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EIGHT

Lilah

“We’ve…we’ve got to stop doing this.”

Gazing up at the ceiling didn’t seem to make the words disappear.

Not that they ever could. Now William had whispered them in my ear, his warm breath startlingly different from the cold London air, I knew I would never forget them.

“Whenever you want me to stop. You tell me…”

I sighed heavily as I lay on the sofa in my drawing room.

I couldn’t get William’s words out of my mind, and the worst of it was, I could still feel his touch. Feel the way he had trailed his touch down my arm. The way his fingers had interlocked with mine.

I hadn’t meant to kiss him.

Perhaps no one did. Perhaps William just had that effect on people, I thought darkly, staring up at the ceiling. Perhaps I was just one of many.

After all, I knew what he could do to women. What he did to me. What he had done to that bitch he’d betrayed me with .

So why was I still daydreaming, almost a week later, about that snatched kiss we had shared?

It hadn’t been a particularly long kiss. Or a particularly deep one.

But it had been…

I couldn’t describe it. Important. Vulnerable. Something about me had craved him, but the him I’d wanted was a William who was open, honest, and somehow…

Somehow that’s what I’d got.

Oh, if I could have that William all the time. A William who valued me, who would never think of betraying me again. A William who smiled when he saw me, who only wanted me…

I wrapped my arms around myself and tried not to think about that kiss. Trouble was, thinking about anything else was almost impossible.

Shadows flickered across the ceiling as time passed, and I didn’t move. I didn’t want to. Moving would mean admitting that there was another part of my life that wasn’t William.

God, how had I let him affect me like this?

I didn’t know, and I was ceasing to care.

All I could remember were the good times we’d had, the times when I’d felt loved and adored.

When he’d tucked me in with a blanket on the sofa when I’d stayed up late reading Gambling Dukes reports.

Or he’d found my favorite cake when our normal patisserie closed, and turned up with it like an idiot. Or?—

“Oh, good, you’re done,” said a breezy voice.

I started. Sitting up rapidly made stars dazzle my vision.

When was the last time I’d eaten?

“Georgiana,” I said hurriedly as my friend strode into the room. “What are you doing here? ”

I heard how stupid my question was the minute my words were out of my mouth, but it was too late to take them back now.

Georgiana frowned, brushing back her hair as she sat in an armchair. “What, you mean visiting my best friend?”

“I didn’t think you’d be visiting,” I said helplessly, dropping my feet onto the floor and trying to remember what a normal person looked like.

Goodness, I was losing complete control. But I hadn’t given William my heart again, not yet.

Not yet?

“Can I see it, then?” Georgiana asked carelessly as she leaned over to the console table and picked up a folder of notes.

I, on the other hand, just stared blankly at my friend. “It?”

What on earth was she talking about?

Honestly, I’d thought she was in Brighton this week with her new husband, working on gaining some additional people to commit to the next run of wagers. Or was that last week?

Damned William was starting to get too far into my head. I didn’t know what day it was.

Was it Tuesday?

“The report, Lilah,” said Georgiana as she started to flick through the folder. “You know. The report.”

I blinked. “The report.”

There were so many reports. Being a founding member of the Gambling Dukes meant doing nothing but making and reading reports, as far as I could tell. And giving speeches.

My skin flickered with the remembrance of William’s touch. I would have to make sure I practiced that speech again. Preferably with William. In fact?—

“The one for—Lilah, are you feeling quite well?” Georgiana said, looking up at me.

I smiled weakly. “Of course.”

Georgiana was the queen of vague replies, so I wasn’t surprised when she raised an eyebrow. “Uhuh. Great. So where is it?”

“Where’s what?” I should have caught my tongue quicker than that, but I couldn’t help myself. I groaned immediately after the words were out of my mouth.

“The report for the Count of Guadalencia, Lilah—what’s going on with you?” said Georgiana.

Her frown was more than enough to tell me I’d crossed a line.

It was one of the unspoken rules between us. We worked hard, and we did so because the people depending on them were numerous.

To be sure, our friend Markham had struck out and was going mostly his own way now, after a little kerfuffle that had involved theft, lawyers, and a showdown that ended in a marriage proposal to a woman he had stolen from. No scandal there, then.

He was a duke, after all. He couldn’t do outrage by halves.

But the reason we’d kept the Gambling Dukes going was because those were the only people we could truly trust. Our friends.

And now I’d let them down.

My shoulders slumped as I leaned back on the sofa. “Honestly, I haven’t?—”

“Lilah! Great, there you are,” said Kineallen, half walking, half running into my drawing room. “Where’s the report?”

I could feel my cheeks burning, and there was no point in attempting to lie to him.

Of all my friends, Kineallen was the first to look through any falsehood.

It was one of the reasons it just seemed so natural that he was our leader. I can’t remember whether we ever actually discussed it. It just seemed obvious.

Not because he was the oldest, though that probably had a factor. But because there was no better natural born leader in our friendship group. Myself? I liked being rich, and I was happy to work hard for it.

But Kineallen?

For Kineallen, it was different. There was something about his pride that he drew directly from being a duke.

“The report,” repeated Georgiana quietly behind me as I stared at the duke who had just marched in here. “Do you need that right now, Kineallen?”

“Well, I have one of the potential gamblers arriving in twenty minutes,” said Kineallen, making my heart sink. “I thought it would be ready by now. It’s ready, right, Lilah?”

I opened my mouth, found that I had no idea what to say, then closed it again.

My heart was racing. That was today? It couldn’t be—but then, this week had meandered by. I was hardly aware what time it was, let alone what?—

“Lilah?” Kineallen said urgently. “The report?”

I swallowed.

Well, there was nothing for it. I was going to have to admit I hadn’t done it. Bother, I hadn’t even started writing it. There was no way around it—I could hardly?—

“Here, take this—it’s an early version so make sure they knew they’re seeing an exclusive early access,” said Georgiana, throwing the folder to our friend. “Final one coming.”

I stared, but Georgiana didn’t even look at me.

Neither did Kineallen. “Great. Thanks, Lilah.”

He rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Into the silence, I tried to collect myself. What had just happened? How had Georgiana managed to rescue me from my own idiocy?

Georgiana grinned as I shamefacedly met her eyes. “Yes, you do owe me.”

“I'm sorry,” I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. “That meeting is today?”

“The question is, do you even know what today is?” teased Georgiana. “You’ve been wandering about this place with your head in the clouds for days. What’s up with you, Lilah?”

I didn’t look up or answer her question.

Because I couldn’t. I hardly knew myself. There wasn’t an answer to this sort of thing.

William Parry was only supposed to come in here and help us gain a greater social standing. He wasn’t supposed to take my heart, break it in two again, then demonstrate he could put it back together.

He wasn’t supposed to charm me, remind me of all we’d lost, and make me want him again.

“You shouldn’t fall for him again, you know.”

I looked up. Georgiana’s usual joking manner was gone, and instead there was a serious expression on her face. I don’t think I’d ever seen her look that grave.

“What do you?—”

“You know precisely what I mean, Lilah,” Georgiana said in a fierce voice. “I won’t watch you go through that again.”

I sighed, shoulders drooping.

As hard as it had been for me, it had probably been harder for them. Seeing me come undone, lose myself in the pain of William breaking my heart.

“Just…” Georgiana sighed. “You’re better than that. Than him. Don’t fall for it again.”

I sat up straight, holding my head up high. “I'm not.”

I spoke as calmly and determinedly as I could. Because I wasn’t. I wasn’t going to fall for it again.

“Not what?” asked William, opening the door with a wide smile. “Good afternoon, Lady Cartice.”

William

Well, damn.

I’d obviously walked into something. I didn’t know what, but there was no way in hell that this isn’t awkward.

Lilah wouldn’t meet my eyes, and her friend Georgiana wouldn’t do anything but. Her glare reached right into my chest, clearly looking for any guilt.

Not that she’d find any.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” I said, slowing to stop by the sofa where Lilah was sitting.

I couldn’t help it. Any excuse to be near her.

Georgiana’s frown, somehow, deepened. “What are you doing here?”

I glanced at Lilah, but she wouldn’t meet my eye.

What on earth were they talking about before I arrived? I hadn’t caught any of it, save that Lilah said that she wasn’t going to do something. Or wasn’t doing something. I couldn’t remember now .

That was an occupational hazard just being around her, I was finding.

Because she looked…

I swallowed, hoping I could keep it together. Women shouldn’t be allowed to wander about London in a gown like that. I didn’t know how Lilah did it, but she managed to look leggy and curvaceous at the same time.

It should be illegal to do in public. I certainly wanted to do things to her now that no person should do outside the bedchamber.

“I said, what are you doing here?”

Glancing back at Georgiana, I saw she was now standing up.