Page 29 of The Cruise Club
‘Are you ready?’ Peter patted Theo’s shoulder while a technical assistant ensured Theo’s mic was clipped to his jacket.
‘Absolutely, let’s go for it,’ Theo replied.
He watched Peter head to a podium, where he introduced Theo. The familiar theme music of McCarthy’s Kitchen Adventures played, and loud applause began as Theo walked out and took his place.
Sitting down on a chair beside a table, a spotlight shone on Theo as he reached for a bottle of wine, took a glass and slowly poured. ‘Now, dear friends,’ he began, ‘I’m just going to have a little tipple.’
Laughter rang out throughout the Neptune Theatre. Every episode of McCarthy’s Kitchen Adventures had begun this way, and Theo had become known for his tipples.
‘You must think that I drink a lot?’ Theo asked and studied the audience.
‘Nay, lad, just enough to keep us entertained!’ Don piped up from the back of the room.
Theo smiled. ‘When I first auditioned for television, I was asked to cook, unscripted, for an episode which the production company would show to the commissioners, hoping they’d authorise a series.
’ Theo took another drink. ‘But guess what? Like a rabbit in the headlights live on camera, I dried up halfway through… As the producer waved his arms wildly, urging me on, I saw the wine on the table and poured myself a glass. I thought the producer was going to have a fit, but as I drank, I said to the camera, “Now, dear friends, I’m just going to have a little tipple,” and it gave me time to compose myself.
’ Theo held up his glass to toast the audience.
‘And the rest, as they say, is history.’
Sid was in the front row. Fascinated by Theo’s talk, he listened intently as the chef began to describe hilarious episodes from his travels as he cooked his way around the world.
Recalling many of the chef’s escapades, Sid thought that Theo had aged well, despite a girth that had expanded over the years; his hair, once tied back in long dreadlocks, was now closely cropped, and the grey tinge an attractive contrast to Theo’s smooth dark skin.
Always smartly dressed, Theo was known on TV for his colourful shirts, often worn with a contrasting waistcoat, which he wore today.
‘Over the years, I modified so many recipes from the people I met in far flung destinations,’ Theo said, ‘most had never seen a TV show or read a recipe book nor weighed or measured an ingredient. Their timings came from the early call of a cockerel or the sun setting over a hillside.’
Fascinated, Sid wanted to make notes and was pleased to see that Fran, sitting beside him, had her pen and pad at the ready.
Sid knew that their own cooking style wasn’t a science but more an appreciation of nature and well-prepared local ingredients.
Theo epitomised everything the couple admired and passed on to their guests.
‘I loved my job,’ Theo continued. ‘Whether sitting on a mat in a mud hut eating with my fingers or dining in Michelin-starred splendour, food is love, and when, as Winston Churchill once said, you find a job you love, you’ll never work again.’
Sitting comfortably at the table with his long legs crossed, sipping his wine, Theo held the audience in the palm of his hand. No one shuffled in their seat or fidgeted as they absorbed the culinary tales.
‘You know, television has the effect of lessening our expectations,’ Theo said, ‘I’ve travelled to some amazing places and cooked in stunning locations.
The glowworm caves of Waitomo, in New Zealand, the Grand Canyon, the Danakil Depression in Ethiopia.
I’ve seen so many wonderful sights… and as marvellous as these sights are, when you see them on the screen, you think, “Oh yeah, that’s so and so,” and the grandeur is lost.’ He shrugged.
‘However, there is a place that I can honestly say blew my mind. But I also thought it might take my life…’
Sid was fascinated as Theo described Meteora, in central Greece, near the town of Kalambaka. Renowned for its breathtaking beauty, he’d visited the monasteries of Meteora, perched perilously on top of towering rock formations.
‘I was terrified as I stood close to a sheer rock face, and it felt like I was cooking suspended on a cloud,’ Theo said.
‘My stew was simmering in a primitive pot, and as I stared at the breathtaking view of the valley, I wondered if I was going to fall from the face of the cliff and die. It was difficult to comprehend how on earth they’d built these incredible buildings using only pulleys and ropes.
’ He shook his head. ‘Health and safety wasn’t top of my producer’s agenda at that time, and I needed more than my regular tipple that day. ’
Sid grinned. He remembered that episode and the white bean and vegetable soup that Theo had also cooked, served with a garnish of stir-fried dandelions. Fran had replicated the dish in Blackpool, winning favourable reviews from their customers.
Sid relaxed as Theo continued to entertain, with tales from as far away as Thailand and as close to home as his beloved Donegal.
‘So that’s it for now, folks,’ Theo said, picking up his glass. ‘If you see me around during the rest of the cruise, I hope that you, dear friends, will come and chat,’ Theo raised his glass. ‘Now don’t forget to spread a little sparkle wherever you go!’