Page 6 of The Cruise Club

Onboard the Diamond Star , as new passengers settled into their cabins, crew members worked to decorate areas of the ship in preparation for the Greek evening.

Blue and white banners lined the entrance to the Terrace Restaurant, where national flags had been hung over linen-covered tables decorated with Greek motifs.

In the kitchens, the ship’s chefs prepared a culinary menu that included traditional dishes, and in the Neptune Theatre, the entertainment team were rehearsing behind closed doors.

In a Terrace Cabin, on deck three, Carmen admired the layout of her room, marvelling at the clever design that maximised both space and comfort.

Placing her bag down, she sat on the bed and studied the artwork, soft lighting and soothing décor.

Having unpacked for Betty and settled her mother for a nap in the adjacent cabin, Carmen was grateful that there was no interlinking door, and Betty couldn’t barge into Carmen’s space whenever it suited her.

A knock echoed and Carmen called out, ‘Come in!’

Carrying a tray with a half bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, a cabin steward greeted her. ‘Welcome aboard,’ he said, ‘my name is Fernando, and I am happy to assist you throughout your holiday.’

Carmen watched as the young man skilfully popped the cork. With her curious author’s mind, she wondered about Fernando.

‘Are you far from home?’ she asked.

‘Oh yes,’ Fernando smiled, ‘my home is in the Philippines.’

‘Goodness, that’s a distance away, how long are you at sea?’

‘I work for six months then home to my family, then back on a ship,’ he said as he carefully poured the champagne.

‘Do you enjoy your work?’

Fernando’s face lit up. ‘I travel to different destinations and meet people from all over the world. I have the best job.’

Carmen thanked the steward and handed him five euros.

‘Efharisto,’ Fernando gave a slight bow, acknowledging her gratuity as he left the room.

Moving to the balcony, Carmen stepped out to enjoy the view.

She felt a warm breeze and as she held her glass, stared at the bubbles rising slowly.

The day’s tension suddenly dissolved as the gentle sound of the sea and the distant call of birds blended into a welcoming blanket that wrapped around Carmen, creating a peaceful haven amidst the bustling ship.

Carmen drank the champagne and felt at peace.

Her holiday had finally begun, and it filled her with excitement.

The shimmering water and solitude felt like liberation.

She closed her eyes and thought about the days ahead.

Would she leave the ship and take part in any excursions?

Would the cruise be the inspiration needed to kick-start her writing?

Carmen imagined sun-kissed ports and, best of all, meeting Ruskin Reeve.

‘CARMEN!’

The sharp screech of Betty’s voice jolted Carmen and her hand jerked, spilling the remains of her drink on her trousers.

‘I’ve been knocking on the wall and wondered where you’d got to.’ Betty peered around the partition separating the terrace, her lips pressed into a thin line. ‘Don’t just stand there daydreaming. I’m ready for my afternoon tea.’

Betty’s neck stretched out like a turtle appearing from its shell. Her new perm had a feather-like quality in the sunlight, and she reached out to pat and pull at the curls.

‘This heat is ruining my hair,’ Betty complained, ‘don’t be so selfish, leaving me alone and helpless when you could be in here with a can of lacquer and a comb.’

Carmen was tempted to tell Betty that her hair could wait and, if she picked up the phone and called room service, Fernando would soon appear with a tray of tea.

Dabbing at the stain on her trousers, Carmen realised she hadn’t had time to change or unpack her own cases, but Betty would be unbearable in her demands until her daughter did as she was told. ‘Coming, Mother,’ Carmen replied.

She placed her empty glass on the table and stepped away from the terrace. Picking up her glasses and key, Carmen hastened to the adjacent room.

Dicky Delaney was not a happy man. After checking in, the entertainer was dismayed to see that his allocated cabin was in the interior and provided no natural light.

To his further dismay, he realised that it was situated within a short distance of the ship’s engines, which rumbled continuously.

His accommodation was described as ‘a compact space for travellers who require an economical, budget-friendly option.’ Dicky was furious that he would have to endure the limited living arrangement throughout the cruise and was tempted to call Clive and insist that his agent arrange an upgrade.

But the comedian knew that Clive’s response was likely to be abusive and end with the word ‘off!’

Dicky’s days of wrapping Clive around his little finger had ended. If he had any hope of continuing to work for a cruise line, the comedian would have to shut up and put up, as far as Clive was concerned.

‘Let’s hope my dressing room is an improvement,’ Dicky mumbled to his reflection in the minuscule mirror as he stood in the tiny bathroom space.

Following a quick wash and liberal application of a new aftershave he’d purchased at the airport, Dicky straightened his hair and changed into a clean shirt.

He hung his belongings on a rail and picked up a copy of his autobiography.

Tucking his key in his pocket, Dicky slammed the door and made his way through the ship.

As Dicky ascended the floors to the duty-free shopping area, his mood brightened.

Wandering through lounges, he smiled at relaxing guests, some taking afternoon tea while others strolled out to the sun decks to sit in the sunshine.

Dicky felt at home amongst the Diamond Star ’s mature, well-heeled clientele, noting with pleasure that one or two women were on their own.

Mostly retired, widowed and wealthy, Dicky’s familiar stomping ground looked fruitful.

He stopped to talk to a couple who recognised the comedian from the Diamond Star Daily News .

‘Ey up!’ the man said with a broad Yorkshire accent. ‘You’ll be making us laugh later, I hope?’ He introduced himself and his wife as Don and Debbie from Halifax and told Dicky that they’d just joined the ship and were celebrating their wedding anniversary.

Pleased to make their acquaintance, Dicky congratulated the couple.

‘I’m on stage for the ten o’clock show; make sure to be in the front row and I’ll give you a shout out,’ Dicky said.

‘Thirty years married and still going strong?’ he asked.

‘They say patience is a virtue, so you two must be saints by now.’

As Don and Debbie moved away, Dicky heard Don mutter that he hoped Dicky’s jokes improved for the show that night.

In the gift shop, Dicky paused at the entrance.

Searching for copies of his book, he bit his lip as he realised there were none to be seen.

An author by the name of Ruskin Reeve was showcased and stacks of his latest release dominated the bookshelves.

The glossy covers faced outwards to catch passenger’s eyes and a large poster featuring the author’s smiling face announced:

Meet Bestselling Author Ruskin Reeve

Here on the Diamond Star !

Dicky marched over to an assistant, who was arranging a display of novelty items.

‘Can I help?’ the assistant asked and stroked the dorsal fin of Danny the Diamond Star Dolphin before placing the torpedo-shaped gift neatly on a shelf.

Noting the badge on the assistant’s jacket, Dicky said, ‘Hello, Jason.’

‘Welcome aboard.’ Jason touched his neatly styled hair as he looked Dicky up and down.

‘How can I make your shopping experience sparkle today?’ Without pausing for an answer, Jason continued.

‘I can recommend the best cruise souvenirs and accessories, advise on the best spots for sunset views and know all of the ship’s amenities.

’ He wrinkled his nose and sniffed at Dicky’s aftershave.

‘I can also recommend a decent fragrance.’

Dicky stood back.

Raising a well-groomed eyebrow, Jason pursed his lips. ‘What’s your pleasure?’

‘My pleasure would be for you to find the stock of this book and make a decent display.’ He held up his copy of My Life in Showbusiness .

‘Ah, a comedian,’ Jason sniffed and taking the book, flicked through the pages, ‘but we already have a display for Ruskin Reeve.’

Dicky drew himself up. ‘I’m the main act on this cruise and my book needs to be on those shelves.’ He nodded and a quiff of hair fell forward. ‘Where are they?’

‘There’s boxes of them in the back but I haven’t put them out yet.’ Jason folded his arms. ‘Has anyone ever told you that you have a look of Elvis?’ he asked, then added, ‘In his later years.’

Dicky folded his arms and was tempted to return Jason’s insult but knowing that he needed the assistant on his side, remained silent.

‘Is this copy for me?’ Jason asked with a cheeky smile.

‘It might be,’ Dicky said and wondered what he had to do to get Jason to promote his book.

Lowering his voice and checking that no one else was in the shop, he said, ‘How about I sign it for you, and you move Ruskin Reeve’s books to one side and put mine out.

Depending on my sales, I’ll make sure it’s worth your while? ’

‘You got it,’ Jason handed the book back to Dicky.

Dicky reached for a pen and signed his name.

‘Won’t you buy a Danny the Dolphin?’ Jason reached for the novelty gift.

‘Maybe later.’ Dicky shrugged and felt relieved when an elderly couple came into the shop and made a beeline for the dolphin display.

Ten minutes later, Dicky stepped on stage in the Neptune Theatre and made himself known to the choreographer of the Diamond Star Dance Troupe.

Aware that he would work his act into the various song and dance routines and, having performed a zillion times with similar performances throughout his career, Dicky felt confident.

‘Who’s the headline singer?’ he asked as he studied the show schedule.

‘Melody Moon,’ the choreographer replied, ‘have you met her?’

‘No, not had the pleasure.’ Dicky studied the singer’s songs for the evening show.

‘She’s just finished rehearsing and you’ll find her in the dressing room you’re both sharing.’

Dicky sighed. Gone were the days when he had his own dressing room. Regardless of gender, artists had to muck in, and he hoped the shared facilities would be more spacious than his box-like cabin.

Walking through the backstage area, Dicky wandered along an access corridor until he came to a door labelled Melody Moon the Spanish Costas were full of bars and clubs where he’d worked alongside numerous Zaras, Serenas, and Lolas.

In fact, they’d been some of his most enjoyable gigs.

But Dicky was taken aback that an old-fashioned company like the Diamond Star Line was moving forward with the times.

He was delighted that they’d embraced inclusivity by introducing a drag act into its traditional stage show.

‘I’m pleased to meet you, Melody,’ Dicky said and held out his hand.

‘I wouldn’t be too pleased,’ Melody said. Ignoring Dicky’s hand, she took a cotton wool ball and slathered it with cream. ‘I’m the headline act around here, so don’t forget it.’ Melody wiped at her skin and leaned into the mirror.

Dicky bristled. If that’s how Melody wanted things to play out, she’d met her match!

‘Well, that remains to be seen.’ Dicky glanced at his watch. ‘The show starts at nine, which means you’ve only five hours to bring your character to life.’ He opened the door and as he stepped out, he retorted, ‘It looks like you’ll need every minute, good luck!’