Page 28 of The Dark Lord Awakens (Dark Service #1)
[Noted. Helpdesk Supreme will update your customer profile to ‘Extremely Atypical Dark Lord with Concerning Humanitarian Tendencies and Sensitivity About Being Compared to Peers.’]
“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”
[Helpdesk Supreme does not possess the capacity for purposeful antagonism. This unit is programmed solely for optimal customer satisfaction. Your emergency relief package has been calculated. Total cost: 179,842 OpenTokens. Would you like to review the contents before confirming?]
[For a comprehensive three-day emergency relief package, Helpdesk Supreme recommends the following:
30,000 units of liquid nutrition supplement for severely malnourished individuals
200,000 ready-to-eat meals (various types)
120,000 gallons of purified water
10,000 water purification tablets
5,000 portable shelter units
8,000 hygiene kits
2,000 portable cooking stations with fuel
500 medical supply kits
Distribution materials (containers, serving tools, etc.)
Instructional materials with pictorial guides]
“That’s… a lot,” I said, somewhat overwhelmed. “But given what’s in the treasury, it’s manageable. How quickly can all this be delivered?”
[Helpdesk Supreme offers expedited emergency relief delivery. Items can begin arriving within four hours, with complete delivery within twelve hours. Would you like to select this option?]
“Four hours?” I sat up straight. “That soon? Yes, absolutely, but we’ll need to phase the deliveries so we’re not overwhelmed all at once. Can we start with food and water, then move to shelter and hygiene supplies?”
[An excellent suggestion. Helpdesk Supreme has arranged a phased delivery schedule:
Phase 1 (4 hours): Food, water, and distribution supplies
Phase 2 (8 hours): Shelter and sanitation
Phase 3 (12 hours): Remaining supplies
Will this arrangement work for you?]
“Perfect,” I replied. “And make sure everything comes with pictorial instructions. Many recipients won’t be familiar with these items.”
[Certainly. All items will include clear pictorial instructions. Helpdesk Supreme has also added distribution guidance materials for your staff, including registration forms, inventory checklists, and procedural guidelines.]
After reviewing the final order, a new thought occurred to me.
“Supremo, quick question, can I sell things through OpenSesame too? Or is it just for buying?”
[Helpdesk Supreme is pleased to inform valued customer that OpenSesame offers comprehensive two-way commerce solutions. The Interdimensional Merchant Program allows sellers to reach customers across 7,423 realms, dimensions, and temporal locations.]
“So I could theoretically sell Iferona products to other realms?” My mind was already racing with possibilities. Those shadow mushrooms that grew in the Murk Marshes had unique properties. And the obsidian from our mines was supposedly of exceptional quality.
[Affirmative. Helpdesk Supreme observes that Iferona possesses 37 unique resources that are classified as ‘rare’ or ‘exclusive’ in the interdimensional marketplace.
Setting up a merchant account would require completing a mere 24-page application, providing 13 distinct magical verifications, and agreeing to the standard 912-page terms of service. ]
“Of course it would,” I muttered. “What’s your commission rate?”
[OpenSesame’s Interdimensional Merchant Program operates on a variable commission structure ranging from 8% to 42% depending on product category, realm of origin, dimensional accessibility factor, and whether the seller has opted into our ‘Premium Placement’ program which offers enhanced visibility across?—]
“Okay, okay, I get it. We’ll circle back to the selling part later.” I made a mental note to explore this further once the immediate crisis was handled. If I could establish Iferona as an exporter of unique goods, it might provide a sustainable revenue stream to fund the kingdom’s recovery.
“For now, let’s focus on the relief supplies. Confirm order.”
[Order confirmed! Helpdesk Supreme thanks valued customer for choosing OpenSesame Interdimensional Commerce.
Your first delivery will arrive in the eastern courtyard in approximately four hours.
This unit wishes you success in your highly unusual mission of actually helping your subjects instead of tormenting them. ]
“Has anyone ever told you that you have an attitude problem, Supremo?”
[Helpdesk Supreme does not have ‘attitude.’ This unit has a customer satisfaction rating of 98.7% across all realms. The 1.3% dissatisfaction rate primarily consists of users who expired during the ordering process due to unrelated combat incidents.]
“Right,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Well, keep the interface open. I’ll probably need to place more orders soon. And maybe set up that merchant account eventually.”
[Helpdesk Supreme will maintain active status.
This unit has taken the liberty of preparing a preliminary analysis of Iferona’s most marketable exports for your future consideration.
This unit suggests valued customer might want to consider ordering some ominous decorative elements alongside future humanitarian supplies.
Perhaps a tasteful skull motif to maintain Dark Lord appearances while distributing food? ]
“I’ll take it under advisement,” I replied dryly. “Come on, Mr. Snuggles. We’ve got about four hours to figure out how we’re going to distribute all this stuff to hungry demons without causing a riot.”
As I left the treasury with Mr. Snuggles padding alongside me, I couldn’t help but smile. Somehow, in this strange new world of demons and dark magic, I’d found a connection to my old life—even if that connection came in the form of an interdimensional shopping assistant with an attitude problem.
But Supremo had given me something even more valuable than that connection—not just a way to help my subjects immediately, but potentially a path to sustainable recovery for the entire realm. For the first time since I’d arrived in this world, I felt like I had a purpose and a plan.
Four years of business school had to be good for something, right?
Mr. Snuggles nudged my hand with his scaly head, as if sensing my thoughts.
“Don’t worry, buddy,” I told him, scratching under his chin. “Your Dark Lord has a plan. Sort of. We’re going to save this city, one cup noodle at a time.”