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NINE

Lilah

“Am I meant to be impressed?”

“Well, yes,” I said with a half chuckle as we stepped out onto the deck. “I mean, aren’t you?”

I’d been impressed when I’d first seen it. I thought Georgiana had been mad when she’d first suggested it to me. After all the pain Markham had been through, buying him a boat hadn’t seemed like the right approach.

“It’s for Briar really,” my friend had said to me, as though that made a difference. “Don’t you want to welcome the newest member of the family?”

Their wedding reception had been impressive. Holding it on a ship in the Thames had certainly been different, and as Briar was an heiress in her own right, it was nice to go all out and celebrate in a way most people simply couldn’t dream of.

But after that one night, that left us with a ship.

William grinned. “It’s a boat.”

“It’s a ship, three decks, viewing gallery, living quarters, everything you’d expect from a luxury ship,” I corrected him as I wandered about the expansive deck.

“And that’s supposed me impress me?”

“It cost more than my townhouse,” I revealed with a laugh. “So I think anyone should be impressed.”

That got his intention. “You’re jesting.”

I shook my head as William joined me by the central mast. “Georgiana was the one who signed it off, the cheek! Kineallen threw an absolute fit when he saw the purchase, but it was too late by then, they were already bringing it up from the Med.”

William snorted with laughter, and his joy warmed my heart.

God, I was sounding like one of those idiot women who would do anything to be with the man they…

Well, that wasn’t me. This was strictly business.

William had suggested we throw a luxurious and most of all impressive ball for potential gamblers—partly to grow confidence, partly to give me more time with them. He’d asked for an impressive venue. I didn’t know anything more impressive than this.

And that was all this was.

Mostly, a small part of myself whispered. But if this was only business, then why were you wearing that floor length emerald silk gown?

I smoothed my hands along the soft fabric. Because I was showing him what it would be like to be here, I told myself, watching William’s gaze flicker across the place. And because I wanted him to…

To see me differently.

Oh hell. There was no point in attempting go to lie to myself, was there?

After dinner at Vincent’s, I could no longer fight it. There was a part of me, and that part was ever growing, that wanted to see if we could recapture what we had.

See if William had changed.

“So paint me a picture,” William said finally, turning to me with a raised eyebrow. “What you do here, to truly impress people?”

I blinked. “What, you think I'm some sort of housekeeper, putting together ideas for a ball?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t have any ideas,” William teased, wandering past me.

Just inches past me. So close I could smell him, breathe him in. The unusually warm October weather made it even easier to sense him.

Oh God, what was wrong with me?

“Lilah?”

I shook my head slightly as though that could clear my infatuation from my head.

Because that’s all it was, wasn’t it?

Infatuation. Nostalgia. A desire to return to the past, and I couldn’t do that. The person I was then, she was gone—and the William of back then was still here.

Had he given me any evidence he had changed? Any proof that he was different from the gentleman I had thought he was?

“Fine, plan a ball for the Count of Guadalencia and other potential wagerers,” I said aloud, with what I hoped was a confident grin. “How hard can it be?”

William smirked. “How hard do you want it?”

A flame of heat scalded my chest but I turned away, trying to catch my breath.

Damn, but this man made it almost impossible to keep my cool!

“So there are about twenty invitations we’re considering,” I said, keeping my voice as level as possible. “Oh, thanks, James.”

The captain of the ship, a man who had remained as a servant after Markham and Briar’s wedding, nodded at me from a respectable distance.

William glanced over his shoulder. “Who’s that?”

“James, our captain,” I said, hoping this was the perfectly opportunity to get my bearings. “He and the staff will head down for their luncheon now, they’ll leave us to it.”

I hadn’t intended my words to be inflammatory, but the look William gave me was enough to make my knees quiver.

“So we’re alone, then?”

I nodded, rather than trust my voice to hold.

Asking James to bring the ship out here into the middle of the Thames where you could only just make out each of the banks had been part of the plan to show William how isolated and luxurious we could make the ball on the ship.

I hadn’t actually meant to isolate myself with William.

But here we were, yards from any other human beings other than the servants, who had evidently been waiting to be given permission to head down for food.

The dining hall was right in the belly of the ship. We wouldn’t be overheard for at least an hour.

“Great,” said William with a wide grin. “So, tell me the plan. You’ll bring twenty of them here.”

“Plus their spouses and their retinues, I suppose,” I said, trying to think of the report I’d finally finished for Kineallen just this morning. “We’ll have to make sure the place is decorated to perfection. Lights, braziers of course—I’ll call in a favor with my modiste.”

William raised an eyebrow as he strode about the deck. “Your modiste?”

“She has the most delightful fabrics, we could really make this place beautiful,” I said with a grin. “Food will be important—I wonder if Briar could?—”

“Briar?”

“Markham’s wife,” I explained. “Lady Briar Weatherford, as was.”

Evidently William hadn’t heard, for his face was a picture of astonishment. “Wait, the Duke of Markham is married?”

Most people who had ever met Markham had the same reaction. He hadn’t ever come across as the settling down type.

I nodded as I returned to the mast, leaning against it as I looked out at the deck. “Briar owns a few restaurants, she could probably require the staff here to?—”

“And what will you do?” asked William quietly, fixing me with a careful look. “While your guests are wined and dined?”

I swallowed. How was it possible that the man could sound so…so suggestive, while at the same time saying nothing at all?

There was so much unsaid between us. Would we ever, finally, speak about the choice William had made that had split us apart, when it was so obvious that we were better together?

“And I, of course, will dazzle and win hearts,” I said nonchalantly. “Obviously.”

“Obviously,” repeated William softly, not taking his eyes from mine. “You do have a way with hearts, Lilah.”

Something in the way that he spoke made me shiver.

Oh, did he have any idea? I’d given him my heart once before, and he’d broken it. Did he understand what his words were doing to me? What his very presence was doing to me ?

“And that’s your big idea?” William said quietly.

I hesitated. He didn’t sound impressed.

Not that I needed him to be—but if William wasn’t, the guests certainly wouldn’t be.

A prickle around my heart forced me to admit what I obviously couldn’t do aloud.

God, I wanted William to consider me a marvel. I wanted him to stare at me, amazed, and tell me how clever I was. How hard I had obviously worked. How he was utterly confident now that I—that we would be able to secure the support necessary.

I had never been one to need approval. Georgiana was so different from me, and my ducal friends? They were all idiots, in their own way.

But William?

From the first moment I had ever met him, I had known if I could capture his attention, he would capture my heart.

And he had done. Again.

“Lilah?” William said quietly.

How he had managed to get so close to me, I didn’t know. I hadn’t registered him moving, but I didn’t think I had moved either.

Yet here we were. My back against the mast, brilliant sunshine pouring down on us—and William standing right before me.

He was only a foot away, but that meant nothing. He may as well be pressed up against me for all the impact it was having on me. On my heart rate. On my chest, tight with longing.

I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t help myself.

I swallowed. “Those were my initial plans, yes.”

William nodded slowly. “I see. And I'm meant to be impressed? ”

Yes, I wanted to say. Yes, I want to please you. Give you everything you want. Be everything you want.

It was pathetic to be so taken by a man, but if William would love me, I would get on my hands and knees and crawl toward him, begging him to?—

Though of course, what I really wanted was the opposite.

Flames of desire rushed through my body as the image cascaded into my mind.

Not me on my knees, but William. William on his knees, shirtless of course. William begging, begging me to take him back. To take him, right here and now on the deck on this ship.

Heat burned my cheeks at my scandalous thoughts, but I couldn’t help myself.

Why wouldn’t I want a handsome man like William, who befriended people not for what they could help him with, but because they were interesting, to worship their body on a yacht in the middle of the Thames, far from view of anyone else?

“Lilah?”

I swallowed, and knew what I was about to say was pathetic. But I couldn’t help it. “Aren’t you impressed, William?”

He shifted slightly on his feet, somehow coming closer. I couldn’t help but look at the sharp edge of his jaw, the way his lips moved as he smirked.

“Impressed?” breathed William. “Oh, yes. But not with the ship. Not with the plans. With you.”

William

“Aren’t you impressed, William?”

Lilah couldn’t possibly know what those words did to me. How they shot longing through every inch of me.

Some inches more than others.

She was looking at me as though desperate for my touch, and I couldn’t help but lean forward, closing the gap between us.

Not that there had been much of one to begin with.