in, make sure you haven’t changed your mind. You can go back to Earth. You could go to Hawaii—you know that’s where I was going to take Khaos before you got yourself kidnapped and I had to rescue you.”

He snorts. “You won’t guilt me into going.”

“You could take Killian with you.” He’s another one who has said he would rather stay. “I can open a mirror. Just think of all the hot beach babes, slathered in coconut sunscreen, desperate for a couple of hot shifters. ”

He snorts. “No. I’d rather stay here. I like it here. I’ve been having so much fun.”

“God, you’re such an asshole.”

He doesn’t argue, just gives a smirk. I nod and then give him another quick kiss before turning to brother number two. I wrap my arms around him.

“You take care of Zayne, okay?”

“Of course. You’ll come back soon, won’t you, Amber?”

“You know I will. And look after Grimlet. He needs lots of cuddles.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” I reach out and ruffle his hair one last time, then shake hands with Grimlet. He doesn’t need words. He knows what to do.

I turn to Sheela. “I’ll see you at the palace.”

“I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me now?”

“No. There are things I need to do first. Things I need to put in place—just in case.” She trails off, but I know what she means. Just in case she doesn’t come back.

I nod. “I’ll see you then.”

And finally, Khaosti.

“Well, this is goodbye.”

“Not a fucking chance,” he snarls. But there’s no fire in his words.

I suppose I could just make another run for it, like I did last time. Just create a mirror and dive through it before he can stop me .

But I’m not going to. I’m past running. And as I admit it to myself, something eases inside me. I’m not going to let him know yet. I’m not letting him off the hook that easily.

“Well, this is it.”

I heave my bag onto my shoulder. It contains food and drink.

Because while I could just make a mirror here, I want to walk for a while.

I need to think things through before I get back to the palace and face Khronus.

I need to decide on the best way to avoid him dragging me straight down to the dungeons and hooking me up to his creepy mirror.

So I’ll walk. And I’ll think. And I’ll plan.

And then, when I know what I’m going to do, I’ll open a mirror.

And I’ll be back. Something to look forward to.

I nod to the lot of them, but as I turn my back, a horrible thought curls through my mind like smoke.

What if I never see them again?

It hits like a punch to the ribs. Sudden. Stupid. And entirely my fault.

I don’t know why the thought comes as a surprise. It’s been loitering in the back of my mind since I told Zayne we would leave yesterday morning. I knew I had to go back. And I know there’s a good chance I won’t survive.

I pause, then glance back—just once. A half-second of weakness. Maybe the last. They’re all still standing there, unmoving. As if they’re trying to memorize me. Like they also know this is a goodbye I might not come back from .

As I turn back, Josh calls out, “Promise you’ll come back, Amber!”

“I promise.” To try.

Then I stiffen my back and start walking. My spine goes rigid, as if that will hold me together. But my heart? It aches. Like something is splintering under the skin. My hand comes up, and I rub my chest. But I keep walking.

The path out of camp is narrow and gravelly, and my boots crunch too loudly in the quiet. I don’t look back again, even though my whole body wants to twist around. I don’t need to look. I can feel them. Especially him. His gaze presses between my shoulder blades like a brand.

I have this feeling he’s not going to stay still for long.

And I don’t know how I feel about that.

I want him near enough to breathe him in. I want him so far away I can forget he ever said my name. What does that make me? Weak? Or just scared enough to lie to myself and call it strength?

With a little distance, I’ve come to realize something. Last time I left him, it was to stop him from dying. This time… Now that I’ve had the chance to think, to really feel it—I know the truth. If Khaos dies, I won’t just hurt. I’ll break. Beyond fixing.

Stupid fucking mating bond.

And I have things I need to do, so broken doesn’t work for me. Which means I’m going to have to keep him alive. No matter what it costs .

I shove my hands into my pockets. My fingers are shaking, so I hide them. Like maybe if I can’t see the physical manifestation of my fear, it can’t touch me.

The early light is soft and gold, bleeding over the hills like a promise I don’t believe in. I let the silence wrap around me—just me for now, and the thud of my boots.

My thoughts spin like a storm caught behind glass. I go over the plan again. Then rip it up. Rewrite it. Again. Again.

There are two things I do when I’m scared: I pretend it’s not happening, or I plan. I overthink. Obviously, pretending isn’t an option right now, so instead, I talk myself through it in my head until fear stops sounding like fear and starts sounding like control.

It sort of works.

Maybe.

I’ve made it half a mile when I feel him.

Not hear. Not see. Just feel.

Like the world behind me shifts with one breath. Like something just stepped into the wind. He waits for a beat. Then another. Then he’s walking beside me, matching my pace. Quiet. Steady.

Neither of us speaks for what seems like an age. We just walk. It’s as if he’s giving me time to armor up. Or watching to see if I’ll crack instead.

Finally, I can’t take the silence any longer. “Khaosti,” I say flatly. “How surprising to see you.”

“I waited a whole ten minutes,” he says. “Which I think shows remarkable restraint.”

I sigh. Loudly. “What part of goodbye did you not understand? ”

He snorts. “You knew that was never going to happen.”

Of course I knew.

I keep walking.

Finally, the weight of all the unspoken words gets too heavy, and I stop and turn to face him.

“You following me around like a lost puppy dog doesn’t make this easier,” I snarl.

Yeah, fear makes me a bitch. And I hate that I made that puppy comment because it reminds me that Fury is gone, and that makes me sad.

Khaosti just raises an eyebrow and gives an infuriating smirk.

So I continue, “You know there was a reason I left you behind in Valandria, right?”

He gives a shrug. “I know you think you had a reason, but you were wrong.”

“No, I wasn’t. Your father will kill you. I’ve just risked everything to get Zayne and Josh out of your father’s clutches, and now you’re going to walk straight into them.” I cast him my meanest look, then reach out and poke him in the chest. “I can’t save the world and carry you.”

He snorts. “I think I can look after myself. And you as well, if need be.” He steps closer, right into my still outstretched finger. “Or we can look after each other. Together, we are stronger.”

He’s talking about the bond. At least I think he is. “You think the bond makes us stronger. It doesn’t. It makes us weaker.” Or at least it makes me weaker. Maybe Khaosti doesn’t feel the same. Maybe he doesn’t feel like he’s drowning in gut-wrenching fear when he thinks about losing me.

“You’re wrong. Again. ”

“Yeah, it’s a bad habit of mine. But in what way?”

“You’re scared of losing me. But you’re also scared of shouldering the responsibility of keeping me safe.”

“Too fucking right. I’m scared that your father will use you against me.”

“You watched Fury die and you didn’t break. Neither did I.”

“But my father didn’t ask anything of me. He just wanted to punish me for my mother’s death.” I was so close to breaking. “What if Khronus asks something of me that I know is wrong? Really wrong? And your life is the sword he holds above my head?”

“I—”

I hold up my hand to stall him. Now that I’ve started, I need to finish.

Because this conversation has clarified things in my head—things I’ve been avoiding thinking about.

“The thing is, I would do it.” I press my lips together as I think of how to say this.

“You once told me that I was all you cared about.

That you would watch the world burn if it meant saving me.

“And you know what? I feel the fucking same.” I’m almost shouting the words now.

“I would do whatever he asks to save you. Whatever the consequences. I would set the world on fire to keep you from harm. And I would do it in a heartbeat.” My voice goes quiet.

“I’m not sure I would have any choice. I never have a choice where you’re concerned.

” I take a step back so I can look into his eyes.

“Except, I thought—to stay the fuck away from you.”

He shakes his head. “Sweetheart, that was never an option.”

I’m not finished yet. I have to get this out.

“But it wouldn’t matter if I save you because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself afterward.

I’m not like you. I do care about the world, or at least some of it.

And I suspect whatever Khronus has planned will make Hell look like a party on the beach. ”

He doesn’t interrupt. Doesn’t back away.

He just stands there, taking it all like he’s used to being the storm’s target.

When I finish, breathing hard, aching everywhere I’m trying not to feel, he closes the space I put between us. Slow. Measured. Unshaken.

“I know,” he says.

Two words. Quiet. Devastating.

“I know you’d burn the world to save me.” His voice is low now, for me only. “That’s who you are. But it’s also exactly why I trust you not to.”

That stops me cold.

Because it’s the last thing I expect. Not a protest. Not a promise. Just—faith. In me.

“You’re right. You’re not like me, Amber. You’re better. Stronger. You feel more. And that scares the shit out of you; I get it. But if Khronus tries to use me against you, I’ll end him myself before I let that happen.”

My throat tightens. I shake my head. “You can’t promise that.”

He nods. “No. But I can choose to try. That’s all any of us can do.”

I look away, blinking hard.

He takes another step. I don’t move .

“We’re not weak because of the bond,” he says softly. “We’re weak when we keep pretending we’re not already part of each other.”

My heart slams against my ribs.

He lifts his hand—slow, tentative—and places it over mine, still curled into a fist at my side.

“You’re scared of what you’d do for me. I’m scared of what you’ll do without me.”

Then he smirks. That infuriating, infallible smirk that makes me want to slap him or kiss him. Possibly both. “Besides, if you disappear without me now, I’ll follow. And I’ll walk straight through the front gates.”

My jaw tightens. “That’s blackmail.”

“Whatever it takes, sweetheart.”

His voice is all silk and danger, sliding through my bones like he owns the damn place. Like he owns me. “Stop calling me sweetheart.”

It comes out weaker than I want it to. Because every time he says it, badass Amber takes a backseat, and mushy, emotionally compromised Amber starts blinking away fantasies she has no business entertaining.

I seriously hope it’s not her making decisions right now. She’s gotten me in enough trouble already. I stand still for a minute, breathing in through my nose, as if that’ll calm the tremble in my chest. It doesn’t.

Then I turn from him, lift my hands, and whisper the words of the spell .

No, I’m not turning him into a toad. Yet.

“Mirror, mirror, with my breath—

Take me back but not to death.”

“Very optimistic,” Khaosti mutters.

“Always.”

The air ripples. Light shivers. The mirror forms.

I don’t look at him. But as I step toward the glass, his fingers brush mine. Just once. Light. Intentional. I don’t pull away.

That’s the worst part.

“Okay,” I say, my voice tight. “Let’s go see your dad.”

A beat. A breath.

“I’m thinking he’s going to be pretty fucking pissed.”